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So ashamed of myself

#1
You'd think losing 12bls first weigh in would be enough to keep me going wouldn't you?
No, yesterday walking home from work I wasn't a bit hungry and all cravings had gone, yet i was planning "cheating" "binging" whatever it's called in my head.
i stopped myself going into shops, i went into one, walked around and straight back out.
Then last night I thought, if i order chinese i'll feel yuck after it and i wont think about it again-sometimes i feel like my mind is wired mentally sometimes!-
So I did, I ate quite alot and all the while just felt vile even though this was planned!!
I've started fresh today with the frame of mind that food simply doesn't exist,
i wasn't even going to tell any of you because i was so disgusted with myself:mad: i don't expect sympathy or anything i just needed to say it!
I'm going power walking now in an attempt to lessen the damage done.
I'm getting weighed this day week, will i have put back on all i lost? Or just lose nothing?
Hope you're all doing well!!
xxx
 
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summergurl

♥3 Years Maintaining♥
#2
:whoopass:
 
#3
Ok, you've wobbled. It's done. You shouldn't have done it, you're not really sure why you did it and we can only hope that you won't have another wobble - or that if you do then you resist it.

Every time someone posts one of these type of threads my heart sinks because of the language they use :( "disgust", "yuck", "vile", all this self hatred is as unhealthy as the over-eating in the first place and i really hope that in the future we all un-learn these linguistic habits.

We are all human. We are not perfect. Food is not evil. Food is not 'bad' or 'good' - some is more healthy and some is less healthy. It's all about learning our behaviour patterns, our binging triggers.

I hope this doesn't sound too much like a lecture or a rant, i just hate seeing such self-loathing language... you just need to re-think your food decisions in future.

You may still lose weight this week - but only by sticking to LT 100% for the rest of your journey can you be sure of optimum weight loss :)

Be strong - you can do this and the results can help give you the happy healthy life you and your loved ones deserve.

take care
Elle.
 
#4
Dont feel so bad hun i have had a blip today was make my sons birthday cake and god it was so hard i could have just had some butter iceing i did dip my finger in a few time after i had finished to be honest if my sisiter had not have come round i would have liced the bowl clean i just got a galss of water and drank it all then started cleaning it is a blip and old hapits die very hard keep going hun and i am sure you can bring it back into shape x x well done for admiting it but dont punish yourself to much you have deicided to do Lt for a reason and you will do it good luck hun x
 
#5
Thanks guys!
Elle you little psychologist that is how I felt, I just really felt like I was doing great and it was like some form of self sabotage to break it, I reckon it's a bit of an issue I have like since I was a kid I had my mam badgering me to lose weight and calling me fat and it's like some "rebel against her" even though I no longer have any contact with her.

Well I'm going back 100% as from the second I woke up this morning!
x
 
#6
Daisy .. As Elle said stop beating yourself up . I had a BLIP as well yesterday but as the girls said to me, at least I had realised the trigger and stopped before it blew in to an all out BINGE. Some thing must have triggered that longing for you yesterday . did you just feel hungry or did anything happen at work to annoy you. Are you drinking the water? . Next time if you feel like eating ..distract....distract ...distract . Just do anything to stop your mind thinking of it . have a cup of coffee,read a magazine, have a nice soak in the bath, ring a friend for a chat. Youd be amazed how a half hour distraction can change your mood...(and your longing)
 
#7
Please dont beat yourself up over your liitle blip !!!!!!! We are only human and if your not 100% in tune its hard to get through. We sometimes need/want the things we no we cannot have.
Its fantastic that you got back on it the next day, good luck hun just take 1 day at a time it can be done but you need to give it your all xxxx
 

Aoife

Silver Member
#8
Hiya, you have a blip, it's done and cannot be undone. But I used to this to myself in the past. I wouldn't believe in myself so it was like goading myself to fail and then have a blip and then believe I can't do it.

You can successfully lose weight, you are strong. It is all part of the LT journey, you have done what's done and you have learned from it, so makes you even more strong so that you will succeed.

I hope I'm making sense, or maybe not. But you can do this, best of luck on getting back on track and the rest of the week to WI. We are all here for ye.
 

ChellyWellyBoot

I will be skinny again!!!
#9
Hey sorry to hear about this!

Good that your getting back on the horse, your probably out of ketosis now though :(
 
#10
I'm sure I'm out of ketosis now :( but I haven't felt hungry at all today and went out power walking for ages,
Believe it or not I actually feel stronger now-sounds very silly- but it's like I've realised with me it's not just a matter of losing weight it's that i actually have a messed up relationship with food and it's going to be alot more of a journey than I realised.
But I'm ready for it!
Thanks everyone!
xxxxx
 
#11
Quit the power walking for now, at least unyil you get back in the right frame of mind, this is only going to make you want to eat more pet. x
 

Doirin

Positivity is the key
#12
Hi Daisyhappy,
sorry you felt like you had to eat something but well done for coming on here to say it and getting back on track. Perhaps you were stuck in that old 'great I lost weight now I can treat myself' mode some of us have talked about on here. I read what you said about your relationship with your mother, sometimes those who should be in our corner, aren't. We have to remember this diet is for us and any break in it is a hurt only to us, no one else feels that let down more than we do ourselves.
Glad to hear you are feeling stronger and as for a messed up relationship with food, you are on the right forum. If there is a next time come on here first and shout it out, I promise you will be so busy reading and answering replies you will have forgotten all about eating.
Wishing you all the best.
Doirin
 
#13
i've been feelin in that frame of mind today i really love chinese food and all i want is some noodles but i know i will be disappointed in myself. today i was bad a stole a chip from my fiances plate, it was nice in my mouth but had to spit it out i felt really bad. i can't afford (fiancially and medically) to quite this diet like the rest. that chip made me feel stonger cus i over came it. I hope your back on track now and have the strength to carry on without anymore plans of cheating.
 
#14
Just got to pick yourselves up from it

Stay focussed and keep your goals in mind
 

Scotsmist

Life is not a Rehersal!
#15
Hi Daisy

On Wk 3 I had a mad moment too......then in my head I was planning on going to the shops on the Sunday and buying loads of chocolate, etc....when I woke up on Sunday I seemed more determined than ever as I nearly lost something which I felt I had gained...so, I understand when you say you feel stronger.

Since I had this on Wk 3 I am more determined than ever to get this weight shifted and then I will be able to start eating nice and healthily again, with the odd treat now and again.

Food is like a friend and an enemy! I am sure this time not eating will help you to understand yourself more and why you do what you do.

We are all routing for you and good on you for saying. I was too frightened and PM'd a few people then a week later I admitted it! So, hats off to you for being honest, which will take you a long way.

Take good care of yourself and dont look back, what is done is done....look forward.
 

Aoife

Silver Member
#16
Go glad you are back on track now. Best of luck with this week's WI.
 


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