The diary of a (not so-Little)Sausage

[Red Riding Hood]

Thanks, Gail! It really is nice to have words of encouragement from other SW followers who are so successful with their losses. I am SO determined to lose weight and follow the plan correctly.

I have come to the conclusion that I am definitely not having enough syns throughout the week. I think that, to make a start, I will count the splashes of milk in my coffees as syns, rather than a HEa - I use skimmed milk during the week, and seeing as a pint (596ml) lasts me the entire week, there is no way I use my 350ml HEa every day! That will immediately up my syns, and mean that I can have some cheese (!! I love cheese!) during the day. I can honestly say that I don't feel deprived (at the moment) by not having my syns, but I know that by not making an effort to have them I am not following the plan 100%, and that, in the long run, I'm doing myself no favours as I'll be more likely to have a crazy binge. Fortunately that day has not come! But I'd like to minimise the chances of it coming around before it does...

It's quite funny that you and I run in sync with these thoughts regarding syns. I just finished saying similar in my diary. Although I'm sorry to say mine isn't as upbeat as yours

I'm really glad to see you feeling lots better and being happy. You have such a great attitude and so positive. I need to take a leaf out of your book.

I want to say well done for doing so well when eating out. It really is very impressive.

I'm off out to get the smallest child now but I'll read that article on my return.

Keep smiling xxx

 

[funcurls]

Hmmm... So, read a really interesting article this morning, and it has made me think a LOT!

I know that I come across this quite a lot... friends who ask if I want to go out for dinner (they know I'm trying to lose weight) and try to ply me with alcohol because "one night off won't do you any harm!" My mum seems to have given up offering me bread and puddings and stuff and, now, actually says that she won't offer it to me - I do wonder if this is some sort of reverse psychology: does she not offer something in the hope that I'll decide I want to have some anyway? But it's friends that get to me... the whole, "oh, go on, just have one slice of cake!" or, "how about some chips with your salad?" thing annoys me. I have always been the fat one, whether at school or Uni, and upsetting the dynamic seems to upset them. Of course, there's no thought to how I feel being the fat one, only to the fact that things are changing.
Is diet sabotage something that you have ever come across?

YES YES YES!! I will elaborate when I have more time!! It's an EXTREMELY interesting bit of psychology that I find fascinating!!X

 

[LittleSausage]

YES YES YES!! I will elaborate when I have more time!! It's an EXTREMELY interesting bit of psychology that I find fascinating!!X

Ha! I'm absolutely intrigued! x

 

[LittleSausage]

It's quite funny that you and I run in sync with these thoughts regarding syns. I just finished saying similar in my diary. Although I'm sorry to say mine isn't as upbeat as yours

I'm really glad to see you feeling lots better and being happy. You have such a great attitude and so positive. I need to take a leaf out of your book.

I want to say well done for doing so well when eating out. It really is very impressive.

I'm off out to get the smallest child now but I'll read that article on my return.

Keep smiling xxx

Yes, the synchronicity is definitely there, isn't it?!

I have decided that I am definitely going to up my syns. I know how tough it's going to be, because I HONESTLY do not feel deprived in the slightest - I'm never hungry! - but I also know that if I don't regularly treat myself I'll probably, one day, think "hmmm... I've been so good, maybe I'll treat myself to that large take away and tub of ice cream". If that happens, I know the guilt I'll feel will be something awful, which will probably make me eat more crap. I'd really like to have some sort of game plan in action! It has taken me over 10 weeks on plan to come to this decision, even though it's something that people have been telling me here for weeks!

The article is VERY interesting... definitely worth a read when you get home! x

 

[julesm]

Hi Sausage.

Very lovely to hear you feeling so positive. That's really great and as I always say I think you're doing extremely well!!

I'm really not sure about the syns debate. I definitely upped my syns about halfway through my SW journey, and I felt a lot like you - I didn't actually feel like I NEEDED them... can't really remember if it made any difference or not to my weight loss. BUT I did really get into using them.

Anyway I am loads happier now that I have sort of "embraced" syns, and judging by how you feel I reckon you will be the same as me.

We are lucky as from what you have said, I think you will be able to use your syns on some really yummy things but that will also help you to start using treats in a different way. There are a lot of people on these forums who seem to really need, say, a "chocolate fix" to keep them from falling off the wagon. While I never really used to use treats in that way before SW so don't feel that way.

Before SW I used to generally avoid crisps, cakes etc. But then when I was ever confronted by cakes or choc (and I did used to do a lot of baking at weekends!) I would always eat LOADS and was convinced I "couldn't resist" if they were in front of me. So when I started SW I would rather just not syn stuff like that as I felt I couldn't trust myself.

But then when I started to slowly introduce syns I realised that I COULD resist, I could just have one or however many my syns would allow me without eating the whole box / pack.

Now I feel really great because I know I can have a biscuit in a meeting or I can have one chocolate and that makes me feel loads more "normal". The only difference is before I wouldn't have just stopped at one.

And it's good because you don't mind as much having really nice things that are high in syns from time to time (like peanut butter. Or today I'm thinking of getting some cherry bakewells - 9 syns each I think) because you know you will be able to just have one then save the rest for another time.

Hope that actually makes some sense... I am a terrible rambler! But anyway what I am trying to say is YES, I think it would be a good idea to up your syns but I don't know if it affects your weight loss or not.

Really enjoyed your article that you posted. I never really thought about it but now you mention it I think it's sooooo true!

I luckily haven't really had any pals sabotaging me, but my mum has been a bit of a nightmare sometimes. I am going away with her this weekend and am already dreading it a bit.

Last time we went away together, before we went she said a very odd thing to me. She was going on about how she has put on weight and said "Esta vez la gorda del viaje soy yo" (something like "This time I'm the fatty of the trip")...

Then she organised all the meals and basically made it all stuff that I couldn't have. For example, on the evening when we were going to have gone for a meal my mum was on about only having a "light meal" so I asked if I could make everyone a nice soup or something and she was like "NO! No one will be able to eat a soup after a big lunch!" but she then made pizzas with houmous and pesto and things and was complaining because I wanted to go out and get some potatoes and Ryvita. I just refused to give into it and only ate SW stuff. It ended on the Sunday with her basically making a completely b*tchy and unfounded comment on the way home which I now realise was probably jealousy / frustration that her efforts to sabotage / control me had failed. After I'd been rooting around in the back of the car for my Hi-Fi Bar, my dad asked me to pass him a packet of crisps which my brother had bought. My mum out of nowhere said my dad couldn't have them because my bro had bought them and "whenever Julie and Bailey buy anything they never give any to anyone else so why should Steven?"

I asked her in quite an unpleasant fashion what the hell she was talking about and she sort of was like "well... um... you didn't give anyone any of your bars" which of course I was like "WHAT? My SPECIAL DIET BARS that no one else would have any interest in eating because they're not on a diet?!" (even though I'd given her one two days before... also I didn't mention that they are actually delicious! Lol)

I was fuming - and it was such a lot of sh*t because in fact Bailey (my bf) and I had been out and bought everyone beers and chocolate, I had made SW chips and given everyone my pineapple at breakfast and and on the way there I had given mum one of my Hi-Fi bars and shared some SW rice that I'd made for myself with her because when she saw I wasn't eating any sandwiches she said SHE didn't want to because she wanted to lose weight too.

I didn't speak to her all the way home and neither did Bailey. I have forgiven her now (even though I had to apologise first) but I reckon Bailey is still furious with her and he has said that when we go away with her this weekend he's not going to accept ANYTHING from her, not even a sandwich so he says he's going to make us a great packed lunch so he doesn't have to eat anything that she's paid for.

Sorry this has turned into a bit of a rant but that article did strike a chord with me really, seeing as my mum spent her life trying to control what I ate and making me feel "gorda" and now that I'm skinnier than her she appears to have gone crazy!

 

[LittleSausage]

THANK YOU!!! Jules, that story sure does strike a chord. Oh my, my grandmother was just awful. 'Emmita gordita', she called me - always on and on about how I needed to lose weight and, every Sunday, "let's all weigh ourselves and see how many kilos La Gordita has put on today!" Before making a lunch of a million milanesas, tortilla de papas and finishing off with panqueques con dulce de leche. ARGH! Fortunately, I don't have the cooking problem with my mother. I do all the cooking at home as she hates to cook.

The syns debate is still a toughie. I'm defo going to up them over the next few weeks, and see how that affects my losses. If I find that my losses slow/stop, I will have to rethink!

 

[Minus3.5]

*Impressed face*

Sausage, this is actually brilliant. You've managed to separate the bad food and the good food totally, haven't you? I mean is as much as you know what stuff your body needs and it's now a completely different thing to what your head wants (or used to want). That's where I want to be at.
I don't go overboard on syns generally but I save them for treating myself with some monster munch or a bit of chocolate at the end of the day. I don't need them to stop feeling hungry but I'm pretty sure I'm not yet ready to give them up altogether.

Have you looked at what sauces or cheese etc you could start adding to what meals you do have to introduce a little more flavour for a few syns here and there? Or a small treat that you know isn't a stomach filler so won't take you back to seeing syns as a meal?

 

[LittleSausage]

Thanks, Zoe... yes, it seems I have! Although, that's not something that I had realised until you said it. It's taken a long time - I have been struggling with my weight since I was a bairn - to realise that I can be focussed and just make the right choices. Before starting, the in-store bakery would be the first stop, so that I could get some fresh bread before it all desappeared. Now, I just tend to bypass it completely. My first choice at meals is always superfree stuff, and then I chuck in some lean meat and potatoes. By the way, I freaking LOVE potatoes, and still schnarf down a lot more than I should.

My relationship with syns is tough. I love them but, at the same time, do I want to be staring at them in the mirror? I'm so damn lazy, too - don't get me wrong, I love walking the dogs and being outside, but the thought of the gym throws me in to an immediate coma. However, can I justify those damn syns without walking through the fiery gates in to an LBT class (the thought of which makes me want to vom in to my trainers on purpose)? I know I'll feel better about structured excercise once I lose weight but, right now, being the sweaty, lardy barrel in the corner is, most certainly, not my idea of fun.

I do cook with oil occasionally (although I made the fatal mistake of making a tortilla in a non-non-stick pan with frylight, the remains of which I am still scraping off) and I now know to use the full fat coconut milk in my Thai curry (the reduced fat stuff was kacky) - but I think I need to incorporate them more. I find I have to really think about eating syns, now, whereas before I could work my way through an entire (large) bar of Cadbury's Caramel before the second CSI ad break had finished. I know have not given in to the long-lashed bunny in over two and a half months. That has got to be progress.

x

 

[Red Riding Hood]

THANK YOU!!! Jules, that story sure does strike a chord. Oh my, my grandmother was just awful. 'Emmita gordita', she called me - always on and on about how I needed to lose weight and, every Sunday, "let's all weigh ourselves and see how many kilos La Gordita has put on today!"

That's just terrible. Last year I interviewed a load of girls in recovery and in the throes of eating disorders for something I was writing and they all had little stories like that. Makes me cross

Are you from a Spanish family then you and Jules? Or am I on completely the wrong language?

Off to read the article now. x

 

[Minus3.5]

I bought a big bag of mini eggs last night to use gradually as my syns (2 eggs = 1.5 syns). I ate 4 and could So easily have eaten the lot there and then. I used to do that quite regularly and my boss saying "we" needed more chocolate wasn't helping. I locked them away eventually. But good God if I'd had one more that would have been me done for. The urge to binge is still there 100%, it's just learning that although it's me that gets the "pleasure" for the 5 minutes it would have taken me to eat the bag, I'd then hate myself all week until WI.

I think it's so easy to underestimate how much of dietting isn't just the battle to get through the day walking past cakes and sweet shops etc, it's having the mental strength to win the battle against yourself.

 

[Red Riding Hood]

I think it's so easy to underestimate how much of dietting isn't just the battle to get through the day walking past cakes and sweet shops etc, it's having the mental strength to win the battle against yourself.

So true.

 

[LittleSausage]

That's just terrible. Last year I interviewed a load of girls in recovery and in the throes of eating disorders for something I was writing and they all had little stories like that. Makes me cross

Are you from a Spanish family then you and Jules? Or am I on completely the wrong language?

Off to read the article now. x

Indeed, we are both of Latin American families All my lot are from Argentina!

Hmmm... having read about your interviews, you may find this blog interesting. How the need to lose weight can also turn in to an eating disorder. Very interesting and definitely worth a read.

x

 

[LittleSausage]

I think it's so easy to underestimate how much of dietting isn't just the battle to get through the day walking past cakes and sweet shops etc, it's having the mental strength to win the battle against yourself.

Excellent point. The whole, "why don't you just stop eating?" is a very common question. If it was that simple, surely that's what everyone would do?

And ditto with you and your Mini eggs... I couldn't just have 2. Or 4. Instead, I just choose not to buy them, which cuts out the battle later on. It's much easier to just not buy them than to say no when they're there, bawling your name out. I have definitely taken the easy option, but it still beats me buying them and scoffing the lot.

 

[Red Riding Hood]

Interesting article, I have seen it in action. I think it is slightly overstated there (in typical Daily Mail fashion - that paper makes my blood pressure rise just by existing ). I'm not sure I want to 'punish' my friends (last line) but do know women can sabotage each other like this. I'm happy to say I have never experienced it from my friends - yet. I have, however, experienced diet sabotage.

Little sausage will have to look at that blog too. I was actually doing extensive research into the pro-ana community at the time and have a lot of information on it. It's completely devastating and so common in women to have disordered eating but to see it so young and on the increase saddens me.

I went on WW a couple of years ago - lost 4 stone, started to get obsessive with the weighing and numbers etc. and almost picked up an old teenage habit that had me in hospital at the time. Before coming to my senses and sorting it out. So I had personal insight and the research I did was a real eye-opener.

I'd be the same with the mini eggs too and then I'd be freaking about it for hours afterwards. I prefer SW as there is relatively little weighing and it feels like eating normally, thank goodness.

 

[Red Riding Hood]

Excellent point. The whole, "why don't you just stop eating?" is a very common question. If it was that simple, surely that's what everyone would do?

Quite. So much of it isn't about the eating itself anyway. Or I really love the well just eat less and ddo more exercise duh school of thought where you are patronised and spoken to as if you are thick. 'Oh, great thanks for that, I would never have realised without your insight.'

 

[julesm]

Are you from a Spanish family then you and Jules? Or am I on completely the wrong language?

Off to read the article now. x

My mum is Colombian, where appearances are EVERYTHING. And I don't just mean "appearances" as in your appearance (although that is super important!) but in how clean your house is, how big your car is, how fat you can make your wallet appear...

Don't get me wrong, people are actually LOVELY but everyone is super bothered about what others think of them, especially in my mum's big family.

I will always remember when I went to Colombia when I was about 15 and my auntie had literally just had a baby and was looking great. Her neighbour came across the road and took one look at her and was like "What on earth have you let yourself get that fat for? The baby was born three months ago, haven't you started your diet yet?"

Then another day my auntie spotted her buddy across the road and I said "I don't mind if we cross over to say hi to her" and my auntie said "No because she will tell me off for how fat I am".

What kind of craziness is that for a 15 year old to hear?!

Indeed, we are both of Latin American families All my lot are from Argentina!

Hmmm... having read about your interviews, you may find this blog interesting. How the need to lose weight can also turn in to an eating disorder. Very interesting and definitely worth a read.

x

Just popping off to have a look at that Sausage. Thanks for sharing.

Are they as bad as the Colombians in Argentina then? My friend who lived there for 6 months said everyone is super skinny there and that she actually lost loads of weight while she was there because she felt really bad. Apparently one guy said to her as she walked down the road "Hola Gorda!" (like "Hello fatty!")

I think it's so easy to underestimate how much of dietting isn't just the battle to get through the day walking past cakes and sweet shops etc, it's having the mental strength to win the battle against yourself.

Great comment Minus

 

[LittleSausage]

Oh, Jules, it is EXACTLY the same in Argentina. Everyone is absolutely image obsessed, especially in the towns. Skinny women moan about how "fat" they are, and every woman is on a diet. On top of that, they are always immaculately made up, beautifully dressed and have that whole Stepford Wives thing going on. Men, on the other hand, can put on weight and it's more a testament to how good their wives' cooking is than it is them being lazy gordos. And they have no shame! They don't think twice about putting someone down/being derogatory. Here it would be foot in mouth. Honestly, would you even dream of going to your neighbour and telling her that she had put on too much weight and that she was a fatty? Hell to the no.

And, yes, it goes as far as the best car/cleanest house/best job/fattest wallet and, "oh, your kids go to THAT school? Couldn't you afford the one MY children go to?"

Eugh.

 

[LittleSausage]

Well, in the spirit of rebellion, (having been told "I want gets nothing" for, like, my WHOLE life) I'm going to be petulant and bore you all with some of the things I [STRIKE]need[/STRIKE] want...

I WANT to be able to go in to a "normal" shop and buy clothes that you couldn't fit 5 buffalo beneath

I WANT to be able to wear a swimming costume on holiday without wondering if someone is about burst in to an epic rendition of "Who Ate All the Pies?", or someone trying to lead me away to the nearest field because thay have mistaken me for an actual heifer

I WANT to not look like the whale hiding behind Jonah when they go out with Noah and Moses for a night on the tiles

I WANT a freaking boyfriend. An awesome one, thanks muchly, not one who I have settled for because, uh, hello, who the feck wants to be seen out with someone who's mistaken for a heifer whilst on vacation?

I'm sure there will be more things added to this list before too long, but that's what I'm thinking about right now.

So there.

 

[Minus3.5]

Yay, a great post with ass-loads of attitude. Totally loving you today.

On your quest for the perfect man feel free to send any who don't quite meet the mark my way.

 

[LittleSausage]

On your quest for the perfect man feel free to send any who don't quite meet the mark my way.

Dude, at the back of my head is always, "I want gets nothing"... right now, I'd probably settle!