(OT) Raging and want to cry

Discussion in 'Slimming World Off Topic' started by Sticky, 12 October 2009 Social URL.

  1. Sticky

    Sticky I will succeed!!!

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    Sorry to post again about weddingy stuff, but I honesty feel like crying right now.

    Who said weddings are meant to be fun? So far, all the 'fun' aspects have somehow gone t*ts up and I'm starting to see why people elope!

    First of all, my Mum upset me when wedding dress shopping by going on about a dress I didn't like over the one I LOVE. And I mean it was along the lines of 'No no no, the other dress was stunning unlike the last dress'. My MIL to be stepped in (she'd been there) and defused the situation when she saw I was about to cry and since, Mum has luckily said sorry about it and that she wasn't feeling herself that day (to be fair she wasn't feeling 100%) etc. Still, I am worried the dress I want is wrong now.

    Second of all (I posted earlier this week about this), I've had to 'sack' a BM who was causing trouble and had totally betrayed my trust. This went reasonably well, but has caused weeks or torment (Sarah Jayne - thanks for the support in this on FB chat hun).

    Now...my sister isn't talking to me! She lives in Australia and is visiting next November for another wedding. As we'd liked the idea of a winter wedding, we said we'd try to have it a few weekends later so they didn't need to travel twice. I didn't make any promises to her and explained it was only a 'maybe'. A couple of weeks ago she put a message on my FB wall saying 'X's wedding is the 6th so can you make it closer to that date - ta muchly'. I was raging - not a 'Hi how're you' or anything...a 'can you book to suit me please'. Gah!

    Anyway, we can't go for the date we wanted (20th) cause two other friends have set dates in the two weeks running up, so for costs (being guests etc) and the fact we'll not have two of our closest friends there, we decided on May 2011.

    I emailed my sister this 5 days ago so she had lots of notice for flights etc. No reply. But her FB status changed to something along the lines of 'well this will be a day of dissapointments'. I emailed her again and said I hoped my earlier email hadn't caused any stress and nothing. She's been online loads in the last 5 days and ignored both of them.

    She's 8 years my senior and had managed to put a dampner on so many important things for me. My GCSE results celebration went wrong cause she didn't like where I picked to go and eat with the family...so she stormed out. A Level results I deliverately went out with friends cause it looked like it would be the same again. My degree graduation - you only get 2 tickets but can apply for more. I asked her if she wanted 2 for her and her hubby as my other sister was coming. She said no, then went ape sh*t about not being 'invited' and sent me a really nasty text an hour before the ceremony...she always manages to do this.

    So I shouldn't be surprised, but I am raging.

    And...Mum just said 'awww well you know X is like this so don't worry, she'll come around.'

    SHE'LL come around? To WHAT? Me and Jim wanting what we want for our wedding? She is such a brat! She's meant to be my MOH and I thought she'd be supportive and sisterly...but I have a feeling she will say won't come now.

    I understand the flights aren't cheap - but it was her choice to move across the world. And Dad paid for her wedding - we're paying for it ourselves so it's not like we're able to just book the next date - we need to save up.

    Argh!

    I feel deflated. Sorry for ranting but I just wanted a nice, enjoyable wedding - am I asking too much?

    :cry::cry::cry::cry:
     
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  3. Morgawr

    Morgawr Silver Member

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    No you are not asking too much, it is your wedding and you should have what you and hubby to be want.

    Not sure what to suggest about sister in australia except to hope that she comes round and see's how upsetting it is for you.

    Anyway big hugs to you
     
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  4. mommyB

    mommyB love it

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    No Sticky, you're not asking for too much. As someone who's been married twice i feel qualified to say that. My 1st wedding was all done to please my parents, she made my dress-i did choose the design and cos they were paying she seemed to think that it meant she had final say,eve once claiming she had canelled the receiption when we had an argument. Not that i'm not gratefull and we did have a lovely day.

    2nd time around my OH and I planned and paid for it all, we went away,we chose who came ( this did include parents of course) and it was fantastic.

    HAve your day your way, through the planning there will be ups and downs and arguments but it will be ok in the end.
     
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  5. jaylou

    jaylou Gold Member

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    Do what YOU both want hun, wear the dress YOU love.
    I can see why people go away on their own and don't bother with everyone else. You end up planning your wedding around family and friends right down to who sits where at the reception and not wanting to upset people by sitting them next to someone they don't particuarly like.
    I speak from experience, my wedding revolved around a lot of other people and I wish I'd gone away to do it (still would have ended in divorce lol but wedding would have been better!)

    Honestly chick, get a bit selfish and do only what you and your OH want. S*d the lot of them!
    Take your best friend wedding dress shopping (not mothers!), if your sister is grumpy, it's her loss, and well done for sacking the thief of a bridesmaid.
    It's YOUR day!! Remember that, it happens once, make it special for you.
     
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  6. jessabelle

    jessabelle needs more willpower!

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    It's your day and you should have everything exactly as YOU want not what everyone else wants. *hugs* Just think when the day comes it will be beautiful and you will be happy.

    But you have made me nervous lol, i've got all this to come!! hehe x
     
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  7. Scarlet Daisy

    Scarlet Daisy Hungry For Life

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    I've been married twice and "fun" isn't a word I'd use about it. The first time my parents paid and called all the shots. The second time I was older, wiser, and we were paying... So it was better but my Mum still found an excuse to cause a drama and get attention.

    Your sister has a history of trying to steal your thunder, so ignore her tantrums and don't feel bad about it (I know that isn't easy). If you pander to her she'll find something else to moan about anyway.

    I'm glad you sacked the BM! :D

    Recently I posted negatively about friends of ours, who didn't consider the guests at their wedding. I stand by the idea that when you invite people somewhere (and they turn up, dressed up and with presents ;)) you owe them some hospitality and good manners. But who you invite, when the wedding is (whether they can make it or not is their problem) and what clothes you wear... Those are things for you and your OH to decide.

    I think so far your problems seem fairly typical. Sorry, but a wedding ( or funeral, or christening) can bring out the worst in people. Try to see it all as part of life's rich tapestry :sigh:.

    On the bright side, you are really pretty, so at least the photos will be great!
     
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  8. leniloo

    leniloo Full Member

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    hello fellow bride to be!

    I can totally relate! our wedding is in 54 days and it has been an uphill struggle but I've tried so hard to please everyone else and at times it has left me in tears! You really need to do what you want to do!

    I had the same with my dress but from my MIL2B, she doesn't like my dress and kept going on and on about another dress - so I just went and ordered it (first dress fitting next week) but she still mentions that she hopes I don't regret it :rolleyes:

    Also SIL2B got engaged a few weeks after us and I felt my thunder had been stolen as it took OH 7 years to ask me and her OH took 18 months! because we wet a date within a year and they haven't - she's constantly told me she is "sick of hearing about our wedding". She is one of my bridesmaid and has found issue with everything. I have bought them everything apart from Shoes, which I've asked the 3 BM to buy themselves and she hated all the ones I suggested. In the end 2 BM agreed so bought theirs (in next sale for £12) but SIL2B still has no shoes and I'm sick of asking her!

    Then comes the Hen Night - MIL2B inviting all her friends who I've never met! and the transporting of the in-laws from the church to the reception - that MIL2B is insisting we must organise and pay for!

    chin up chuck, unfortunately it only get harder! but relax, take a deep breath and just imagion the most important parts...

    wearing the dress YOU love, walking down the airsle to the man who wants YOU in HIS live FOREVER (and you want him in yours) and is proving that infront of friends and family. The moment he turns around and see's you in your BEAUTIFUL dress and the moment you promise to love each each other for the rest of your life!

    The next one is boarding the train/car/plane or taxi to spend time together without all the interfearence with your HUSBAND!

    Good Luck hun - if you need any support, drop me a message!
     
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  9. Sarah-Jayne

    Sarah-Jayne Gold Member

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    Aw hun, its your wedding and you should have it as and when you want it. The dress you showed me is totally stunning and your going to look amazing. If you want it, you get it. It's yours and Jims day so you should have it when ever you want it and you wear what ever you like babe. I think two weeks between weddings is fine anyway!

    I am so glad you stood your ground with the BM mate, she doesnt deserve to be your BM by what u told me.
     
  10. avisk

    avisk xx

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    You've had great advice from everyone else, so all I will add is this basic rule of life:

    You Can't Please Other People!

    Do what makes you happy - and people who really care for you will be happy for you.
     
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  11. judimac

    judimac Mad old Bat with Attitude

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    I agree with all of the above! We gave everyone 3 weeks notice and I arranged it all myself! I don't think we really pleased anyone but ourselves, but we're still married 37 years on!
     
  12. Donnie46

    Donnie46 Slow but sure....

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    We've been married 40 years next week, and we also arranged and paid for everything ourselves, my father had died just 8 months before and my mother hadn't got a lot of money to spare - so we were married on a Monday in Church and had a small reception at the Conservative club where my FIL was the chairman - I was worried it would all fall flat and not be too good, but it was the sweetest little wedding and everyone had a good time, we had enough money left for 3 days in Blackpool for our honeymoon, and it was perfect.

    So you have your own choice of wedding dress, venue, food etc, and think only of yourselves and your day together, after all you are the two people that really matter - you just enjoy each other and your day. X
     
  13. Sticky

    Sticky I will succeed!!!

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    Awww you're all so sweet :)

    I had a proper cry after I posted and feeling much better. You're all right - we have to do what suits us at the end of the day. It's just annoying others don't appreciate that!

    I feel a little happier after your kind words - hopefully my sis will quit being a butt head soon too ;-)

    Love you all xxx

    P.S I've not been able to rep everyone until I spread more love lol xxx
     
  14. JestersTear

    JestersTear Cute, but psycho!

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    I agree with everyone else...

    The important things to remember are this.
    It's your day, it's your dress, it's your venue, it's your date and it's your husband to be - nothing else, and I mean NOTHING else matters.
    At the end of the day, all you need to get married is a licensed venue, someone to do the ceremony, two witnesses and someone to marry. Everything else is extra, yes, even the family!
     
  15. wanna b a yummy mummy

    wanna b a yummy mummy Full Member

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    Hi Sticky

    Just to say my OH and I had lots of interference and family saying this, that and the next thing, but on the day it was the best day of our lives. We went thru the day on a high and couldn't believe it when it was over.

    Whenever you have a 'helpful' family member upsetting you - focus on the moment when Jim will see you come thru the door in the frock you love and then getting to say 'I do'! Best feeling ever!!!!

    Sending big cheery up hugs
    Christine xx

    PS the week before my wedding my in-laws (who didn't help pay for a thing - but made out they did) invited someone who had slept with both my OH and the Best Man to the wedding without consulting us!!!!!!! I reckon everyone's got a horror story or two!

    PPS Maybe you could earn wedding funds my writing a book containing said horror stories - there'd be plenty of them!

    Wishing you all the best
    Cxx
     
  16. craftylucyloo

    craftylucyloo Gold Member

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    Awwww you sound like you've had a really r5ough week! Sisters! I know all about sisters lol! The stories I could tell ya. You do what YOU want hun. xx
     
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  17. Littleslimmingbee

    Littleslimmingbee Gold Member

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    hey gorgeous,
    Its such a shame that all the exciting slightly less stressful bits that are suposed to an enjoyable expierance like picking your dress & setting a date are being ruined by others.
    ((hugs)) Your day is about you, and the man you love. Of course you want your friends and family around you, but i think if those friends and family, no matter how close to you, can't see that its not about them and how they feel that day, i'd rather enjoy the day without being well aware of others dissapointment or annoyances. It would be a real shame if your sister chose not to come to your wedding, and i think selfish also, if you don't mind me saying so. A wedding is a wonderful excuse for all the people you love to be in the same room, celebrating the love and happiness youv found within your partner. One day for you to feel like nothing can touch you, hurt you or ruin your day. To feel beautiful.



    I really hope everything runs smoother for you, and that you enjoy your day and that you get a bit more support leading up to it.


    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Hugs and kisses for you gorgeous. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
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  18. Sticky

    Sticky I will succeed!!!

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    Awww thanks everyone - I do feel better now after a cry last night and a sleep. You're all right - it's OUR day and we'll do what WE want to do. xxx
     
  19. mfinnis

    mfinnis Full Member

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    Hi hun...just like everyone else has said and you have agreed on - do YOUR thing...everyone else gets their chance at their weddings...

    And as for your sister..I would change my fb status to...In light of other peoples opinions - only people that want to enjoy my wedding day with me are invited!!!:love047:

    Its maybe a good job she lives so far away!!

    Don't let ANYONE else spoil your day....if your mum mentions another dress again then politely tell her you respect her opinion but this is something you have always dreamed of and would love to walk down the aisle in the dress of YOUR dreams - not hers!
     
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  20. Mrs V

    Mrs V Loves Life!

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    Aww Hun...just reading this post has brought back a lot of memories from my wedding.
    Firstly...you have seen the dress that you want and that you think suits you better - go with that one. Dont be swayed by other people's opinions...at the end of the day you are going to be spending a few hours in that dress, you want to be comfortable as well as ravishing!
    Secondly, your sister is being a horrible person at the moment....take no notice and she will come around when you stop emailing her asking her what you have done wrong...you have done nothing wrong, you have chosen a date for you, not to suit other people's diaries!
    This is why Hubby and I chose Cyprus. Yes, the invites were sent to everyone, but we knew that not everyone could afford to come. The main people were there and Dad still walked me down the aisle (I got married in Church in Limassol). My In-Laws were there as well as some of my more affluent family members.
    At the end of it all, as everyone has said...it is your's and Jim's Day...you are celebrating a marriage that is special to you, if others want to join in that celebration then thats wonderful, but as long as you and Jim are happy thats all that matters.
     
  21. Wacky Jacky

    Wacky Jacky Size 10 in time for 2010!

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    Hope you're feeling better than you were when you first posted this one? Hope you can look forward to your wedding day again!

    I know only too well how annoying and irritating all the organisation and lead ups to a wedding can be ~ I'm married for the second time, and both weddings came with quite a price to pay, in more ways than just the money costs, I can tell you!

    First time around my now, X-hubby and I ended up running off to Gretna Green in the end! In-laws never really forgave us! Was married for 20 years, and MIL especially still blamed me for not having the planned wedding, whereas it was a decision my X and I had definitely made together! ~ I can laugh it off now, but it took me a long time to get over it all! ~ Whatever the wedding had been like, it wouldn't have changed the fact that we ended up divorced at the end of it all though, I'm sure of that!

    Second time round, seven years ago was quite different, but not without it's trials ............ we've both got grown up children, and we have grandchildren, and we wanted to make sure everyone we wanted to be there was there, and were looking the part so we paid for everything, including having the four daughters as bridesmaids, the son as best man, the three grandsons as paige boys and the five grandaughters as flowergirls, all their outfits etc .......... my mum lives out in Australia, so we had similar "problems" relating to the date, my parents are long-since divorced and so that caused a few problems too, oh yeah, and my divorce papers from my first marriage had to collected by me from the court, in person and submitted with just 2 days to spare before the wedding could go ahead! ...... but at the end of the long, daunting run up to the wedding day itself, it went really brilliant and it was the happiest day in my life, and I reckon it always will be!

    I truly wish you and your fiance, all the best of luck in the world ~ xx
     
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