Take 100 (Sander's new diary)

[Sander23]

So I'm back (yet again) and re-starting (yet-again) if you've read my earlier diary you know most of my story. I'm not going to rehash it here. I am on day 4 of my attack phase today. I'm still more wobbley than I was the first time (every day I want to just give up), but I have dropped 6 pounds in attack and I have 2 more days to go, so I am hopeful that my mental attitude is finally in the right space to make this commitment again. My family decided to go on Dukan with me this time, which is a good support. My son did it for two days and I made him go back to his normal iet. He is super skinny anyways and much as I appreciated the support, I was really worried about him following my eating plan. He lost 7 pounds in two days. He is 6' 5" and went from 170 pounds to 163. Too skinny - he reminds me of a anorexic model. He is a football and track athlete so he wants to be light and lean to keep his speed at 170 he looks skinny at 163 he looks emaciated. My husband, he has also dropped 7 pounds, but he is 6' and was at 204, so he just looks good He wants to get to 183 - he'll be there in no time Me I started at 238.4 and this morning am at 232.0 so I am progressing as expected. DH will be at goal weight in mid-October according to the calculator, while I will be cruising on through April.

Posting here on Minimins was an important part of my accountability last go round, so I will be back here daily posting random thoughts and observations.

Today's meal plan

B: Gallette with ff vanilla yogurt
S: Hard-boiled egg
L: Slow roasted round steak and ff cottage cheese
S: Grilled chicken
D: Mince patties with mustard and sf jello

I always make lots of protein, so I eat multiple portions of the protein until I feel full. Good rule of thumb for me has been to make 3 times as much as I think I need, then I have enough to feel full and extra if I need more snacks. I can only tolerate two serving of dairy protein a day without getting sick, so those are limited.

Challenges:
I'm fighting health issues and depression right now that are sapping my energy and motivation. I have been using those issues to justify eating "comfort food", one or two nightcaps to take the edge off, and too tired for any exercise. I continually told myself that I would get back to the weight loss once those issues were under control, that fighting the battle of the bulge was something with which I just couldn't cope at that time. Subsequently I was gaining weight at the rate of 9 pounds a month. The weight gain has worsened my health issues and depression. Being still in denial, my family finally intervened and told me I had to start taking care of myself. I resisted. They let it drop. When I realized I couldn't even walk across a parking lot with them without getting winded, light-headed, and my legs cramping I brought the subject back up and they encouraged me to give Dukan another try. I was considering going in for gastric bypass or some other radical solution. They said they would support whatever choice I made. A good friend that had had success with gastric bypass then went into the hospital with life-threatening complications. 3 surgeries later she is back home, looking sick, tired, and miserable. I decided to try Dukan again, but was scared because I had restarted so many times and hadn't been able to stick with it. DH said, "you were at goal, in conso, and finding your stabilization point when your dad died and everything changed. Don't count those restarts against yourself, because you didn't restart in a public way. When you first did Dukan you were accountable to me, to our friends, to your online friends, and your local support group. Since your folks died you have just been trying to do it on your own because you didn't want to admit that you were struggling and hurting. So you did little restarts, maybe you told me, maybe you went online, but you never fully committed to it. I bet if you fully commit and let people know that you will be able to do it again!"

So here I am. Missing 2 parents, one dog, and a lot of self-confidence - with the recent addition of off-balance hormones, constant pain, and eyes that are quickly deteriorating. Just trying make it through day four.

 

[Julie 316]

I'm so sorry for your losses but you have new diet buddy right here!

I've only been going 4 weeks myself so am new to it all but the online support is great. Good luck with the journey and I'll be here!! xx

 

[Paulinegin]

Hey Sander, good to have you here.

P x

 

[sididd]

Hi Sander and Welcome back xxx your not alone as you know this is a fantastic forum. You know Dukan works so come on ..............................lets Dukan xxx

 

[Sander23]

Thanks for the welcome back Sid and Pauline - and Julie I am happy to have a new diet buddy
Day 5 attack - no loss this morning, but I expected that. Maybe redoing Dukan is similar to a second or third pregnancy, you just can't get as excited about the milestones, but there is no getting away from the commitment! So you just hope everything goes along as expected and with no major disasters...

No major issues today. The weird dreams have started, but no nightmares or food porn to report. Just super vivid dreams. That goes hand in hand with the need to get up a couple of times in the middle of the night I believe

Food plan:
Breakfast: 2 scrambled eggs with 1 cup ff yogurt
Lunch: Broiled steak
Snack: 1 cup cottage cheese
Dinner: Curried chicken and sf jello

Challenges:
Running around doing errands and working today. Not a lot of time to prepare food, but lot of time spent waiting for other people to fix my car, fill my prescriptions, and for my son to get done at football practice, but still trying to fit in a full days work. DH out all day so I can't delegate. But I am thankful that my job is flexible and I can take my laptop and write while waiting - just not sure if anything I write will be worth reading. Normally write with a latte and pastry close at hand. Just black coffee today. Next week I will be able to have some veggies while sitting. The hospital lobby had ff cottage cheese cups, so I had one of those during that wait -feeling rather positive. Ramping up on new work projects, which is stressful but fun as well. So my challenges don't feel insurmountable today.

 

[Dukanista]

Hi sander,

Count me in with the diet buddies! Just have to say that I'm in complete awe of your family - what great support they are giving you. Between them and the minimins team, this will be plain sailing

You sound like you've had a tougher time than most, so hats off to you for taking back control.

Caro x

 

[CHRISR]

Hi Sander so good to see you back

 

[Sander23]

Day 6 attack - another pound down, tomorrow I start cruise. Been poking around reading diaries. Great to see all the energy and success from everyone and in a weird sort of way I'm glad to see some of my old diet buddies are re-starting as well. I wish we had all stayed at target, but since we didn't we'll do it again

Part of the reason I started a new diary is because the naïveté of my old diary annoys me - I am kind of mad at the old me - she was so clueless! I know this isn't fair, but I have a lot of anger at the me that reached target. We did a family picture at that point and every time I see it I want to put my fist through it. I think I am going to need to work through that emotion but I haven't really confronted it yet - by mind just says she was such a blithe stupid idiot and feels angry. When I think about it to write this, I get a knot in my stomach and my brain shies away and starts thinking about other things or goes blank. So I think I've got an issue there. I'm not going to force through it today, I'll slowly peck away at it during cruise

Food plan for today:
B: Gallette + turkey bacon
S: 1 Hard boiled egg
L: Grilled turkey burgers + cottage cheese
D: Grilled chops + yogurt + sf jello

Challenges:
Today is looking pretty quiet. Main challenge is that I will be alone all day and that sometimes makes me think I can get away with a small cheat (that become a big cheat). I have lots of work to do and it is the kind of work I enjoy (not the kind I want to get away from) so I hopefully won't go mad pacing around for something to eat. I have extra chicken cooked and sitting in the fridge if I need to eat more than planned.

 

[chinababe]

Hello Sanders
welcome back to the dukan wagon train, or maybe I should call my train a roller coaster, full of highs & lows but the one constant thing is all the support that my minimims friends give me. It is so strange but a few words of support on here have so much impact and make me step away from bad food choices.
Good luck on your weight loss journey

 

[Julie 316]

How was your day?

Did you manage to avoid a little cheat?!

xx

 

[Sander23]

So far, so good, no cheating at all and not even tempted.
I spent the last 10 months trying all sorts of different eating plans - balanced eating supported through My Fitness Pal, wheat-free, paleo, calorie cycling (supposed to get you off a plateau), plus my own made up plans that combined all sorts of things. They would fail to have any results and then I would binge for a couple weeks and then try something new. The last four months I just tried to "eat everything in moderation" which made me outgrow all of my clothes. So I basically redid 10 years of failure in 10 months, because I had done most of that before trying Dukan, but I didn't want to give up my fruit, nuts, and wine (cider when I was wheat-free) and I didn't want to be following a weight-loss plan anymore - I wanted to be someone without a weight problem whose plate looked not much different than anyone else's.
Much as I don't want to admit it, Dukan works when nothing else seems to.

 

[Julie 316]

Well done!

I know the feeling, if only had a magic wand!! But like you say .... Dukan does seem to work xx

 

[Maintainer]

Oh Sander - I'm sorry to have missed your return until now. What a time you have had. I'm so glad you've found your way back here, and I too am in total awe of your family support. They sound lovely people.

Your more recent posts are ringing loud bells in my ear... with regard to reaching target and your reaction thereto, in particular: I can distinctly remember waking up the morning after reaching target (prior to Dukan) and my first thoughts in bed were: "what now?" and I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. Then I remembered I was at target and I jumped out of bed happily, but the first reaction wasn't positive!

Your openness and honesty is awesome. I'm delighted you're back among friends x

 

[Sander23]

First day of cruise - but haven't had any veggies yet I woke up super hungry and actually wanted all protein for breakfast. Total weight loss for the 6 day attack - 7.2 lbs. Will move to only Friday weigh-ins during cruise.

No meetings at all today - just lots of writing. I have a deployment guide draft due Tues. so I will try to finish that up today since Monday is a holiday and I would like to enjoy the 3 day weekend without feeling like I need to work. DS is going away to spend the long weekend with his friend in the city before school restarts on Tues, so it will be just the DH and the dog around this weekend.

One of the things that I committed to doing this time that is new is Saturday hikes with the DH and the dog as long as the weather lets it be safe. The commitment to hiking means that I need to make sure to do my walks during the week so that I can get my stamina up. Well, I haven't done that this week, only went walking twice. But we are still doing the hike. I think I will pick a short easy trail

Food plan for the day:
B: Gallette, turkey sausage, yogurt
L: Chicken salad, cottage cheese
S: Hard boiled egg and celery
D: Grilled steak, spinach salad, steamed asparagus

Challenges:
Dinner is at a restaurant. I have gotten this dinner before and it is delicious and dukan friendly, but there are also many temptations in a restaurant. Not too concerned. This challenges section that I am adding in is my way of facing up to the things that have tripped me up in the past. And restaurants do... fresh baked bread, delicious cocktails, scrumptious desserts .... I will combat these things by the desire to wear something other than yoga pants and dresses (because I donated all my fat clothes and I can't squeeze into any of my pants or skirts with a waist!)

 

[Maintainer]

For ordering in a restaurant, a tip I once read in a magazine from a (super skinny) star has stuck in my mind. Be the first to order! Then you're not tempted to have a starter because others are, and you're not tempted by other people's choices!
ENJOY... and have a great walk!

 

[Pjamber]

Wow. I'm impressed that you have the courage to be so honest with everything, from your life story, to your "challenge" section, I feel like your honesty is a way to publicly and healthily work on you. I'm also impressed by the family that you have. To think that both your son and your husband are such loving family members to also do Dukan with you is really lovely. It seems like you have a great support system and are working on making some really fantastic strides with your health.
Your story hit a chord with me, as my mom also struggles with depression, anger, pain, and weight. She's been seeing a counselor who she can talk to to get some of the anger figured out and work on the depression. That's a truly hard and difficult disease. I'm so glad to see you on here. It gives me hope that my mom might also want to work on her health.
Congratulations on your losses and making a change to become healthier!

 

[Dukanista]

Fantastic loss this week! Restaurant trips are tricky at first but you'll feel great when you see that it's not really that hard to have a normal pv meal eating out. Even pp is possible: I used to order steak, or roast chicken, or steamed/ grilled fish and have hubby eat the veg so it wasn't wasted! But better to do pv and just double up on pp days to make it up.

Love the idea about ordering first!

 

[Julie 316]

I love your 'challenges' section ... its a great way to face up to things and plan in advance rather than ignoring whats coming then panicking!!

Hope you have a great weekend xx

 

[Sander23]

Day 2 of cruise.
Yesterday went fairly well - no trip ups, restaurant dinner was delicious. I didn't eat exactly what I planned and it turned into a funny story.
We got to the restaurant and it was super busy, so we had to wait a long time for the server, which gave me lots of time to look at the menu. I decided I was super hungry for fish instead of red meat. So I order grilled haddock (3 pieces) with grilled vegetables and a cabbage slaw. This restaurant is different than most in that they make their slaw dry and just drizzle a little vinaigrette dressing on it before it come to the table, it is delicious, crunchy and not sweet. I really enjoy it. So they brought me the slaw and instead of a small little side bowl, they brought a soup bowl sized portion! I guess they wanted to be nice to me. So I shared it with the DH and still couldn't eat it all. I felt stuffed on cabbage! Then my fish and vegies came. Zucchini, cauliflower, broccoli, and yellow squash, no oil, just herbs grilled together. Yum. The fish had the same treatment - I think that the cook must be on Dukan Being my first cruise day I dug into the veggies first - I was so excited to eat them. I got to the last piece of cauliflower and I was full again. I took a rest and ten at one piece of the fish and told my DH I would take the rest of it home. He had been telling me not to eat everything since I was feeling full, but I was telling him "No, it's mine, it's allowed, I'm eating it - shush!" He replied, "Yes, but isn't part of this supposed to be retraining your eating habits to recognize when to stop?" - Darn him, right again! On the ride home the cabbage finally made it out of my stomach and I was starved - I wanted to eat my fish. So I pulled it out and started to eat it - and he said - "Why are you eating that already? I replied, "Because I'm hungry!" He came back with - "You just finished dinner, you are not hungry, don't let your perceived hunger rule your behavior, wait two hours then eat it if you still want to." He is making way too much sense tonight. So I put the fish away. I manage to wait an hour, then I give in and eat the fish plus a yogurt. I was hungry! Got on the scales this morning (even though I had promised myself not too) and was down two pounds from yesterday morning. OK - I was justified in feeling hungry, but he was also right to make me wait it out.

Today's plan (PP)
- B: Gallette plus turkey sausage
- L: Tuna and hard boiled egg
- S: Cottage cheese
- D: Grilled chicken + yogurt and sf jello

Challenges:
Hiking today! Did my half-hour walk yesterday, but could only do 10 minutes and then had to take a break and come back and do another 10 and so on. My thighs feel like leaden jello. I think I finally understand the phrase "Get the lead out" - it's going to be difficult. Food challenges, there is fruit in my house and my DS isn't here to eat it. I hate watching fruit spoil... But if I touch it I will eat it... The bananas have already gone in the bin. Each time I go into the kitchen the nectarines are saying "eat me, I am healthy food." And I say, "I know you are, but not for me yet!"

(p.s. - I dislike that minimins logs me out while I am typing still)

 

[sididd]

That what I love about Dukan though, that as long as its on the list you can eat as much as you like and when you want. For me being able to pig out on good stuff plus Dukan muffins is why it worked for me xxx