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Some one-liners for the weekend!

S: 17st7lb C: 10st10lb G: 10st5lb BMI: 24.2 Loss: 6st11lb(38.78%)
#1
Best ones heard this week!

Just £3 will buy water and food for a family in Africa. But don't let your heart rule your head. Morrisons are doing 4 Stella for £2-99.


Geordie bursts into the Benefits office. "I've been ringing 080021730 for 2 bloody days. Why don't you answer the phone man!" Girl replies, "Those are our opening times ya daft bugger."


Went out to my car last night and there was a 'hoodie' kicking like mad at my boot lid !
I said "Stop that - You're in there for a reason !"



I bumped into an old mate today, Chrissy, chrissy one-arm as it goes - after a childhood accident. "Where you off Chris?" I asked him. "Just off to change a lightbulb" he replied. "Wow! that might be tricky" I thought, "Can I help?" "Nah, Steve, I've got the receipt mate!"


I had a pal who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train.
........He was chuffed to bits!


Disabled toilets. Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in!


A scientific survey was done to see if there was any link between the month of birth, and the likleyhood of becoming a chav later in life. It was suprising to see that most chavs were born in Argos.



and finally.....are irish jokes still allowed?

Paddy and Mick were making a cuppa.
Paddy asks "Why have you got an empty bottle of milk in the fridge there?"
Mick replies "Its in case someone wants black coffee ya eejit"


Great weekend everyone;)

Steve
 
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S: 13st6lb C: 8st12lb G: 8st11lb BMI: 24.2 Loss: 4st8lb(34.04%)
#2
The Irish joke made me actually LOL. :)
 
S: 21st12.5lb C: 21st4lb G: 12st0lb BMI: 45.3 Loss: 0st8.5lb(2.77%)
#3
I liked the Irish one.

Incidentally, about disabled toilets, they aren't always disabled, some of them actually work!
 


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