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Need help re swerving my danger zone!!!!

Discussion in 'Slimming World' started by Wannabeelovely, 30 January 2010 Social URL.

  1. Wannabeelovely

    Wannabeelovely Silver Member

    Hi everyone! I could just use a bit of advice from all you lovely people out there please. Its a bit sensitive really but here goes.
    I have a really, really difficult relationship with my mum - she's very domineering, controlling and basically rude - but I take her out for the day every Wednesday (its a duty thing!). I've long since learned to hold her at arms length and not let her upset me with her behaviour - or so I thought .... but I've noticed that on a Tuesday night and throughout Wednesday I struggle to stay in control of my eating. I'm not going mad and having armfuls of choc or cake - just little bits and pieces here and there but they're taking me over my syns and I think its affecting my losses.
    I could just do with some advice about staying on track and protecting myself during this 24 hour period and not letting my failings get under my skin cos thats when I buckle and give up. I REALLY want to do this and I don't want to blow it this time. Helppppppp!!!!!! xxx
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  3. millux

    millux Slim for Summer!

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    I'm not sure if this will help, but.. well, i eat emotionally & i find it really difficult not to comfort eat, you know? but if you feel like you're going to eat unecessarily just think how it could affect your losses. be kind to your body, respect it & treat it well, /you/ are putting the food into your mouth, therefore /you/ can choose not to do it, not her. :) just do your best, think about your goals, think about being able to show that you've not given in, i think you'll feel really accomplished if you do it. also, if you give in, then you give in. sometimes we all give in, ok? just make the next day a good one, don't let it slow you down. just keep your goal in mind & go for it. be strong & in control! you can do it. :)
  4. niknaks

    niknaks Silver Member

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    How about cooking up some SW recipes that you could have in the fridge for those 'times'. Such as those SW ferro roche's (scan bran and nutella 1 syn each) that way you can still have those moments but are more in control in the amount of syns you eat.:cool:

    There are tonnes of sweet recipes which are simple to cook too so i recon its definetly worth a go.

    I hope you stay strong and like the previous post said YOU are in control of what you eat. Don't let her take over!;)
  5. mod-karen79

    mod-karen79 rainbows holiday buddy :)

    why don't you make a bulk of filling free foods that enjoy - maybe a pasta dish. then whenever you get the urge to eat you can choose something free rather than grab a biscuit or whatever.

    i dunno about you but if someone offered me a biscuit or a bowl of pasta as a snack i'd pick the pasta every time.
  6. hayley morgan

    hayley morgan Full Member

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    if it was me i just wouldnt take her out. i also had a very difficult relationship with my mum and got sick to death of being treated like crap so in the end cut all ties with her. do you have to spend the whole day with her? sounds to me like your stressing yourself out worrying and thus emotional eating its not fair to put yourself under that pressure not only will it effect your weight loss but it affect your mood all together. if you feel crappy your more likely to comfort eat. is there anyone else who can share the load with you? if you feel like you have to spend time with her plan ahead, make sure you dont have the foods around that your more likely to go for, take your lunch and healthy snack so if you really cant help yourself you have something to rely on. like someone already said you are in control not her. good luck with you weightloss xx
  7. Wendyuk

    Wendyuk Full Member

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    This may sound controversial and I don't mean it to but I don't get this 'duty' thing. Yes she's your mom and brought you up etc but does that then give her the right to treat you badly? I'm talking from experience I also have an up down relationship with my mom and I'm not averse to ignoring her if she's being a b***h. I've got caller display on my phone and if I don't want to talk to her I don't. I'm also not averse (though of course I wouldn't want to) to cutting her out of my life if it came to it. Since I've started standing up for myself and she realises I don't need her anymore things have changed alot.

    After my Dad died a couple of years ago it was mayhem between us. She kept phoning me saying 'just so you know I might die soon so I'm leaving you this that and the other'. Emotional blackmail to try and get me to visit her. It didn't work I just told her straight 'stop phoning me' and then I didn't see her for ages. Might sound callous but she seemed to conveniently forget we had lost our Dad not just her husband.
    Maybe it would be better to deal with the root of the problem rather than trying to cover it up.

    If you really can't do this then the other advice is the way to go!
  8. mod-karen79

    mod-karen79 rainbows holiday buddy :)

    i'd definately agree with that. i still live with my parents and about 8 years ago didn't realise how much control my dad had over me - he's an ex-cop and has been too over protective (which i can understand, but it hadn't helped me).... i ended up having counselling to sort my anxiety and depression out and i identified my triggers - alot of it was feelings of guilt from my dad.

    dad really struggled when i changed towards him - i wouldn't tell him things and even lied alot at first til he realised that it's not his place to ask so many questions and want to know everything. we don't have an ideal relationship but we get on fine now.
  9. Wannabeelovely

    Wannabeelovely Silver Member

    I understand exactly what you're saying Wendy and Mod-Karen and I totally agree it would be best for me. I did go down that route but I just couldnt go through with it when push came to shove. She has a very serious heart condition (she had a heart valve replacement in 2005 and has now got several other things wrong - arrythmias, another knackered valve, enlarged heart etc - she's always being rushed into hospital.) and I just can't bring myself to cut ties with her this late in the day. I had counselling for 18 months a while back and I recognised that a lot of my eating/bingeing problems were largely down to her and the pressure she put me under. I came out of the therapy feeling much better equipped to handle her - except this tiny little bit of the old me that is left. I just run for the food whenever I've got to see her or I have seen her. I've minimised it down to a few bits and bobs but it still affects my results and I just need to get it under control. I guess I'm just a soft old fool but I think my success is going to have to be down to other means. I loved Millux's motivational words - I could go with that. In fact, I may copy what she said down and stick it on the inside of my cupboard - it would definitely stop me picking if I thought I was letting her win!!!
    Thanks for replying everyone - it was much appreciated. Fingers crossed for this week eh? xxxxx
  10. mod-karen79

    mod-karen79 rainbows holiday buddy :)

    snap! my dads got a titanium heart valve, weakened heart muscle, and has an ICD fitted for arrythmia - the ICD has gone of 3 times last year! ....maybe it's heart disease that causes them to turn cranky!
  11. Wannabeelovely

    Wannabeelovely Silver Member

    Hahaha! Never thought of that! She IS a right miserable old sod at times. If I liked her more, I'd feel really sorry for her cos I can understand that living with a dicky heart must be really scary but she's just so... heartless (no pun intended!). She's probably having an ICD fitted this year cos her arrythmias are getting worse and she keeps having to be cardioverted but the docs have said they can't do it again so the next time it goes out of sync, she'll have to have the op. Her heart probs are one of the main reasons I need to get this weight off once and for all - or I may well be going down the same route and I don't fancy that much (especially if it'd make ME a miserable old sod!!!). xxxx
  12. Happy Holidays

    Happy Holidays Gold Member

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    If you know you're going to have more syns on a Tuesday & Wednesday why not save them up.

    I have my syns on a weekly basis you could try this & see if it works for you.
  13. mumtheshopper

    mumtheshopper Silver Member

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    Would it help to think that by doing this, you are actually allowing her to control your weight. Easier said than done I know. I am so lucky to love my parents more than I can say!! But I'm sure you wouldn't like her to think of her controlling your life in any way, but, by comfort eating to face hr, you are allowing her to control your diet and weight. How about saving some syns and treating yourself to somehting nice once your 'duty' has been done!!

  14. Wannabeelovely

    Wannabeelovely Silver Member

    Hmm - saving syns is a good idea too! I always have my syns on a daily basis because I can't imagine doing a whole day without them BUT I never use more than about 10 per day anyway so, thinking about it differently, I probably don't go over my 105 for the week. Its more psychological really cos I FEEL like I'm cheating and letting myself down. Maybe a combination of rethinking my attitude to syns and focussing on not letting her control my weight would work? I'm usually quite a rational reasonable person but, when it comes to the 'mum' topic, I lose all sense and I honestly have never thought about the problem in these terms! I'm really glad I posted this now cos, although I felt a bit embarrassed to be talking about something so heavy and miserable, I feel like you've all really helped me and I feel better for it so thanks to one and all - you're fab!!! xxxx
  15. mod-karen79

    mod-karen79 rainbows holiday buddy :)

    looking back i'd say my dad changed 14 years ago when he started have heart trouble and went through major heart surgery. i understand that he gets frustrated and is scared but he needs to work out how to voice those feelings without taking it out on those he loves... there's no support available to him. it must be horrible and terrifying to have shocks to the heart to keep you alive!!! last time it went off we had to stand in resuscitation for 6 hours!

    i'm having heart tests at the moment - i'm only 31 but had some scares back in nov/dec.... they don't think it's heart related but i'm under a cardiologist to be sure.
  16. Wannabeelovely

    Wannabeelovely Silver Member

    Aww hun - its very worrying isnt it? I've had a few scares myself - all of which have turned out to be stress or weight related. It makes you think though doesnt it? All my family on my mums side have died of heart related illnesses and I feel like I've been sleepwalking into it for years. My mum's problem has actually come about cos she had rheumatic fever as a child which damages the valves and typically shows itself when you're in your 50's or 60's but, when I've been with her in hospital (I know the long stints in resuss well!), its started to worry me just how many people my age and slightly older are having bypasses or stents (I'm 46). Now I feel like I'm losing weight for health reasons rather than trying to fit in the size 10 dress I have hanging in my wardrobe (which I last wore in 1991!!!) so I'm hoping it will make the difference and I can be successful AND keep it off cos I lost 6 stone with SW 4 years ago and have put 3.5 of it back on - which isnt good!
    Hope you go on ok with the tests - I'm sure everything will be ok but living with someone with a heart condition and seeing what it does to them gets to you sometimes doesnt it? All the best hun and let me know how you go on. xxxx
  17. mod-karen79

    mod-karen79 rainbows holiday buddy :)

    hey well done on keeping some of the weight off.

    i've yo-yo'd since i was 19 and always scoffed at heart problems as something someone with high cholesterol and blood pressure (i have neither) suffers with.... but this has definately been a wake-up call for me and i want babies and i can't get pregnant the size i am it would be selfish and dangerous.

    i definately don't want to end up like my dad - i think he had the same thing as your mum when he was a child. he has type 2 diabetes aswell.

    ...and yes it definately gets to me. my mum doesn't drive and, without sounding horrible, is a bit useless when it comes to a crisis, so i have to be mum and dad to them both when he goes to hospital. my older brother lives in bristol so he hasn't got a clue what goes on except during his fleeting visits.
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  19. Wannabeelovely

    Wannabeelovely Silver Member

    I really feel for you hun - its a lot of responsibility isnt it? My dad can drive and he's become quite good at looking after them both when she's ill but he's very hen-pecked and starts climbing the walls if they're housebound for long so I go over and help and thats another reason for taking her off out once a week - to give my dad a break from her incessant nagging!!! My brother lives closer to them than I do but he's a waste of space.
    I think it must be very hard to be chronically ill because it hits their pride badly when they can't do what they feel they should. As you said earlier, as a policeman, your dad would have had a lot of authority and respect and maybe he's affected by its loss and frustrated by his lack of fitness.
    It doesnt give them an excuse to be horrible though does it? Ah well, onwards and upwards eh? Hope you'll stick around on here and you get your wish for a baby as soon as you're able to. xxxx
  20. mod-karen79

    mod-karen79 rainbows holiday buddy :)

    pride's definately an issue there - he's a proper alpha male and unfortunatley for him i take after him and am a fiesty little number. don't take s**t from no-one...including him, which can lead to lots of raised voices!

    ...but i've found my happy medium with him. i spend time with him then if he starts i leave the room or walk away.

    maybe you should send your dad out and spend time with your mum at home, then if it gets too much you can leave! ;)
  21. Wannabeelovely

    Wannabeelovely Silver Member

    Hahaha! Maybe I should take my dad out and leave my mum at home to stew in her own juice!!!!!
  22. mod-karen79

    mod-karen79 rainbows holiday buddy :)

    that's an even better plan!!!
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