really worried about my 9 year old daughter...could it be my fault???

Discussion in 'Cambridge Weight Plan' started by kellymundy, 29 January 2009 Social URL.

  1. kellymundy

    kellymundy Gold Member

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    Lately my 9 year old daughter who is very tall and very skinny has started getting obsessive over how much she weighs, what she eats (or doesn't) and how much exercise she's doing in a day!!! Alarm bells are ringing all over the place and I'm so worried as she's so tiny anyway. I'm really starting to panic because I'm wondering if it's my fault due to my extreme diet.
    I really don't know what to do, I keep telling her that she is already very skinny naturally and doesn't need to lose any weight but she's doesn't seem to believe me! I'm actually concidering coming off of CD and losing the rest of the weight through healthy eating because I don't want her health to suffer at my hands.
    Help me guys what should I do????:cry:
     
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  3. Gunna-make-it

    Gunna-make-it Full Member

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    You need to sit with her and find out why she is feeling the way she does - dont have a go at her, dont say that she is thin enough or call her skinny - listen to what she is saying as you will get more out of her. It could be that they have been having classes about healthy eating etc at school or it could be something else.... talking to her is the only way you will find out what is going on...
    My sister has suffered with a eating disorder for years and it is a mental illness - not something people decide they want to do.. Dont stress at this point..
    Hope all is ok x
     
  4. kellymundy

    kellymundy Gold Member

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    It all came to a head yesterday really when she turned around to me prodding her tummy and said that she needed to lose a stone!!!!:eek: She only weighs about 4 1/2st at the moment!!!:cry:
     
  5. Lostris

    Lostris Serena's title didn't fit

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    Maybe something happened at school? It happens often that the girls in school have discussions about them being sooooooo fat (when they're not!) and it makes little girls want to loose weight coz all their friends want to / they feel fat coz their friend is skinnier etc.

    Try to find out the real reason behind it. It doesn't have to be you losing weight that makes her want to! :)

    x
     
  6. Little Miss Cambridge

    Little Miss Cambridge Member

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    I have a 10 year old boy who is obsessing saying he has fat thighs. He said the other boys said it in PE. The actual truth is he has a healthy weight & muscular physique that the other boys probs envy. He pulls at his thighs and says they're fat. Luckily, he still has a healthy appetite despite this.

    My youngest girl aged 4 recently came home from nursery and said "I don't deserve a daddy because I'm fat" It broke my heart. It goes to show that kids even as young as nursery & adults of all ages can be cruel and sometimes even mindless comments affect us all.

    There definately needs to be more focus on bullying & health issues in both schools & the workplace.
     
  7. (Land of) Maz

    (Land of) Maz Full Member

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    oh kelly, how heartbreaking to hear her say that... especially when you know she is actually probably a little underweight....

    maybe show her a BMI chart, show her where yours is, and what is a healthy range, then show her where hers is... it might help to put it into perspective. I know BMI is a little confusing to the best of us, but it's a good visual aide and might help her to have concrete facts to contend with whoever/whatever has made her feel like that....

    My DD is 8 years old, she is not chubby but is quite heavy for her age, just her build (similar to me and her dad) plus she is very tall but she does loads of sports so i know she is healthy... i worry about her weight and am trying to give her healthier choices, it's not unknown for her to declare that she's going on a diet too... so i tell her my food is not for her but she can have a healthy diet without actually going on a diet and she seems happy enough with that......

    Let us know how you get on....
     
  8. Katycakes

    Katycakes Stubborn tortoise

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    Kelly, I do feel for you... & LittleMissC. This is a minefield. As Lostris says, almost anything could have triggered the worry, but it makes sense to have a chat and try to clear the air. Just be careful what you say - don't talk about 'fat' and 'thin' but 'healthy' and talk about how many so-called role-models are dangerously underweight... the pressure can be huge and it starts early.
    My daughter was on medication 9-13 and it made her a little overweight as a side-effect. At 15 she has shed the weight naturally and is beautiful and slim, but shedding the hurt over that weight is harder. She's not unusual... so many young girls are unhappy with their bodies, whatever their size. We tried so hard to make her see she was lovely all of that time, and never let anyone thoughtlessly draw attention to the problem in our hearing, but you cannot control what goes on at school... worth having a chat with the teacher just to keep her in the loop?
    xxx
     
  9. Stacie86

    Stacie86 Cambridge Diet Counsellor

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    Hi Kelly,

    I am really sorry to hear about your daughter. I have been through this myself from the age of seven and have only finally come to terms with my shape now.

    Like some others have said often the trigger is something being said at school.

    You could possibly look at one of the higher plans where you have a meal as well so she can see you eating?

    Here is a link to a resource that has a children's BMI calculator as well as great resources:

    Body Mass Index (BMI) Charts

    Actually SEEING the chart will help her realise she's not overweight.

    xxx
     
  10. mollydog

    mollydog Silver Member

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    Has she been listening to you talking about the diet to friends/family? She is really very young to know what a stone is (as they learn metric at school now) I have two daughters, one built like me and one tall and slim like their dad. I try not to mention diets but do lots of chat about the healthy option. I try to encourage the younger, much more fussy one, to help prepare meals.
    We've chatted about this loads on the forum and it is a really murky area. We want the best for our kids, dont want them having weight issues, tell them they are beautiful as they are etc etc and all it can take is one nasty comment elsewhere to blow their confidence. I encourage my two to look at how poorly some of the waif like supermodels look compared to someone like Nigella Lawson or Kirstie Allsop and waif like is not where they want to go!
    Hope all goes well and i'm sure it is something that will pass with love and reassurance from her mummy.
     
  11. kikuka

    kikuka Tequila makes miaow happy

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    I remember a dodgy time as a kid. I was overweight, but had an idea of how bad it was out of all proportion to the actual problem. I was a stone maybe over at the age of 12 - felt more like 15. I think what saved me was some of my mum's mates. I got to know them, all glam, curvy and amazing women, and started to want to be like them instead of the models in mags - very Nigella types. The other thing I developed was an innocent sort of girl crush on a girl in her 20s called Heidi - she went to my dance school and was strong and athletic looking and that helped. Are there any women like that in your life your daughter could spend some time with? Maybe an older teenager daughter of a friend with a healthy attitude> Sorry i cant be more help
     
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