Oh....b****r!!!!

Discussion in 'LL Maintenance' started by Poppysparkle, 11 February 2010 Social URL.

  1. Poppysparkle

    Poppysparkle Silver Member

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    Right, I could almost cry right now!! I lost 6.5 stone...thought I'd NEVER, EVER go back there, but I'm gradually buying bigger and bigger clothes. BL and SB, ,how the heck do you do it???? You are either proper saints, or you had one fabulous LL counsellor. Why, oh why is it so much easier to talk myself into eating and drinking (normally wine) being okay. I feel like giving up and thinking that I'm not meant to be naturally slim, and I am so fed up with having to check out everything I am drinking and eating. I have been on Exante, very part time, since Xmas, but I defiinitely think it's the worst thing I could have done because I have felt properly weirded out by it all. I need a normal diet at last. Oh, dear god, will I ever feel normal as a normal BMI??? I am now about a 26.5, and was a 22. I want to be back to that, but is that normal/sustainable. My eating fills my thoughts daily and I HATE IT!!

    Sorry to go on, and on...and on....
     
    Last edited: 12 February 2010
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  3. daisydoll

    daisydoll Gold Member

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    poppy i could have written your post.

    i have no advice.

    food totally dominates my thoughts too and i just can't seem to get it right.

    i know what to eat

    i know what not to eat

    i'm not stupid

    but when it comes to controling what i actually do eat i'm so rubbish.

    most/nearly all of what i eat is good, healthy, unprocessed, homecooked food.

    just too much of it for me i guess -

    i eat 1/2 of what the rest of my family eat at meals but its still too much it seems

    i usually go shopping for clothes at half term but i'm not this time, which i feel sad about. there's no point as i don't want to buy size 12 things.

    i hope we can both get sorted poppy. i think i am going to read through the LL books again and dig out some old pics this afternoon to spur me into action.

    good luck hun
    daisy x
     
  4. kenshin112

    kenshin112 Gotta Make A Change

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    i have to say why do we let it spiral out of control
    in foundation we were such saints even in rtm, so how are we letting it get out of control?
    Poppy you will be fine, you've got such great support here :) best of luck :)
     
  5. margarino

    margarino Chronic dieter!!!

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    Firstly, i just want to say how amazingly well you've done to get yourself within your healthy weight range - i've only just started to do a VLCD and am finding it very difficult, so i imagine that to begin with it must have been hard to get into not eating at all, but you did it and had such fantastic results! You really should celebrate that.
    Second, my plan is to do this VLCD (i'm on Exante) until i get back into my healthy weight range and then go back to weight watchers (what i've always done previously to lose weight). I don't know if it would help you, but for me the best thing i like about ww is that it doesn't deprive you of any food - if you want chocolate you can have it, if you want wine you can have that too, but all within reason - maybe that might help now that you are wanting to establish a healthy way of eating?
    I suppose you're wondering if it is that great why am i doing exante instead of ww, well the problem is that i am motivated by my results and this time i have so much more to lose than the other times that i have joined ww that i know i will lose hope as the weight loss is really slow and steady. But once i'm back in my healthy weight range, slow and steady suits me fine :)
    Anyway, not sure if that was useful at all, but good luck with your last few pounds and congratulations on your fab losses so far :)
     
  6. Morticia

    Morticia Happy in my own skin

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    Poppy, I've had a little taster of how you feel this weekend. I do so hope you're hanging on in there, you've done so well. I try to keep reminding myself how great I look in clothes and how much I don't want to lose that. You look amazing, keep that in mind.
     
  7. slendablenda

    slendablenda Gold Member

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    I am a Saint ! - NOT

    Oh Poppy - I can feel your pain through your post. Don't lose heart.
    I'm not a Saint and yes, I do think we were exceptionally lucky with our LLC and for me getting to know BL and supporting each other was also a part of it.
    I get wobbly days. I get "fat" days too.
    But your question has made me ask myself "how come I am able to maintain this" -14 months now.How come I should be so lucky when so many people aren't?
    Our LLC said
    "Isn't it suprising - the harder you work at it the luckier you become!"

    There are various answers:
    I decided to lose weight because of my health and it has worked for me.100% improvement.
    I never have considered LL as a diet.
    I've used it as a way to completely re-evaluate my relationship with food and alcohol.
    I haven't allowed myself to think of doing LL as denying myself anything. I've always tried to recognise the positives and for me they happen every day.
    Even now, even at the week-end, all the time. It's too important for me to let it slip away.
    I try and go to the class every week.
    I think of it as if I were going to the gym.
    If you go regularly and do what you should then you get fit. If you stop going
    it gradually erodes away and you are back to square 1.
    Or learning the piano- if you don't practice - you lose the technique.
    I feel it's a small investment of my time which pays huge dividends.
    I don't have scales at home. Inever weighmyself unless at LL.
    I have kept my social life going throughout, staying out of the way doesn't help. You've got to join in again some time.
    I do have a drink, but not much now.
    If I want to eat something I will, but ususally make sensible choices. I eat masses of fruit and drink masses of water.
    If I want to eat something outrageously fattening I'll have 2 mouthfulls to get the taste and give the rest to someone else.
    I can't give any more tips really Pops.
    Just to say, my life's not a fairy tale.I have my share of cr*p to deal with, but I can do that so much better now.
    I have my life back thanks to LL and my hard work. Nothing can tempt me away from it.
    You must find what works for you. I know you'll get back on track.
    Remember it's only a little compared with what you lost. Don't mess about with it. Focus on it properly like you used to. You can do it before the weather improves.
    Remember all the confidence you gained, applying for that promotion, how great you felt? You want that feeling back don't you?
    Good luck, let me know how you get on. xxx
    p.s. sorry to ramble on. You shouldn't have asked!:psiholog:
     
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  8. Morticia

    Morticia Happy in my own skin

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    SB, what brilliant advice. You are a total inspiration.....:D
     
  9. slendablenda

    slendablenda Gold Member

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    Hi Mort, thankyou xx:):superwoman:
     
  10. Gemma79

    Gemma79 I will do this!

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    fantastic post SL and as I prepare for RTM i have thought of you and BL a lot and what I can do to give me the best 'chance' to succeed. I know for everyone we must find ways of making this work for us. It's not that you and BL have no problems and life is wonderful, it's just that you and BL have used the tools you learnt in CBT and are trying to implement them. And one think that has stuck me is how you both stick around here, helping others and I can't help feeling by imparting your advice on here you are reminding yourself and this helps to keep on track. I know I plan on sticking around, when we avoid this forum it's normally cos we have/are messing up and don't want to face it. Just to add to all the other great advice you gave! x
     
  11. daisydoll

    daisydoll Gold Member

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    SB you sound like a saint to me!
    x
     
  12. Foxtrot

    Foxtrot Is back in the saddle!

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    Sorry I've missed this Poppy! How's it going???

    SB, fab words, as always.
     
  13. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Aw Pops, I am not a saint either.

    Like SB said, I don’t know what the answers are – why some of us get on ok and others go up and down.


    I am far from a saint, and have had some struggles – but have not yet had to buy clothes in a larger size – that to me is the biggest red flag I can imagine, and refuse – REFUSE – to ever go there again.

    I think, I spent so much of my life, huge and horribly unhappy. It was like living in a prison. Food was my captor…and it ruled my life. I hated it and wanted desperately to be free from it. Someone who thought they were living a life sentence on death row, who suddenly gets their freedom, well – that is priceless and something to treasure.

    I said when I started LL, that IF I was able to do it, IF I was finally able to get all that horrible weight off my bones – that it would be a lifelong dream come true – something I longed for, for over 25 years….I said if I did that, I would view the result as the most precious gift I have ever been given and that I would value that gift and treat it with the utmost of care. And that is what I have done. I never EVER want to go back to those dark, sad lonely days I used to live, hating myself and my life. I hit my bottom. And there was no way but up and now there is no going back.

    It’s hard work. And I have bobbed up and down a couple of times. But I have always stopped myself before any real damage was done….i.e. needing to buy clothes again. I just won’t let myself do that, because I am scared to death of it – one size could so very easily lead to 2, and then 3 and so on. I know if I did that again, it would kill me.

    Don’t mean to sound dramatic – but for me, it is a life/death situation. I simply cannot revisit those dark and depressing days, ever. Knowing this helps keep me on track.

    You have had a lot of good advise here. We know what works – we need to remember to keep that in practice – forever. Sadly, as magic as LL is, it is NOT a magic wand – and we HAVE to keep doing what we learned….forever. As much as I wish to be a naturally slim person in mind as well as body – I know I must always think about food – but not the way I used to. I hate that I have to – but if that is the price I must pay then so be it. When I stop thinking about it, the rebel child – who I have come to accept will never ever leave me – rears her ugly little head and does her best to torment me. Sometimes she wins. But not every time. It is hard work at times, and it’s a joy at other times.

    You can’t be hard on yourself. These are very early days for al of us, after many years of bad behavior. There wil be challenges and hurdles and slippery slopes abound. We just need to keep picking ourselves up.

    The only time it will all be lost, is if we one day wake up and say, “I can’t be bothered to turn it around”. As long as we can recognize the problem – even if we do nothing about it that day – but start accepting things are not right – we will suddenly pull it back together and take that first step BACK in the right direction.

    I wish I knew the answer for you, and you too Daisy. You both have done so well – surely you do value the result. Surely it means enough to protect and nurture. You can always undo anything that’s done, and you can always start NOW in putting good behavior back into practice. Just take that step – make that leap of faith – and deal with it one step at a time.

    I revisited full abstinence one, and partial abstinence another time – and have decided that’s the last time I fall back on packs.

    I now need to go forward in life, knowing if the little rebel gets hold of me and I let her – I will then have to pay and work hard to undo her damage. And that is life. But that is how it should be – no more easy fixes.

    This is just a lot of waffle, and jut stream of conscious writing. I hope you will find something in it that helps you. Never give up and always keep the faith. You are worth the effort. All of us are. And we should never fear a little hard work. Builds character.

    Good luck to all of you, and me an SB. We are learning a new life. It will not come overnight. ;)
     
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  14. slendablenda

    slendablenda Gold Member

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    Great words as always hun. You always come back when we need you ! x
     
  15. thin_inside

    thin_inside I Can Do This!

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    Hi Poppy

    I am right there with you. Got to goal of BMI 22 but got sidetracked at Christmas and have struggled through the rest of RTM, coping with work overload and family issues, finishing with a BMI of over 28.

    Gutted that I have turned to my old habits as soon as things got a bit tougher - I am more aware of what I am doing, just not able to control it. I have tried using packs on and off, but they ended up being in addition to all the wrong foods so pretty pointless.

    So I have decided to stop what I'm doing before it gets further out of hand and do a months 100% refocus on packs. Currently on day 5 and going OK. It has been a bit of a struggle, but I know I don't want to continue the slide and something drastic was needed. Just four weeks of packs and then a 10 or 20 day reintroduction to food. I didn't really complete the last 6 weeks of RTM so I do need some considered take on reintroducing food, but can't face 12 weeks again.

    I will do this, it will certainly be a struggle up and down, but the important thing is that I will keep battling. I am determined to become a competent weight manager.

    Hope you feeling more positive Poppy.

    Daisy - you too. xx

    BL, SB, FT and everyone else - great advice guys.

    xx
     
    Last edited: 21 February 2010
  16. Jezebella

    Jezebella Playing the Angel

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    Well done TI, so lovely to see you posting again, wishing you lots of luck, not that you need it. Sooooooooooooo nice to see you my friend :)

    Such lovely words from BL and SB. It is hard work this maintaining stuff, and I must admit some days I really want to say stuff it and eat what I want, but that path leads to dark and dangerous places, so I try to reign it back in as soon as I even feel those thoughts developing. The sense of pride I feel afterwards negates any need for the bad things. I know that I will have to work on this for many many years for it to become a subconscious thing. But it took me years and years to become obese. I will keep on fighting my fat girl mentality. My life is so much improved that there is just no going back for me.

    Hope you are doing well Daisy and Poppy, sending you lots of happy thoughts and good wishes.

    Jez
    xx
     
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