Some Parents Are Just...Ugh

[Scarlet Daisy]

My Mum rang me today...

Me: Hello?

My Mum: That was quick!

Me: Yeah, I was sitting near the phone.

My Mum: Oh, that was handy then. What are you doing, sitting looking at the phone instead of eating?





What the **** was THAT supposed to mean?!

I swear, it's a wonder a don't just crack and tell her where to go.

 

[Muffindoll]

oooh thats a bit mean. My mum has a habit of opening her mouth before thinking latley, it really gets on my nerves, its like as she has gotten older she has lost all sence of tact.
I hope I never get like that, I would never want to think I would upset somebody like that, its almost like she thinks as she's my mum she can get away with a comment like the one your mum has said to you.
The only thing is to ignore it but its so hard to sometimes!

 

[not_lar_croft]

I think sometimes people forget we have feelings!! I have to bite my lip sometimes when my mum says things like that or even so called friends but then you are the better person cos you can rise above it.......lol

 

[Beki]

wow... i hope you haven't taken it to heart! ((hugs)) x

 

[sarahandmolly]

Oh dear! :sigh: Thats not good at all is it. Tell her to mind her own business x

 

[jenpen]

My mother is the queen of the "put you down" with weight comments, hair comments and clothes comments!
I know where you are coming from, and don't let it get you down.

Perhaps she has her own issues with growing older or loosing control of her family, seeing them moving away and being independent.

Whatever, bite your cheek and give her a hugh complement about somethink, its the last thing she will expect and may make her think about what she says next!

BTW : I'm sure she really loves you!
Jenny

 

[Sarah-Jayne]

Oh hun! What did you reply to her saying?
Im sure she didnt mean it the way that it came out. Hugs xx

 

[Julianne_julz]

Oh that's not very nice is it... *hug* Maybe she was on edge for some reason and feeling a bit snappy. xx

 

[Scarlet Daisy]

Thanks everyone. I know my Mum loves me but I just get so tired of hearing remarks about my weight. What's worse is she does it to my 14 year old son too, because he had a chubby phase (which he is now over). She wasn't even saying anything really, just making an inane, catty remark, for the sake of it.

The odd thing is, my Dad was always the cruel one, who kept banging on about my size and making "jokes" at my expense... He died last year and even though she KNEW I was tired of it, my Mum seems to have taken his place.

BTW, I didn't really reply to what she said, I just gave a weak "heh" and changed the subject.

 

[Annie30]

Hi Daisy
I am sorry your mum was so cruel to you with her comments and your reply makes me think that these remarks do affect you and they do impact on how you feel about yourself.

When I first read the post it reminded me of the old lady on the comedy show catherine tate - do you know her? My kids often say that I will end up like her because I speak my mind too much. However, there is no excuse for saying hurtful comments.

Next time she makes a comment like that, could you be brave enough to say something back, only to the effect of how hurtful and sad you are feeling when she says something like that? It may be the kick she needs to stop it.

Take care honey.
Love
Annie xx

 

[HellieCopter]

Sorry, but I did give a little chuckle...that's quite funny! Not nice, but still quite amusing!

Often, women 'of a certain age', especially our mothers, feel like they've got the right to say whatever they like to us, because they're 'old and wise' and have 'done it all'.

Don't forget, there's a fierce undercurrent of jealousy when it comes to women and weight. Mothers/sisters included! Rather than just being pleased for the person that is losing, becoming healthy and slimmer etc., there is that twinge of jealousy that screams 'I want to lose weight too, she is, why can't I?!?!' and in the women that we are close to, I think that can manifest as b*tchy comments. Friends will often internalise it, but you know it's there. But Mums...say it all and it comes across as insulting. Sometimes!

Rise above it. I think not responding is about the best reaction you can have...unless you do have a word with her about it as suggested.

x

 

[Melanie]

Ha ha. Mothers - you can't beat 'em (although you should sometimes be allowed to - just a little.....!!)

 

[Scarlet Daisy]

Hi Daisy
I am sorry your mum was so cruel to you with her comments and your reply makes me think that these remarks do affect you and they do impact on how you feel about yourself.

When I first read the post it reminded me of the old lady on the comedy show catherine tate - do you know her? My kids often say that I will end up like her because I speak my mind too much. However, there is no excuse for saying hurtful comments.

Next time she makes a comment like that, could you be brave enough to say something back, only to the effect of how hurtful and sad you are feeling when she says something like that? It may be the kick she needs to stop it.

Take care honey.
Love
Annie xx

Thanks Annie. I have spoken to my Mum in the past, about my Dad and the things he has said... But she just blew it off as me being "Too sensitive". And with my son she seems to think that constantly saying things about how much better he looks, now that he has dropped some weight, is somehow constructive. But it isn't, he was never that big in the first place.

I posted about the situation with my Dad here: http://www.minimins.com/families-relationships-past-present-future/92695-unkind-parents.html . I'm really cross that she can't let it drop.

 

[avisk]

I used to know someone who made snide comments all the time. It was no good pointing out that the remarks were upsetting - that was her intention!

I eventually worked out two strategies. One was simply to pretend that I hadn't heard what she said. No reaction, nothing at all. People who are trying to get a rise out of you don't really know what to do if you don't react at all.

Of course, that doesn't always work - you can't always pretend you haven't heard. The other technique was to laugh - not just a weak giggle, but a huge roar of laughter, saying something like "oh, you are SO funny, that was hysterical".

The trick with someone who is trying to put you off balance is to turn around and try to put them off balance. Don't give them the reaction that they want - that's what they feed on. Eventually, they get bored!

 

[avisk]

Scarlet Daisy - I have just read the other thread you mentioned in your post. It made me so sad.

I don't understand why some people have to be so unkind. Why is it that they get pleasure out of making other people unhappy.

Of course, there are times when we may need to say things to people which are not pleasant, for their own good, but it can always be done with kindness.

We cannot always avoid the unkind people who are in our lives - certainly not if we are related to them! What we can do is cherish the nice people that we know and tell them how much they are appreciated.

 

[JoJosing]

Scarlet Daisy

I sat here with my mouth open reading your post.

Whilst my Mum would not be that direct with her snide comments they are constant. I try to ignore them as best I can as you can not choose family only your friends.

I think that you reaction of not saying anything at the time was probably best but it may be worth talking to your Mum perhaps face to face about the way she talks to you and the way she talks about your son.

 

[malaika]

Please have a chat with your mum.
Some people have no idea that their comments really hurt. If she doesn't listen to you, just ignore them. I am certain she does love you, but perhaps her tongue and brain don't always work well together! ((hugs))

 

[Strawberri]

sounds like my mum she opens her mouth before she switches her brain on.. love her to death but comments this week have included:

(on the phone)

Me: " Im on a diet mum"
Mum: "Oh dear again, why your always going to be big!!!!"

Mum: "What that noise"
Me: "Im in the kitchen"
Mum: "Fell into the muffins again dear"

Mum: "You shouldnt eat when your talkng on the the phone"
Me: "Im not ive got a cold"
Mum: "Mmmhm dear, thats what your sister says when shes shoveling it in!!"

Thats just this week she loves me I know but sometimes dammm I could murder her

 

[cheekychinchilla]

Oh dear, what a horrible thing to say! It is very unfair of her to have taken over you Dad's role of the put downs. I hope you're ok and dont feel too bad about it?

My Mum never puts me down, which I know makes me very lucky. But whenever I mention trying to lose weight or exercising more she ALWAYS says "Don't go too mad" or "Don't take it too far"....Why Mum? In case I finally get to a healthy weight and become happy and fit?? She knows how important it is for me to get healthy-I have quite a dangerous heart condition and I almost didn't make it to two years old. And I know she obviously worries that I may be putting a strain on my heart, but I know my limits and I know in the long run it will be better for me to exercise and lose weight.

And I am very sorry to have stolen your thread a bit there I've never said anything like this to anyone about my Mum. And this really is her only bad thing, except not listening to me but that's a whole other thread

 

[Sticky]

OMG! That is way harsh - for ANYONE to say let alone your own Mum!

Honey - don't let it upset you. Look how much you've lost and how well you're doing and let the comment roll off your back.

You'll find that some people just cannot help themselves - and no matter what you do, they'll be mean in some way. That same comment might have come before the weight loss too - so take comfort in the fact you're 45lbs lighter.

Hugs to you - I feel so sad that you've had this thrown at you. Wanna borrow my Mum for a week? She's been ace with me - very supportive. I'm sure she'll be happy to be rented out

Seriously - hope you are ok xxx