Green Days No longer down in the dumps
- Thread starter hunca
- Start date
shrinki
Gold Member
hunca said:
I understand and certainly wouldn't dream of judging your marriage on one thread! You are doing something for yourself and it will improve your self esteem enormously I am sure. Good luck at weigh in. Maybe you could start a diary thread so we can all see how you're doing? X
chun-ky
Silver Member
Aw hun, i am so sorry your hubby has made you feel so sad! Bloody men!!
My husband has a knack of putting his foot in it with me at the mo! He tries to be 'nice' by saying things like ''you used to be sooo fat'' and ''your ar@e doesn't wobble half as much as it used too'' but it actually reduces me to tears! I wish he could just say ''your beautiful'' or something. I dont feel he is praising me on my weight loss, just taking the p1ss of how i looked before i started SW!!
I dont think he understands how my weight makes me feel. Maybe your hubby is the same?
I am sure the lack of sleep must be affecting your hubby! If he was not like this before, but the snoring is a new issue. Have you seen a doc about the snoring? Its not always weight that is the issue.
And i think rather than avoid your hubby, you need to spend more time together, talk, and try and get back in the marital bed together! Nasal strips, nasal sprays, or army grade ear defenders
whatever it takes!
If his issues run deeper than weight and snoring, he needs to be shown the door! But unless you spend time together and talk openly, you wont know. You deserve love and respect the same as anyone else!
Well done for starting your SW journey and i wish you lots and lots of luck! You seem to be in the ''zone'' and i am sure you will do brilliantly! I dont go to group and manage just fine with mini mins alone! Everyone on here is here for you, rooting for you and will cheer at your achievements xx
My husband has a knack of putting his foot in it with me at the mo! He tries to be 'nice' by saying things like ''you used to be sooo fat'' and ''your ar@e doesn't wobble half as much as it used too'' but it actually reduces me to tears! I wish he could just say ''your beautiful'' or something. I dont feel he is praising me on my weight loss, just taking the p1ss of how i looked before i started SW!!
I dont think he understands how my weight makes me feel. Maybe your hubby is the same?
I am sure the lack of sleep must be affecting your hubby! If he was not like this before, but the snoring is a new issue. Have you seen a doc about the snoring? Its not always weight that is the issue.
And i think rather than avoid your hubby, you need to spend more time together, talk, and try and get back in the marital bed together! Nasal strips, nasal sprays, or army grade ear defenders
whatever it takes!If his issues run deeper than weight and snoring, he needs to be shown the door! But unless you spend time together and talk openly, you wont know. You deserve love and respect the same as anyone else!
Well done for starting your SW journey and i wish you lots and lots of luck! You seem to be in the ''zone'' and i am sure you will do brilliantly! I dont go to group and manage just fine with mini mins alone! Everyone on here is here for you, rooting for you and will cheer at your achievements xx
jono68
Full Member
Well done for making this change. I'm not a member of a group either and I usually only diet for a couple of weeks before 'falling off the wagon'. This time because of this site and the fantastic people on it I have managed to stick to my latest attempt for 9 weeks and I have no intentions of quiting. I have joined the christmas challenge thread and it has really spurred me on the people on it have been great and so supportive. Joining a challenge or team could help you too and you are not too late to join our christmas challenge. Give it ago, I'm sure you won't regret it.
As for your husband, you deserve much much better.
Good luck x
As for your husband, you deserve much much better.
Good luck x
kingleds
Gold Member
lardylady said:
Umm - the fact is that what the majority of women would consider rude is considered just banter for the majority of men. No one has been making excuses for him. In fact i distinctly remember suggesting that the OP tell her husband how his comments made her feel. It is a generally accepted fact that men & women tend to find different things offensive, so if you accept this wisdom it makes perfect sense to at least explain how it makes you feel to your partner, regardless of their gender. If they then continue to repeat the same, by all means get rid if thats what you want to do, but telling someone to bugger off straight away would in my opinion be a knee jerk & frankly rather childish reaction.
hunca
Silver Member
I think there are men & women out there who r lucky enough to eat what they want & not gain weight & maybe don't appreciate that losing weight isn't always an easy thing for some of us to do & whether their remarks r meant to jolt us into 'diet' mode rather than have us reach for the mulit pack of crisps or whatever who knows but when ur self esteem is low & ur weight is high remarks like these hurt to the core.
Joanne24
Restarting!
Made me cry reading about how nasty your husband is I'm not in a position to comment on your marriage but for me personally I would be for up and leaving, I could not and would not put up with the emotional abuse.
Wish you all the best and stick with the ladies on here, they are a good support.
I'm not in a position to comment on your marriage but for me personally I would be for up and leaving, I could not and would not put up with the emotional abuse.Wish you all the best and stick with the ladies on here, they are a good support.
lardylady
Gold Member
Could you provide evidence for this statement?
You may believe this, but that doesn't make it fact.
Refusing to kiss one's partner is also part of this 'banter' is it? Hardly.
kerryathome
Silver Member
don't really think 'evidence' is required, I agree with kingleds, men often say things in jest that women wouldn't dream of saying.
of course refusing to kiss your partner is different than banter, all depends on the context, at the end of the day there's obviously issues that need to be addressed but some people just are unable to communicate that effectively and say rubbish things like that which hurt,
I think getting into the semantics of what people are saying is detracting from the original conversation which really should be to encourage hunca to keep up the positive spirit she is showing
of course refusing to kiss your partner is different than banter, all depends on the context, at the end of the day there's obviously issues that need to be addressed but some people just are unable to communicate that effectively and say rubbish things like that which hurt,
I think getting into the semantics of what people are saying is detracting from the original conversation which really should be to encourage hunca to keep up the positive spirit she is showing
kingleds
Gold Member
lardylady said:Could you provide evidence for this statement?
You may believe this, but that doesn't make it fact.
Refusing to kiss one's partner is also part of this 'banter' is it? Hardly.
Oh please. Get off your high horse. The fact you don't believe it does not make my opinion any less relevant. This is not a fact or fiction issue. I know that my husband would consider telling male friend he was looking a bit porky banter. He would not say the same to me because he knows i would find it offensive, whether it is true or not. He would also not say it to any of his female friends for the same reason. Therefore it seems a reasonable opinion that women & men see the same thing differently.
At no point have i or anyone else suggested that the OP's husband was right in what he said, or did, or didn't do. In future please read posts properly before responding
Hunca - i really hope you find the courage at some point to tell your husband how his comments & actions affected you. It is horrible when people say hurtful things & can really dent your confidence. It will make you feel more in control & being honest with him is the least you can do for yourself.
chiefbridesmaid
Silver Member
Hunca I'm sending you hugs and support, I think we shouldn't judge her husband, as this may also hurt her feelings, she has come here for a rant and support from fellow SWs and telling her to leave her husband is not supportive nor is judging him or their relationship.
This is about Hunca and her weight loss journey and help build get confidence and hopefully get her relationship back on track! Hunca the sense of achievement you will feel from following plan will hopefully give you the confidence to maybe sit down and have a chat with your husband, maybe you can arrange a date night and talk things through? I really wish you good luck on the plan, it's changed my life xx
This is about Hunca and her weight loss journey and help build get confidence and hopefully get her relationship back on track! Hunca the sense of achievement you will feel from following plan will hopefully give you the confidence to maybe sit down and have a chat with your husband, maybe you can arrange a date night and talk things through? I really wish you good luck on the plan, it's changed my life
xx
hunca
Silver Member
I'm so sorry everyone I never intended to cause upset I only originally posted as I had nowhere else to turn & felt so alone & unhappy. I really appreciate any comments/help/advice & I can't begin to tell u all the difference u've made to my state of mind over the last few days.
kingleds
Gold Member
hunca said:
You have nothing to apologise for & i csn't see that you've upset anyone at all. I'm glad you feel better as a result of the support on here. I really hope, as i'm sure we all do, that you are successful in losing the weight you want to & becoming a happier & more confident person
xxx
kerryathome
Silver Member
you don't have to apologise hunca, its just lively debate,
this is what this forum is about, supporting people and giving people to air the things that they might not feel comfortable expressing to friends or family.
keep up the good work xx
this is what this forum is about, supporting people and giving people to air the things that they might not feel comfortable expressing to friends or family.
keep up the good work xx
shrinki
Gold Member
hunca said:
Awww don't worry hunca. No need to apologise it's just some of us saw it as wanting weight loss support and others maybe worried that you're in an emotionally abusive marriage which I would not assume and only comment on if you actually asked advice on that Xx
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