Wannabeelovely
Silver Member
problem sorted! 
Need help re swerving my danger zone!!!!
- Thread starter Wannabeelovely
- Start date
problem sorted! Lonestitcher
Silver Member
I know that you were just laughing about taking your dad out, but I think that you might have hit the nail on the head there.
How about taking your mum out every other week? Then the weeks in-between, as someone suggested, have one week at your mums house (either with, or without your dad there as well) and then one week where you and your dad go out and have some father-daughter bonding? Your dad might appreciate being able to talk to you (without your mother nearby) or just enjoy your company. On days that you and your dad go out, leave your mum with a gift basket.
Gift basket ideas - A film she enjoys, something towards a hobby (if she has any), some nice smellies - for a long relaxing soak, arrange for a hairdressers appointment etc.
Another idea might be to find out if the U3A operates nearby (University of the Third Age - 'More mature' adults meet once a month, listen to talks (on a variety of subjects), arrange days out etc). Since my mum joined (not that I have any problems with her) she goes out for 'lunch club' once a month, has been on the folk train, had her Christmas dinner and is planning a few other things! Maybe your mum needs some outside interests that aren't just you and your dad.
Oh, if you do take your dad out, don't forget to bring you mum back something (either chocolates, a bunch of flowers, a cake or something else). The last thing you'll need is your mum doing an overly dramatic 'dying swan' routine everytime you both leave and come back. You need to make it seem like taking your dad out is doing her a favour (giving her time to relax on her own/watch what she wants on the TV etc).
Just a suggestion, but before you leave to go to your mums (or before you get out of the car), look at your SW book and your shiny sticker. Then look at a picture of your mum and say "Look at what I have achieved, on my own and without your help. You may have helped me get to the weight I am, but I am changing it myself and you will no longer control the direction of my life. I will reach my goal and you will not divert me from my path." Pah! - it may sound corny, and it might not help but I think that just looking at your SW book will motivate you to make better choices.
Another suggestion (I'm full of 'em!). Every hour that you are with your mum, leave for a couple of minutes (either the toilet/paying for something/looking at something in another aisle etc). Take a deep breath, congratulate yourself for managing another hour. If you feel stressed, and 'need' to have something 'naughty', take some mints with you - I don't know how many syns Trebor Extra Strong mints are, but they sure concentrate my mind!!
Rather than taking her out for a whole day, would it be possible to take her out for a couple of half days? You might find that she's easier to handle in smaller doses! Also, if you are the only person she sees (other than your dad), she may 'save up' her complaints for when she sees you. If you saw her more frequently, she would have less to moan about because she had only seen you a couple of days previously.
Sorry for rambling but I hope that ANY suggestions might help.
How about taking your mum out every other week? Then the weeks in-between, as someone suggested, have one week at your mums house (either with, or without your dad there as well) and then one week where you and your dad go out and have some father-daughter bonding? Your dad might appreciate being able to talk to you (without your mother nearby) or just enjoy your company. On days that you and your dad go out, leave your mum with a gift basket.
Gift basket ideas - A film she enjoys, something towards a hobby (if she has any), some nice smellies - for a long relaxing soak, arrange for a hairdressers appointment etc.
Another idea might be to find out if the U3A operates nearby (University of the Third Age - 'More mature' adults meet once a month, listen to talks (on a variety of subjects), arrange days out etc). Since my mum joined (not that I have any problems with her) she goes out for 'lunch club' once a month, has been on the folk train, had her Christmas dinner and is planning a few other things! Maybe your mum needs some outside interests that aren't just you and your dad.
Oh, if you do take your dad out, don't forget to bring you mum back something (either chocolates, a bunch of flowers, a cake or something else). The last thing you'll need is your mum doing an overly dramatic 'dying swan' routine everytime you both leave and come back. You need to make it seem like taking your dad out is doing her a favour (giving her time to relax on her own/watch what she wants on the TV etc).
Just a suggestion, but before you leave to go to your mums (or before you get out of the car), look at your SW book and your shiny sticker. Then look at a picture of your mum and say "Look at what I have achieved, on my own and without your help. You may have helped me get to the weight I am, but I am changing it myself and you will no longer control the direction of my life. I will reach my goal and you will not divert me from my path." Pah! - it may sound corny, and it might not help but I think that just looking at your SW book will motivate you to make better choices.
Another suggestion (I'm full of 'em!). Every hour that you are with your mum, leave for a couple of minutes (either the toilet/paying for something/looking at something in another aisle etc). Take a deep breath, congratulate yourself for managing another hour. If you feel stressed, and 'need' to have something 'naughty', take some mints with you - I don't know how many syns Trebor Extra Strong mints are, but they sure concentrate my mind!!
Rather than taking her out for a whole day, would it be possible to take her out for a couple of half days? You might find that she's easier to handle in smaller doses! Also, if you are the only person she sees (other than your dad), she may 'save up' her complaints for when she sees you. If you saw her more frequently, she would have less to moan about because she had only seen you a couple of days previously.
Sorry for rambling but I hope that ANY suggestions might help.
SlimDreams
Full Member
Loads of good suggestions above and i have just one to add.
When out with your mum remind yourself you are not a child anymore and that you are strong adult woman. This can help to get you out of your child/parent mode which affects your emotions and therefore your eating.
sending some sunshine and big hugxx
When out with your mum remind yourself you are not a child anymore and that you are strong adult woman. This can help to get you out of your child/parent mode which affects your emotions and therefore your eating.
sending some sunshine and big hugxx
Wannabeelovely
Silver Member
Wow Lonestitcher! Thanks for the HUGE post - much appreciated and lots to consider! Unfortunately, the one about leaving my mum in and taking my dad out is a non-starter cos my dad would never leave her home alone - he'd worry too much. The other suggestions, especially the one about looking at my book and psyching myself up are definite goers though! I also like the idea of disappearing to the loo more often!!! Thanks for taking the time out to think about me and my little 'problem' - it was really kind of you!
Also, thanks to Goldentouch! Wise words - I know you're right and I'll do my best! xxx
Also, thanks to Goldentouch! Wise words - I know you're right and I'll do my best! xxx
