Sorry need to offload...

Discussion in 'Strugglers and Restarters' started by Jay Jay, 10 June 2008 Social URL.

  1. Jay Jay

    Jay Jay Member

    DCD - Healthy Eating & Exercise
    Hi All...

    I'm new to these boards but I need somewhere to put my feelings down as I can't talk to my friends about this...

    After putting on 5st during my pregnancy with my son and the sudden death of my mum in 2004. I started my diet in June 2006 and between then and August 2007 managed to lose 3 st 10lbs needing to lose another 2 st to hit my so called 'ideal weight'. Then we had a lot of stress in our lives and since then have put 1st 10lbs back on. So I need to lose nearly 4 st.

    I've felt really down and feel like one big flump for the last few weeks and went back to my diet 3 weeks ago and things are going fine - weigh in in a week. I have the support of my partner and I'm in no doubt that he loves me, but last Thursday night he let it slip that at his old work place they used to refer to him as a 'fat lover' because of me! Now if they were teenagers I'ld probably be able to laugh, but they were all between 30 and 50, my partner says their wives weren't skinny or anything special.

    I can't begin to describe how I feel, I hate myself and things have been tense between us as a result of this revalation.

    I'm not sure why this is affecting me so much, God I know I'm overweight, but this has left me feeling like a 16 year old instead of a 35 year old woman!

    Not sure what I expect you to say to me, but I needed to get this out as I'm becoming an emotional wreck with it playing on my mind.

    Jay x
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  3. abz

    abz Gold Member

    jay. that's awful. and all i can say is it sounds like they are teenagers rather than between 30 and 50 and obviously need to compensate for what's lacking in their own lives by trying to make somebody else feel worse about theirs. what kind of person would say something like that, not just a dig at your OH but a dig at you too. what kind of person wouldn't expect your OH and you to get upset about it. they obviously thought he wouldn't tell you.

    well you are doing brilliantly. you are losing weight and you are becoming a healthier you. they, however, will always be stuck with weak minds, weak lives and all their faults. after all, we can get thin, they'll always be stupid and meaningless!!

    try and shrug it off hon. your poor OH has been trying to handle this on his own. it can't have been a very nice working environment for him. goodness knows how you are supposed to react when your workmates say something like that!!

    chin up babes. keep going. and just tell them all to sod off at the christmas party. i really feel for you.

    abz xx
  4. Mini

    Mini Administrator Staff Member

    Start Weight:
    Current Weight:
    Slimming World
    Hi Jay,

    I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your Mum:hug99: A sudden unexpected death is always much harder to come to terms with, especially so soon after your son being born as I am sure you must miss sharing your son with her.

    Four years is not all that long and I think you are still very much grieving your Mum's loss.

    Perhaps you could think about seeing a counsellor. As you have said there has been a lot of stress in your lives and it is always good to talk things over with a third party who is a professional.

    I know how frustrating it is to come so near to goal and then put most of the weight back on again...but you are doing well now, but it is also the time too where it is easy to think why did I not do it the last time and keep it off!

    It is very easy to slip into negative thinking and begin beating yourself up or looking for something to beat yourself with.

    I think your husband's comment about his workmates saying he was a 'fat lover' is getting to you more now because you are feeling down in yourself.

    Your husband has told you that these men are not married to skinny minnies, but you are being selective and taking it very personal when in truth it was probably just a throw away comment, as men so often do when joking among themselves.

    You have said your husband loves you and supports you, so you do have a solid foundation.

    I think you should tell him how you are feeling and that what his workmates said about you has undermined your confidence in yourself just now...

    Give him a chance to help and together you can both sort it out.

    Love Mini xxx
  5. Tarragon

    Tarragon Silver Member

    Goal Weight:
    Still considering
    I completely agree with the responses above. What a vile thing for them to say. Please try not to let this come between you and your husband, he obviously loves you very much. Think about the future and how much better you will feel when you have finished the diet. I know I can't wait to be able to run around with the kids and not be scared to go on rides and stuff in case I don't fit.
    Remember we are all here for you, and I know from experience it is easier said than done, but try and ignore their ignorant comments.

  6. Dancing

    Dancing Gold Member

    nothing to add to what the others have said. Out of interest where does he work? I can't believe there are men out there of this age that "joke" (?) around in this way.
  7. IreneH

    IreneH Gold Member

    I'd also suggest seeing a counsellor. When my mam died my dr suggested seeing someone and it definately helped. Didn't make the grief go away but made me look at things in a different way. I had also lost nearly 5 st then and have since put it back on and trying to lose again and not finding it easy

    we are all here for you and I am sending you a big ((((hug)))) as I think you need one

    Irene xx
  8. Jay Jay

    Jay Jay Member

    DCD - Healthy Eating & Exercise
    Thank you for all your kind responses.

    My other half used to work in a body/paint shop (cars), which he hated mainly due to the people he worked with, but I'm glad to say that he found another job in Feb this year and it has changed our whole life! But this was all brought back to the forefront as we bumped into one of them this week. Anyway, we've talked at great length this evening and I'm feeling much better! He had protected me from this while he worked there and he said that he hadn't even thought of them since leaving, but seeing him had brought it all back to him and he needed to talk.

    I used to work in a mortgage centre and I can honestly say that not one women was as cruel or catty as these 3 men!!!

    I think I might see if I can see a counseller, my mum died on the 17th June and my little boy was born on the 12th July, so they never got to meet. My mum was only 50 and was taken into hospital in the afternoon and died at midday 2 days later. Then 8 months later I lost my dear nan, so all in all I think talking to someone might help.
  9. abz

    abz Gold Member

    really feel for you jay jay. am so happy that you and your OH don't have to interact with these people any more. you are both better off without them. and it just goes to show that when women are catty it's nasty, but when men are catty they just don't know discretion!! or tact!! or engage their brain it seems... if it's your mates saying things that's one thing, but this is another.

    if you think that talking to someone would help then it seems like a very good idea.

    hope things pick up for you soon hon.

    abz xx
  10. Ayla

    Ayla Member

    Start Weight:
    Goal Weight:
    Healthy Eating
    Jay Jay, I really feel for you, and feel that the responses above are full of great advice. I am glad that you have spoken to your OH, he has obviously protected you from these nasty comments and talking it through has probably relieved some of the tension that he has had as well. Hopefully this will enable him to be supportive of your decision to make a positive impact on your life by losing weight.
    I think it is important to talk to someone about your losses, as if you are unable to ease some of that grief, you will find it difficult to reach your goals.
    Wishing you all the best. :hug99:
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