Stop kidding myself

Discussion in 'CD Weight Loss Diaries' started by Tall fat and greedy, 22 June 2011 Social URL.

  1. Tall fat and greedy

    Tall fat and greedy Silver Member

    So here I am it wednesday and I started on SS+ 9 days ago. I have such a chequered history with dieting over the last 25, or so, years. I am brilliant at losing weight! And a master at putting it back on again, and of course never reaching my final goal before giving up. So what have I tried, ww, sureslim, speed, LL, Rosemary conoly, various pills, LA weight loss. And those are the ones I can remember!

    This time i have to not only reach my goal but go through maintainance so I can get control of my eating once and for all.

    I think I have the opposite problems of an anorexic, I look in the mirror and think oh that's not too bad, and then I see a picture of myself and hate the reality, a fat face I don't recognise and the rest. I eat secretly, after everyone has gone to bed, I eat during the week when everyone else is out of the house, I eat in the car. Half the time I don't even notice what i am stuffing into my mouth!

    Well that's a start and my journey will be for you all to see.

    My first weigh in? 12.5 lbs off
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  3. Buddymaster

    Buddymaster Member

    Start Weight:
    Goal Weight:
    Cambridge Diet
    Tall, fat and greedy,

    I swear you could have written your post for me! For years I have been saying I have the opposite to Anoxeric, as I look in the mirror and think "I don't look too bad" but it's when I see the photo's that I wonder where the 4 chins have come from! I'm also a secret eater, think that as long as no one see's me eat it, it doesn't count! KFC is my weakness.

    I have been on SS for 3 days now and finding it relatively easy, not hungry, slight headache today, but otherwise feel ok.

    I go on holiday in 4 weeks today, and i'm desperate to drop 1.5st before I go. Did you lose 12.5lb in your first week, that's great! It must really inspire you to carry on. I'm still too scared to get on the scales, so going to wait for my first week weigh in with my CDC.

    Last night was tough as I had to make Roast Chicken for my other half, had to sit in the garden while he ate it.

    Good luck and i'm sure together we can get there!

  4. Tall fat and greedy

    Tall fat and greedy Silver Member

    Thanks BM, the whole mirror thing is weird isn't it? I hope you have a good day today, are you setting up a diary too? Yes the first weigh in showed a loss of 12.5 and it does help, but there is a way to go yet! I decided to do SS+ as I can fit that on better with my life as it means if I am out I can still have something to eat and not draw too much attention to myself!

    Just resting having bravely tackled a teenage boy bedroom to try and find out what is causing a damp smell that has been leaking out of there for a few days, eek! Can't find anything, hope it's not from the ceiling/roof after all this sudden rain!
  5. CheeseGirl

    CheeseGirl Gold Member

    Start Weight:
    Current Weight:
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    Hello, I do all of the above - eating in secret, etc. I also have recently taken to doing this: I need jeans or capris so I browse through the styles until I find one I like then I look at the sizes - when I hold up the 22 (what I was until last week) I think that can't possibly be my size, it's huge! So I buy the next size down without trying it on because it just LOOKS like it would be a better fit and when I get home and can't get it come up over my fat arse I wonder what happened and then am depressed and toss the jeans or whatever into the back of the wardrobe with the rest of the 'do not fits'. I could open my own boutique
  6. Tall fat and greedy

    Tall fat and greedy Silver Member

    Hi CheeseGirl, I have wardrobes full of clothes I can't get into, but keep ready for the time that I will, some of it's been sitting there for years and like your some is unworn. sounds like you are dropping sizes so well done, you must be pleased, soon you can venture to the back of that wardrobe and dig out the unworn pieces!
  7. CheeseGirl

    CheeseGirl Gold Member

    Start Weight:
    Current Weight:
    Goal Weight:
    One size down, well nearly as the 20s are still a bit tight but wearable.
    The beauty of it is that in the meanwhile some of the never-worn clothes have become fashionable again :D
  8. Tall fat and greedy

    Tall fat and greedy Silver Member

    Another day over and I feel ok! Just got back from the pub where I had three small bottles of water, at one point someones food went past and it smelt delicious, that's the first time I have got a whiff of someones meal and really thought about eating! Luckily the people I was with were not eating so I didnt have to sit there and watch anyone.

    Need to go to the supermarket tomorrow and i dread that a bit, as it would be the normal time when I would buy myself various treats! And then hide them for later when I got home. Also they make it smell so nice with roast chickens and fresh bread, anyway it has to be done so I will make sure I have had a pack before I go.

    I found some packs of cooked turkey last time I was there, must put them on the list!

    It feels strange when I am focused like this as I can't yet see what the trigger is to let me slip back into the old habits, if I can be this determined how do I let it all fall apart, and what is it that allows that other voice to tell me it's ok to keep eating and that I won't put the weight back on but that always means I am already piling the pounds back on my lardy a***.

    Sorry I am rambling, sleep time ......
  9. Tall fat and greedy

    Tall fat and greedy Silver Member

    Ok played tennis, I know it's not going to the gym, but at least it's exercise and with the extra lard I am carrying it makes for a pretty good sweat!

    Had a shake for breakfast and now thinking about soup for lunch before going to the supermarket for the weekend stock up when everyone is back home.

    Still getting light headed from time to time, it's odd it just washes over me not always when I am even standing or doing anything. Don't know if this is normal.

    Feeling strong and committed and just hoping this will last through a social weekend starting tomorrow night!
  10. girlygirl1

    girlygirl1 Banned

    Please, please don't keep beating yourself up. Those negative comments and insults to yourself might not have the motivating effect you hope for. Give yourself credit for wanting to lose weight and get healthier and for taking steps to do so.

    You're not bad, mad, sad, weak or utterly lazy. You just have a problem with food and eating. Everyone on this site does, if they are honest!

    You didn't gain the weight overnight, as the saying goes, and you won't lose it overnight either. It will take time and patience and hard work. There will be many ups and downs on the way. But in the end you will get there.

    Good luck and remember to give yourself credit and a pat on the back for every single positive change you make, however small it may seem at the time.
  11. Tall fat and greedy

    Tall fat and greedy Silver Member

    Thanks girlygirl, it's ok I am just trying to be a bit more honest to my self and it's not totally beating myself up although it reads like I am! My demons in my head tell me otherwise that i am fine and don't have to worry and can keep stuffing my face with whatever I want without any consequences, which is of course not true!

    Walked to the pub with the dog to meet friends for an early drink , of water, and then came out to see a large c
    Our loomongand smell the rain in the air! Thank goodness I live down a lane as once the rain hit I "ran"the last bit home, haha that's run in the loosest sense of the word, and I think the dog was scared he would get trodden on ! A bit drenched we arrived back and I spent a lovely evening in my dressing gown in front of the TV, drinking peppermint tea. Don't you love those evenings when nobody is home and you are left to your own quiet devices! Gosh two night's in a row going to the pub, can't remember when I last did that!

    Tonight is one of those jazz in the park and picnic evenings, so no one will notice what I am eating which makes it much easier to stick to some chicken and salad, and I will be nominated driver so I don't have to worry about not drinking . OH returns today from business trip. Son back tonight from viewing Leeds uni. Weekends always feel lesson control and more dangerous for food!
  12. Tall fat and greedy

    Tall fat and greedy Silver Member

    Has gone the Spangle route! On reading other diaries have downloaded the app and will start the tasks today

    I used to eat in the car, but now I will not buy food from the local shop or petrol station to eat
    I used to eat when everyone else had gone to bed but now I go to bed at the same time
    I used to go in the kitchen and shut the door so I could eat but now I keep the door open
    I used to ignore the scales but now I will weigh myself everyday
    I used to get bored and find that as an excuse to eat but now I will find something to do instead
    I used to ignore the mirror so I couldn't see the reality of my weight gain but now I will look in the mirror
    I used to give up on a diet after a slip up but now I will keep on track

    I think that will do for now!
  13. Illa

    Illa Silver Member

    Start Weight:
    Current Weight:
    Goal Weight:
    Mostly raw vegan
    oh that's just sooo much me with the mirror versus picture stuff...good luck on your journey with Linda and CD. I do the same, it helps a lot. It also helps finding the right diet for you and I'm sure that everyone can find it, it's just not for everyone the same. I have friends on low calories, vegetarian diets and they do wonders. But I never could succeed....
  14. Tall fat and greedy

    Tall fat and greedy Silver Member

    Committed not just interested..

    I get thrown off my diet plans by making excuses and have to change that way of thinking. Just because I have a bad day, get stressed, have a party, is no longer a reason a feel I can throw in the towel! There is never a perfect time to loose weight, as there will always be something that could cause a set back, so I have to be committed not just interested, this is going to take work and the flab didn't arrive overnight and won't disappear overnight.

    The weekends are the biggest test for me. My week day schedule and sense of order goes out of the window, and there is just so much more food around as the children are home! This is where I have to choose to be committed and not just interested, I have to decide if I am going to stay away from those temptations.
  15. Cee

    Cee Silver Member

    Start Weight:
    Current Weight:
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    I've just read through your diary and I, like everyone else, understands it all. It's good that you're thinking about where your weight issues come from and the reasons why you are the size you are now. It's not just about the body is it, it's more about what's going on upstairs.
    You sound very determined and committed, I'm sure you'll get through this journey successfully x
  16. Tall fat and greedy

    Tall fat and greedy Silver Member

    I am copying this from Linda spangles app...

    1. I'm totally determined.

    2. I've done it before and I can do it again.

    3. I'm using a great weight-loss plan.

    4. I'm capable of accomplishing anything.

    5. Others have done it and so can I!

    Just I just need to go round the house chanting this over and over!
  17. Tall fat and greedy

    Tall fat and greedy Silver Member

    I feel very hungry even tho I have just had my SS+ meal, just trying to hold out before having my last pack for the day. I mix a shake with only a little water to make a pudding, I tried that before on LL and it worked well for me, just have to drink some extra water with it. However I have had a least three L of water today which has not been a struggle but I hope i am not peeing all night!
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  19. Tall fat and greedy

    Tall fat and greedy Silver Member

    Scales say 14.6, so if I am doing it from my home scales I have lost 12 pounds and from my CDC scales (which were all over the place last week) it's a stone and 2 and a half pounds.

    Gonna have a really good day today.

    I can do this..
  20. Tall fat and greedy

    Tall fat and greedy Silver Member

    Just got time for my Linda homework..

    What I want people to say is

    Wow you look great
    Shall I cook so you don't have to
    Your face has changed shape
    Your eyes and skin look so good

    What I don't want to hear

    Is that on your diet
    Why are you doing a dangerous diet
    Isn't that way of losing weight bad for you
    You will just put it back on with extra on top
    Shall we have a takeout tonight
    Shall we go out for dinner
    Would you like a glass of wine
    Would you like a choc biscuit
    Would you like some crisps

    I think that covers the main points!
  21. Tall fat and greedy

    Tall fat and greedy Silver Member

    Scales today say 14.5 (they flickered to 4 but it didn't stay!)

    Lindas homework

    What I want from you

    1. If you see me eating something that's not on my diet plan

    Ignore it entirely

    2. When I'm making progress, such as losing weight

    ___ Compliment me on how I look

    ___ Praise me in front of others

    ___ Give me non-food gifts or rewards

    3. When I'm struggling or gaining weight

    ___ Ignore it entirely

    ___ Hug me and show me extra affection

    4. When I'm making progress you can't see (such as improving my self-esteem)

    ___ Ask me how my efforts are going

    ___ Compliment me on how I look

    ___ Give me non-food gifts or rewards

    5. When I've maintained my weight (even though I may still want to lose more)

    ___ Tell me you are proud of my current efforts

    ___ Compliment me on my looks and my efforts

    Trouble is I can't see me showing this to anyone, oh well maybe in time when I have lost some noticeable weight I will pluck up courage.

    Today taking kids out to lunch at Wagamamas think I might have some soya beans as they take ages to eat and water. Rest of the day should be fine and have really focused on my water drinking.
  22. Tall fat and greedy

    Tall fat and greedy Silver Member

    Well I think Linda is being a bit hopeful today in trying to get me to ask someone to compliment me on my weight loss or my hair or something so I can respond positively back! I don't think there is anything to notice yet and I don't feel comfortable trying to get a compliment out of someone by force!

    Nervous about the summer holidays as there is always extra food around the house during the week when I find I am in the best control, so I am going to have to be super strong and resist. I did it two summers ago and i can do it again.

    Porridge for breakfast, my fav, then soup for lunch, and chicken and veg later with a shake mixed with a little water for pudding.

    I found myself looking the mirror with the usual delusion of thinking I was looking good, until I caught my reflection in a shop window later and saw my big tummy and boobs, yuck, looked so flabby and horrible, but at least I looked at the reality which does help me keep going.
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