Self Confidence?

aesir22

aesir22

Silver Member
Hi all,

Just a question for anyone approaching target, or even still away from target but still feel more confident...

On the outside I act quite confident and sure of myself but I know inside I'm not and tonight has proven that! I have always been big, since I was a little kid, and I have always had low self esteem though it doesn't always show. I have lost 2 stone (ish) and thought I was starting to feel good and confident.

But tonight I went to sign up for a karate class. It started at 8pm, so I got there a bit earlier but training had already begun. I looked inside to see young, fit, healthy people already sparring and my resolve to start just plummeted. Totally plunged. Physically could not bring myself to go in. I stood outside for a good ten minutes totally unsure what I was going to do. I WANT to start up but just couldn't. Maybe it would have been different if the class hadn't already started but such a reaction has made me feel a bit, well, in all honesty ashamed and upset. I am 27 and something so simple has really made me feel messed up!

Has anyone experienced this before? And maybe gotten past it somehow? Was it just when you lose weight and felt more confident, or did you do something else to boost your confidence levels?

I am so gutted because I really wanted to start and thought it would in itself help my self esteem! Sorry for the rant lol
 
I'm only just returning now and have 10 stone to lose but I can totally sympathise with you. I desperately want to start swimming again but won't as, even when the pool is deserted, there are thin lifeguards etc about!

Please don't feel ashamed of yourself, I'm 43 and feel pretty much like this on a daily basis (even to the extent of not wanting to set foot out the front door).

Do you have a phone number for the people running the class? It may be worth giving them a ring and having a chat. Without being obvious, they'd be able to keep an eye out for you and encourage you. I'm sure as part of their training they are taught awareness of self confidence, after all that is how the sport is often promoted x
 
suepat10 said:
I'm only just returning now and have 10 stone to lose but I can totally sympathise with you. I desperately want to start swimming again but won't as, even when the pool is deserted, there are thin lifeguards etc about!

Please don't feel ashamed of yourself, I'm 43 and feel pretty much like this on a daily basis (even to the extent of not wanting to set foot out the front door).

Do you have a phone number for the people running the class? It may be worth giving them a ring and having a chat. Without being obvious, they'd be able to keep an eye out for you and encourage you. I'm sure as part of their training they are taught awareness of self confidence, after all that is how the sport is often promoted x
Click to expand...

Hi thanks for the response

I have emailed one of the sensei's a couple of times and she seemed very pleasant and friendly. She said they are a small group but very friendly. But when I saw them I just instantly compared my body to theirs, as is the usual case, and my motivation just dropped. I felt so self-conscious it was awful. I still feel horrendous now, so ashamed and embarassed of myself. Argh!

I emailed the sensei and explained I had gotten there but training was already underway and I felt rude interrupting and apologised for my absence. Next time I will get there even earlier, IF I can bring myself to.

I always used weight as an excuse to hold me back and I have done it all over again. I worry if I put this on the backburner it'll get forgotten about and constantly put off like usual, but on the other hand I just don't feel I can make that first step.
 
Hi,
I am 26 and always been fat. I would love to go to the gym, boxercise and spinning and I am so scared of going. I'm convinced that it will be full of skinny people but guess what... I'm going to the gym tomorrow, spinning on Friday and boxercise on tuesday because I know that for my own health i need to do it. I have got a friend to come with me, is there anyone you could go with even for just a few sessions until you get to know people. You never know when you get in there they will help you by providing motivation and give you lots of compliments as they see you shrinking in size each week x
 
Howdy,

I thought about someone coming with me but no one is interested lol. I really want to do it, but I know with my confidence as it is I won't be able to. Its made me feel sick to my stomach tonight (too sick for dinner, save the cals haha) and I ca't face the shame and embarassment again next week. I am just going to have to wait until I have lost more weight and try again.
 
Hi there

It might sound silly, but I'd really recommend having a bit of a cross word with yourself.

I'm a tad older than you at 28 and overweight. A few weeks before Xmas a persistent friend practically dragged me by the ear to a ballet class. Now, I've never done ballet in my life and am no Darcy Bussell.

All I could think about was all the slim girls that must have done ballet as little girls. I was dreading it, anyway I was so concerned about getting myself through the class that I hardly noticed anyone else. I found that although I was very much like Dawn French in the Vicar of Dibley I loved it. I've been a few more times since and week by week I'm getting a little bit better and no one else pays any attention I my wobbly positions, my bingo winged arms and from time to time my complete inability not to giggle at my own lack of ballet grace, because they are concentrating on themselves.

Go for it, you'll love the class and before long you'll have the confidence you need to excel at it and a 6 pack to contend with the others!!

Good luck at your first class, you CAN do it, the only person stopping you is you.
 
I think if I had a friend I'd be able to go. But alone, I dunno just couldn't do it.

By the way I love ballet lol. Gutted that tickets to swan lake in town sold out!
 
Blimmin Eco love if I can huff and puff through the gym ( just carrying my bag) at 20 stone you can do it! You can't change what other people think, you aren't ever going to, but you can change YOU!
Now get going and go early!!!!
 
Firstly - big hug! I can totally relate to that :( I've been chubby since I was young & have such low self-esteem. About a year ago (and two stone heavier) I did exactly the same thing with an exercise based salsa class. Saw all the pretty slim girls & did a u-turn. Spent the night crying. I got over it by taking a friend with me. She wasn't overweight but just having someone there helped. I'm now about 4lbs off target & have a healthy bmi of 21 & go to lots of classes. I wish i could say my self-confidence was ok now but it isn't. I get the same sick feeling every time I go somewhere new. Only 2 weeks ago I went to a different Zumba class as mine had closed but stood outside the door debating what to do. I just couldn't go in!
 
I know how you feel. I've wanted to do Zumba for a while but didn't have anyone where I live to go with.

A mate from work commented that she wanted to give it a try so we have agreed to try a class near work. In talking about it we got another friend to agree to give it a try.
 
Normally I would reach for food when feeling so low, but last night I didn't. Its made me more determined than ever to lose weight. I think I may have some sort of social anxiety problem related to my weight. Last night was so bad it shocked me. I always assume people talk about how fat I am. So the best way to confront that is to not be fat anymore!! I am gonna lose more weight and try again in a few months when I will hopefully have a clearer head!

Thanks for the advice everyone I appreciate it. Its nice having the people here for support :)
 
aww aesir, thats awful you felt that way... :(

Maybe you should hit the class early first time and get talking to people before the class kicks off.

I'm totally like that, everything I go to I have to go to early because I'm really scared of the sudden confrontation with lots of people but I can deal with a small group then people coming in one by one.... (weird right)

I'm pretty sure its nothing to do with my weight, its just my antisocial borderline autistic behaviour lol
 
aesir22 said:
Normally I would reach for food when feeling so low, but last night I didn't. Its made me more determined than ever to lose weight. I think I may have some sort of social anxiety problem related to my weight. Last night was so bad it shocked me. I always assume people talk about how fat I am. So the best way to confront that is to not be fat anymore!! I am gonna lose more weight and try again in a few months when I will hopefully have a clearer head!

Thanks for the advice everyone I appreciate it. Its nice having the people here for support :)
Click to expand...

I'm the very same. Cant go outside without thinking someones gonna make some smart remark. Drives me mental it does! Keep thinking ill end up in an asylum if i dont lose the weight like! Hope losing weight works for us!


@Sleepy59:
Do Zumba if you can get someone to go with - its so much fun!! I'm going to do it at home as soon as I'm feeling better, cos i love it that much. It was the 2 teenagers at the back of the class that put me off. Kept thinkng they were laughing at me (even though i know they werent- im just paranoid)!
 
I used to worry about what ppl thought and said about me, then one day I just thought, well what if they do? What if they do laugh at me? What if they do think, look at the state of that? What happens then? Will I die? Will it change who I am? Why should I care? Nasty people will be nasty no matter what! I was bullied for years for being skinny! I was bullied for being tall!

Don't stop living your life in case someone who doesn't matter says something you don't like. Because those two words 'what if' are a vice to lock you down so change it up, what if I really like Karate, and get really good?
What if I make some terrific new friends?
What if I hate it and never go back....at least I know now!
 
I had exactly the same feelings when I started exercising. When I wwent to the gym, I stuck my headphones in and ignored everyone else even though I was the largest one there by far! The first time is always teh worst. I then found a body attack class and truct me everyone ealse WAS ultra skinny, so I spoke to the teacher and she was so supportive. I stayed at the back annd just did what I could. I'm so glad I stuck with it, by week 3 other people were saying hello before the class started and I then had more of an idea of what to do - ie not kill myself during the warmup!!!

Once the class starts everyone concentrates on themselves and really doesn't concern themselves with what others are doing or look like.

Also remember you walked in the door to go to sw and we all know that can be a huge challenge. You've lost weight and this is the next step.

Have confidence in yourself. You can do it - and you'll feel great afterwards. x
 
I feel exactly the same!!
I've joined a gym, to which I go to and I go swimming aswell, but I haven't been to a single class which is the reason why I joined this particular gym lol. It's just easier to keep my head down in the gym and do my own thing.
But on Monday I'm going to pluck up the courage and join a Zumba class :D
I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels this way though lol
 
AnwenG said:
I feel exactly the same!!
I've joined a gym, to which I go to and I go swimming aswell, but I haven't been to a single class which is the reason why I joined this particular gym lol. It's just easier to keep my head down in the gym and do my own thing.
But on Monday I'm going to pluck up the courage and join a Zumba class :D
I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels this way though lol
Click to expand...

How did your Zumba class go?
 
x_Champagne_Supernova_x said:
@Sleepy59:
Do Zumba if you can get someone to go with - its so much fun!! I'm going to do it at home as soon as I'm feeling better, cos i love it that much. It was the 2 teenagers at the back of the class that put me off. Kept thinkng they were laughing at me (even though i know they werent- im just paranoid)!
Click to expand...

I am going tomorrow night! The plan was for three of us from work to go but one of the girls can't make a Tuesday evening for the rest of January. Laura, my other work mate, has been trying to talk 2 other girls into coming along as well so hopefully it will be a laugh.
 
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