So here we go
- Thread starter fat2go
- Start date
Well, I suppose it had to happen.
Crappy day, something goes a bit awry (causing a problem which will take a week or two to sort out), one blames one self and all you want to do is go and eat...why?
Hmmm, I think I know why - because I want to punish myself and the best way to do that? Stuff my face with crap - I didn't...but I wanted to.
Sat here thinking about it, it was amazing how quick that feeling of sabotage hit my brain...literally seconds after what happened, happened...and you know what I believe it to be? - it's a simple reflex...Something I've done for God knows how many years so it becomes a habit. It would be the same when life goes temporary ***s up and it's not my fault, the trigger movement is to make matters worse. It wouldn't worse at first though, would it. I mean, ramming a 12" pizza down one's throat certainly tastes great at the time - until a while later when you're sat there drowning in self-pity/ self hatred and wondering why the hell you've just done that. So, something bad happens, you look for a quick fix so you consume whatever you can get your hands on. Madness....I just can't do it any more.
When something does go wrong you're going to feel bad anyway. I think I just got accept that that is life...It's up and it's down...If I can find a way of dealing with the bad bits, which doesn't involve stopping caring about myself, then I must be on to a winner. Today/tonight has been spent with me furiously telling myself that I care about me now and I can't, just can't, throw away all the good I've done just because life throws me a curve ball.
I can remember on so many occasions where I've given up the ghost (re eating healthily) but only I knew it at the time, told no one. Then for a number of days I'd be secretly stuff a sandwich down before emerging from the kitchen with a sandwich on a plate, hence pretending I've just made one. And not just a sandwich but all manner of things...you know the score.
But with all said and done, it's been a bad day but I've got through it. Helps being able to put it all down in type here.
Picture time I think.
WI tomorrow
Crappy day, something goes a bit awry (causing a problem which will take a week or two to sort out), one blames one self and all you want to do is go and eat...why?
Hmmm, I think I know why - because I want to punish myself and the best way to do that? Stuff my face with crap - I didn't...but I wanted to.
Sat here thinking about it, it was amazing how quick that feeling of sabotage hit my brain...literally seconds after what happened, happened...and you know what I believe it to be? - it's a simple reflex...Something I've done for God knows how many years so it becomes a habit. It would be the same when life goes temporary ***s up and it's not my fault, the trigger movement is to make matters worse. It wouldn't worse at first though, would it. I mean, ramming a 12" pizza down one's throat certainly tastes great at the time - until a while later when you're sat there drowning in self-pity/ self hatred and wondering why the hell you've just done that. So, something bad happens, you look for a quick fix so you consume whatever you can get your hands on. Madness....I just can't do it any more.
When something does go wrong you're going to feel bad anyway. I think I just got accept that that is life...It's up and it's down...If I can find a way of dealing with the bad bits, which doesn't involve stopping caring about myself, then I must be on to a winner. Today/tonight has been spent with me furiously telling myself that I care about me now and I can't, just can't, throw away all the good I've done just because life throws me a curve ball.
I can remember on so many occasions where I've given up the ghost (re eating healthily) but only I knew it at the time, told no one. Then for a number of days I'd be secretly stuff a sandwich down before emerging from the kitchen with a sandwich on a plate, hence pretending I've just made one. And not just a sandwich but all manner of things...you know the score.
But with all said and done, it's been a bad day but I've got through it. Helps being able to put it all down in type here.
Picture time I think.
WI tomorrow
You are so strong. I admire how determined you are to take care of yourself now. I can relate exactly to your description of a bad situation triggering that reflex. It's such a strong urge that it seems to control you. I was mulling over this exact problem as I walked to work this afternoon. Do we need something to substitute for food when something bad happens, or will we be able to learn to deal with our emotions head on? Will it become much easier? I don't know the answer but I am very interested to hear other opinions.
You did great resisting the old familiar reaction. I know how much effort it takes to do that. You got through this bad day and I hope that the next time you feel this way it will be a little easier to deal with without turning to food.
Well done for sticking up for yourself in the face of the demon. Sleep well and tomorrow is a new day.
You did great resisting the old familiar reaction. I know how much effort it takes to do that. You got through this bad day and I hope that the next time you feel this way it will be a little easier to deal with without turning to food.
Well done for sticking up for yourself in the face of the demon. Sleep well and tomorrow is a new day.
littlemissnaughty
Gold Member
Well done for not caving in. You are doing so well.
Maybe next time you're feeling down or needing to cave in get on this thread and start typing. It will make you feel better and at the same time stop you from going to the kitchen cupboards.
Good luck with your weigh in today
x
Maybe next time you're feeling down or needing to cave in get on this thread and start typing. It will make you feel better and at the same time stop you from going to the kitchen cupboards.
Good luck with your weigh in today
x
upndown
Gold Member
Morning...and thanks for your replies
Tuesday Night is my weigh in but every now and again it will have to be a Monday morning because of work.
There is one thing that is beginning to get on my nerves, lol - and that's the amount of times I have to go P. I'm still up 3 or 4 times a night and then continue that theme through the day, wish it would hurry up and settle down!
I can see from many many posts on here just how supportive people are, it's a really good thing and must help to keep so many people so motivated. If I can help to influence one person to get on, or stay on track then it will give me enormous satisfaction. I guess if you're feeling particularly low at any point, then you can come on here - perhaps read some of your own posts when you were at you most positive and/or reach out for the helps of others to get you back focussed.
Sigh, it's a pity the weather's so yuk out there. It's not that I intend to do too much with my weekend off, I just it prefer to be a pleasant day so I can, at the very least, wander up to my shed and tinker.
I've been up since 7:30 and only just had my brunch (still a little early)..I like to do this at weekends...Just two meals, Brunch and dinner and then a treat somewhere in between. I've had x2 toast (hexB), bacon, mushrooms, eggs and beans. Oh and a large glass of OJ for 4 syns. That will do me now until I have dinner later..I'll cook myself Sweet and Sour chicken..I've, just recently, perfected art of gorgeous fluffy rice (only taken 20 odd years lol) and what with the recipe for syn free S & S sauce (which is so good), I'm looking forward to my dinner already! Snacks today will probably be apple with cheese (hexA) and a Curly Wurly.
I think Sunday's are quite a good day for the next few days after it. Sunday night I can start thinking about Monday night, when I get my picture taken and then Tuesday night when I go and get weighed. Mind you, just eating so much (all free) makes me feel like I'll be putting half of what I've lost, back on, haha
It's weird feeling the way I feel because I know that that 'demon' is lurking and it's going to come along and drain me of all this positivity. Ok, some could argue that I shouldn't will it to make its next appearance but I would only be kidding myself, it's been with me for 35 years, it isn't going away that easily. What I hope to achieve is for its appearances become less and less frequent. It's been with me once over the last 12 days but I fought him off, kept my mind strong and woke up the next day with all my positivity having returned. I think it helps that I'm not someone who stresses. I recently watched a programme where doctors and scientists both agree that eating food loaded with sugar and fat (chocolate etc) reduces stress levels. The thing being, exercise does the same job but what's easier to do when stressed, reach for a chocolate bar or going for a 3 mile walk?
This mind set of mine will not change...I'm taking care of myself now and taking care of myself means not shovelling all manner of food and drink into my body. If one stays determined to care about oneself then I won't want to eat all the crap available, one wont let that demon overpower me...and one will, one day, look in the mirror, stand up straight and love the person who is being reflected back.
Hi -your posts are amazing - I like your approach to SW - I'm sure u will be successful on ur journey as u seem to have done lots of thinking and have found lots of solutions (and by posting here you're helping others). Well done for that 17.5 lbs loss - I hope ur WI 2moro is successful.
Hey
Well, that's another 4 lbs gone - Well happy with that if I'm honest.
Thanks for all your replies by the way and your words of encouragement and kindness are very well received...
Sat here eating a frozen Curly Wurly - yummy!
Was hit today with the new layout for work, lots of changes happening and some big reshuffles going on - not always my favourite cup of tea..change..but I guess we all have to embrace it in the best way we can. I'm just worried about who my new manager will be because there are two or three potentials within the office who, if they became my manager, would have me wanting to head for the exit door. -Have to wait and see a while so it's watch this space on that subject.
I do feel proud that I didn't cave in from the latest visit from the 'demon' - it's good to know that if I search deep enough within myself then I do have the strength to resist him. And if that does fail at any stage I have all you wonderful people on here to lean on.
Been thinking about the picture thing I'm doing and I'm wondering if a picture a week is the answer. I looked at this week's one last night and felt a tinsy bit demotivated because there was no visible change, despite the fact that some of my clothes are a little looser. Perhaps I should stick to a picture once a month. I suppose sticking to a picture a week for a year would look great once the year's done but I don't want to endanger any of my progress by overdoing it. I'll hold that thought.
Day off tomorrow - woohoo! I used to dread days off (in the week) when I was early on into a diet as it usually spelt the end of said diet. I don't like to stay in on those days and that usually meant talking myself into Wimpy bar or similar...not any more! Been hungry tonight though, craving something crunchy - settled for aforementioned Curly Wurly but it hasn't hit 'that spot' I wanted it to hit still, it's ok...I won't eat again tonight so I'm sure that want will pass. If it is still there in the morning then Cheerios are going to be the solution!
Had scrambled eggs on toast this morning and a big cold pork salad for dinner...again, yummy.
I have to be weighed next Monday morning now because of work but I'm not sure I am allowed to do that- will it be a technicality and mean I'm being weighed twice in a week? Hmmm...Might have to miss group otherwise and go back in 2 weeks time.
Stay strong people - all you gotta do is stray strong and the scales will show a loss. GO on, you know you want to
Well, that's another 4 lbs gone
- Well happy with that if I'm honest.Thanks for all your replies by the way and your words of encouragement and kindness are very well received...
Sat here eating a frozen Curly Wurly - yummy!
Was hit today with the new layout for work, lots of changes happening and some big reshuffles going on - not always my favourite cup of tea..change..but I guess we all have to embrace it in the best way we can. I'm just worried about who my new manager will be because there are two or three potentials within the office who, if they became my manager, would have me wanting to head for the exit door. -Have to wait and see a while so it's watch this space on that subject.
I do feel proud that I didn't cave in from the latest visit from the 'demon' - it's good to know that if I search deep enough within myself then I do have the strength to resist him. And if that does fail at any stage I have all you wonderful people on here to lean on.
Been thinking about the picture thing I'm doing and I'm wondering if a picture a week is the answer. I looked at this week's one last night and felt a tinsy bit demotivated because there was no visible change, despite the fact that some of my clothes are a little looser. Perhaps I should stick to a picture once a month. I suppose sticking to a picture a week for a year would look great once the year's done but I don't want to endanger any of my progress by overdoing it. I'll hold that thought.
Day off tomorrow - woohoo! I used to dread days off (in the week) when I was early on into a diet as it usually spelt the end of said diet. I don't like to stay in on those days and that usually meant talking myself into Wimpy bar or similar...not any more! Been hungry tonight though, craving something crunchy - settled for aforementioned Curly Wurly but it hasn't hit 'that spot' I wanted it to hit
still, it's ok...I won't eat again tonight so I'm sure that want will pass. If it is still there in the morning then Cheerios are going to be the solution! Had scrambled eggs on toast this morning and a big cold pork salad for dinner...again, yummy.
I have to be weighed next Monday morning now because of work but I'm not sure I am allowed to do that- will it be a technicality and mean I'm being weighed twice in a week? Hmmm...Might have to miss group otherwise and go back in 2 weeks time.
Stay strong people - all you gotta do is stray strong and the scales will show a loss. GO on, you know you want to
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LHutch90
Full Member
Well done! 4lbs is brilliant, good for you!
Ahhh frozen curly wurly, I could just eat one of them right now!
Now your weight loss is coming off slower, please don't get demotivated about your pics, in a few weeks you won't recognise yourself so keep going!
Well done again and keep us posted! Xx
Ahhh frozen curly wurly, I could just eat one of them right now!
Now your weight loss is coming off slower, please don't get demotivated about your pics, in a few weeks you won't recognise yourself so keep going!
Well done again and keep us posted! Xx
upndown
Gold Member
sad to hear u'v had a bad day - but glad u'r dealing with it so well - good luck with ur WI!
upndown
Gold Member
Hey
Well, that's another 4 lbs gone
Thanks for all your replies by the way and your words of encouragement and kindness are very well received...
Sat here eating a frozen Curly Wurly - yummy!
Was hit today with the new layout for work, lots of changes happening and some big reshuffles going on - not always my favourite cup of tea..change..but I guess we all have to embrace it in the best way we can. I'm just worried about who my new manager will be because there are two or three potentials within the office who, if they became my manager, would have me wanting to head for the exit door. -Have to wait and see a while so it's watch this space on that subject.
I do feel proud that I didn't cave in from the latest visit from the 'demon' - it's good to know that if I search deep enough within myself then I do have the strength to resist him. And if that does fail at any stage I have all you wonderful people on here to lean on.
Been thinking about the picture thing I'm doing and I'm wondering if a picture a week is the answer. I looked at this week's one last night and felt a tinsy bit demotivated because there was no visible change, despite the fact that some of my clothes are a little looser. Perhaps I should stick to a picture once a month. I suppose sticking to a picture a week for a year would look great once the year's done but I don't want to endanger any of my progress by overdoing it. I'll hold that thought.
Day off tomorrow - woohoo! I used to dread days off (in the week) when I was early on into a diet as it usually spelt the end of said diet. I don't to stay in on those days and that usually meant talking myself into Wimpy bar or similar...not any more! Been hungry tonight though, craving something crunchy - settled for aforementioned Curly Wurly but it hasn't hit 'that spot' I wanted it to hit
Had scrambled eggs on toast this morning and a big cold pork salad for dinner...again, yummy.
I have to be weighed next Monday morning now because of work but I'm not sure I am allowed to do that- will it be a technicality and mean I'm being weighed twice in a week? Hmmm...Might have to miss group otherwise and go back in 2 weeks time.
Stay strong people - all you gotta do is stray strong and the scales will show a loss. GO on, you know you want to
well done on saying goodbye to another 4lbs! agree that weekly pics can't show an amazing difference and wonder if you could either ditch that idea and take them monthly or keep taking them weekly and put them in an envelope without looking at them - if they're going to demotivate you? hope the office changes go ok for you.
h tha
littlemissnaughty
Gold Member
Well done 4lbs is a great loss in your 2nd week :clap:
And well done for not caving in, that is a great achievement.
Re the Photo, I would do one once a month, you'll see a bigger difference then and it will keep you going. If you do it every week and there's not a lot of difference it might become more negative than positive.x
And well done for not caving in, that is a great achievement.
Re the Photo, I would do one once a month, you'll see a bigger difference then and it will keep you going. If you do it every week and there's not a lot of difference it might become more negative than positive.x
I will write some more soon but just wanted to share my (tonight's) dinner pic with you. My SW Sweet & Sour chicken, all free on EE
I've been out today and surrounded by friends who've had Hot dogs + fries + pub Lunches and all manner of sweets, resisted them all and came home to cook this- it tastes sooooooo good
I've been out today and surrounded by friends who've had Hot dogs + fries + pub Lunches and all manner of sweets, resisted them all and came home to cook this- it tastes sooooooo good
Omg i'm so impressed with your posts and your great willpower! I'm on my second week and although i've stuck to plan not expecting a great loss( downfall of being a woman!!) But hopefully it'll b down extra next week. Weigh in tonight so hope against hope i at least stay the same. Your dinner this evening looks lovely. Best of luck on your journey and look forward to reading your motivating posts!
. Best of luck on your journey and look forward to reading your motivating posts!
littlemissnaughty
Gold Member
Your dinner looks lush. Well done for not caving in when friends were eating rubbish earlier, that takes so much willpower x
xHey
My dinner looks like it was on a plate but it's in a big bowl and I managed to scoff all of it! But, as I said, it's all free (that S & S sauce really is good)
Mmmm, today wasn't easy in the face of all that temptation, I think it's been the first day (since I started) that I'e felt a little hard done by because I couldn't just eat a big pile of crappy food when, if I am honest, I was craving it. I don't understand it when people offer you said crappy food when they know you're trying so hard to take care of yourself. If it's not sabotage then I can only conclude they have no clue just how difficult this is sometimes. I'm not going to dwell on it though but just stay focussed next time similar temptation comes my way. I didn't mention it yesterday but before our meeting at work there were large bacon rolls and chocolate croissants free to anyone who wanted one (or more), again I resisted.
If I think about what my biggest temptations would be then these are my top five
1) Bread - Especially a large (uncut) crusty loaf.
2) Doughnuts (in all forms)
3) Fried Bacon
4) Pizza
5) Chinese take away
I have always been able to eat the above in copious amounts at any given time. In fact, if we assume butter/marg could be included then I could happily live on just those five things for a very long time without ever getting bored.
I can remember (as a child) how much I loved it when we used to have an uncut crusty loaf on Sunday for tea, great big fat slices heavily buttered. I remember too, as a teenager, I used to have to get public transport to school and the bus stopped right outside a bakers (this at 08:20am) that was always open and I used to use all my money buying [still] warm sugary Jam Doughnuts. We'd be treated to a fry up sometimes (again as a kid) and I can remember how excited I was being able to smell fried bacon as it cooked when I woke up. I lived in USA for a while as a young child and I was introduced to pizza then - it was so exciting having that. And I can remember how much I craved Chinese take away (I was about 12/13 at the time) when my older sisters used to come home with it when they were dating. I used to wait, tongue hanging out, with the vague hope that they wouldn't finish it and leave me help myself to what was left.
So there we have it, my favourite five things that I really shouldn't eat and I have very strong, powerful memories of being excited to eat them (as a child). Perhaps one begins to understand the want for that type of food, especially when I'm feeling upset or down. Eating those things triggers happy memories...I wasn't abused as a child but it certainly wasn't a great childhood (emotionally) and those times which I remember with fondness are all connected with crappy foods!
Just realised I'm rambling away about nothing in particular, I'm just getting down on here the thoughts which are rattling around in my head...Still looking for answers I suppose, looking for that 'Eureka' moment. It's funny how I think those things on the above list make me so happy because, in reality, they contribute to making me very sad.
I'm going to turn the other cheek and concentrate on the good...I'm over a stone and a half lighter now than I was two weeks ago - that's a great achievement. I stared that 'demon' right into its eyes on more than one occasion and I've won each time - that's a great achievement. I'm being honest and open on here and have 'met' some fantastic people - that's a great achievement. I haven't won the war yet but I've won all the battles and that's a great achievement....It's all good, it's all ****ing really good and I'm bloody proud of myself and everyone on here should be bloody proud of themselves too!!!!!!!!!!
Ooo errr... rant over
My dinner looks like it was on a plate but it's in a big bowl and I managed to scoff all of it! But, as I said, it's all free (that S & S sauce really is good)
Mmmm, today wasn't easy in the face of all that temptation, I think it's been the first day (since I started) that I'e felt a little hard done by because I couldn't just eat a big pile of crappy food when, if I am honest, I was craving it. I don't understand it when people offer you said crappy food when they know you're trying so hard to take care of yourself. If it's not sabotage then I can only conclude they have no clue just how difficult this is sometimes. I'm not going to dwell on it though but just stay focussed next time similar temptation comes my way. I didn't mention it yesterday but before our meeting at work there were large bacon rolls and chocolate croissants free to anyone who wanted one (or more), again I resisted.
If I think about what my biggest temptations would be then these are my top five
1) Bread - Especially a large (uncut) crusty loaf.
2) Doughnuts (in all forms)
3) Fried Bacon
4) Pizza
5) Chinese take away
I have always been able to eat the above in copious amounts at any given time. In fact, if we assume butter/marg could be included then I could happily live on just those five things for a very long time without ever getting bored.
I can remember (as a child) how much I loved it when we used to have an uncut crusty loaf on Sunday for tea, great big fat slices heavily buttered. I remember too, as a teenager, I used to have to get public transport to school and the bus stopped right outside a bakers (this at 08:20am) that was always open and I used to use all my money buying [still] warm sugary Jam Doughnuts. We'd be treated to a fry up sometimes (again as a kid) and I can remember how excited I was being able to smell fried bacon as it cooked when I woke up. I lived in USA for a while as a young child and I was introduced to pizza then - it was so exciting having that. And I can remember how much I craved Chinese take away (I was about 12/13 at the time) when my older sisters used to come home with it when they were dating. I used to wait, tongue hanging out, with the vague hope that they wouldn't finish it and leave me help myself to what was left.
So there we have it, my favourite five things that I really shouldn't eat and I have very strong, powerful memories of being excited to eat them (as a child). Perhaps one begins to understand the want for that type of food, especially when I'm feeling upset or down. Eating those things triggers happy memories...I wasn't abused as a child but it certainly wasn't a great childhood (emotionally) and those times which I remember with fondness are all connected with crappy foods!
Just realised I'm rambling away about nothing in particular, I'm just getting down on here the thoughts which are rattling around in my head...Still looking for answers I suppose, looking for that 'Eureka' moment. It's funny how I think those things on the above list make me so happy because, in reality, they contribute to making me very sad.
I'm going to turn the other cheek and concentrate on the good...I'm over a stone and a half lighter now than I was two weeks ago - that's a great achievement. I stared that 'demon' right into its eyes on more than one occasion and I've won each time - that's a great achievement. I'm being honest and open on here and have 'met' some fantastic people - that's a great achievement. I haven't won the war yet but I've won all the battles and that's a great achievement....It's all good, it's all ****ing really good and I'm bloody proud of myself and everyone on here should be bloody proud of themselves too!!!!!!!!!!
Ooo errr... rant over
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LHutch90
Full Member
Im so amazed and inspired by your success and story, i struggle myself when it comes to temptation. I work in a kitchen and it is so easy to pick and little of this and a little of that!
I've been really good so far this week, so I'm quite proud of myself. And you should be proud too, saying no is the hardest thing in the world sometimes, it definately isn't easy when you work with people who have no idea how hard it can be to diet.
Also, your top 5 is also my 5 too! I'm also a sucker for cheese, I could eat that all day if someone let me.
I've been really good so far this week, so I'm quite proud of myself. And you should be proud too, saying no is the hardest thing in the world sometimes, it definately isn't easy when you work with people who have no idea how hard it can be to diet.
Also, your top 5 is also my 5 too! I'm also a sucker for cheese, I could eat that all day if someone let me.
