sorry

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by carrieclaus, 23 February 2011 Social URL.

  1. carrieclaus

    carrieclaus Gold Member

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    ive let myself down badly, after my ickle cheat on mon after weigh in i had a huge binge yesterday. honestly truly disgusting. i am the biggest self sabotager EVER!! why oh why am i like this?? ive not had a binge for weeks and weeks and im so ashamed with myself for going backwards. i WAS a secret eater before and thats what i have to keep reminding myself of. I WAS I WAS I WAS!! i am not now or ever will be again.

    im in need of some help guys. im trying to make sense of all these crooked thoughts but i cant. all i know is i want to do it and i know i can do it so why am i doing this when i get so close?? im gonna drink sooo much water today and am aiming for ketosis on sat. xx

    :booboo::ashamed0005::needhug::feedtroll:
     
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  3. SunshineCass

    SunshineCass Full Member

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    *hugs* It's okay sweet! Don't beat yourself up over it.

    At least you've realised what you had done and have stopped today. I'm sure it's harder to focus when it's been done but you can do it Carrie! You've lost alot so far so you can't quit :p

    Just remind yourself of why you're doing it. Keep drinking that water. Ketosis will be with you in no time :p. Try and do something that takes your mind off of it. Hope today goes well for you and the rest of the week.

    Good luck Carrie

    xxx
     
  4. carrieclaus

    carrieclaus Gold Member

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    thanks cass. i hate self pity yet im racked with it today... i have to log on here to face upto it. im in need of a diet buddy.... all my friends think ive done enough now so theyre not THAT supportive and my oh is fab but as a man hes never gonna understand truly how im feeling as most of the time even i dont know how im feeling. ive already drank 1 1/2 ltrs of water so im well on my way. ive got the kids room to clean today and my ironing which will take me a good few hours.

    i how supportive everyone is on here. xx
     
  5. gingette

    gingette Full Member

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    Hi Carrie, the most important thing you have done is to come on here and get support from the rest of us.

    do you know what triggered your lapse? there is a fear about getting close to goal as we've been big for such a long time and we are about to change for good and in general we're not very good at change.

    you need to write down why you are doing this plan and all of the things you have achieved already. this is the toughest way to shed our pounds and once you can get through one whole day you are strong enough with enough will power to do anything.

    Big hug.

    x
     
  6. Pinkie :)

    Pinkie :) Slowly shrinking again!

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    Aww Carrie... hate seeing you down... huge hugs hunny... [​IMG]

    How ever well any of us do, our core habits are instilled in us, deep deep down... you're not super human, none of us are... we still feel scared about the future, and still find the old habits the easiest to fall back in to... the counselling helps, but remember we're trying to change a life time of habits... so we will slip up from time to time...

    The fact that we use food as a help when things get tough, and it's food that we are having to deal with, makes it all so hard... but we are strong, and can beat it...

    It's a bit like having an argument with your best friend, and the only person who will understand is your best friend, but you can't talk to them about it, because it's them who you argued with! You know?! Bloody food!!

    You are back on track today... and doing well so far... you will get there.... this is gonna be for life, this weight loss... so another couple of days is neither her nor there... the end is in sight and that's a scary thing... I know I use my weight as a type of security, and without it people see the real me... that's scary, but it's also good... liberating...

    You're a total star, and so strong... don't beat yourself up over this. You're just human... here's to a great day today! We're all with ya... :D

    xx
     
  7. alicethecamel

    alicethecamel Full Member

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    Yup... I agree... today is a new day... new leaf.

    I went back to group last night after two solid weeks of MAJOR secret eating food meltdown. I put on 1 stone and 12 lbs IN TWO WEEKS. That's two months work undone in a fortnight!! But today I am totally back on the wagon (so far ;) )

    So the main thing for you is to nip it in the bud now before it takes hold and be proud of yourself for realising what you're doing and not letting it going any further!!

    Good luck today. Stay busy and stay happy!!

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  8. carrieclaus

    carrieclaus Gold Member

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    all i love you all soooooooooo much. im keepin busy on my 3rd litre of water. its amazing how thirsty a binge makes you, must be the salt. xx
     
  9. Halebob

    Halebob Full Member

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    Don't dwell on it Carrie. :flowers:
    You need to think about what triggered this, what were you doing, or how were you feeling before you did it. Then you can learn from it and move on, and if it happens again where your in that situation or feeling that way you will be aware of it and take steps to deal with that don't involve food.
    Think about how far you've come. I can't completely understand how you feel as i'm only 2 weeks in to this, but already i'm bored of the packs, I long for variety and taste, so i can only imagine what it will be like when i'm coming to the end.
    :grouphugg:
     
  10. carrieclaus

    carrieclaus Gold Member

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    i was hungry and if i hadnt went out into the centre on my lunch break and went straight into the staffroom for my chilli i honestly dont think i wouldve caved. after that it was back to " oh well ive done it now so i might as well break the diet in style".

    my lesson is if im hungry have my food pack... dont go where i can smell food. it only makes me want that. xx
     
  11. Halebob

    Halebob Full Member

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    I think the smell is more of a trigger than actually seeing the food, but remember aswell, if you do have a little lapse, it's too easy to think, oh stuff it i may as well go all out. I do that. But you are undoing more the more you eat. Small lapses are easy to come back from and won't make you feel as shitty. Just remember how crappy you feel now, then next time it happens will be easier to resist.
     
  12. Silkybaby

    Silkybaby Full Member

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    Oh Carrie - snap!!
    For absolutely no reason I can think of I fell off the wagon with a large bang - went round the house on Monday hoovering up anything and everything I could find! Have no idea what triggered it as we'd had a fab weekend, resisted a MacD's with my hubbie and kids chomping away. Shared a lovely roast with the family and then Sunday night BAM - HAD TO HAVE CHOCOLATE!!! Not totm or anything.
    Managed to get back on track yesterday but there's that little voice creeping in again - "just a little bit won't hurt"! Go away voices!!
    WI on Thursday night see what damage I've done!!!!
     
  13. Lozz

    Lozz Ready For Change!

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    I think everyone else has covered all main points!

    I'd have a think about the rebelious child in you! (that little bugger) and try to tune into the adult and make a decision that will help you!

    I fight with the rebelious child in me day to day and think you might need to pop him on the naughty step for a while! ;)

    Well done for noticing and WANTING to curb any future lapses, thats going to make the difference, note it write down how you feel now and draw a line under it, if you feel the need to binge read your thoughts and feelings then your adult state can make an informed decision as to whether its worth it or not!

    Big hugs!!!!!
     
  14. Lind

    Lind Is feeling the love!

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    I think it's being scared of actually doing it and getting to the weight we want to be. I keep getting to the point where you can notice how much weight has gone people start to comment and then thats it I eat. It has taken me 5 months to realise I am scared of acheiving what I really want. So now I know I have to figure out how to get over it.
    You have done so well already and it's hard to break very bad long habits, but they will break eventually!
    x
     
  15. MagdaX

    MagdaX is Magdalicious

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    Baby girl!!!!
    We can totally shake hands! I'm on the same boat! I've lapsed on Sunday and the weekend before and the one before that!
    Yet both of us have picked ourselves up and moved on!
    I think it's a combination of things. It's boredom it's fear it's rebelling against everything and everyone and also what I think not many of us tend to think of much, it's the fact that we are quite lonely in our little quest for slimdom. Think about it. Apart from few we all are pretty much on our own doing this program. None of my friends and family have done it or will ever do it. They can't possibly understand what we are going through and we can't expect them to. It take enormous strength and stability to be able to carry on with your everyday life like nothing's changed when in fact everything is changing. Our bodies our minds. Everything.
    It's so so hard to remain on track but darling you are not alone. We are not alone. We have each other in this amazing cyber world to keep each other strong and grounded.
    And I can totally be your diet buddy even from the far London! ;)
    In fact. Pm me your number and we can support each other via text on a daily basis. Everyone else is more than welcome to do the same!
    :)
    It will be all good!

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  16. Pinkie :)

    Pinkie :) Slowly shrinking again!

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    Mags, that's so brilliantly put darling... and very spot on! I play it down, to others, and in my own head, this whole journey I have embarked on... But it's a huge deal. My mind and body are changing, quite dramatically at the moment actually... The weight loss suddenly seems to be showing, and people are noticing... and although I am still 2 stone from goal, it's scared me a few times, just fleeting thoughts... but it's made me understand the fear which I've read others talk about as their goal draws near!

    I think we put a lot of emphasis on everything being different/better once we are slim. But in actual fact, as we get closer, we notice that things aren't changing in our life... other than our bodies, and our attitudes to food. Everything else is still the same... And this can be a disappointment, but it is a reality... and maybe makes us sabotage our journey when we are so close, in an effort to stay away from goal and face the scary truth that all those things in our lives which we didn't like, and blamed on our weight, are actually nothing to do with it, and are still there... needing to be dealt with!

    I also think (a bit like after having plastic surgery), that losing weight can be a bit addictive. The satisfaction of seeing the scales drop, the exciting changes we see happening to our bodies, the control we feel over our eating, the attention others show us... it's actually quite enjoyable, in a sadistic kind of way! ;)

    But when we hit goal, and people are no longer commenting, the scale is no longer going down and we lose the rush that came with being able to fit old clothes etc... well, then it's just us, with our new bod, and life has to just get back to normal... maybe it's a bit of an anti-climax for some? I know these are my fears anyway... not speaking for everyone else obviously...

    xx
     
    Last edited: 23 February 2011
  17. Gembritney

    Gembritney Silver Member

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    big Cuddles carrie xxx
     
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  19. Groovychick

    Groovychick Member

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    what a relief.....i thought it was just me...i also fell off the wagon big time on sunday...must have been something in the air or water!!!!! i am finding it so hard to get back on track and cannot fathom out for the life of me what triggered it off...i felt like i have been possessed and needed to eat like there was going to be a famine...i am 1.5lb off losing 2 stone so far and still have at least another 3 to go...why oh why did i feel the need to sabotage myself :(
     
  20. LadyT

    LadyT Tough But Sexy X

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    Carrie, it sounds like you have got yourself back on track, well done chick. Just keep picturing you in that stunning wedding dress xx
     
  21. carrieclaus

    carrieclaus Gold Member

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    well one full day at 100% yesterday has shown a loss of 4.8lbs since yesterday morning!!! its amazing what drinking 6-7litres of water and 4 food packs can do!! heres to day 2!! my weight is back to where it was so YAYAYAY!!! i feel so good getting day 1 done onwards and (weight) downwards. xx
     
  22. MagdaX

    MagdaX is Magdalicious

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    Glad you're feeling better my darling. Proud of you my lil fighter! X

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