Some one-liners for the weekend!

Discussion in 'Slimming World Off Topic' started by Maximus, 3 September 2011 Social URL.

  1. Maximus

    Maximus Gold Member

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    Best ones heard this week!

    Just £3 will buy water and food for a family in Africa. But don't let your heart rule your head. Morrisons are doing 4 Stella for £2-99.


    Geordie bursts into the Benefits office. "I've been ringing 080021730 for 2 bloody days. Why don't you answer the phone man!" Girl replies, "Those are our opening times ya daft bugger."


    Went out to my car last night and there was a 'hoodie' kicking like mad at my boot lid !
    I said "Stop that - You're in there for a reason !" [​IMG]


    I bumped into an old mate today, Chrissy, chrissy one-arm as it goes - after a childhood accident. "Where you off Chris?" I asked him. "Just off to change a lightbulb" he replied. "Wow! that might be tricky" I thought, "Can I help?" "Nah, Steve, I've got the receipt mate!"


    I had a pal who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train.
    ........He was chuffed to bits!


    Disabled toilets. Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in!


    A scientific survey was done to see if there was any link between the month of birth, and the likleyhood of becoming a chav later in life. It was suprising to see that most chavs were born in Argos. [​IMG]


    and finally.....are irish jokes still allowed?

    Paddy and Mick were making a cuppa.
    Paddy asks "Why have you got an empty bottle of milk in the fridge there?"
    Mick replies "Its in case someone wants black coffee ya eejit"


    Great weekend everyone;)

    Steve
     
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  3. Shrimpy

    Shrimpy Gold Member

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    The Irish joke made me actually LOL. :)
     
  4. Shirleen

    Shirleen Gold Member

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    I liked the Irish one.

    Incidentally, about disabled toilets, they aren't always disabled, some of them actually work!
     
  5. *Emsie*

    *Emsie* Gold Member

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  6. *Emsie*

    *Emsie* Gold Member

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    I was at the post office, when I see a blonde woman shouting into an envelope. I asked, "What are you doing?" The blonde replied,"Sending a voice mail"
     
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