On the road again.....
- Thread starter losemenow
- Start date
wowsers. started sole source plus yesterday and already down 4 pounds at least. im just hovering around 14 stone! its amazing how quick it comes off. i think the eating in between actually did me a favour by kickstarting everything!! in ireland this week for from thursday on four days and honestly i will be happy to stay at 13 stone 12 pounds for my next weigh in which will be thursday the 17th of may......... 
lovely to not feel bloated again xxx
lovely to not feel bloated again xxxHi everyone,
(This is going to be a long post!!!!!) Right before people read this, this is not a slating of Cambridge, this is a diary post for me to confront my issues with food in the hope that I will sort my life out!!!!
Soooooo here I am again. Another failure with Cambridge, another breaking down in tears over my eating habits, another panic attack that this will forever be my struggle, another conversation with my boyfriend about how I undo all my hard work in a few days of binging, another couple of hundred quid wasted along with the guilt of knowing it, another series of events avoided because of my inability to control my intake, another bloated belly, another dodgy tummy, another day of sweaty hair and greasy skin, another day of feeling unfulfilled, another afternoon googling how to stop binge eating/ overeating / compulsive eating/ mindless eating (I could go on............................) Another day of looking at my untidy room with no energy to clean it, another morning of sleeping in and running late and not having the time to make myself look half decent for work and therefore feeling like utter crap for the entire day. Another day of worrying if PCOS will take cause me problems when I go to have kids, and dealing with this stress through the one thing that wont help, food. Another feeling of emptiness after the tuna sandwich crisps and choc I had but didn't need at lunch. Another look in the mirror thinking what am I doing to myself. Another night in avoiding the gym and napping. Another weekend spent eating out and eating in! Another week spent hating shopping. Another trip home petrified that my nearest and dearest will look at me and my overweight self thinking will she ever learn.
I could honestly go on with my list of another this... another that... but I wont because by now you should get the picture. Above is what I can only describe myself, as the never ending soul destroying despair of the circle of yo yo dieting. Ive done it all
Cambridge (Twice) Weightwatchers (I gave up counting) Slimming world (3 times) Some weird high protein diet and gym programme where I vomited my way to weightloss (once) Atkins (3 times) India and Neris (3 times)
So yeah what now? Im still well over 14 stone, yes its not morbidly obese but its not healthy, and more importantly it is controlling my life. My weight rules me. I mean truly rules me. Every aspect of my life suffers, my relationship (god bless my saint of a boyfriend) my best friends, my work mates, my social life, my family. EVERYTHING. Tomorrow I fly home to see my family for my nieces communion and all I can think about is food and how to avoid it or should I go all out???? Imagine home to see everyone including my best friend whos just back from a year away and Im thinking about the menu..... I am so frustrated and I am so bloody sick of it.
Now I know this might seem like a very negative post, but actually it's not. Ive been thinking about this post for over a week, but decided to study my eating habits off Cambridge before I do so. It my revelation and my wakeup call of AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH omg this needs to be sorted out. I need to draw a line and give up on the yo yo fad dieting and just sort my bloody lifestyle out. I am a binge eater. I am an emotional eater. I am a compulsive eater. FACT. and unless my diet involves giving up everything, which lets face it is impossible to sustain, I cannot achieve a balance. Thats right unless my diet involves cutting everything out, I cannot lead a balanced lifestyle because I simply have no willpower to choose wisely. If I have choc, my mind says well youve had some now, you might as well have a bad day, screw the gym and I eat not because I need food, but because I can have food which is if you ask me a bullshit way to live and the reason I am gonna end up battling food and addiction for life if I do not cop the hell on.
The crunch point for me was my boyfriend just saying it to me. He just was like wow, even he cant eat that much. He just sat me down and said I love you just the way you, but to watch you undo all your hard work and then be so upset over it is so hard to deal with. And I dunno his words really hit me. Everyone else avoids it. My mum just blames the weather, my period, stress. Ya know she never actually says Jan you have a problem. I studied my uncontrollable eating habits over the past few days, I was very down, hormonal and overall a bit sad. So I ate. A lot. lll give list of my last three days eating
Sunday
Cheese sandwich, two crunchies, homemade burger in a bap, onion rings and chips, a bap, a bottle of wine, a chicken burger and chips and real mccoys
Monday
Ham and cheese roll, a crunchy, a Mexican burrito (large) a bens cookie, prawn tempura portion, 4 large sainsburys white chocolate and orange cookies from their bakery
Tuesday
Cambridge porridge (LOL! I know)
Tuna cheese sweet corn may toastie,. At this point I said sod it youve given up now, screw the gym and being healthy so I continued with walkers, snickers. Oh I then about an hour and a half later went into sainsburys and bought a southern fried chicken wrap. And opened it at bus stop one, but by two it was GONE. I then had a selection of sweets. That evening, I had a thai curry, a portion of rice, a yorkie, a chomp and a bag of real mccoys....
Today
Cambridge porridge
Toastie same as yesterday, bueno and crisps.............
The only difference is now Im stopping. I don't want food anymore today, Ill be surprised if I eat at all. I feel physically and mentally drained from food. The combo of the guilt of eating so much and spending so much wasted money, the bloatedness, the sweat, the greasyness, everything genuinely makes me feel like a disgusting person. And I am so so so over feeling this way. I really am. Im sick of the weighing scales obsession, the lack of energy, everything.
I have a truly amazing life. Great health despite the abuse my body has been put through with my battle with food. (I miraculously have low cholesterol, good blood pressure and good blood sugar levels) I have a fab boyfriend, a fab family, amazing friend and a great career shaping up for me. I cannot believe that the burden in my life, the stress that I carry, the reason behind my tears, my panic and my woes is the one thing that is vital for our existence- FOOD.
Today is the day that I am drawing a line under Cambridge, and every other fad diet, yo yoing and everything Ive been doing wrong for the past.... forever (Ive been overweight all my teen/ adult years) Im done with the empty feeling of sadness over such a stupid thing. Starting right this very second, I am no longer living to eat, right now going forward I am gonna do my hardest to do as intended, eat to live.
Wow actually feel great after writing the above.
Can I just say, by no means is this post slating Cambridge, but for me alas, Cambridge is not the answer to my problem, because unless I change where my head is at, it is only adding to it.
Big love to all. I am starting a new diary in general weight loss forum. Best of luck to everyone.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
(This is going to be a long post!!!!!) Right before people read this, this is not a slating of Cambridge, this is a diary post for me to confront my issues with food in the hope that I will sort my life out!!!!
Soooooo here I am again. Another failure with Cambridge, another breaking down in tears over my eating habits, another panic attack that this will forever be my struggle, another conversation with my boyfriend about how I undo all my hard work in a few days of binging, another couple of hundred quid wasted along with the guilt of knowing it, another series of events avoided because of my inability to control my intake, another bloated belly, another dodgy tummy, another day of sweaty hair and greasy skin, another day of feeling unfulfilled, another afternoon googling how to stop binge eating/ overeating / compulsive eating/ mindless eating (I could go on............................) Another day of looking at my untidy room with no energy to clean it, another morning of sleeping in and running late and not having the time to make myself look half decent for work and therefore feeling like utter crap for the entire day. Another day of worrying if PCOS will take cause me problems when I go to have kids, and dealing with this stress through the one thing that wont help, food. Another feeling of emptiness after the tuna sandwich crisps and choc I had but didn't need at lunch. Another look in the mirror thinking what am I doing to myself. Another night in avoiding the gym and napping. Another weekend spent eating out and eating in! Another week spent hating shopping. Another trip home petrified that my nearest and dearest will look at me and my overweight self thinking will she ever learn.
I could honestly go on with my list of another this... another that... but I wont because by now you should get the picture. Above is what I can only describe myself, as the never ending soul destroying despair of the circle of yo yo dieting. Ive done it all
Cambridge (Twice) Weightwatchers (I gave up counting) Slimming world (3 times) Some weird high protein diet and gym programme where I vomited my way to weightloss (once) Atkins (3 times) India and Neris (3 times)
So yeah what now? Im still well over 14 stone, yes its not morbidly obese but its not healthy, and more importantly it is controlling my life. My weight rules me. I mean truly rules me. Every aspect of my life suffers, my relationship (god bless my saint of a boyfriend) my best friends, my work mates, my social life, my family. EVERYTHING. Tomorrow I fly home to see my family for my nieces communion and all I can think about is food and how to avoid it or should I go all out???? Imagine home to see everyone including my best friend whos just back from a year away and Im thinking about the menu..... I am so frustrated and I am so bloody sick of it.
Now I know this might seem like a very negative post, but actually it's not. Ive been thinking about this post for over a week, but decided to study my eating habits off Cambridge before I do so. It my revelation and my wakeup call of AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH omg this needs to be sorted out. I need to draw a line and give up on the yo yo fad dieting and just sort my bloody lifestyle out. I am a binge eater. I am an emotional eater. I am a compulsive eater. FACT. and unless my diet involves giving up everything, which lets face it is impossible to sustain, I cannot achieve a balance. Thats right unless my diet involves cutting everything out, I cannot lead a balanced lifestyle because I simply have no willpower to choose wisely. If I have choc, my mind says well youve had some now, you might as well have a bad day, screw the gym and I eat not because I need food, but because I can have food which is if you ask me a bullshit way to live and the reason I am gonna end up battling food and addiction for life if I do not cop the hell on.
The crunch point for me was my boyfriend just saying it to me. He just was like wow, even he cant eat that much. He just sat me down and said I love you just the way you, but to watch you undo all your hard work and then be so upset over it is so hard to deal with. And I dunno his words really hit me. Everyone else avoids it. My mum just blames the weather, my period, stress. Ya know she never actually says Jan you have a problem. I studied my uncontrollable eating habits over the past few days, I was very down, hormonal and overall a bit sad. So I ate. A lot. lll give list of my last three days eating
Sunday
Cheese sandwich, two crunchies, homemade burger in a bap, onion rings and chips, a bap, a bottle of wine, a chicken burger and chips and real mccoys
Monday
Ham and cheese roll, a crunchy, a Mexican burrito (large) a bens cookie, prawn tempura portion, 4 large sainsburys white chocolate and orange cookies from their bakery
Tuesday
Cambridge porridge (LOL! I know)
Tuna cheese sweet corn may toastie,. At this point I said sod it youve given up now, screw the gym and being healthy so I continued with walkers, snickers. Oh I then about an hour and a half later went into sainsburys and bought a southern fried chicken wrap. And opened it at bus stop one, but by two it was GONE. I then had a selection of sweets. That evening, I had a thai curry, a portion of rice, a yorkie, a chomp and a bag of real mccoys....
Today
Cambridge porridge
Toastie same as yesterday, bueno and crisps.............
The only difference is now Im stopping. I don't want food anymore today, Ill be surprised if I eat at all. I feel physically and mentally drained from food. The combo of the guilt of eating so much and spending so much wasted money, the bloatedness, the sweat, the greasyness, everything genuinely makes me feel like a disgusting person. And I am so so so over feeling this way. I really am. Im sick of the weighing scales obsession, the lack of energy, everything.
I have a truly amazing life. Great health despite the abuse my body has been put through with my battle with food. (I miraculously have low cholesterol, good blood pressure and good blood sugar levels) I have a fab boyfriend, a fab family, amazing friend and a great career shaping up for me. I cannot believe that the burden in my life, the stress that I carry, the reason behind my tears, my panic and my woes is the one thing that is vital for our existence- FOOD.
Today is the day that I am drawing a line under Cambridge, and every other fad diet, yo yoing and everything Ive been doing wrong for the past.... forever (Ive been overweight all my teen/ adult years) Im done with the empty feeling of sadness over such a stupid thing. Starting right this very second, I am no longer living to eat, right now going forward I am gonna do my hardest to do as intended, eat to live.
Wow actually feel great after writing the above.
Can I just say, by no means is this post slating Cambridge, but for me alas, Cambridge is not the answer to my problem, because unless I change where my head is at, it is only adding to it.
Big love to all. I am starting a new diary in general weight loss forum. Best of luck to everyone.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
WillpowerWoman
Gold Member
losemenow said:
I would like to send you a giant virtual hug. Please know that u r not alone in your struggles, a lot of what you said rings true with myself also and I'm positive we r not the only ones. I with you the best of luck in your future weight loss journey and will check in to ure new diary so c how you are getting on. Xxx
WillpowerWoman
Gold Member
Please let me know where ure Diary us once to gave a new one as would like to c how u r and offer my support x
