Raquel's daily diary.......my new life starts here!

[Katycakes]

Great to see you back honey.

xxx

 

[aussieraquel]

Thought I better check in. All going ok at the oment, basically just taking each day as it comes and trying to get though as best as I can, sticking and getting back on wagon harder than I thought, especially when I feel at times I am battling this on my own. Got through today virtually pick free, not enough water though hard to up my intake when work is so hectic, I barely have time to even go to the toilet at the moment. Feeling hungry so bout to make my dinner, hoping it will take my craving for something naughty away, cos I am close to caving but really want to get through today sticking to this. Loving reading everyones diaries, helping me a lot to stay focused.

 

[Katycakes]

Good to see you posting Raquel... you are never alone if you post on minis, we are all here for you. Most of my support over last 6 months has come from minis, and I know I wouldn't have made it this far without the forums... chin up and keep posting and you will find the support you need.

Hugs.

xxx

 

[aussieraquel]

Got through yesterday ok. Feeling a lot more positive today and a bit more determined to stick to this. Goal for today is to up my water half a litre and a coffee so far. Want to stick to 810 100percent today, no picking! I know I will feel so much better if I do. Eating wise, 3 shakes and I think I will have veg and chicken for tea, I have been living off tuna salad since I become cd, dont wanna turn myself off it. Fingers crossed to a pick free - full of water day.

 

[LellyCD]

Got through yesterday ok. Feeling a lot more positive today and a bit more determined to stick to this. Goal for today is to up my water half a litre and a coffee so far. Want to stick to 810 100percent today, no picking! I know I will feel so much better if I do. Eating wise, 3 shakes and I think I will have veg and chicken for tea, I have been living off tuna salad since I become cd, dont wanna turn myself off it. Fingers crossed to a pick free - full of water day.

hi racquel, me too with the Tuna, had it nearly everyday for 3 months and now i've had to start having something else cos although i love it, i don't want to ruin it for myself! I am back on 810 at the moment and picking control can be hard but is so worth it!
Well done on getting back on track after your hols too! I hope you liked Egypt I went to Sharm last summer (pre cd) and the hol photo's were a big turning point for me as they weren't pretty!! Enjoyed it there though, the weather was amazingly hot ...so we pretty much hung out by the pool or beach as it was too hot to do much else....oh to be back there now!!!

Good luck for your water and being pick-free today!!!

xx

 

[aussieraquel]

Egypt was awesome, I did I tour from cairo to aswan, the felucca on the nile, luxor, then hurgharda then back to cairo. Was brilliant! Day going well so far,...sticking to it.

 

[aussieraquel]

This diary seems to be a diary of my failings and its really starting to get me down. Im going to be honest and list all my thoughts here, maybe trying to articulate how im feeling may help me understand what is going on. Basically I am beginning every day with good intentions, I know how good thin feels. I also know that I am not happy with my image now, but am aware that I do have a negative self image as my cdc tells me, but I always have for as long as I can remember, on natter what size I am. By the afternoon I seem to crave everything I shouldnt so I cave and eat it. I am aware of what I am doing, and tell myself will be back on tomorrow, also once I start the downward spiral, I eat as though I am never going to eat this sort of food again, like it is my last supper. I would love some advice as I Am close to goal and it is really me consciously sabotaging myself and I am not sure why? Am I scared to let go of the cd safety net?

 

[Katycakes]

I think that as long as you have low self-esteem or a poor self-image this could go on happening. It has been the same for me in the past, & something I still struggle with. It's as if I binged in past because I didn't think I deserve to be thin. A part of me still doesn't think I deserve it. Also in some way I imagine people will ask more of me when I am slim, and that scares me because already I feel out of my depth.

Reading that back over & reading what you've said, it strikes me both of us could do with some help to turn this around. People on the threads have mentioned CBT & NLP etc and I have shied away because I am a bit scared to go there, I chose instead to try and work myself on seeing the best in myself, believing in myself. In some ways things have got better, but the fear is always there. Anyway... this isn't about me!!!

I think for you there is a real pattern here. You need to unhook food & binges from happiness, as clearly binges don't make you feel happy. I can't recall what step you are on but looking at stats wonder if it could be worth working up steps and maintaining now, for say 6 months, and see if that helps? Then when you feel a bit safer try to get those last 6lbs off if you still choose to?

Just some thoughts, but I think the self-esteem thing could be the root of your problem.

xxx

 

[alexmummy07]

Hi Raquel

I can relate to you very well also with the low self esteem/poor image, but you have done so well so far, and are addressing problems as you go, which is great.

I'd love to try CBT, but always wonder would it help me? I've never really known, and I guess wouldn't know for sure without trying.
I think getting everything out on here is definately a start to a winner though.

Keep Going though, because those patterns can and will be broken and they do say it takes a while longer for the mind to catch up with the body on appearance.

Keep us posted x

 

[aussieraquel]

Thanks katy and alexs mummy for your thoughts. Katy I def agree that my self esteem and image are holding me back to a certain extent. But I have come a long way from where I was say 5 years ago, no longer on anti dep. More indep and confident to make my own choices. However, I obviously still have a long way to go! I feel like I have read every self help book known to man and im only 25! Anyway, a really silly ques cos im not up with the lingo, whats cbt and the other one? I really am still not sure what to do, I really do want to stick to this but something is holding me back. Gosh, I never thought this would be so hard.

 

[Katycakes]

Wow, at 25 you HAVE come a long way hon. And outside help, well, you have to be ready for it & I am not yet even at my advanced age... we have to do what is right for us, I guess. CBT = cognitive behaviour therapy. Some people on minis have done this & swear by it, a technique for dealing with what life throws at you rather than a delving into the dark & gloomy past I think. But you could google it. NLP = neuro linguistic programming, again a way of seeing the world differently, changing habits etc, beloved of Icemoose (Mike) the minis guru & longtime maintainer. He does a weekly newsletter too.

xxx

 

[Laura Croft]

I really relate to that feeling. There's times I want to know the answer before I stop/start doing something but I can't do that with food. I need to do what I know makes me feel good ie eat well and exercise.

Food wasn't the cause of my problems (well rarely) - it was just my way of dealing with things.

 

[aussieraquel]

Thanks katy and laura. Food does also seem to cd my way me dealing with things also. Those therapy types, I guess im the sort of person who wouke like to figure this out for myself, though I will find more info bout them, as I wouke consider them if I find this pattern continuing. I am proud to say I stuck to 810 completely yesterday, the first time in 3 or 4 weeks. First step chieved . I also tried sprouts and really enjoyed them, thanks lelly. I went out to do a risk assessment with other teachers from work at a safari park yest, and I thought it was gonna be a real challenge to not eat. But I felt such a strong determination, like I did when I did ss . I hope this feeling stays. Today plans are to shop for a dress, the first shopping I have done since losing this weight. Thanks again, for the support dont think I could have done it without everyone here.

 

[LellyCD]

Glad to be of service Racquel!!

well done being so strong on your safari trip!

Have posted a link for you in my thread, not sure if you've seen it, its about Oz at xmas...so here it is again -

...there's a fab oz comedian that i am loving at the mo, he has a song about Oz xmas and drinking white wine in the sun....Tim Minchin do you know him?..i love him and have tickets to see him Sept. have a look at this...

YouTube - Tim Minchin - White Wine In The Sun (Christmas Song)


xxx

 

[aussieraquel]

Another day on 810 for me. Went well, I went shopping today so was unable to drink as much water as I would have liked, 1.5 litres today. I am going for an afternoon tea at the ritz next week, something I wanted to do before I go home. And I had nothing to wear. So today I did my first clothes shop since losing weight. Prev. To cd I was a size 16 now I was so excited today cos I fit into a size 12 perfectly! Even with my big hips and boobs, and even in the clothes shops like new look and topshop. So yeah, I was a bit happy. I ended up getting a floral print strapless dress,from oasis, and all coral and gold coloured matching accessories. Feeling good today, and looking forward to the week ahead.

 

[aussieraquel]

Hey all, after 2 days of 810 I thought I would take a sneak look at the scale and I am only now 1kg , approx, from where I was 3-4 weeks ago, before I went off the rails. So that is nearly 2kg gone, now I know it is water etc, but gee it has made me feel good seeing that I am these again. so here goes, day 3

 

[Laura Croft]

Really pleased for you Raquel. Hope work goes smoothly for you this week. I must remember this week if hunger isn't the problem, eating isn't the solution. I really think I can do it

 

[LellyCD]

Hey all, after 2 days of 810 I thought I would take a sneak look at the scale and I am only now 1kg , approx, from where I was 3-4 weeks ago, before I went off the rails. So that is nearly 2kg gone, now I know it is water etc, but gee it has made me feel good seeing that I am these again. so here goes, day 3

yay for you and size 12 hunny it feels good doesn't. you are doing fabulously, hope you enjoy the Ritz, my aussie cousin lives in London and went recently too, she loved it. You will have a fab time and look great in your new dress!!

xx

Really pleased for you Raquel. Hope work goes smoothly for you this week. I must remember this week if hunger isn't the problem, eating isn't the solution. I really think I can do it

you really can Laura!!

xx

 

[aussieraquel]

Aww... Thanks for the support everyone, I know im only on day 3 me being back on track, but I feel like I 'really' am back on track this time, and couldnt have done it without support on here in the maintenance thread. And yes, I so cant wait to be all dressed up this weekend

 

[Katycakes]

Great that you are back on track and in good spirits... and the dress sounds fab too. Great stuff Raquel!

xxx