Need to vent!!!!!!

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by daisycharlie, 27 July 2007 Social URL.

  1. daisycharlie

    daisycharlie Member

    Just went to an art show that I was invited to and I took along a friend.

    This friend I have known for years, she knows that I hate being overweight, and having known me probably for 15 or 20 years she must have seen me bigger and smaller over time.

    She once made a comment when I was very slim, that she didn't like her friends being thinner than her.

    This evening she said that she really shouldn't be with me (I am now about mid-range in my weight scale so not my biggest by about 3 stone), because she had heard on the radio today that being with overweight people makes you become overweight too.:confused:

    I KNOW that she doesn't mean all this, she is Dutch and has always been very blunt about stuff, and calls a spade a spade with no hesitation. BUT she knows just how fragile I am at the moment, she has seen me in tears and knows that I am starting some counselling for stuff. I couldn't quite believe she'd said it, and my off the cuff remark as we parted was that I would go home and get over her overweight comment. She replied that she didn't mean it, just that she heard it on the radio.

    But it really rankled, and spoiled the fun of the show.

    Think I might not be seeing her for a while!:mad:
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  3. pandora

    pandora finding my way again !

    Goal Weight:
    although she probably didn't mean to hurt you, she obviously says b4 thinking. With your parting comment & a bit of silence from you 4 a while, she may get the message to engage brain b4 mouth (hopfully)
    stay strong cos you're doing fab
  4. In search of me

    In search of me Silver Member

    I would get tell her how much the comment hurt and while she "didnt mean it" that she said it & needs to understand that saying things has implications for other people! Also tell her you are feeling fragile & need support at the moment! I am assuming from the comment that she is slim!!
  5. cheerydino

    cheerydino Full Member

    Lighter Life
    Oh my gosh! I would react the same as you. What she said was so hurtful, even if she didn't mean it.

    I really think that what she has heard on the radio was bollocks! She just didn't think before saying "I really shouldn't be with you....."!!!!

    I hope that she realises what she had done by your silence.

    Keep strong!
  6. icemoose

    icemoose The Diet Guy

    Don't diet anymore!
    I am afraid that if someone had said that to me when I was big then I wouldn't have spoken to them for a very long time, there is being blunt and being nasty and that is nasty!

  7. SandraEG

    SandraEG Full Member

    Lighter Life
    From my perspective, I would ask myself what I was getting from a friend like that.

    It is possible that the cultural difference means she says things bluntly and doesn't consider anyone's feelings BUT that does not mean you have to put up with it.

    One of the things I did, a few years ago now, is decided to be around positive people. People who make me feel good and whose company I genuinely enjoy. Since I did that I have lost touch with the people who were always taking from me but never giving. I have also lost touch with those who put me down. Along the way I have met other people to take their place.

    You are worth more than this!
  8. KerrieW

    KerrieW Full Member

    I can sympathize here as a couple of my 'friends' have unfortunately made some similar comments, though with my friends it seems to be that I was the fat friend and they are less than happy that I'm shrinking. I think Sandra is right about making a choice to be around positive people - that's what I have done and although it may mean losing a couple of people I have known for a long time I will gain more in the longer term. We are all worth more than comments like this - you are making a huge effort to change and true friends will respect and support this.
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