Perception Alteration - Mild Body Dysmorphia While Dieting

Discussion in 'Bring your Head Inside and your Body will Follow' started by MissAma, 18 February 2009 Social URL.

  1. MissAma

    MissAma Silver Member

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    The perception of the weight loss is nothing short than fascinating and bedazzling to me.

    Personally I seem to have developed a form of MDD (manic depressive disorder) since I commenced. For instance, I think nothing of looking in the mirror at work and think "Gawd do I still look like a pig! There is NO difference between now and 3 stones ago, and I've been starving for ages, what is this all for?!?!" then wash my hands, forget about it, pass by the same mirror minutes later and think "Oh wow, would you look at how sexy I am! I can't believe I am so thin after this short of time!"

    This would be funny if it weren't so sad. I purposely stopped and looked at myself with the intention of making myself think either of the two and lo and behold I can. Depending on what arguments I fabricate, I will accept either of the two opposites view on what I look like for limited periods of time.

    Is this normal with long term dieters? Is it getting better? Is this a form of body dysmorphia afterall?
     
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  3. KD

    KD Gone fishing

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    I dunno, but whatever it is, I have it too :(

    When I look in the mirror, I see about 5-6 stone more than what the scales say.

    I've been like this for many years. Well...except for when I saw myself 8 stone more (and was :D)

    What the scales say, bears no resemblance to what the mirror reflects and it's proving quite a problem for me.:sigh:

    I find that when I'm out, I am constantly looking at people's sizes, not in any critical way, but to superimpose myself over them to see what size I am.

    When I walk through gaps, I tend to look back to gauge the width of the gap to get some kind of perspective of where I am in the line.

    There is no judgement there. No disgust for my own (or anyone else's) size. I would just like to see that person who's lost the weight.

    I sometimes wonder how I keep on track with maintenance since my mind insists I've done nothing to reduce my size, which is probably why I tend to focus on how I feel, how I move, how much more energy I have now.

    Sometimes I want people to tell me I'm their size...just so I can see it, but often they will complain about themselves being 'my' dress size, and ask me about how to lose weight:cry:

    They sound shocked if I tell them what size I am, and usually back it with "but you look smaller!" That doesn't help either, because I know what dress size I am :D

    I just want to get up one morning, look in the mirror and say "wow...you're slim", but it doesn't happen. Doesn't seem to be getting better even after 3+ years of maintenance :(

    Sorry..this is a bit of a downer, but it bugs me and is the one thing that I can't seem to shake off, however much headwork I try to do.
     
  4. KD

    KD Gone fishing

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    Oh, I should add here, that it doesn't mean I hate myself, nor that I am unhappy with losing the weight...would just like to get the pleasure out of actually seeing it :D
     
  5. Lostris

    Lostris Serena's title didn't fit

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    I see something else in the mirror too... When I see pictures I can't believe it's me and in mirror I still somehow see a fat person... :x

    Hope it gets better for me and for you too obviously.. Don't have advice or things to add but just wanted to express how I feel about stuff like this :)

    xxx
     
  6. Lind

    Lind Is feeling the love!

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    I was thinking about this only this morning when I was standing on the scales.

    Before my diet I would stand defiantely in front of the full lenght mirror naked and think to myself "I am a full rounded woman who loves to live her life"

    But we all know that kind of talk is just covering for how you really feel.

    Now though, I can't even look at myself naked in any mirror. Naked I hate myself more than I like myself, I can't see a difference and if anything I think it looks worse because it's getting wobbly.

    When I put clothes on and I can read the size on the label and know it's 2 dress sizes smaller than when I stared I feel good.

    I think what needed is a fat suit made to exactly how you used to be. Then you could put it on and put some of your old clothes on and really feel how you used to be. Then take it off and put your clothes onyou wear now and do the same things and see and feel how different it is and how much really has gone from your body.

    The only problem is unless I win the lottery I will never have my very own fat suit.
     
  7. dehli

    dehli Silver Member

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    I feel that I don't look any different even though I've lost over 3 stone. If anything I look worse because of the wobbly bits. I even keep buying clothes that are too big and I have to take them back! I suppose it will take time for my head to catch up with my body.
     
  8. Ro Laren

    Ro Laren 7st 11lbs down ...

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    I've lost 7 stone and sometimes feel bigger than I ever was. I don't know if it'll be any different after 15.

    Just occasionally there'll be a noticeable difference, such as quicker showering or moving my driving seat forward but mostly I'm just the same.

    The nurse said to me 'The problem isn't your weight, it's your head.'

    Very perceptive of her.
     
  9. little*red

    little*red Don't worry, be happy :)

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    Fantastic post.
    I feel exacly the same, one minute i'll think 'oh yeah i look really quite small today' then i'll look again and feel like I havent changed much at all.
    I also don't understand why i'll focus on positive parts of my body one minute (e.g thinner arms) and then next time I look all I see is negatives (e.g all the remaining flabby bits).

    It seems to be worse when I have little or not clothes on because then I have more to scrutinise.
    I think i'm a bit of a perfectionist and need a lot of work on my head to realise that its not realisic to be a 'perfect woman' but I can make the best version of me that I can.
     
  10. rhuba

    rhuba i really don't know life

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    wow.

    i keep reading, and i keep finding threads that are me! it's incredible and extremely inspiring to know that i'm not alone, and other people have weird thoughts like i do too!

    i suppose what has been said describes a typical 'fat' day and i get them all the time. it's really bizarre but thank you for sharing. i'm going to try and focus on the good parts of my body, instead of the bad.

    cheers guys x
     
  11. Demaris

    Demaris Silver Member

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    This is a very good thread, I suppose if you tip its on its head and you suffer from anorexia, you often see a fat person.

    I find when I look in the mirror, and over the years my mirrors have got smaller and smaller, I only see what I want to see. I focus on my eyes, my make up and ignore the rest of me. I guess because I am in denial. It hurts to much to see what I have become. I won't have full length photos of me taken, when I do I delete them, I wear lose clothing, and 'pretend' im happy.

    But even looking back at those pics I have on my profile of when I was slimmer, I still think I was fat (hence the head shots).

    Something has conditioned me to think this way about myself, even when I don't have a problem, so therefore i reinforce this thought by bringing the physical right up to where my brain is (ie put on weight).

    I think the best thing I can do for myself when I reach my goal, is to have lots of pics taken and keep reminding myself of what i look like. :)
     
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  12. angie-bum

    angie-bum Gold Member

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    I was 17 stone and when I got down to 14.7 I felt fab! now I am just under 13 and I feel really fat again. But I know this from old, I used to feel fat when I was 12 stone & I remember when I was 11 stone and ultra skinny still wanting to lose another 5 lbs.....but! I can get into size 12/14 trousers, so I won't be churlish and complain, I scrub up okay now and am trying to be content with my new figure, which I would have killed for this time last year =)

    13 stone is better than 17, just have to keep reminding myself
     
  13. Silence

    Silence Bouncing back

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    I'm like this too. One minute I'm looking in the mirror and grinning because my 3 stone loss has started to be noticeable and the next I'm sobbing because I feel fatter than ever and I'm never gonna be able to lose weight.

    The worst contrast is feeling like I look good in the mirror and then seeing a photo which makes me look like a fat pig and knowing that more flattering pictures have been taken when I was 3 stone heavier!
     
  14. Purple Hugs

    Purple Hugs Loves weight.. training!

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    I think I've always suffered from this, since my teens. I was just talking in the 'can you see yourself thin' thread about feeling fat as a teen, but now I look at photos and no way was I fat..

    In my early 20's I felt fit.. I was fit, I was in the TA, swam every lunchtime, ran, exercised and lifted weights.. thought I was fit and gorgeous... but was 12 stone (at 5'3").

    Then.. well I felt great when I got down to 11.5 stone in my mid 20's (after realising I was putting on weight) and a size 14.

    Weight slowly climbed witout me noticing till I realised in a mirror one day that I was the short fat women in the mirror!! :eek: I was 17 stone 4lbs... I had no idea honestly! sounds stupid I know but it's the truth.

    Now I'm back down into the 13 stone range but still feel fat. Starting back on CD at 15 stone 4lb I felt HUGE bigger than I did at 17st. I had to remind myself I had managed to keep off that final 2 stone.

    I assess women I see.. constantly, you know you scan a room to see if you're the fattest.. I wouldn't go swimming for years as feared being the fattest, and when I did.. I wasn't!! :p
    I can't count the number of times I've said to my husband 'do I look like that' and he assures me the woman I'm talking about is MUCH bigger than me.. and honestly sometimes I can see that myself but don't accept it.

    My height has been another area that I've come to realise how short I am.. I hadn't given it much thought, it was at the start of CD this time that my neighbour who is on CD with me measured me on her door frame.. then I realised how short i was when I stepped away from the door frame. :( I think honestly this has helped me realise I DO need to be slim.. that I am short and that I can't carry the extra weight.

    I can see changes now - sometimes.. but not all the time. I look forward to seeing more and more! :D

    I really hope that I can cope with my own mind games when I get to goal, it is comforting, in a selfish way, to know that I'm not alone and that we all seem to have these issues.
     
  15. Lind

    Lind Is feeling the love!

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    I went out with my husband and my son yesterday and we took the camera with us. My husband took a fantastic photo of me, the best in years, and I could see the difference and I knew that I was looking slimmer and happier.
    But then, as soon as we got home and I caught myself in the bathroom mirror I was back to square one and thinking I was still huge and still had so far to go.
    I keep going from thinking I am starting to look good to thinking I am stupid for thinking that because I have still such a way to go.
    I think it also makes me sound selfish because this diet is now starting to take over my husbands life as well as mine.
     
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  16. little*red

    little*red Don't worry, be happy :)

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    Purple Hugs this happened to me last Friday too. Hubby and I were in the bank and this really small girl walking in and I though 'omg shes tiny' in my head and then i asked hubby if i was taller than her and he said that I was about the same height if not smaller :eek:!
    Isn't it stange how we see ourselves one way but other see something competely different (the reality).

    Also totally agree that being a shorty myself that when your smaller the weight shows so much easier even if i got to 7st odd my bmi would still be above 20.
     
  17. Purple Hugs

    Purple Hugs Loves weight.. training!

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    See.. now 2" between us yet my mind goes 'ooh 7 stone.. that's tiny'! lol
    My mother in law was taller than me and 7 stone and not a stick of flesh on her, so it's in my head that 7 stone = skinny.. but in reality it's not going to be if it's a 20 bmi for you!

    I worked with 2 other girls for a while, one was 5 foot tall the other 5'2.. we must've looked really funny! I nipped in recently to have a natter and catch up and the taller of the two has put on a bit of weight and it's really obvious. They were both like :eek: you've lost loads of weight! lol I guess that's the good thing, when we lose it we notice it sooner :)

    Good luck with your journey! :D
     
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  19. Lind

    Lind Is feeling the love!

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    I am only an inch taller, but it does show so quickly when you're short. I never used to have a problem with being short because I used to wear killer heals all the time but then I got big and I couldn't wear the heels any more. So I think us shorties do have to be smaller just to look normal.
     
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