Not quite diet related but would like your help...

[Lisaberry]

Getting into a size 12 made me feel great and really lifted my mood but now I'm feeling blooming awful and want to admit alot of it is due to my marriage :-(
I'll spare you all the details but for a long time the romance has been non existent. For all you dirty minded lot I'm not referring to the jiggy jiggy but the proper lovey dovey romance!
I really want to do something to help kick start this part of our relationship but as a nice dinner and a few drinks are out the window I'm a bit stuck.
We have 2 kids but can get babysitters so would really love your ideas on what I can do to help spice things up.
Oh and my hubby makes Scrooge look generous so would not appreciate anything that involves spending much money!!

Distract yourself from the call of the fridge and help me out!! Thanks!!

 

[short and dumpy]

might sound silly, but, take him out for sunset picnic... take your bar.
sit on the beach with some tea light candles and watch as the sun hits the sea. Sometimes it is the simplest things that mean the most. Sit cuddled into him for warmth, hold his hand.
Talk about when you first went to the beach together. Laughter is makes us look more beautiful. Limit any conversation about the kids, home, work, family, and normal lives. Try to chat about his dreams when he was little, try to recapture the first kiss.

Even have a little dip into the dark moonlit sea.

Doesnt cost a thing to try to remind him and yourself of the things that drew you together once.
Send him text messages on the run up to the 'date' saying how much you are looking forward to getting his time.

I think it is very easy for all of us to let the daily grind encroach on a relationship. We forget wy we used to have butterflies in our tummies.

However, as a single and bitter spinster hehe maybe my advice isnt the best.

xx

 

[Lisaberry]

That sounds lovely and is something I would really like but just can't imagine husband being at all bothered. If we were to sit on a beach he'd be bored in 10 minutes I know he would.
I guess I need to know what man romance is......my brain automatically went somewhere dirty then, no way Jose!
Surely men must like some kind of romance? Wouldn't they just sow their oats and always live eith their mum otherwise??

 

[Dietkitty]

Uh oh, I think you may be married to my ex husband! It's hard to think of things that don't involve food or drink or much money isn't it. How about a drive through Sandbanks to find the house you'll buy when you win the lottery? Or a date in the New Forest, you could have water in a pub (oh joy!) or a coffee somewhere. The beach is a great idea. How about popping over on the car ferry to Studland lol
You're not far off goal so a meal out isn't so far off. Ember Inns are great as they don't allow kids under 14 so it's like being on a date.
Hope someone can come up with a cracking idea for you x

 

[Lisaberry]

Ooh never heard of Ember Inns!

Lol, I love driving through Sandbanks picking out my house! As of yet I haven't seen Harry Redknapp putting the rubbish out but one day!!

Unfortunately, my description of my husband is usually something like amazing father (he really is) but crap husband!! I'm sure it's in there somewhere but getting it out is causing me real problems!

 

[coley144]

Does your hubby know you want more romance? Often times we expect them to be psychic. Maybe have a chat with him about your feelings and both do a list of things you want. His might well be filthy (!) but yours can be romantic. Then agree to work through both lists.

Men love solving problems so by explaining the problem and offering a solution (that could well benefit him!) could be a good way forward.

Hope this helps!

 

[Lisaberry]

Lol!! My husband could not be more aware if I tried! I've tried explaining to him that although he only needs the kids and dinner on the table I need more.
I think that's the issue really. He just doesn't care about the relationship part of our marriage. It's all about being parents.

Oh god, I'm flogging a dead horse aren't I? :-(

 

[susie-slimmer]

Could he be persuaded to do a marriage course? I know it sounds corny but my church often runs them. They're not religious courses but focus on your characters, what you want from life, sex, in-laws etc and making time for each other is a high priority. They enourage couples to have a date night once a week where you talk to each other about yourselves not about the kids, housework etc. We joined the gym together after doing a course so we could have a joint hobby and try to spend Saturdays together. Would he see going to the cinema as too expensive with a drink and chat afterwards?

 

[MrsPoogatch]

I dunno hun, I guess the best way to find out is to give something romantic ago? Is there somewhere else the kids could stay for the night? maybe try the romance at home, going out might be what is making him uncomfortable, light some candles etc, maybe give him a massage?

I dunno I am the anti-romance really, I find it makes me very uncomfortable.

 

[Lisaberry]

Thanks for all your suggestions!
I hadn't heard of the marriage course...I did look into marriage counselling once but it was so expensive and as hubs doesn't think there's a problem (I just keep banging my gums for no reason according to him) there's no way I could justify the cost to him.

 

[cannyscot]

I'd change the way your thinking and see what follows. I went seriously off my OH but read you have to imagine they are the sexiest most attractive person in the world it would happen so that's what I did. along with telling him he looks good I fancy him etc etc. It has worked to an extent. It hasn't made him super attentive and super loving but he has become much better to a level I find acceptable. The date thing does help -we went out for coffee last sat night and I was thinking what the heck will we talk about but it was great and a nice time together. We also went to the pics and had a diet coke after -I let him have a pint! and we sat in the sun one lunchtime while he ate (a bit of torture) and a pint and I had diet coke again. Gives me a reason to get something nice on and at least makes you feel you have some connection other than just kids. If you get stuck for conversation plan your ideal holiday or what you'd spend a lottery win on -it can be quite enlightening!

 

[Wamser]

Very interesting thread x

 

[cannyscot]

I thought I'd just add something - research shows that women want more attention and men want more jiggy jiggy. So basically to kill 2 birds with one stone. The more jiggy jiggy you have the more men are able to take their time and give you attention. So (do not tell!!) I often delibrately on purpose suggest quick jiggy even if I don't actually want to on the basis thats one out the way so that next time I am entitled to more attention-which I ask for -ie more romantic stuff -which a bit of passion does seem to encourage. On the whole this strategy has been working very well all round and we are both happier and more content.

 

[susie-slimmer]

Hi Lisa, this is a link to the course if you want to see if there is one in your area.

About the course - The Marriage Course

we only paid £5 per evening each which included a 2 course candlelit meal but they usually will reduce or waive fees in case of hardship. It might not be your thing but we enjoyed it as an evening for us and the chance to talk without interuptions.
They don't do any group work, it's all as a couple at your own table over dinner and drinks. Obviously only suitable once you are eating a meal again. I don't think all of the courses serve dinner though so maybe you can find one that doesn't?

S x

 

[Lisaberry]

Cannyscot - the suggesting jiggy jiggy thing is hilarious! Problem is my drive is higher than his anyway (not that I'd suggest it in a million years) it's always been one of those things I've tried not to think about - being a bloke and not wanting it 24/7 - I thought it was because he didn't want me that much so I try not to think about it too much!

I reckon I do need to try and look at him in a different light, I used to love him sooo much but he's kind of just another face in the house now. I can't help but feel though that it is his doing...it's not like I'm not trying!

Susie- I will definitely look that course up, it sounds good!

 

[Lisaberry]

Susie- I just sent an email to one of the places local to me that run the course. Next problem will be convincing hubs to go!

 

[Lisaberry]

He went out with work mates last night....I don't usually mind but as he was in Uganda last week and had been busy every evening since I was a bit miffed.
He came home and said we'd get a take away and bottle of wine tonight to make up for it. Not sure what way to take that....
Is he just being typically male and not thinking about the fact I can't eat or drink, or
Is he saying something he knows I will refuse so he can have the 'well I tried' attitude???

 

[cannyscot]

Lisaberry we are a bit like that -strangely on the surface it would seem that my drive is higher as my OH doesnt do so much off the initiation but weirdly when I read him out the statistics saying that men want more he agreed! So he wants to but can't work up the energy etc to suggest it so now I do all the initiation (can't believe I'm telling you this) on the basis I know that I feel I'm gettimg more attention and he seems more relaxed and happier so all round it works and I just have to accept that for some unknown reason he doesn't seem to be able to make the first move. -and they say women are complex! I was going to go down the marital guidance route but the cost and the fact my OH has trouble communicating to me so we didn't but all the above in my case has certainly worked. It's more fun and we have more laughs and it defo seems to make him more loving and attentive as it's as if you have to keep the button pressed that says oh yes wife need to remember her and pay attention. My OH is the classic male can only do 1 thing at a time so it does feel that he often forgets me so now he doesn't get the chance!

 

[Lisaberry]

Lol! Never thought the old wink wink nudge nudge was the answer.
Dear lord, better shave my legs!!