My metamorphosis log - final stage

[herewego]

Hi Lorna - Wow you are doing so well! I could never manage the level of control that you have on 1000! I found the freedom of eating quite difficult to get back to and would either overeat or undereat to make my 1000 cals as an average per day. Much better to do it your way!

I wouldn't worry about the 2lbs - just trend your weight over a few weeks and you should see a downward trend. Not that you need to lose anymore now by the sounds of it - just focus on the eating and figure out how to maintain - it's the hardest part of losing the weight but also the nicest in a way as we can eat lots of yummy food (albeit in *shudder* moderation).

Take Care & keep going! You're doing great.

 

[*butterfly*]

Back again briefly,
Thanks everyone. Feel better about things now.
Bess, you've hit something there, i am not drinking water at all, just decaff coffee so probably not helping. It said in the book that any fluid counts, but realistically i did do better when drinking more plain water, and it helps to keep hunger at bay, so will make concerted effort.
Alli, not so sure about the control, mucked up this morning and finished the pretzels...but thats it, they've gone now, so can't happen again. Counted that as my b-fast cals, and have stuck to plan for rest of day. You're right, although its a bit scary, its so nice eating yummy food. I am still only following the book recipes as i work up. In a way, thats better for me though, having that level of restriction. It makes it easier, as i don't have to plan meals as such, and i am eating combinations i wouldn't have normally chose, and enjoying it. So its expanding my food 'base' all the time. This is what i was hoping for, to 'relearn' about food. I know its early days, but i figure if i just continue doing pre set recipes as i move up, they can then form the basis of my new way of eating, and they will be all worked out for me in terms of nutrition too, which is a bonus. Hell, i know that this is going to be hard, and i will screw up a fair bit, but i figure theres nothing wrong with remaining hopeful and optimistic that this is the start of my new life in terms of food- not just another diet cycle..!
Food:
bfast- oops - pretzels, oh and i forgot about the slice of ham too.
snack- CD bar
lunch- 200cals -ham and tomato pasta
(did taste the odd bit of raspberry jam and marmalade i made this afternoon, not ideal but necessary)
tea- 300cals- chicken skewers with noodles and stir fry leaves
Still to have 70cals fruit, dairy portion, and CD shake.
Well, not fantastic, but not going to get hung up on it. Pleased with the on plan meals i did have, they were delicious and will defo cook again.
OH still going strong, and scales are starting to move for him, so he's pleased. Its nice as he is getting involved in cooking for us too. Which he normally wouldn't if i was having what he saw as 'diet' food.
Off to watch film methinks. Take care all, will get chance to catch up on others diaries soon hopefully. Don't want to seem rude, just been busy, and OH complains about being a computer widow enough! xx

 

[LellyCD]

Morning hun!
Great to hear your hunny is sticking with it, really helps when you're all eating the same things.
You're doing really great with your plan, the odd hiccough happens to us all at some point, try not to stress about little gains on the scales, def water fluctuation ....salty stuff, lack of water, hormones or any number of things really, it'll settle back down. Just keep going and all will be well.

Wishing you a fabby week!!

xx

 

[Bess]

Just quickly - must work. Did you find a cake recipe, or would you like the one I use? Well done on the maintaining and OH's weight loss too. Great to do it together.

 

[*butterfly*]

10.12.09
Still about, just not had much time to post recently. Getting xmas stuff ready, tried to sort out some house stuff and failed to get much done. Really need more time and less commitments. OH has gone back to work today, so back to normal chaos with one less pr of hands.
Bess, think i am giving in on the idea of doing cakes, would love to but not enough time i think?
Still not great, sticking to 1200 plan, but have cheated with small bits up until tue. Can't even remember now, not majorly significant. The gain continued to lurk, then i had a few bloated days. One after the steak casserole, wondering if it was anything to do with the 1st red meat i'd had in months. At WI yesterday i was 3lb up. But i felt bloated, still lost 0.5 inch though. I'm sticking to 1200, and had been good for a day or two till went to mothers and the nibbling demons came with me. Annoyed at self really, as i had been doing so much better before this, felt better and scales were moving in right direction again. Get back on it tomorrow and will aim to do 100% for rest of week. Although, i may have to do a bit of tasting for recipes..but i know i will just have to limit to a taste, not a bowlful of whatever i am making. Would like to get back to 9st 12lb again if possible, then take it from there. I CAN DO IT!!! There, kicked self up bum now. Off to bed as i am so tired and have very busy day tomorrow.
Food: CD Bar
200cal Ham and pasta salad
clementine
75cal berries
100cal from frais
415 cal meal turkey brochette meal plus spinach
50cal choc square
Then.....few bites of cooked chicken, 3 biscuits (around 200cals), 8-9 crunchy nut clusters, ?5 chocs, 0.25 slice ham, think thats about it.....bad bad girl! Will be good tomorrow. Got to go bed, feel so tired i can barely keep eyes open xx

 

[Katycakes]

It's such a hard time of year Butterfly... temptation everywhere. You can hang on to this... stay steady and don't panic. You are losing inches, so that has to be good... the bloat my be PMT related? Have a good day hun.

xxx

 

[*butterfly*]

11.12.09
Thanks Katy, I did wonder about pre period as a reason, they're a bit all over the place at the moment. Also i'm strugling a bit with fruit... i am enjoying it, but finding it is not liking me very much, can make me feel bloated, give me stomach cramps and terrible wind. (sorry, tmi....!) Its getting a bit embarrasing, i have to find reasons to walk out of rooms all the time, and being stuck in office at work for a 12hr shift is problematic! Puts me off eating it, but i like using it as a snack, i tend to have the 150cal b-fast then 100+ cals fruit through the day, depending on what meals i have planned. Any hints or tips to reduce this problem much appreciated. (my OH has the same problem too!)
The other day i had missed meals but snacked on fruit all day, (bad, i know...) but by evening my upper abdomen was bloated hard and very painful. It reminded me of the onset of a gastritis attack, i used to have these from time to time a few yrs ago and it is agony. Realised, that they often occurred when i hadn't eaten properly in day, then had fruit based drinks, (especially alcoholic ones)....makes me wonder if fruit acids somehow just don't suit me too well?
Anway, enough waffling, i am putting off cleaning upstairs. We started a clear out and never finished it, its at that point where its got worse before it gets better so don't know where to start. In work tonight so will get chance to catch up hopefully. xx

 

[Bess]

Fruit it seems can affect some people like this, could you try veggie sticks instead and see if that helps? Carrot, cucumber/celery and so on? Bit fiddly to prepare though.
You are doing so well, I really admire your determination. I'm floundering around as ever. 99% being good and 1% 'aw stuff it'/forget. Hopeless!

 

[*butterfly*]

Thanks Bess, never thought of doing veg, not as keen on it, but needs must. Just have to look up the cals first. have got a terrible, 'need to eat' head on me at the moment, despite a promise to be good i have just eaten 3 biscuits, and my restart only started tonight when i got up from my sleep. There was a reason though, i had eaten a plum and clementine since getting up at 630pm, and was starting to get stomach pains, and sometimes carb based stuff settles it.. i cannot afford to be in agony at work. have now manged to eat my pasta salad, and hoping the twinges will dissappear. I cannot believe this has returned, it has really upset me, i really hoped it would go away once i was eating healthy and had lost weight, but it does seem to be linked to fruit on an empty stomach so will just have to be more careful in future. Which i will, the alternative of having a full attack is just to excruciating to think about.. the first one i ever had really freaked my OH as it impacted on my breathing and i went a bit blue.... never a good look!
Shifted a load of 'fat' clothes off to moms tonight, yay! The floor under my bed will breathe a sigh of relief as the weight is lifted from it! Hope never to need them back. Thats all that keeps me going, sheer bloody fear of going back to what i once was. Off to peruse some xmas shoppinng, speak soon xx

 

[Katycakes]

you nocturnal creature... are there any shops OPEN at that time? Lol. Hope the pain eases off, sounds bad, you need to cut the fruit... NOT good. Have a sleep and then have a good Saturday!!!

xxx

 

[herewego]

I've also just cleared out my old clothes! It's a bit scary as I worry that my current constant eating won't stop until I've put the weight back on but I am hoping that if I simply don't have any larger clothes I'll think more carefully about putting it back on.

I'm in awe of your ability to stick to the 1000 plan, especially this close to Christmas! I wish I had your determination

Have a good day!

 

[*butterfly*]

14.12.09
Ok, i'm here to pull myself into line.... Its been a few days, and whilst i have genuinely been busy and not has as much time to post, i guess i've also put it off, because it means being honest with myself as to how bad i'm doing. Potentially gained another pound since wed and cannot still kid self that the 3 last week was purely glycogen/water.totm...
Have had the odd day starting off well, but nibbles have crept in, and not just a bit of chicken. Its been carb laden rubbish... fudge, choc, crisps, biscuits, bread. A few days its been several things and on two nights i have had what i would call a 'binge', when i ate any old crap... and in secret too. I think it started with me thinking i could eat 'normally' now, and allow myself the odd treat, but my greed did not let me stop at that and it was purely an old habit paying me a visit. Although compared to what i have been eating, they were really bad choices, compared to my previous binges they were a drop in the ocean, so i suppose theres a tiny bit of progress...lol!
It really makes me stop and think about what 'normal/never been fat' people do eat...do they ever eat junk? I suppose they just have it in normal quantities, and don't then go on to have other 'bad' things just because they have already had one item. What is that all about anyway. Why, if i have had a square of choc, or a few pretzels, does my head tell me i therefore may as well have the other 5 of naughtiness, and restart the diet another day?
I'm really peeved with self, i know i have done well and come quite a way in looking at my eating habits, but i'm dissappointed that i've fallen at the first hurdle already, and i suppose it makes me realise that i have a very tough road ahead. I wonder if it ever gets any easier.
I know i do not want this eating junk to continue, i want to get back down to under 10st again, and feel in control again. I don't want to let it slip and be trying to lose another half a stone all over again.
I have seriously toyed with the idea of doing ss+ or 810, (yes, i know i can't do ss - it was only a fleeting thought) just to get back under 10st again. But like many on here, i am worried that that gives me the wrong message and a safety net to allow binges to continue. Whilst this option is immensley tempting, and will give fast results, i do think i would be cheating almost, and i need to learn my lesson, and face the consequences as opposed to looking for the quick fix again. Another element that makes me toy with doing 810 is the ongoing cost of CD products, i am still on 2 per day, and whilst thats not so bad, if i am not following the plans properly whats the point? It seems a waste. So if i got the weight off quickly then the sooner i would potentially get through the plans, and reduce my costs. Or should i just cal count and have one CD a day. But, i did always say i would do the plans properly...... Aaargghhhh! not sure i am making sense anymore.... just not too sure what to do for the best. Will aim for 1000-1200 plan tomorrow, with no cheating and see how it feels. Not even going to bother listing my food, whats the point in having healthy chicken, couscous and spinach, if i follow it with a mouthful of cheese/choc/fudge/rubbish! Will start trying to post every day, and listing my food again from tomorrow. Try to use minis to help keep me focused, despite the time restrictons at the moment!
Sorry for immensley long winded waffle, needed to think out loud iykwim, not that its got me any clearer! xx

 

[Bess]

Not longwinded waffle Lorna, we could have all written exactly this post at some time, some of us more recently than others. Entirely understand, have no answers except keep trying and plod on...just like the rest of us. I don't think there is a magic solution, just trying to form new habits. me, I'm just trying yet again...... xx

 

[*butterfly*]

15.12.09
Well, i have tried harder today so feeling a bit happier with self.
Food:
bfast- muesli 150cal
lunch- tuna+ scorn pitta 300cal
snacks- 2 apple, 1 clem 122cal
tea- chicken/mush kebab, noodles, spinach and brocolli 350cal
bad moments- extra forkfull of noodles and chicken, tiny piece of fudge, lick of a spoon with golden syrup on. Not great but prob not amounting to any more than 100cals so can live with that.

So, i reckon i've got about 150+ cals till i'm at 1200. Now i know i should have a cd shake really, but i really want to have some fruit and fromage frais instead. Do i really have to have the 2 CD products? If i am going to be following the plans i know i should but i'm getting to the point where i just prefer to eat. Ah, a compromise, i'll make a mousse, and just have 50g of berries. Should take me to my limit.
There, back on track....i should not speak so soon...still got a few hrs till bed.
Thanks Bess, it makes a world of difference to now others have felt the same, less freaky and wierd for having no control over myself. Do you ever get the feeling that 'normal' (non dieters) would just thin this is all blooming madness! Take care, off to whizz my mousse. xx

 

[Katycakes]

lunch- tuna+ scorn pitta 300cal

Butterfly, this will give you indigestion... SCORN? Nope. Not good. Eat happiness instead!

As Bess says, one or two of us have been right where you are VERY recently... it might be a fall but it is not a failure. See it as a lesson, a reality check, a wake-up call that there is still a lot to learn. There was me on sunday arguing with KD about 1200 v 1500 and determined to go as low as poss to LOSE faster... a few days later I can see that being steady is much more important, and more likely to stop the binges than going too low/harsh. Steady eating, and, for me, staying away from the trigger foods.

The steps as set down by CD are the way to go, just awkward that xmas is getting a little bit in the way. You can do this.

xxx

 

[*butterfly*]

16.12.09
Thanks Katy, i promise i am chewing on sunshine now! Thanks so much, i know it makes sense to keep a longer term focus instead of seeking a quick fix. I wish i'd decided that before i snuck bac over 10st though, i had never been 9something, i knew it was too good to be true!!
Just a quick one, in line with trying to keep up with this, as i know it does help me. Had WI and i had sts from last week, at 10st 2lb. So quite good considering that i had gained about a pound more than that at one point, and given how awful i had been i am quite pleased. Not that that is an excuse to do it again! Had two weeks of CD products, and have gone for the 2 per day, but discussed with cdc being flexible within that, and if i have a moment where i really want the fruit, like last night then i will have it on that day..just not every day. My cdc also suggested that its fine to tweak the plans, in terms of the recipes, or develop my own as long as they follow the same sort of cal and nutritional balance. Now this may sound silly, but i hadn't really thought of doing that. I just figured i'd eat the same things for a while. Will have to get thining head on and devise some nice 300cal meals. Will be a bit of a challenge i think to start with as i have never cal counted, where to start...?
Food: lunch tuna+happiness pitta- 300cal
tea- tuna lasagne, corn and brocolli- 380cals
Bad moments- nibble on choc/toffee/dough mix whilst cooking, but limited it to a nibble to taste and not a binge, will count about 200cals to be safe.
Ok, not a fab day as i missed b-fast and not had my fruit or cd products, but i intend to rectify that very soon. DD been poorly again, stuck in house making hamper goods, which has been enjoyable, but tiring, been at it all day and only now sitting down at last. Still, it may help shift the excess cals i ate! Off to watch 'trueblood', i'm addicted, i love this series. xx

 

[Katycakes]

lunch tuna+happiness pitta- 300cal

Happiness = 300 cals, a bargain all round. I'm having one of those!

Big hugs Butterfly.

xxx

 

[*butterfly*]

17-18.12.09
At work, its 655am and therefore am still on the 17th. 16th went well, 17th not so good, getting stressed out by xmas and not feeling prepared, although i know its probably not so bad really if i get my sensible head on. Well, for xmas prep for hampers i made a huge batch of the swiss ginger thins type biscuits from Alli's post and they were to die for. I lost count of how many i ate, but they were so thin i'm hoping that won't count so much. Then tasted toffee, writing off yesterday and back on track today. Must stop nibbling needs to be my new motto, just sticking to it is another matter.... take care xx

 

[herewego]

17-18.12.09
Well, for xmas prep for hampers i made a huge batch of the swiss ginger thins type biscuits from Alli's post and they were to die for. I lost count of how many i ate, but they were so thin i'm hoping that won't count so much. Then tasted toffee, writing off yesterday and back on track today. Must stop nibbling needs to be my new motto, just sticking to it is another matter.... take care xx

SWEDISH, not Swiss!!! I should have put a health warning on them - they are very easy to nibble on! I think they only have around 20 cals in them (each) though so not too bad.

Like you I was nibbling on some chocolate fudge made a couple of days ago. I'd put them in the freezer to stop me eating them, but they were even nicer frozen so it backfired on me!

Hope we both have a more controlled day today! Last day at work before Xmas for me YAY!!

 

[Katycakes]

I think it's very cruel that a biscuit can be called 'thin' when it doesn't really work that way... bah!

xxx
:sigh: