PLEASE let this be the last time....

Discussion in 'Exante - Diaries' started by Nova, 23 September 2010 Social URL.

  1. Nova

    Nova Full Member

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    Hey:wave_cry:

    I was just thinking this morning that if I added up all the weight I had lost on various VLCD's since 2005, I would probably be a healthy weight by now :sigh:.

    ANYWAY... I Started Exante on Monday, and wanted to come and say Hi. I have previously done Liptorim, CD, All about W8, CD lol you get the picture. What attracted me to Exante this time was the price to be honest, oh and the online thing, I'm fed up of going to the GP begging and feeling like a faliure with CD counsellor etc. I don't do well with appointments etc, I have anxiety issues and things like that put stupid amounts of pressure on me, that is totally irrational of course, like anxiety itself.

    So this time it's just me, and no one to answer to but myself. My OH is fed up of hearing about VLCDs, just smiles and nods, and hands over the money so he doesn't get accused of not being supportive!!

    We have moved to the other end of the country with OH's work, it has been a hard old slog, MiniNova has had trouble settling in school (he is autistic, in mainstream with no statement as yet, ie a bloody nightmare), HubbyNova has had just as much trouble settling in with his new work, and I've been trying to hold everything together....and have been sinking fast...

    So it's time to get some sort of control back.. I've been binging since July and was getting scared by how reckless I was being.. I was just eating and drinking complete and utter rubbish! I was feeling out of control with everything, so need to get some control back and fast...

    Day 4 today, and I'm not really struggling, I've done it that many times I know what the score is. I usually get to 1st 10lbs off and then fall off the wagon for some reason, have no idea why, but it seems to be a massive psychological barrier for me. I was soo aggitated last night in bed, I was sat thinking and it suddenly dawned on me that I have no Idea how to relax, comfort or even placate myself without food and drink. Really sad and quite scary.

    If I am going to suceed this time, I need to explore these feelings, and I am hoping to do this here. I hope by exploring them I can help myself and maybe others, and try and figure out just why I do this, and find strategies to help me live a healthier lifestyle, not only physically, but mentally aswell...

    Call it my own therapy :),

    Hope you will join me for my ride :))
     
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  3. Lisaberry

    Lisaberry Silver Member

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    Good luck! I know how you feel with the hoping it's the last time thing.

    Don't think about all the other times, this is all about now! I'm looking forward to seeing you posting that you've lost 1 stone 11!!
     
  4. rose1987

    rose1987 reaching my goal

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    Im also a re-starter , this is the last time im doing a vlcd i want a relationship with food but i want it to be healthy . so im doing exante to give me a head start ! Good luck and you will get past your barrier !
     
  5. FattyMcBigbum

    FattyMcBigbum Gold Member

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    I can relate to about 90% of your post. I also have an autistic child, who's in a mainstream school but luckily her statement was rushed through.

    I also suffer with anxiety and seriously struggle to be out in crowded places. I haven't been able to do anything social on my own for years.

    Good luck with your restart. Fingers crossed for you xx

    P.S I'm around every day if you ever want to vent =)
     
  6. JoanneM

    JoanneM Gold Member

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    Good luck with it.

    The best thing about Exante IMO is this forum. Theres always someone around to make you feel better when youre struggling.
     
  7. colly strings

    colly strings ooh la la

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    best of luck on your journey this time nova, have you got a long way to go?x
     
  8. Nova

    Nova Full Member

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    yes Colly, a LONG way to go, about 10st to be really slim, but I have never been slim and don't wish to be tbh, so I'm hoping to loose about 7 this time.

    The most I have lost in the past is 4st 8lbs on CD, that was in late 2007. I started late Sept and stormed through to xmas.....I even stayed SS whilst MiniNova was in hospital with pneumonia- even with all the stress/boredom that accompanies a hospital stay. So I can be focused, and I can do it. Then our boiler broke and we were put up in a really nice hotel by our landlord for a week, meals included, and it all went tits up!

    I have been hungry this afternoon, first time since starting this time around, I had a bar at lunchtime and it really didn't satisfy me at all. Not too keen on them, but they're not disgusting, and perfectly palatable. Infact all of it is OK but non the less different to CD, a lot milder and more creamy. Creamy is good!

    Hello to everyone else and thankyou for the warm welcome! Mcfattybumbum..I may just need to find you to whinge now and again! Nice to talk to someone who knows the score re: MiniNova x

    Have a good evening everybody...eyes on the prize and all that!!;)
     
  9. Nova

    Nova Full Member

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    hahaha Lisa I didn't even get your name nearly right did I!! lol sorry, I'm rubbish at remembering them, I do that alot, you will all get used to it i'm sure!
     
  10. FattyMcBigbum

    FattyMcBigbum Gold Member

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    LOL no worries =)

    That's a fantastic loss on CD. Here's to doing it again! x
     
  11. gil7044

    gil7044 Full Member

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    Hey Nova...you're not alone in returning...me too. Started back on Tuesday after a horrible weekend when someone really close to me made a comment about my weight. So hurt. Honestly had decided to start the ball rolling anyway, and like you, I'm doing this for me and no one else. Yesterday wasn't a good day but today is better.

    I so understand the need to have a good relationship with food, and again like you, I want to get to a weight that I'm happy with and hover there while enjoying food again. That would be wonderful.

    Good luck and stick in!

    Gx
     
  12. missbiker

    missbiker Silver Member

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    Good luck Nova!
    I agree, Joanne, about the forum :gen126:.

    WE CAN DO IT !!!

    Onwards and downwards ladies (& gents ;) )

    x
     
  13. Nova

    Nova Full Member

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    Can this go in diaries please? don't know how to change the title of the thread :- 0
     
  14. rose1987

    rose1987 reaching my goal

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    Good luck nova !
     
  15. FattyMcBigbum

    FattyMcBigbum Gold Member

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  16. simples

    simples Full Member

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    Good Luck Nova. I know how you feel about not being able to placate yourself.
    I am now on anti depressants because life just gets on top of me....time we learned how to look after ourselves, not just everyone else!
     
  17. Nova

    Nova Full Member

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    thanks FMBB and Starlight for the link...

    Simples I tried AD's a couple of years ago (citalopram) to try and sort my anxiety out, but I balooned in weight and used to sweat profusely. I have really thin hair and it was wet with sweat if I got off the sofa! It really put me off, I'm big but I'm not an unattractive woman, and it really got me down.. I do take beta blockers though, but only on an as needed basis when I get giddy. They help loads.

    Well day 5 today, feeling a bit brighter this morning, even managed to wash my hair and put some mascara on before the school run , which has made me feel a lot more positive.

    Am still hungry this am, so not sure if am in Ketosis yet.. does it take longer on Exante because of the higher calorie content?

    Have a good positive day everyone... I'm off to Argos and to look round a Gym eek:-> I want to see if the swimming pool is up to scratch, because the local council one is grim, it smells of wee...
     
  18. colly strings

    colly strings ooh la la

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    i have about the same way to go nova, i'm hoping to lose 8-9 stone long term. it's hard to think of light at the end of the tunnel, i have so much self doubt and i self sabotage all the time!!
    i dont think exante takes longer to get into ketosis usually...just depends on the person. i was in ketosis on day 3 before i lapsed x
     
  19. FattyMcBigbum

    FattyMcBigbum Gold Member

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    Ewwww thank pool sounds rank, I don't blame ya for looking elsewhere.

    I had a bad experience with citalopram too, they made me even more depressed. I came extremely close to taking my own life. I stopped the day after and would never touch them again. Can't say I noticed any weight gain personally, but I suppose they affect people in different ways. I'm supposed to be taking pro-zac now but stopped them to do this diet. Maybe it was food that made me feel low cos I feel happier now, than I have on any pills.

    I don't know about ketosis taking longer, I just know it took about 4 days for it to come with me. I'm sure it'll be here soon for you too xx
     
  20. Nova

    Nova Full Member

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    HubbyNova had a stint on Citalopram in 2007 after he had a breakdown :cry: They nearly finished him off, so it's funny you should say that Lisa. Thankfully he is much better, but has a tendancy to get down and be negative, hence me needing to be healthy to keep things ticking along nicely. I never ever want to go back there again with him again!

    I'VE ONLY GONE AND JOINED THE BLOODY GYM!

    It was no joining fee so I just bit the bullet and did it before I had time to talk myself out of it! I'm only going to swim for a month or so, to ease myself back into things, going to take it steady this time. I binge with absolutely everything in life, including excersize when I get into it, so need to make a concious effort to take it easy.

    Got a headache but think it's just excitement lol.

    Going for a swim when MiniNova is in bed!
     
  21. FattyMcBigbum

    FattyMcBigbum Gold Member

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    Awesome! I recently cancelled my subs to a gym cos it was too far away. I've found one closer to home that has no contract and is actually cheaper! No pool though :(

    Have fun at the gym, let us know how it goes! xx
     
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