nikki's diary - closed...... moved over to maintenance to test the water!

wellllllllllllllll hubby has taken emily to his mum's for the weekend. it's so quiet. i've been sorting through my clothes and have quite a large bag for charity. things that fit but i just don't like them. i bought them last time round and liked them but this time round i don't like them. i've tried on quite a few clothes and moved them around. some i can wear now, some are a little big but i'll wear them anyway and some are a little tight and i hate wearing tight things so i'll leave them for a couple of weeks and try them again.

i've been a bit dizzy today. it's been lack of water and shakes i think. i didn't have my lunch until after 2pm. had my first shake just before 8am in the morning. it's a long time to go. i've just had my 3rd around 5.30pm and i'll have my last at 8pm.

made matthew's tea and he sat there and scrunched it up in his hands and is now whinging because i don't think he likes it. it was nice looking, cheesy pasta with veg. well i'll try something else. i'll do him a sarnie and see if that stops him from crying. MEN or rather BOYS or maybe even BABIES!!!
 
well he finally ate a bit of ham sarnie but not much so i did a weetabix and fed him, which i don't do often and he wolfed down a whole one.

he drank his full bottle of milk (7oz) which is also unheard of. then fell asleep, bless him. he's lovely.

came down and hubby phoned. emily was in the bath and was shouting at his phone, which was on speaker, it was all very loud. she's been asking to go to the toilet since getting to his mum's house which is fantastic. she had an accident on the way down but it was more to do with the fact that she fell asleep and then woke and probably she couldn't hold it and hubby was close to his parents etc etc etc. i'm hoping that a weekend away helps her with her wee probs. she's been so much better over the past few days.

these weeks are flying by. i was only at my CDC's on tuesday and i'm there monday this week which is not a million miles away. scary. i'm not sure if i'm loosing much this week. so far only 1lb seems to be off so i'm a bit miffed. hoping for another 1lbs tomorrow and another one on sunday and another on monday is that pushing it? :D

i'm sticking to it 100%, drinking the water, having black coffees, doing some exercise so i'm hoping that after a few slow days it'll move this weekend.

i can remember last time introducing food to get my weigh loss moving, it's far too early this time round, i'm only in week 3 and not anywhere near what i weighed. i can also remember feeling generally miffed at having to chew food.... so tedious, taking far to long that i got bored and left lots of food. i think you get used to shakes and how easy it is just to drink and food is a pain having to chomp on it.
 
Hello i just wanted to say i love ur diary, u write well!
i think ur doing brilliantly both with the diet and exercise and also with ur daughter, i agree with not making a fuss and just getting on with it, im sure she will be over this stage soon!!
keep at it ur doing great, i also get weighed on tuesdays- will look out for you lol!!
 
thanks emma-x.

day.... 20 i think. been shopping in a big complex today.. the metrocentre. bought a smaller size of leggings, some new gym stuff (top and bottoms), and a few things for matthew. had a nice black coffee from starbucks and my choc tetra for lunch before we left. a nice relaxing time without my daughter.

then enough time to relax when i got home before body pump. it was hard this week so i really enjoyed it. i like feeling like i worked out and my legs are all wobbly. last week it was different as the teacher was on holiday and the replacement wasn't as good as i didn't feel it at all. i'll have to see how i am tomorrow.

decided that hubby's car is a dump and needs valeting - yes, it's that bad. not only filled with rubbish (crisp wrappers, bisc wrappers, choc bar wrappers etc) but it had dog hairs and muddy dog paw prints on the seats. it's disgusting. so i'll take it to a new place called 'in and out' as there's no appointment needed and see if i can get it done there. i'm hoping they can do it as even he said that he was ashamed of it when he had to pick up a client from the train station. then i think that i'll look for a dog guard for the back, an adjustable one. i've seen one in argos and might have a closer look at it. the dog rarely goes in his car as mine is the big one we use that most times to go to his mum's and on days out - hence why i've got his this weekend.

well i'll be glad to see my CDC tomorrow and talk to her about how i feel. i still feel hungry most of the time. i don't really want to introduce food yet and would rather carry on feeling slightly hungry.

so far today i've had a choc mint shake, a choc tetra, a veg soup and around 4 1/2 litres of water. so technically i shouldn't be hungry at all. i think that i also need to move my bum a bit (not exercise wise though) :p

right i'd better get my little man off to bed. i love his lots, so cute pulling himself up on the furniture and cruising around and his crawl..... just like the terminator, one arm and one leg and he pulls himself along. so funny. bless him.

hubby should be back tomorrow sometime late afternoon or early evening. then my daughter will be back, joy! i shouldn't say that but she's been such a struggle that i'm not actually looking forward to continuing the struggle again next week. :(
 
well i had my weigh in and the original scales were back so i was 2lbs down to start. i got weighed and have lost 4 1/2lbs altogether (inc the 2lbs from previous week).

so now i've lost a total of 18 1/2lb almost at the half way mark. so exciting.

i talked to my CDC about feeling hungry but she told me to hang on in there which is what i wanted as i'm not ready to have food yet.

hopefully next week i'll almost be into the 12st mark. my weigh in is back to tuesday next week. :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

roll on next week.
 
Woop woop, well done!
 
right. end of the first day of week 4. week 4.... it's gone really quickly. i think that i'll be ss for around another 3 to 4 weeks. that would see off around about a stone and by then i think that i'd be struggling on ss with the running and exercise and not very much weight left to loose. so by 12st 7lbs or so i should be on the 810 plan.

i'm not sure if i should go lower yet. my thinking is to get back to what i was and then think lower. i think at the end of it all 10st 7lbs might be my final weight. i think that it would help with my funning. however, i did look really good at 11st 7lbs. so hard

i would love another tummy tuck and laser eye surgery and arm tucks and leg tucks and a boob lift. then i'd probably be reasonably perfect.

anyway.... here comes tuesday! :D
 
I had very strange food dreams last night. dreaming that i'd eaten crisps, the dreaming that i was working in hospital and was operating on people and someone had tummy probs and i had a woman there with a blow torch whilst the tummy prob person was being windy and the flames were there, it was quite funny. then when it was the last one there was a big firey flame and we all cheered as the person was fixed. not sure what to make of the dream. mmmmmmm!

i can feel the pilates class from last night. it was hard work. it got to 8pm and i thought good this class is almost over (thinking it was a 7-8 class where infact it was a 7.30-8.30pm class) :(

got the gym this afternoon with my daughter then we'll go swimming and she likes me to dive under the water... a new skill i've just learnt. i have to go under the water with matthew when i take him swimming with waterbabies on a monday and i had never done this before but i tried it and i'm getting better and more confident. so glad i did this waterbabies with him as it's helped me too.

tomorrow is a break from exercise but i guess i'll either go to group with matthew or get my car cleaned. having a dog and 2 kids and a hubby makes the car a complete mess. had hubby's car valeted the other day (in and out - quite cheap but a good job). think i need to have mind done every 2 months as it gets messy so quickly. also thinking about getting some sort of seat protector thing for where emily sits so that her feet muck doesn't go all over the seat.

just had a nice choc shake, pint of water and i've a black coffee to go.

3 more to go today and then bed. so tired i could go back to bed now though....

i've a woman coming out to talk to me today about emily and her toileting. hopefully i'll get some good advice.
 
hiya! well done on the losses. i have upped y exercise in the last 2 weeks and find it is making me really hungry. how do you cope? i usually do a really fast paced dvd twice a week and x trainer twice a week on average. i love the buzz of exercise but its making the diet hard. any tips?
 
the best advice i can give, leeds, is make sure you drink plenty of water while you are exercising and afterwards. i tend to drink 2l during and after. it curbs the hunger. it will get better too, you get to feel more full of energy and raring to go.

today a woman came to talk to me about emily. she said that we are making really good progress with her and it is behaviour linked. it's good that we are keeping calm with her as shouting etc was giving her the reaction she wanted as any reaction from us like that was a good reaction. she also said focus on the positive and the praise and try to ignore the bad. so all in all we keep on doing what we are doing now.

i had a good time at the gym this afternoon. 10 mins on the bike, 16 mins and 30 seconds full out running (covered over 1 1/4 miles) followed by interval training (running fast then walking) until i reached 2 miles which was 25 mins. finally, i did some rowing for 5 mins as the treadclimbers were being used. i then collected emily from her kids class and we went swimming together. she is really doing well. a few weeks back she wouldn't lay on her back and now she likes to copy me and today for the first time ever she laid on her back and kicked her legs to make herself move. i'm so proud of her as she is doing really well. :D then it was time for our treat. hot choc and flapjack for her and a black costa coffee with sweetners for me and i had my CD peanut bar. i so needed it today. only 1 accident today from her and that was on the way back from collecting matthew from day nursery, a 5 min car journey. nevermind it was just the one and i made her change herself.

feel good about myself today. my clothes are looking good on me, i'm looking thinner and i'm lost around 4in from my waist. my CDC only took my waist measurement so i have no idea about my arms and legs but i have to say my arms are looking lots thinner. when i was rowing they were looking quite toned. must be the body pump class.

hoping to have a great nights sleep tonight and i've to think hard about whether to get a running pram or not. my hesitation is that the pram might get in the way of my running and i won't be able to pump my arms as i'll be pushing him. what to do?????

i'm having a bit of a chew with my parents. i just don't think that they like matthew much. emily is there one and only type thing and they think the sun shines on her, whereas matthew they don't seem to bothered about. it worries me as at the moment he knows no different but when he gets older he will be able to tell. very worried :( when emily was small she had loads of toys out to play with but they won't get anything out for matthew. their excuse is that now there are 2 kids and they don't want their house looking messy and emily would play with matthew's toys. another example in my eyes of them not really wanting to know him. i leave him with them as little as possible cause i worry over him. it is obvious though as one of my mum's neighbours who pops in regularly and who i know really well has commented on it too.

been a little stressed today. i worry over the stupidest of things. when i went back to the gym i got a new bag. my other one was old, tatty and coming apart. i've been looking for my garmin sat nav watch that i wore a few years ago when i was running outside, and could i find it..... NO! it was in the my old bag and i was really worried that i'd thrown my old bag out. today i told hubby that i was stressed about it and he said he was sure he'd seen it. he looked for me and found it. phew! i'm so relieved as i didn't want to buy a new one, they're quite costly. flaming things.

well i'm off to read other people's diaries and posts now. :D
 
What a day. been so busy all day long. running here, running there. no gym on wednesdays either.

ems at school, pick up parcel from friends work, see other friend and drop off easter eggs, pick ems up from school, feed the kids, take ems to soft play, take ems to french, go back to my parents to pick up the milk that they'd bought for my hubby, help dad get something out of the loft, come home with a screaming emily who has just woken up and matthew was screaming too, play with emily, cook tea for everyone, feed everyone, put up black out cling film stuff, bath matthew, bath emily, do dishwasher, do washing and drying, do milk, feed milk to matthew, and somewhere along the lines i've got my shakes in too. bleurgh what a day!

really want to eat today. just finding it hard not chewing anything foodwise. i do have some sugar free gum as i need to chew and move my teeth gums but not food. so hard. tea was hard as it was nice. resisted. :( just a hard day even though i'm not hungry. i think it's to do with feeling like i'm missing out and wanting to join in the social aspect of eating. i had a soup when they were eating pasta and garlic bread. it was the garlic stuff i really really wanted. love garlic to bits. nevermind. it's all worth it.

why are there so many adverts for foods on tv or new foods in the supermarkets these days. do they not know that i'm on a diet and it's so hard! flaming advertisers and supermarkets. plus the shops are selling and advertising easter eggs like they're going out of fashion. last time i did CD SS it was the end of feb and the fridge was full of emily's and hubby's easter eggs. i just put them, like i do with any forbidden foods, in a box in my brain that i label - emily and hubby's food only. nikki is not allowed to touch. i think that that is how i get through not eating everything in sight. i am just NOT ALLOWED TO as IT IS NOT MINE TO EAT!!!!

gym day tomorrow. yeah!

friday i've got a mother's day singing thing from emily at school.

emily has not had any accidents today. first day in a long time.

i'm worried about her car seat it's not working properly. when you put it on her the seat thing doesn't click in properly. where her straps go. harness thing. hard to explain. we have an isofix seat so we don't use the cars seat belt but the seat has it's own harness seatbelt thing and a holder that it clicks into. it's not clicking in and it doesn't seem to be very good. i'm fighting with it so much and i was worried that i wasn't going to get her done up today and i was going red in the face trying to get it done up. what with that and her peeing on it so it stinks the whole car out i think i need to give up on it and get a couple of new ones, one for matthew and one for emily.

talking of today, i am seriously loosing the plot. i picked up emily from school and had put matthew in his pushchair. i put the pushchair behind the car, put emily in the car then got into the drivers seat and started the engine and was ready to drive off. my friends were waving madly at me as they thought i'd left my pushchair behind my car. when i got out they told me it was there. then i realised that matthew was still in it. i couldn't believe how i could be so forgetful. flaming brain is not working. :eek: i daren't tell my hubby. :(

i think that i'll be grateful when today is over and everyone is safe and unscathed.
 
busy day today again! i dropped ems off school then cleaned the house really quickly and then went to get some new car seats. ems has a new one and dude has a new one too. i asked again about jogging prams. (i'm just not sure if i should get one. i'm worried that i'll get it with good intentions of taking matthew out and i won't, that it'll just sit there as i leave matthew at my parent's house while i go running. not sure at all. i can't even try one before i buy it to see how it is.) picked her up from school, did lunch, took matthew to nursery then popped to the gym.

ems has one accident today, this morning. think it was a combination of too much milk at breakfast and then the zombie machine (tv). nevermind she has been very good since.

the gym was fantastic though. i ran for 18 mins and covered 1 1/2 miles. i'm going to try to run to school on fridays and get my dad to pick us both up from there. the school is 1.6 miles away so just slightly over the 1.5 miles i ran today. felt so good. i also did 10 mins on the bike, 5 mins on the treadclimber. this was followed by swimming with emily and then she did tennis and i did my weights programme followed by 10 mins on the cross trainer.

all 4 shakes are down and so is 5 to 6 pints of water and several black coffees. i drank 1 1/2 litres at the gym (aprox 3 pints).

roll on tomorrow.
 
So glad emily seems to be coming out of the phase. Your patience is being rewarded. Could you not get a running pram second hand out of the papers or ebay? Then you can try it out and if your happy then pay out for a nice new one?
 
They look great! lol. Lots of people I see at horse shows etc have them, I guess cause they are good for pushing round fields and over bumps. Don't see anyone with 4 wheelers!
 
what is it with cheese?

i'm not a cheese eater, i normally don't touch the stuff. i have it on food but i would never dream of eating a cube just for the hell of it but.... lately when i'm doing the kids dinner, if i'm using cheese, i'm drooling. i could just take a bite. i don't, of course, but i can't understand it. the smell... it's wonderful. bad, bad, bad!

anyway another day of CD, they're going really fast. weigh day on tuesday this week and i'm around 1 1/2lbs down so far.

i've been trying out the veg flavouring stuff this week. it's really nice as an alternative but i've been trying carefully to do the teaspoon but that's the hard bit.

i've had 2 shakes so far today and it's nearly 6pm. i've another 2 to go.

ems has had a couple of accidents today. one around lunchtime but i think that it was due to having a very large drink. then one after i'd dropped my dad off at hospital she needed to go and didn't want to have a wee in her car seat which is good. so i had to get my dad back and then go and take her to a pub loo. she'd leaked slightly so i just dried her knickers under the drier but she tried really hard to hold it. so proud.

off to see a film tonight. not sure which one yet but i've got a bar or a ready made shake to take with me and i'll be buying some water to drink. will report back later regarding which film i saw. yeah!
 
Any movie suggestions? It's my partners birthday today and we're going to the flix tomoz, but no idea what to watch?
 
well i've been to see shutter island. was really good. well worth watching. 2 odd hours long though. decided to have a shake before i went and then i had my bar when i was there washed down with 750ml of the finest cinema water ever!
 
Went decided to go bowling instead. We were going to watch shutter island, 'franbella' said it was rubbish and not to bother. So maybe we will still go and make our own minds up. Think Scott is paying for me and his mum to go watch Alice in Wonderland for mothers day.
 
well sunday, mother's day. i got some lovely flowers, a nice card which my daughter choose and it says 'to a supermum from your son' on it and he's had to write 'and daughter' on it too. :p i also got to choose a limited edition mother's day chamilia bead, although i don't have a bracelet to put it on yet. i'll hopefully get that and another bead for our wedding anniversary in august.

i'm having my mum and dad over for lunch. i'm cooking. it's a good thing i've a vegetarian as we've got a nice lamb thing from M&S (i say nice, i know that my hubby'll like it and so will my parents and i know, from what he says, M&S meat is really nice). i'll just have some soup. i do wish i was eating. i'm finding the lack of eating hard going this time round whereas when i had 5 1/2st to loose i didn't. infact... last time i liked my time out of eating it was good for me. all i want to do is chew. the bars are good to chew on but they're gone in 60 seconds :D

i'm not particularly hungry but i do know when my shakes are due and then i am. i think it's just chewing. i feel like i'm missing out. i think it's cause i'm really close to my goal (close as in i'm just over 1 1/2st away from it). it's closer than 16 odd stone which i was when i started weight watchers.

did body pump last night and it was nice and hard. it is getting easier, slowly. someone did ask how i was getting on and i said i like it. also said i'm doing pilates but i don't like it as much but i know that it's good for me, for my core. i said that i would like to try body combat but feel that i'm not fit enough to do it yet. both this lady and the class woman of body pump said that i should try it and work at my own level. the trouble is i don't like stopping, i like to keep on going and push myself. i must try it and see what i think. the thing is i was put off it by watching some youtube clips. looks so hard. scary!

today's scales say i'm down another 1/2lb to a total of 2lbs off so far this week. not much though. i'm a bit disappointed. last time i was dropping 3 1/2 to 4lbs a week even at this weight. just don't know what's going on. i know i'm doing lots of exercise but still it should be flying off. mmmmmmm. the only difference is that i'm having porridge. i suppose 2lbs off is better than it on too. still have 2 days to drop another 1lb.
 
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