New Beginning... Magiclove's Diary

MagdaX said:
I'm a size 12 yet I feel incredibly fat. I feel fatter than I felt before I started the program. What's up with that?!!
I feel gross if I have a tummy full of food. I'm makes me feel disgusted with myself.
I am getting very concerned about my relationship with food.
This just short of an eating disorder :(

I need help..

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I found the RTM after a life of food packs for months really important and a huge learning curve.

Because you have switched plans quickly you have not had that gradual transition from packs to eating meals. You are like a child let loose in a sweetie shop - making food choices, out of ketosis so feeling the impact of food on your body and mind too.

Eating, feeling full, having food in your digestive system all feel really strange at first. At size 12, lovely and tall too, you are not gross - in your photos you look fabulous.

Take each day and each meal at a time - and if being off packs is too much in one go. Try having some packs and some meals.

I'm currently on 2 packs and 2 lite meals, but aiming to drop to one pack from 1st June.

Your exercise should help you keep lean and toned. Its a really postive way to maintain your weight loss and target any areas you want to work on more.

Some crooked thinking going on - big time. But you have read the books and know how to sort this.

Good luck - I know you can do this - you just need to find a way that is right for you.

Kisses xx
 
hey chicka, im where you are, im a fat 10... never thought id say that but i feel gross, i too feel bigger now than i did at my heaviest. im now not managaing my weight at all, even on an hourly basis my weight is there. i cant afford ll but i cant eat normally.... gonna try the dukan diet.... just decided this in the last 15mins so might change my mind when ive looked into it but seem to be a healthier version of atkins? we will see. take care huny, im here if you need me. xx
 
Gosh Magda, what a place of turmoil to be in. Your head is not in a good place at the mo, and this is head stuff which you are recognising which is a good place to start.

Some good advice from the girls. Not sure I have any advice to give. I am however pretty confident in your capacity to sort this out. You have some excellent skills with which to take this issue appart and see what is going on. Is it worth speaking to your lighter life counsellor about it? Was there a trigger point that set you off on the crooked thoughts?

You can sort this. You have come too far to loose it now. Your exercise will keep you strong and provide a focus xx
 
I agree with Hannah here hun, she is wise in her experience. :)

I also think you came off the packs a little bit too suddenly, it is very difficult to get our heads around 'real' food again. It takes a lot of practice and a lot of time to really feel ready for it again. You can't judge what your behaviour will be for the rest of your life based on a couple of days of feeling a little more out of control than usual! That's why maybe at least an 8 week RTM programme would have been good here? (cutting out the first 2 weeks of it, they were a bit useless... and maybe staying away from the carbs/snacks at the end 2).

EVERYTHING YOU DO NOW will feel 'out of control' because in comparison to 4 packs per day (control ego state) - even a LETTUCE LEAF feels like we're in 'chaos' state!! I see many posts on these forums - to the likes of "I KNOW I won't lose ANYTHING this week because I've had a bite out of a piece of sliced ham!!!!" ... Does that make sense? Well, not really.

Remember, people do still lose weight on calorie counting plans, on Atkins on Lite, on things involving food and where its cut out. I agree that after a long time on this plan, it simply stops working for us. Hannah and I are doing our own thing, but the thing is - we're sticking to it. We've amended it, made our own routines, boundaries and habits. Yes, it's painful and annoying and on some days excruciatingly hard (I can't tell you how sick I am of mushrooms), but we keep going. All diets work if you give them enough time - which is certainly more than 1 day of it! ;) Make a little calendar and start ticking those 17 days off. It takes 17 days, that's all. Have the calendar up on the wall, maybe in the kitchen. It's a lovely visual reminder to be strong.

I know you can do it Mags! Come on hun!! :D
 
Thanks everyone.
Meeting my LLC tomorrow evening xx

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Hey Sweets

Just catching up on what is going on with you.
I have no advice to give but what has been offered to you above I am in agreement with. Makes good sense.

Talk with the LLC, see what she has to say. Keep your life simple as you can. You are a wonderful person, and will sort this out.

xx
 
Hi madga
Sorry to hear you are in turmoil, the advice given is the best, as these other ladies have all gone through the transition stage, I will add that on another thread the book recommended looks good, mine arrived Friday and already its making sense, maybe get a copy Amazin, The works or library? It uses cbt , so follow on from llc
The beck diet, i bought both copies the beck diet solution and the workbook which is a 6 week plan to train you brain to think like a thin person , to be read in that order.
Stay strong and hope you have a good meeting today
Jx
 
Hiya hon,

Sounds like so much of the stress going on for you at the moment is more mental than physical: you know what you need to do but end up fighting yourself and getting frustrated. I wholeheartedly endorse 'The Beck Diet Solution' to help with this. It's really helpful! I got mine this week and it's already helping me with crooked thinking. Doesn't matter what diet you're following, but helps you to examine your thinking around food and dieting etc. Might be worth getting from the library?

Be good to yourself xxx
 
Hey lovely, i hope the meet with your LLC went okay? xx
 
Hi Mags,

How did the chat with your LLC go? xx
 
Hi ladies,

been a while...
I've had a hell of a week with work coming out of my ears :(
And now to make matters worse I am coming down with tonsillitis again. My throat is killing me! :(
Emotionally it's been a rollercoaster, I seem to be changing my mind about my diet every 5 minutes!
One way or another there is no denying that I am not dealing too well and I am certainly not ready to do it alone. The world of food is far too scary for me at the moment and like some of you rightly pointed out, I have moved on to 'normal' food far too quickly!

Thank God common sense prevailed and I had made it a mission to go and see my LLC on Sunday.
And I am soooo glad I did! This really tells me I still have the fight in me and I haven't given up.
She was great! We had a great, honest chat, I had a little cry, got everything off my chest and God did it help.
We discussed options and we both came to the conclusion I am not ready to come off the plan.
I suggested going back on abstinence and she agreed. I'll do Total till June the 12th (that's when I'm going away to visit my sister) and then move on to RTM straight after I come back. Regardless of how much I would have left to my goal. It's time.
She asked me to write an action plan, step by step what I want to achieve and how I'm going to get there.
So I did that this morning and I emailed it to her. I will copy and paste it on here in a bit.
I now have a plan ladies! I'm focused and at peace again! I'm significantly less stressed and worried about it all and so far I am doing really well! :)
I'm on day 5 of total and feel great!
Going to my meeting tonight as part of the plan is to attend the classes every week and I am really looking forward to it!
I also bought the Beck Diet Solution book as I've heard so many good things about it. Let's hope it will help!
Most of all though, I like myself again. I keep repeating to myself that I am strong and I CAN do it!
And I will! :)
 
Magda’s Journey to Lighter Life (final push)



Action plan:
· Stay 100% abstinent till June 12th
· Move onto Lite for a week while away
· Start RTM on Tuesday the 21st of June

My commitment:

· Attend classes every Tuesday at 7pm
· Stay in touch with Heather on a daily basis
· Do the whole 12 week RTM program from start to finish
· Finish and move on to the maintaince stage by September the 20th (a year after starting my weight loss journey)
· Stay a healthy weight for the rest of my life! J
· Introduce exercise to my daily routine
· Practice positive thoughts and self affirmation daily
· I Am A Strong And Powerful Woman!


Wish me luck! J
 
Hi mags so glad you sorted thing out with your LLC,seems to have done the trick for you.
Hope you can stick with it this time and stay focused,you deserve to be happy inside and out Hun,you know you can do it.
Great plan and good luck with it! Hope your throat gets better soon!!
Sexy xx
 
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Great news you have a plan hunny! It's looks to be a very comprehensive one too and long term.

In your words beaut you CAN do this chick xx

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Like the plan. Good luck with it and enjoy time with your sister on June 12th x
 
Thanks girls. I'm feeling positive about my plan.
I had to miss out on the meeting tonight as I'm feeling truly rough. My throat is killing me. I'm weak and shivery. Just great.
I'll try and make it there during the week (work permitting) if not it's going to have to be Monday.
Also spoke to my LLC about my action plan today and she reckons I should do lite while in Germany (or 2 packs 2 meals) and start management from week 4 when I come back. Sounds like a plan!
That should keep me in check while I'm away!
I'm off to curl up under a duvet :( xx

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Liking the plan Mags. Great to have a guide/plan to help you along the way and I have faith in you to see it thru. You have come this far with so much that happened - the last bit you shall sail through. That spunk and determination gets you far in life.

Shame about the tonsils :( I too suffer with that stuff. Had them out when I was 4 but one side grew back :( Take it easy and drink lots, gargle with warm salt water and try to smile.

Take care toots
xx
 
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