Teenage daughters -need to vent

[jcjazzy]

Does anyone else have teeange daughters?Mine's is 17 and is driving me mad just now.She's supposed to be studying for exams to allow her to go to her choice of uni in september and all she's doing is socialising.Her Dad and I obviously want her to do well,but she's not bothering.I've just had a a screaming match with her-about going out tonight!!!-I'm sure my BP must be through the roof!!!We've tried to compromise,tried laying down the law-nothing really seems to work.Any advice anyone?

 

[lucylastic]

Sorry Jazzy, can't give you any advice as no kids of my own, but thought I'd send you a sympathetic hug anyway! :hug99:

If it's any consolation, I look back to when I was 16/17, and absolutely shudder - I was absolutely vile to my mum, and feel thoroughly ashamed now I do therefore think it's a tricky time for girls - trying to assert their independance and all that.

On the positive, I got over it and had a wonderful relationship with my mum, and can now see all her advice was for my benefit, not to stop me doing what I wanted (as I thought at the time). Hopefully your daughter will too.

Don't let it affect your LL though - you're doing so well xx

 

[jcjazzy]

Thanks for the hug Lucy x I remember being horrid to my Mum too-it is a right of passage I suppose!! I won't let it affect the LL journey.She's like that most of the time :sigh:

 

[daisydoll]

hi there
hmm, i know what you mean
my eldest is in Y9 - so younger, but still can be a nightmare at times.
she has just chosen her gcse options and i'm really hoping she is going to start knuckling down to work next year as she spends far too much time on msn etc at the moment.

i was lovely at that age ( my mum would probably remember it differently tho!)

good luck - and try and stay as calm as you can!

daisy x

 

[jcjazzy]

Thanks Daisy, This place keeps me sane .The worry is I have a 10 year old too,who is already a wee madam.God knows what she'll be like with hormones !

 

[daisydoll]

oh i also have a 12 year old son who is alarmingly quickly turning into a 'kevin'

my 5 year old daughter keeps me sane - she's a poppet! ( well most of the time!)

daisy x

 

[asilasil]

oh dear JC...I cant sympathise with you. My son is 16 and is supposed to be revising for his GCSE's as he is taking them after the easter holidays. All he is interested in is playing footie with his mates and playing on his playstation!! Its driving my bonkers and we too have been arguing non stop about it. When I tell him to do some revision he just smiles,taps the side of his head and tells me 'its all up here mum'!!! I could throttle him but thats not legal so I continue with the nagging...makes me feel that at least Im doing something...lol
If you find anything that works hun please let me know .
xx

 

[jcjazzy]

Thanks Lisa, they must be all cut from the same cloth.My 17 year old was telling me her lazyness was "genetic" today!! Must be from her father's side .

 

[Poppysparkle]

I was horrid too! Very independent, and my parents didn't really lay down the law too much, not sure why as they aren't the laid back type. I suppose they knew the best way to deal with me, which astonishes me when I think about it now!

I was going out with a boy with a car during my O levels and was out with him when I should have been studying - we also split up during my exams, so how I managed to get 7 of them at Grade B, I'll never know!

I wouldn't worry too much, I think she'll put in the effort she needs to, and it's not the absolute end of the world if she doesn't get them all this time round - if she has to do another year or so to get what she needs, it will be a wake up call anyway!

I'm pretty laid back with my lot, maybe too much so, but I honestly don't see the point in laying down the law as to me if they want to do it they will and if they don't I can't sit over them and make them! I'm sure a lot of people will totally disagree though!

 

[Sean(JSF)]

I'm with you PS

My son's now 18 and was bone idle at school. Got a reasonable number of GCSEs (not great grades but all passes) then went to start A levels and dropped out completely. It wasn't the right thing for him - but he's working at least (in a Supermarket), so now has some money.

Daughter also sits GCSEs shortly. She's naturally more academic but just refuses to study. We've decided to ask but not nag as that doesn't work. She'll still do OK, just not get all the A* grades she was predicted, but so long as she's comfortable with that...

 

[jcjazzy]

Its a minefield isn't it,with no easy answer.The problem is she's in her final year at school now,and this last year has been a complete waste of time academically.I would much rather she had left school,like your son Sean,and got some work until she matured and was ready for Uni.However she's dead set on going,but doesn't seem to want to put the work in.I suppose I'm trying to avoid her being disappointed if its not as easy as she thinks or worse not getting there in the first place.......

 

[Foxtrot]

Have you tried the 'fine, have it your way,' tack?

I was lucky with both of mine I'm afraid. I just told them that if they weren't in education they had to contribute to the house and the better job they had the better they would be paid and they'd have more for themselves. I know it sounds harsh and you're probably all saying that you wouldn't take money from your kids/let them starve/go homeless well neither would I but learning the value of money was important to me and that included where it came from.

And just to round things off whilst they were both waiting to enter their career training, son had an apprenticeship as a carpenter boat builder with Sunseeker International and daughter went into the army, they had part time jobs and they both paid me £20 a week for their keep and I put this into a bank accounts without their knowledge I added some interest and it paid for driving lessons.

 

[slendablenda]

I haven't got any

but when I look back to what a horror I was when I was a teenager I think my Mum must have been a Saint to put up woth me at all.It's amazing I turned out so perfect!!(and modest).................

 

[tictac]

I could have written most of these threads as can relate to much that is being said. Mine are 13, 14 and my little star who is 8 (and still easy). Again seem to have to nag nag nag for anything to be done.

With regards to homework - I would feel myself getting really annoyed with them both and now have taken a step back. At the end of the day if they really balls up their school life they will have to come back and study later in their 20s. Maybe some kids are just not ready yet to really focus on anything in any real detail. Think teenagers and exams are a horribly bad mix. At the end of the day THEY need to take responsibility for their actions - if it means initially getting low paid jobs etc then eventually it will be up to them to make something of themselves.

I know this is all alot easier said than done because we are so emotionally involved with all they do.

Stick to the diet whatever happens. Thats about us - not them.

 

[futureyummymummy]

Omg I so don't want mine to grow up! I have 2 boys who are 5 and almost 4 and a little girl who's 15 months and they're a breeze compared to my neices and nephew who are 9 (boy), 13 and 14 (girls) who are nightmares already!