Guys thank you so much for the support and words of advice.
I had a huge wobble last night. Tears and all.
My poor bf must have been thinking I'm a right weirdo to be crying my eyes out over a diet! lol
In fact I'm so upset and stressed about it I was up all night thinking it all through.
I've been going back and forth trying to understand why I feel the way I feel and to decide what is the best solution for me.
At this moment in time no matter how I look at it I think the best option for me is to move on from the program.
I WILL talk to my LLC about it on Tuesday but my mind is pretty much made up.
No it's not an emotional decision, no rebellious child here.
I'm actually making a conscious adult decision to take control of things and I should have done it looong time ago tbh.
I am not losing weight and I haven't for a good while. My body stops at 180lb and that's it. That has been the case since at least February.
What's the point? £72 a week and I can't even stick to it and get results. Counselling is great but I haven't had a session for months for various reasons.
I've been reading lots of CBT related books and learning that way.
In fact I think I've learned heaps because not only did I get back on straight and narrow straight after my hols but I also didn't have a binge last night which I would normally have done.
I am ok but at the moment I'm not in the right frame of mind for LL.
I have always been singing its praises and I still am but I can't be relying on powdered food forever. I also refuse to accept that if I come off I'll put it all back on.
I won't. I know I won't. There is no way I'm going back! Hell to the no!!!!
I also refuse to accept that I can't continue losing weight on a different program.
At the end of the day I think it doesn't matter how you get there as long as you get there.
We have to find what's right for us and the way things have been going i know my LL journey has come to an end. At least for now.
If I continue with it I'll keep lapsing and won't see desired results. I'll get more and more frustrated and disheartened. Not to mention I'd be throwing £72 a week down the drain..
Most of all though I'm worried about the physiological effect this has on me. I'm starting to see myself developing a slight eating disorder. A fear of food and eating. I get so nervous and anxious around food. I don't like that. I don't want to see it as my enemy. Food is not evil and that's how I've been thinking of it lately.
It's got to stop!
Sooo... The plan is.
I'll move on to a quick rtm from Monday. I've got quite a few packs left so I reckon a couple of weeks of that would do given the fact I have been back in the world of food not so long ago.
After that I'll move on to a program my bf found for me. He's an ex American football player and an athlete so he knows a lot about nutrition etc.
Well he bought me this book by Dr Mike Moreno called The 17 Day Diet.
I read it while I was on hols and I think it makes a lot of sense.
I'll write more about it soon and explain the concept if you are interested but in a nutshell he looks at weight loss in 4 cycles each consisting of 17 days in which your body is constantly pushed to lose weight and prevent plateaus.
Each cycle changes your meal plan to keep your metabolism guessing and burning more fat.
It also will allow me to continue focusing on my fitness and exercise regime without compromising my health.
The first phase is very much like a non food pack version of LL. Almost completely protein based. I should still be in ketosis and I should still lose fat.
Yeah I know what you might be thinking. 'there's no way she'd stick to it on her own'.
Yes I will! I'm equipped in knowledge, will power and determination. That will never leave me again! My lifestyle and my approach to food has changed forever and there is no way I'll ever go back to that tele tubby from my 'before' pic!
I'd love to share my diary with you ladies but I'm not sure if I'll still belong here.
Please let me know if I'm still ok writing on here or if I should ask Pierce to move my diary to a different place.
I'll continue reading your stories and try my best to show you all support and love on here. That won't change
Please understand I need to do this for me in order for me to progress and reach my goal.
I'll be ever so grateful if you continue supporting me on here as I know for a fact this would help me but I'll understand if you chose not to and not think of me as part of the group anymore.
Either way I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything.
It's funny how people you never met in your life can mean so much to you...
Here's to the next stage of my journey
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