Sbridge7 steps up the plans and to maintenance :) I'm below goal!!!

Hi Shantel,
Just wanted to say hello and a huge CONGRATULATIONS :clap: on reaching goal. That is fantastic news, you must feel great. Sorry i am late, had an awol period over xmas and only just catching up with everyone at last. You're dedication to sticking to the plans in truly awe inspiring! Given me some much needed incentive to do the same. xx
 
Size ten... and who says it was a 'big' size 10? No, honey, just believe it!!! You're a size ten, and it was a bit loose too... wow, wow, wow. Big hugs and well done.

xxx
 
Woohoo!! I've just spotted that you've reached goal! Well done!
You should be so proud of yourself! I've followed your diary and am amazed at how determined and focussed you've been. Not many people who reach maintenance have had such a straight journey to goal. I know I definitely took the scenic route :)

Well done on the size 10!
 
Thank you everyone for your kind comments :) I will post a picture soon, as I want to take some new ones as I haven't updated in a while. I've been inspired by you all and couldn't have done it without minimins :) Scales still at 10.8, just hoping they move back down soon; I think it could be some glycogen, as I didn't gain anything on 1000.

I've been sticking to the same breakfast of muesli and dinner of quorn burgers, as I don't get home until 6 or 7pm from university so it's quick to prefer. For lunch I've been having a tuna and sweetcorn pita (from the book) with bowl of salad leaves and carrot sticks. I'm following the plan but can't wait to choose my own meals as I miss prawns!

Today, I didn't feel like having my last CD pack and was feeling a bit down so I had a small clementine instead. Just feel down about friends; I've never had that much luck with friends and now that I'm at university, I've drifted apart from my college friends. They don't include me in anything; I've talked to them but they said nothing was wrong, but I can't be bothered anymore. Sometimes it's better to leave things alone; the friends I do have, I really do value. But sometimes it's so hard, because I had always imagined myself having a best friend who I'd do everything with. I'm so much happier now that I've lost weight, but still at the same time feel lonely. I'm hoping now the weight loss will give me confidence to go out and meet new people; in times like this before, I would have turned to food. I'm just glad I did not.

Sorry for long rant and thank you all x
 
Just a few thoughts about the friends... there is a bit of a myth that we should all have best friends from primary school onwards & they should be our soul-mate buddies for life. It's not really like that for many of us. I have a few old school pals still, as Facebook friends, and it's nice to stay in touch but we have all moved in different directions and perhaps never had very much in common to start with... school/college friendships can be very random and made of necessity. At art college I made a couple of really good friends who have lasted, but again for geographical reasons don't see them often. My closest friends of all were made after college, in the course of real life - and are still being made. Those connections can still be made at any point, and I think you can never have too many friends. It's an ongoing process. Sometimes old friends will peel away... I lost someone I had thought of as a friend after I lost the weight, she truly couldn't cope with it, and that made me sad.

Rambling here, but what I am trying to say is, it's sad when old friends drift, but you have tried to keep things strong and still it's not quite as you'd wish... time perhaps to let go, to look forward and focus on new friendships. Try to live in the moment and be glad of the lovely people you do have in your life. You're at the start of something very exciting, a whole lifetime spread before you to live... try not to let regrets pull you back or make you sad. I guess this is what I'd have said to myself at your age, as I know I had similar thoughts at times.

Get out there and make new friends, new memories, new connections... live, love, laugh, be you.

Hugs.

xxx
 
Totally agree, great post Katy!

Sorry its a bit late Shantel but yay for reaching your goal!!! fabulous and woohoo for those size 10's...well done!!

xx
 
Brilliant, sensible, kind and true post Katy, anyone reading this might think you were an agony aunt!

Big hugs Shantel, trust me it gets better and better.

I do social surveys for my work, and one of the recent surveys I did asked how many people the respondent felt really close to, and to whom they could turn if they had a problem. I feel that the answer if we are lucky, apart from family, is usually, probably under 5. My mother always used to say that if you could count your true friends on the fingers of one hand you were very lucky.

Most people felt that the answer was 3 or 4, and in that survey they were including family too. During our lives we have lots of acquaintances too. As Katy says friends can come and go, I have only 4 close friends (not family) who I have known for years and years and several 'good' ones as well. So you see that's not loads. New friends are made throughout life, some very much appreciated and special. It'll all come right for you too, promise. xx :hug99:
 
Hugs Shantel... Know exactly how you feel. I don't have a single non-family close friend, that i could just feel i could pick up the phone to, just to have a chat. Have had many over the years but things changed, people move on. Its difficult to begin to know where to find new friends, which i would love. But i guess i have sort of come to accept that its a bit hopeless. It'll happen one day, maybe. It gets lonely sometimes, but i try not to focus on it. The relationships i have within my family are so caring and strong, it makes up for it. Never know whats around the corner.... xx
 
sbridge7 said:
Just feel down about friends; I've never had that much luck with friends and now that I'm at university, I've drifted apart from my college friends. They don't include me in anything; I've talked to them but they said nothing was wrong, but I can't be bothered anymore. Sometimes it's better to leave things alone; the friends I do have, I really do value. But sometimes it's so hard, because I had always imagined myself having a best friend who I'd do everything with. I'm so much happier now that I've lost weight, but still at the same time feel lonely. I'm hoping now the weight loss will give me confidence to go out and meet new people; in times like this before, I would have turned to food. I'm just glad I did not.

Sorry for long rant and thank you all x
Click to expand...

Hi Shantel,

First up some hugs for you because I think you'd be a fabulous friend. Your heart is obviously in the right place.

Reality of what happens when we lose weight is so different to what we expected to happen sometimes isn't it? I always expected the friends I had before I lost the weight would be nothng but happy for me but unfortunately I lost two friends too when I lost weight. I was no longer the fat friend and it brought out a lot of insecurities in them. And in my day dreaming head, I think I thought there'd be days when I was like the Pied Piper with friends. Didn't happen.

I've written this five times but still can't get it to come out right - their issues are about them, and may have absolutely nothing to do with you at all. Ugh still sounds odd but what I'm trying to say is you've very unlikely done anything wrong.

It's weird knowing we can turn to food, our old coping mechanism but don't actually want to.... I find it harder to know I don't actually want to turn to food anymore so I have to deal with the feelings that I've suffocated more times than I can count, and find different ways of dealing with feelings, some of which felt very foreign.

Anyhow back to friends, people come and go into your life and you can make new friends when you least expect it. I've made a new friend recently that I can pour my heart out to and it's so good to have that. On the other hand, I have some friends that are friends for different reasons ie sport and we have fun but we have very different views on other things.

I don't have a best friend either, I have a few very close friends. I used to want a best friend but at the age I am now a lot of my friends are getting married etc so they are pretty much wrapped in happy marriage world and just want to spend time with their husbands. And unfortunately for me, when I was in OA, I did some step work on why I wanted a best friend and though some of my reasons were honest, some of it was about making me feel better about myself. Ugh that sounds crap and I'm sorry for t/jing your thread.

You will have new opportunities to make new friends and they'll know the happy Shantel and love you for what you are :)
 
Thank you so much everyone. I really do appreciate it.

Thanks Katy, I really do appreciate it. What you said really made sense. I'm going to live for the present and future, there is no point dwelling on the past. Thank you for convincing me, that along life friends will turn up.

Thanks Lelly, I was quite shocked myself.

Thank you Bess, I'm so hopeful that I'll make friends in the future. I just felt as though I'd missed my opportunity because I just assumed friends would be the ones you made in your early life.

Butterfly, that's exactly how I feel. I'm so grateful I have wonderful family. I feel as though my mum is my best friend, I can talk to her about anything. You're so right that it does feel lonely at times. Like me, I hope it does change for you also xx

Laura, your post was so helpful. Thank you for your kind words; I had these weird expectations that I'd be a more desirable friend having lost weight. How wrong was I? I'm so glad you've made a new friend like that; that's all I would like. Maybe I sound superficial, but it would be so nice just to have a friend to talk to about important things and trivial things.

Thank you all so much xxx

I'm so much happier now that I've lost weight, but I realise weight loss isn't the answer to everything. I always thought it was my weight holding me back and I always felt as though, people would never want to be friends with me because I was fat. I know it sounds shallow, but going to a girls' school, I often felt that vibe. You'd hear remarks, not directed about me, but others about their weight and how they'd 'die' if they ever got fat. I guess that automatically remained in my head as I got older; as I got older I became more aware and it affected my confidence so much. I'd be so miserable so I turned to food and then I felt even more miserable because I turned to food. I always had my mum to talk to and I'm so lucky as she's so great and understanding but always wish I had the support of a friend. Feels so much better to get all this out.

On the diet front, I was feeling hungry so had some extra fruit. It's weird being hungry after not being for so long. A bit annoyed with the scales as they're up by 2lbs since last Friday. Really hope it comes off, think totm is on its way as I'm getting stomach pains. I know it can't be fat, so will just keep going x
 
Almost certainly will be TOTM, and will come off quickly soon.

Glad you feel a little better and also that you have a close relationship with your Mum, my 4 daughters and I are so close, (they would say so too!) and so it's easy to be lazy and not make an effort with friends as we have such close companionship at home. My cousin and I were always together and we are as close as sisters.

It is important though to make time for friends, sometimes they come from the most unexpected quarters.

I have some close friends who are quite unlike me in every respect, age, background, education and so on, so never disregard a potential friend because you don't think they will 'fit'. If I had done that I would be missing out some of the dearest friends I have.

I am still in touch with Uni friends, but we are not close. It's Christmas cards with letters now, although we did meet in Oxford for a weekend 2 years ago and there are moves afoot to repeat it this year.

It'll all come right for you too, I'm sure it will. My second daughter didn't find Uni as she expected, thinking about it....too big, too impersonal, she did make friends, but not particularly close ones, she's still in touch with 4 of them....there was one horror who was quite barmy who caused a lot of problems for them all.......

What I think I'm trying to say is that it's easy to have expectations of how life and relationships will be for us, I felt just the same when I was your age. But now I know that life often isn't what we expect it to be; so be open to new people, keep your own standards quietly but be flexible and the big secret is that sometimes, it turns out to be much, much better than we thought.

xx
 
sometimes, it turns out to be much, much better than we thought.
Click to expand...

Wise words... it really does. Big hugs Shantel, & Bess.

xxx
 
Hi Shantel,
Understanding how you feel. Its funny how useful it can be just to 'let out' how you feel. Especially those thoughts and feelings which we don't tend to tell anybody, or ever say out loud. I'd have never have thought i'd have used a site like this, just shows how wrong you can be. It may not change the situation but it can be so cathartic and i often find sometimes someone else can find a positive slant on things that you just cannot see.
The 'friends' area of life may not change very quickly, or even corespond to our weight loss, as expected. But on a positive note, you have gained some control over your eating and lost a huge amount of weight. It can be the start of new things. I know i am secretly hoping new areas of life, socially, will open up to me now i've lost weight and my body confidence has improved. But, i know this will only happen if i put myself 'out there' and make the effort to effect change. My problem is, its easier to whinge about it, than get up off my butt and go and do something, for all sorts of reasons.... mostly various insecurities, as well as being too blooming lazy to be bothered. In the meantime, we have minimins, and each other, where we can safely vent.
Know what you mean about the hunger, i couldn't quite figure out what was happenning the first time i got it. Spent ages thinking i may be getting ill! Hope totm has come at last and you are doing ok. Hugs xx
 
Shantel,
Hope all going well for you hon and your feeling better great advice from the girls.......... I must say since doing the cd I have had friends change towards me in many different ways..
Your looking fab hon, and you must be so much more confident........... Hang in there.
love Marissa x
 
Hey Shantel,

Don't worry about those couple lb's they'll be gone in no time and with totm loomingno wonder, i know i gain a few water lbs and def crave for more nibbles (cereal & fruit mainly...so not so bad!)

It's funny how we think life will be different when we lose weight and that somehow our personality will change or something, one of my oldest friends found it incredibly hard to deal with and as a result i rarely see her these days...shame but I know this is her problem not mine...as it turned out I was exactly the same person after weight loss and when I got to goal although i was chuffed I remember thinking, where's the party poppers in my head,wasn't the world going to change but no, it was just another day and I was the same person afterwards, one thing it did do for me was boost my belief in myself though and that helped me change things in my life, so losing weight didn't do that, i did that and I suppose i always had the ability all along just not the belief.

Have a fab day hun

xx
 
Love your post Lelly... inspiring. Hope all is good Shantel!

xxx
 
Thank you all so much your posts have been so helpful :) I can't reply individually as I've got to pop off quickly, but it means so much.

Still 2lbs up, not sure why. I need to stop nibbling on grapes and fruit. Could be a lot worse but I keep worrying about gaining weight. TOTM still hasn't come but I can feel twinges in my stomach so I know it's on its way. Planning to move up to 1500 either this week or early next week, but I'm just worried I'll gain some more on top of the existing 2lbs. I keep telling myself it'll drop off and hopefully it will.

Will catch up with you all so soon. Just so busy with Uni. Hope you're all well xxx
 
Could be cause of the higher kevel of carbs? I've heard people talk about the glycogen gain when they move onto higher level of carbs, where they just seem to fill out a little. Made me wonder whether it was worth going a few pounds lower than goal to allow for this? I put on as i moved up the first time, but didn't get chance to see if it would come off again, before i screwed up at xmas. Sure if you stick at between 1200-1500 for another week or so it'll reduce. Hope you get chance to take your foot off the pedal soon, sounds like you are really busy. xx
 
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