Ramblings of a Fish out of water

Discussion in 'Exante - Diaries' started by fayfe, 19 August 2012 Social URL.

  1. fayfe

    fayfe Silver Member

    Well I decided if I'm going to do this properly again I may as well have a diary again so here goes...

    Just a bit of history for those of you that haven't had to suffer me. I've been on and off Exante for the last two years, both times I've been convinced to come off it once I've lost a couple of stone and have generally maintained the weight I was at.

    Next year I have 2 weddings, both of which I'm bridesmaid for - luckily one of them I'm in charge of dresses for and the other she knows better than to put us in hideous dress. Alas for both weddings I am currently the biggest, so that is the primary reason for the slim down on a VLCD.

    Reason number two as highlighted by my mother last night that my health isn't exactly improving the more weight I'm putting on and she's genuinely worried.

    And also of course there is the vanity reason. Don't get me wrong I've never been super skinny and I don't want to be super skinny as a result of this diet, I'd be quite happy being a really curvy 14 again or a super curvy 12.

    However, what with not working this summer I managed to whack on 8lbs again within three weeks as again eating just for something to do - I mean how stupid can you get...especially when you consider I weigh myself twice a day anyway so I know it's stupid.

    So presently I'm in the use up packs phase and have a mix of Cambridge (which I got off a friend once she'd finished her journey) and the last of my Exante packs from last time round - best use them up before buying more even though they're not my favourites.

    Thursday is weigh in day for week 1 of the 2 weeks of Cambridge that I'm doing - although I'm not convinced, yesterday I felt horrific - migraine (prone to those anyway) and constant rumblies, so if I lose anything on the Cambridge packs I will be very surprised. But still only a week and a bit left then I get to go back onto the Exante packs (woo!)

    In saying that I think it's much easier to do a VLCD when you're occupied with work, so when I'm back in work in two weeks time and distracted by the prospect of HMI and marking to do I should be fine again - just atm it's a pain in the rear.

    Ok step 1 is to make it until the end of September when I have the London Tattoo Convention to go to and there's no way I'm staying on plan then so that'll be my weekend off in 6 weeks time - plus when you've got 8hrs of tattoos to get through its not the best idea to be on a VLCD.

    Anyway if you managed not to fall asleep during my ramblings congratulations. Roll on Thursday...
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  3. Ibocska

    Ibocska Member

    Good luck! I agree, it is much easier when u are at work. Unfortunatelly, I'm at home with two litle one. Good luck again :)
  4. fayfe

    fayfe Silver Member

    Countdown to weigh in 1: 3 days

    Mode of distraction for this morning is transfer the fish to the bigger tank and plan my packs for the rest of the week - I find it easier writing down which ones I'm having each day rather than just go into the cupboard and pick one.

    Ok so new plan - I'm just about to have my first shake of the day and the plan until Thursday is to fill myself up with water until about 11 then have my packs later on in the day as this is when I seem to be getting the massive stomach rumbles (a issue I only seem to have with the Cambridge packs)

    This afternoon's jobs - clean the house, look into getting some roller skates, have a look at the gym membership offers, hunt for some bio oil offers and ring up the spa about some universal contour wraps. Personally I really like the contour wraps and while I do get some loss from the home kit nothing compares to the spa treatment ones, plus as I mentioned I have the LTC at the end of September and it's just helps my skin feel better which is good as I like to have my ink on show that weekend and I'll go with anything that makes my thighs a little less wobbly.
  5. fayfe

    fayfe Silver Member

    Monday afternoon musing...

    Why is it people feel the need to comment of things that literally have nothing to do with them? I just about let my mother off with it what with her spawning me and all but other people really what I do with my body is nothing to do with you.

    Whether it's the inking, the pinup/retro styling or my weight choices people just need to learn to back off, if I wanted a lecture about my choices I'd ask...Fish rant over x
  6. fayfe

    fayfe Silver Member

    Not far out of London, you?

    They don't hurt trust me I will have 27 come the end of next month - all going to plan, with only having 2 out of the three currently booked :)
  7. fayfe

    fayfe Silver Member

    Aye this is true you do have to travel to find a good artist as a general rule - sure he's doing his research though :)
  8. fayfe

    fayfe Silver Member

    Countdown to weigh in 1: 2 days

    Still not feeling like I've lost anything with the Cambridge packs but I'm being good and not weighing myself everyday saving it for Thursday this time (it's killing me trust me I'm a multiple time a day weigher normally), so I guess all will be revealed then.

    Today's job is housework and sort out some paperwork - so again not another hectic day. Really do need to think about building some exercise into my life before I go back to work in a 2 weeks otherwise I won't do it at all - so I'm thinking on payday I'm going to have to invest in a pair of skates, although I'm constantly on my feet in work which is a bonus.

    So I'm on my third load of washing and slowly working my way through the first two litres of water for the day, my beautiful new shoes have arrived (yay) so I may do the housework in those just for fun :)

    I'm sure I'll ramble some more later but for now best get on with some housework, ta ta x
  9. fayfe

    fayfe Silver Member

    So I was thinking about a mini goal while I was cleaning today and I'd really like to be in the 13s by the convention at the end of September so that means starting at 15st 5lbs at the moment I need to lose at least 1 st 6lbs to break it in roughly 6 weeks...really hoping this is doable this time round but only time will tell...with that in mind I have a new ticker on my signature to see if I meet that goal.
  10. fayfe

    fayfe Silver Member

    Countdown to weigh in: 1 day

    So weigh in day is tomorrow and is going to be a super busy day.

    Today is wardrobe sort out day and ironing - my wardrobe is an epic mess and DP is having a sale so I need to clear some room to justify getting anything online (really need to stop shopping) To be honest when I lose some more weight I'm going to be really sad to see some of my items go as I love them, but onwards and downwards must happen so it's logical progression however ASOS curve has been a good friend to me and my rather large chest (lol!)

    Yesterday over the day after I sat and worked it out I had 8 litres of water - just because I was up for a really long time, 19 hours or something and was sipping through the day, not something I'd normally do as I do think you can have too much water and you can alter your electrolytes so I think I'll have to monitor how much I'm drinking and cut it off at a certain point.


    Got to pop into work and sort my room out (popping some books into work, organising, pick up timetable) then I'm meeting the girls for lunch at the pub - of course my lunch will be sparkling water and then a shopping trip, very excited for the new Dita Von Teese lippies (will report back on how good they really are) and seeing some of my other girls for dinner for which I'm cooking but not eating.

    So because tomorrow is such a busy day I'm having to do some prep work today. Tomorrow night the girls are getting Sailor Jerry Turkey Meatballs and a Cobb salad - so I'm just doing the spice mix and going to leave the turkey over night to take in the flavours of that, just as well I don't feel the need to eat really!

    Bar that I have no plans for the bank holiday, anyone doing anything interesting???
  11. fayfe

    fayfe Silver Member

    Weigh in #1

    So I've lost 7lbs over the last week - bit gutted as I know I can lose more in my first weeks, oh well off to work for a bit. Onwards and downwards.
  12. fayfe

    fayfe Silver Member

    Good point think I was just in one of those moods with the results coming out yesterday but I managed to get my 90% A* to C to I'm a happy bunny as were the kids.

    Unfortunately the celebrating in the pub garden with my massive bottle of sparkling water the Irish skin decided it wanted to burn so I'm feeling that today :(

    Well 13lbs in another 5 weeks is only 2.6lbs a week so it's managable which is the bonus, really really really need to get some exercise in though.
  13. fayfe

    fayfe Silver Member

    Countdown to weigh in #2: 5 days

    So the sunburn still aches but at least I'm feeling slightly better now after getting more water in my system.

    Unfortunately this afternoon is rapidly turning into a buy myself presents afternoon, oopsy! I was meant to be looking for work clothes but clearly this has turned into raiding MAC products and shoe hunting. Tonight's plans are to veg on the sofa for a bit, ordering some tooth whitening strips and get the rest of my water down me.

    I think I'd like to aim for another 7lbs this week as that would be ideal what with it being my last week off before going back to work, but we shall see in time...
  14. fayfe

    fayfe Silver Member

    Countdown to weigh in #2: 4 days

    Luckily the sunburn isn't trying to kill me through dehydration today so I'm feeling much better and having a bit of a clean up, both of house and of me, just slathered the digusting things at the end of my legs with body butter to try and soften them as six weeks in flip flops and jelly shoes has taken its toll - Oh and I really need to think about getting some more packs as I'll run out shortly if I'm not careful, this time back fully on Exante although I do think the 2 weeks on Cambridge packs will have helped to kick start it.

    Just keep swimming...today I feel like I am swimming in water I've drank so much in the last week or so. I think the new plan is to maintain the amount of water I am currently drinking until Tuesday night then halve it for Wednesday (day before weigh in) to see if I do infact retain water before my WIs.

    Last time I was on here I said I was investigating doing Arasys - or as I like to call it 'Lazy sit ups'. Basically Arasys is an advanced slendertone belt I guess (bet they'd love me saying that!) So the place by me says:

    - Sessions only 17 minutes.
    - Works on specific problem areas.
    - Lose approximately 9 inches in just 3-4 Weeks.
    - Takes 17 minutes - each treatment is equivalent to 300 situps or 400 buttock raises.

    So I can get one 30 minute session for £23 or 10 x 30 minute sessions for £180, maybe something to think about, more realistically I'd probably do one session then see if I liked it and go from there. Universal Contour wraps in the salon were another option at £60 each or a set of 3 treatments for £160. Clearly these are expensive treats, something I would have to ponder as I'm trying to save at the minute for Fiji and a house deposit - arggh stress!

    Ah well no doubt I'll post another rambling to myself later.
  15. fayfe

    fayfe Silver Member

    Fish in a funk...

    Really feeling a bit meh this evening, don't feel supported at all that's in every respect - so much for having a positive day.
  16. fayfe

    fayfe Silver Member

    Still in a funk going to see if going to bed helps any.

    Presently I'm in that vile a mood I'm wondering why I'm bothering again - hence going to bed before I try to sabbotage my diet.
  17. fayfe

    fayfe Silver Member

    Countdown to weigh in #2: 3 days

    Ok so I didn't commit dietary suicide but I'm still in a bit of a funk. Slowly but surely getting irritated by people (mainly family members) refusing to accept who I am - I like to get tattooed it doesn't change me as a person. I don't have them out in work so it doesn't impact on how I am seen there, although most staff know I am, it's not appropriate to have them out during that time. However, when I get home I don't expect to be judged...judged on my weight, judged on my appearance, basically everything.

    I do a job that I like but don't love because I don't want to disappoint my family by following the career that I want to, always expected to be the responsible one. Sidenote my sister is tattooed but they don't care about that and she isn't judged, in fact she's completely irresponsible, but still for some reason she is golden child.

    Anyway you guys didn't really need to know my inner demons but hey ho, feels a bit better to get it written down for myself.
  18. fayfe

    fayfe Silver Member

    Countdown to Weigh in: 2 days (I think)

    In a slightly better mood this morning, fresh week and all that. Pack on the Exante packs today so it's going to be a Cambridge/Exante mix week for the weigh in on Thursday - while I liked the majority of the flavours Cambridge had I didn't enjoy the fact that I was consistently hungry on them, something I know I don't get on Exante.

    Bonus of last week I went back into the 14s so I'm only 13lbs away from my end of September mini challenge - also my stomach feels a bit smaller. I may need to buy stocks in Bio oil and Palmers though at this rate though as I'm becoming obsessive about stretch marks and trying to reduce the appearance of them (I know they'll never go completely).

    I done some more rambling last night and here's the outcome:

    What you want and what you get (damned if you do, damned if you don't)...

    I apologise for all my ramblings first off but I figure it's the best way of me ranting and I'm pretty sure comparing against other posts I've read and past experience on here very few people are actually paying attention to my diary anyway. Plus I'm in a bit of a venty mood as work have utterly screwed me over.

    What I want...in a nut shell, just to be happy and accepted (a theme of my posts of late) I don't expect people to necessarily approve of what I do but just tolerate it is part of who I am. Recently seems that people want to make me feel ashamed about being myself. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends but I don't need the you don't have to diet you're beautiful just the way you are - thanks, easy for you to say you're not the single fat friend at every event and even when they are single I stick out like a sore thumb anyway.

    So basically damned if I do, damned if I don't...an analogy I can put to most aspects of my life.

    Key areas to vent/open up on:

    1)Weight - I'll hands up admit I have used food as a comfort, and I will quite happily admit that I have used it to be self destructive. The self destructive part usually comes in when stress occurs in another aspect of my life and I decide that I don't like how I look/noone cares anyway so I may as well just shovel it in and feel temporarily 'full' in my life.
    2)Relationships - Probably the most self destructive part, I actively push men that get close to me away. I could be quite happy and settled in a relationship presently but then the panic button goes off and that's it I decide they can do better (partly stemming from an ex not wanting to be seen in public with me for a good year of the relationship towards the end)
    3)Work - I live to work not work to live. As I touched on earlier this really isn't the career I wanted to do but not wanting to disappoint this was the safer and more reliable option.

    I really doubt anyone will take anything away from this posting but if you do great.

    Will I ever truly be happy? Probably not, but I can give it my best shot...

    Back to Monday...

    Basically that what was on my mind last night, VLCD can be very lonely things and I guess everything was on top of me. Right best go drink some water and get rid of the majority of it done earlier in the day - as much as I love getting up at 3am!
  19. fayfe

    fayfe Silver Member

    Thanking thee. I feel better today anyway, just thought I should post my ramblings from yesterday as I felt pretty bleh over the weekend but I see your point lovely.

    Although I particularly like the warts and bad breath comment - better than that he's really let himself go, joys of him turning 30 and thinking he can pull off the long biker hair and beard, he can't mwahahaha.

    Sometimes you just need someone to tell you you're being rediculous and to get on with it, which is what I think I needed over the weekend. As such the Irishness has kicked in and I'm back to being me :D
  20. fayfe

    fayfe Silver Member

    Mmmm Dave Grohl, Foos make me happy :)

    Oh no if he had the joy of still being with me there's not a hope in hell he'd look like that.

    I may just sprite around the garden like a leprechaun this afternoon as I have veggies to pull up, although the temptation to buy more shoes looking at the clouds is weighing slightly more. Still few more days til WI on Thurs and payday is after so I can get my bumper box sorted again - and may have a body wrap on Friday as it's back to work on Monday *sighs*
  21. sarahevans

    sarahevans Silver Member

    Sounds like a plan :) why don't you pick veggies first then purchase shoes :) x

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