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oohhhhh I was CROSS!!!!

#1
I went out into town today,, on the train, and met up with a friend I haven't seen for a few months. When I spoke to her on the phone to arrange it, I told her about LL and what i'm doing (she had already been told I'd lost a lot of weight by another friend, so wasn't overly surprised).

Anyway, when we met up her eyebrows went right up when she saw me, though she made no comment. She then spent all morning telling me that I mustn't loose too much weight, that I must eat something, did I want a cake with my coffee, etc etc etc.

I deflected all the comments, justified (quietly) my decision and carried on with my coffee and water, and then we ended up going for lunch. She got herself a sandwich and crisps and told me all the way through that I would regain the weight when I hit the menopause etc, THEN asked me if I wanted a cake (AGAIN). Erm, NO THANKYOU!

So off she trotted to the counter while I rang my hubby for a silent scream (had texted him so he was aware!)

She returned with TWO CAKES and told me to choose one! I could, at this point, have slapped her. So I eyeballed her, and said very clearly that if she continued to bully me into eating, she would not see me again until I had finished losing my weight. That this is MY life and MY journey and she would NOT undermine me and make me eat. That it had nothing to do with her or anyone else, and to make her choice. She held my gaze until I said "I mean it. I will NOT be forced to eat by you". She then looked away, changed the subject and ate both cakes!!!!!!!

I was shaking, but we parted on good terms and nothing more was mentioned about me eating for the rest of the day.

Oh, did I mention that despite still needing to lose 5 stones, I'm THINNER than her now???
 
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S: 258lb C: 228lb G: 168lb BMI: 35.7 Loss: 30lb(11.63%)
#3
Oh, did I mention that despite still needing to lose 5 stones, I'm THINNER than her now???
And therein, i believe lies the explnation for her behaviour.

Good on you for being so firm. That is the ADULT behaviour we are meant to have.

Wel done Miss B.

I can imagine you were pretty restrained!!! :)

Also, hope your daughters heel is OK?

X
 

bexnkev

Silver Member
#5
Well done Miss B... standing firm isn't always easy :sigh: my Dad is struggling with the fact I'm smaller than him now but sadly, that is his problem, not mine as is the case with your friend too :)
 
S: 17st7lb C: 11st6lb G: 9st0lb BMI: 29.6 Loss: 6st1lb(34.69%)
#7
Miss B very well done on the way you handled that - you're going to meet more people like that in the future so it's great that you can stand your grand in such a manner.
 
#8
who needs a cake when you have got a nut crunch bar???? :D :D :D
sorry. couldnt resist hehe
well done btw :p xxx
 
S: 24st0lb C: 24st0lb G: 18st0lb BMI: 43.1 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#9
LOL @ Kellie!!

Well done btw... its good to have that determination! I struggle when people offer me food but hey, I need to get over it!
 
#10
JEALOUS ooohhhh I hate jealous people...Well done to you for sticking up to her..fe** her, wait until another couple of months and you meet up with her u will be even smaller yiipppeeeeeeee!!!
 
#11
Well done Miss B, people don't understand the battles you've gone through to get to where you are, the battle is in the mind when we can overcome those voices and temptations that come our way we know the rest of the journey will be easy. Keep up the good work and stay strong.:cool:
 

Hedgemag

Cambridge Diet Counsellor
#12
Had to add a post to say WELL DONE! It is those comments that can quite easily push us off the wagon. It's brilliant that you had the strength to tell her straight.

HM
 

toller-girl

constantly confused
S: 12st11lb C: 12st1lb G: 10st10lb BMI: 27.3 Loss: 0st10lb(5.59%)
#13
Wow that's amazing! Firstly that she can be such a total cow (NOT your friend at all!) and secondly, that you dealt with it so well.

Now you know you can cope with a situation like that, you know there is NOTHING you can't handle. Nothing is going to stop you until you hit your goal.

Enjoy what it means, it means you've got what it takes... NOTHING can stop you now!
 
S: 258lb C: 228lb G: 168lb BMI: 35.7 Loss: 30lb(11.63%)
#14
I don't think her friend was intentionally being horrible. It is probably very scary for her to see her friend becoming what she too would like to be but has not yet found the way to acheive that.

If I am honest, there were many times in the past where friends or acquaintences of mine were losing weight, and I found it very painful to watch. I was envious, jealous and scared that I would once again be left behind, the odd one out. I think it is a natural reaction. It didn;t help that they were all already slim to begin with, so it just made it worse that the fat one (me) who should have been the one looking after herself and losing was not.

Deep down inside I reckon she is happy for Miss B, but is feeling very bad about herself. People lash out in different ways.

She deserved to be put in her place - but I would not write her off as not being a friend, or being a cow. I think she is probably a lady hurting inside, just as we once were, and in some cases still are.

I might be wrong, but I can't believe anyone would really want to thwart a friends success - they just are afraid of being left behind and alone. And it makes them take a long hard look at themselves, and they generally don't like what they see - which is a bitter pill to swallow. I have been there, and while I never would say anything negative - I hurt inside. SO maybe that's whats happening?
 

lola123

Silver Member
S: 14st7lb G: 11st5lb
#15
friends

Why do we bother with so called friends. If my friend was embarking on any diet they would receive my support, yet we keep hearing day in and day out of so called "friends" trying to sabotage a way of life (all be it temporary) we have 100% choosen.

I was in LL meeting the other day and we got talking about friends and one of the girls said that her skinny friends were the ones poo pooing the diet yet her big friends who unfortunatley couldn't afford the diet encouaged her no end. We came to the conclusion that after this girl has lost all her weight then her skinny friends would then perceive her as competition. They liked the big girl they were going out with as she was not a threat.
 

toller-girl

constantly confused
S: 12st11lb C: 12st1lb G: 10st10lb BMI: 27.3 Loss: 0st10lb(5.59%)
#16
I see what you're saying Blonde, but whatever her reason she did try to sabbotage something important.

I think during this process we need to start worrying about ourselves more than we used to, and if others are not supportive for whatever reason, we can't afford to let them behave like that.

I've had a nightmare weekend with my in laws, not only trying to persuade us to go out for a meal (and getting stroppy when we didn't) but eating things like danish pastries in front of us, describing their meal in detail etc. All stuff that makes it really hard. I know it wasn't deliberate and they just don't understand, but I have to have some sense of self preservation and that means looking after myself first for a bit.
 
#17
I don't think her friend was intentionally being horrible. It is probably very scary for her to see her friend becoming what she too would like to be but has not yet found the way to acheive that.

She deserved to be put in her place - but I would not write her off as not being a friend, or being a cow. I think she is probably a lady hurting inside, just as we once were, and in some cases still are.
Firstly, Miss B I am so impressed with your assertive answer I have printed it off for future reference. Well done hon.:character00238:

I also agree with BL about the friendship. I have a very dear friend who is excessively overweight and that is one of the reasons we got on so well in the first place because we were the same. We were alway cracking jokes about "does my bum look big in this", and "do you think we will fit into that chair". Although I dont think she will sabotage me I could feel the tension on the phone , and I really felt for her, when I told her I had lost over 2 stone, because we were not the same anymore. I only hope she see will see the light like the rest of us.

Once again that was a brilliant way to handle it and I am sure your friendship will still flourish. You never know you may have pushed her into thinking about what she really does want to do about her weight problem, that would be good.
 
#18
She sounds like a 'frenemy'. Have a look at this article: Do you have a 'frenemy'? - CNN.com
Totally agree with BL on this one. I know I've had to work really hard in the past at congratulating people about their weight loss when really I wanted to die inside as their success just emphasised my own failure. I always managed to croak out a 'you look fab' though, no matter how bad I felt.
 
S: 17st7lb C: 11st6lb G: 9st0lb BMI: 29.6 Loss: 6st1lb(34.69%)
#19
There's someone in my life that is like this and I've found that I do my best to avoid them now - I can't understand why someone who has always been slimish can begrudge you for trying to get to a similar state --- even worse when they are related to you I suppose.
 
S: 15st0lb C: 15st0lb G: 9st0lb BMI: 36 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#20
Well as much as I agree with lola's theory -there are defintiely catty women out there who enjoy lookin good in compariosn to the fatfriend (i.e me) but I agree with Blonde Logic about the lady's friend. I've ben there too -i've been scared and jealous of other ppl losing weight but mostly very happy for them. I can't say I'd behave in the same way but I can almost understand it. I have a friend whoi s very encouraging most of the time -until it comes to to social things like nights out etc -then she sees any deviation from my normal behaviour as a reflection on her night! But she's not like thatnbow since I ex-plained that I was sooooo unhappy with myself. Some ppl just don't know what they're doing.
 




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