The fat is back

[fat in the jing]

He He, they'll all be locking their husbands up!

:giggle::giggle::giggle:

Isn't it strange how people feel comfortable and unthreatened when we are fat?

Mmmmm....had another quite similar incident today with another Mum in our apartment complex.....mmmmmm again

Personally I don't think you should be SSing now Paula, you're doing great with food in your life so I think you'd be more suited to 790 or 810. You can't SS forever, I felt SS was my little security blanket and actually hated stopping but that's not a very healthy approach...

I know that I shouldn't be SS'ing now, and I know Dawn that your right, I am using it as a shield against myself and the 'real' stuff. I thought about food the whole thing quite a lot last night, decided that I was gonna continue ss, then thought 'no', that I would start re-introducing food, then 'no' again, I would SS.....aarrrrggggghhhhh

See my next entry


And thanks again Dawn for your continuos love and support...

 

[fat in the jing]

So, the journey continues, a battle with myself as to whether I should listen to everyone and start introducing food, or whether I should listen to myself and wait another couple of weeks.

Today I was very well-behaved 'hen guai' in Chinese!

I had packs for breakfast and lunch. I was pretty peckish by the time I got home from work, but took Eiriana out to play for an hour on her new bike (which everyone has to stop and admire!!!). She was going down a ramp in the garden....really fast, like her skiing, she loves speed, but doesn't know how to stop, eek so I grabbed her coat to stop her from crashing into the wall and pulled my nail back....blood...ow...bugger....nail....ow...ow....ow.....you get the picture!!!! (If you haven't, my nail bent back REALLY far and bled like a bugger!)

Hubby bought some new computer toys today so when we came home, I cooked dinner while he played! I am proud of myself, I boiled up some Chinese cabbage and tofu, (I made a tofu, cabbage and egg noodle soup for them) and made a pack of oriental chilli up as a sauce to pour over the top. Pretty good, taste of the sauce was a little too strong, (my intention was to split the pack but forgot and poured it all in) but very proud that I didn't pick at ANYTHING else and felt -still feel - very full and satisfied.


I've been a little worried lately as when I have eaten (Chinese New Year and last weekend) I have felt so incredibly guilty and have even contemplated (please avert if you are squeamish) putting my fingers down my throat to make myself throw up. Every time the thought has entered my head, I have quickly reminded myself how dangerous that is and that I don't want to go down that path. (Have a very good friend who was bulimic for years)

I did something on Sunday to try and stop the guilty feelings and to try and control what';s going on in this brain of mine. Hubby wanted to go for lunch for Mother's Day. I wanted to eat Japanese food, but instead of going to our usual all you can eat Japanese buffet, we went to a huge food/restaurant department store kind of thing. Lots of different kinds of foods. I ordered 1/2 a portion each of cucumber and pickle sushi rolls and some raw salmon. Nothing else......(if you're not familiar with Japanese food, that's really not a lot!) I ordered knowing that this was not a lot, but if I was still hungry, I could order a little more....well guess what, after eating it....Paula was FULL! Yeah me! control of portion size = no waste = no guilt = no psychologically disturbing thoughts.


Rather rambled....sorry!!!

 

[sarahloveswelshcobs]

you are doing really well. It looks like you are far far more in control than you think. I've found that now I've manage to get the type of food under control - the volume is also now under control and I really dont have too much trouble "behaving".

Please please keep the thoughts of the fingers down the throat away.That's got to be as bad if not worse than being overweight. I've thought about it too in the past... but never managed to contemplate actually doing it and tbh never would.

 

[dawnyblue]

I had packs for breakfast and lunch. I was pretty peckish by the time I got home from work, but took Eiriana out to play for an hour on her new bike (which everyone has to stop and admire!!!). She was going down a ramp in the garden....really fast, like her skiing, she loves speed, but doesn't know how to stop, eek so I grabbed her coat to stop her from crashing into the wall and pulled my nail back....blood...ow...bugger....nail....ow...ow....ow.....you get the picture!!!! (If you haven't, my nail bent back REALLY far and bled like a bugger!)

Ow Ow Ow, I feel the pain!!!


I've been a little worried lately as when I have eaten (Chinese New Year and last weekend) I have felt so incredibly guilty and have even contemplated (please avert if you are squeamish) putting my fingers down my throat to make myself throw up. Every time the thought has entered my head, I have quickly reminded myself how dangerous that is and that I don't want to go down that path. (Have a very good friend who was bulimic for years)

No No No, try not to have them thoughts ever again, you have absolutely no need to feel any guilt for any of the food you've eaten. You are doing VERY VERY well, just keep looking at yourself in the mirror girl! ENJOY the food you do eat and please don't SS much longer. Just enjoy smaller portions than you've had in the past.

Tried to do the quote thing but failed very annoying when I use a computer all day at work

 

[fat in the jing]

I oh so know that I cannot go the unmentionable route that I dared mention last night. I'm embarrassed that I posted it, but, it's one of the things that has been squirming around my head, and now that I've seen it down on paper (well, on screen) I know that this is just something that will pass.

I'm scared, oh so scared that the weight will slowly creep back on, that I will lose control.....being scared is probably a good thing for me though, it's one way of keeping tabs on myself.


Had a pretty good day, (except for a horrible meeting with one of the teachers who believes she knows everything and insists on being rude to every member of staff within the school and wonders why people are negative/cold toward her:sigh. Had a tiny bowl of stir-fried beansprouts and some other kind of bean, maybe haricot verts (?) with my soup this evening. Also had one strawberry and one cherry....oh I miss fruit, especially now the weather is getting warmer.....never mind, should be eating fruit regularly before the most important Peach season!


Love to you all

 

[sarahloveswelshcobs]

I'm not cc'ing - I'm just being careful in what I eat.

Some fruit and beansprouts will do you no harm. I have some berries - either strawberries, blueberries or raspberries EVERY day ... usually a punnet of them.... and one decent sized main meal that's low fat and low carb - ie no potatoes, bread, pasta or rice atm.

I'm FULL afterwards. I'm in permanent ketosis still - and have now lost 1.1/2 stone in two months.

It's just getting back to a maintenance plan. You can eat healthily and still lose or maintain weight. Try and not punish yourself. Hugs...

 

[AG1981]

Paula,

I've just sat and read your diary from start to finish, It was addictive so much like a book. From the very first mention of you going home for Christmas I read until I heard how you did and what people thought and then couldn't stop. lol!

You write really well and are a real inspiration. Well done!!!

I've added you as a friend on facebook, I hope you don't mind.

Thanks
Andrea

 

[Lisa Marie]

I too have just read your diary from the start. Thank you for sharing your incredible journey with us. I can relate to how you felt before embarking on CD with regards to the paranoia I feel people look at me and think how did she let herself get to that size etc.

Your before and after photos are amazing, you really look like a different person.

Well done and I hope I'm as sucessfull.

 

[dawnyblue]

Hi Paula, just popped in to see how you are doing,

Don't worry about your thoughts on the 'unmentionable' I bought laxatives at one point last year thinking I'd go down that route, fortunately I didn't start though. I think we all panic or get desperate at times, probably especially more when the weight has been lost and we are scared of putting it back on than when we are at our biggest.

I'm having a really 'good' week and have stuck to my cals 100% for 6 days now, only problem is I think it's because the bug that's done the rounds in our house has simply being laying quietly inside me, taking my appetite away and making me feel lethargic, rather than making me throw up. No housework getting done but the lbs are coming off nicely now

Hope you are having a great weekend

 

[Lisa Marie]

Would also like to add that I think you should change your user ID to

slim in the jing!

 

[dawnyblue]

I second that!

 

[sarahloveswelshcobs]

I'l third it !!

 

[annie_d]

Definately!

 

[fat in the jing]

I'm not cc'ing - I'm just being careful in what I eat.

Some fruit and beansprouts will do you no harm. I have some berries - either strawberries, blueberries or raspberries EVERY day ... usually a punnet of them.... and one decent sized main meal that's low fat and low carb - ie no potatoes, bread, pasta or rice atm.

I'm FULL afterwards. I'm in permanent ketosis still - and have now lost 1.1/2 stone in two months.

It's just getting back to a maintenance plan. You can eat healthily and still lose or maintain weight. Try and not punish yourself. Hugs...

Thanks Sarah......for always being so supportive. I know now that I don't have far to go, but I'm just getting so impatient.....grrr.....

 

[fat in the jing]

Paula,

I've just sat and read your diary from start to finish, It was addictive so much like a book. From the very first mention of you going home for Christmas I read until I heard how you did and what people thought and then couldn't stop. lol!

You write really well and are a real inspiration. Well done!!!

I've added you as a friend on facebook, I hope you don't mind.

Thanks
Andrea

Thank you Andrea, I hope you stop by often to catch up and let me know how you are getting on!

The more the merrier on facebook!

Love to you!

 

[fat in the jing]

I too have just read your diary from the start. Thank you for sharing your incredible journey with us. I can relate to how you felt before embarking on CD with regards to the paranoia I feel people look at me and think how did she let herself get to that size etc.

Your before and after photos are amazing, you really look like a different person.

Well done and I hope I'm as sucessfull.

Hiya Lisa Marie,
Thanks for dropping by and hope that you stop by often and let me know how things are getting on with you.

I'm sure that you will be successful, just keep coming by minimins to get all the inswpiration from the amazing people on here!
Love to you

 

[fat in the jing]

Hi Paula, just popped in to see how you are doing,

Don't worry about your thoughts on the 'unmentionable' I bought laxatives at one point last year thinking I'd go down that route, fortunately I didn't start though. I think we all panic or get desperate at times, probably especially more when the weight has been lost and we are scared of putting it back on than when we are at our biggest.

I'm having a really 'good' week and have stuck to my cals 100% for 6 days now, only problem is I think it's because the bug that's done the rounds in our house has simply being laying quietly inside me, taking my appetite away and making me feel lethargic, rather than making me throw up. No housework getting done but the lbs are coming off nicely now

Hope you are having a great weekend

Hiya Dawn,

Once again, thank you for always being so strong for me, and for sharing your own 'unmentionable'. I know this may sound bad, but knowing that others have such unmentionable thoughts makes me feel less scared.

Hope that you're all feeling better....and don't worry about the housework...

Love to you

 

[fat in the jing]

Lisa Marie
Would also like to add that I think you should change your user ID to
slim in the jing!

dawnyblue
I second that!

annie_d
Definately!

sarahloveswelshcobs
I'l third it !!

Thank you girls.....maybe almost slim in the jing!!!!

 

[fat in the jing]

Where did the weekend go?

I am absolutely shattered and in need of a weekend....and it's only Monday


Had a busy weekend....good, but busy. It was Cynara's 40th birthday on Saturday (cychina) so had plans for the evening - dinner at a very funky muslim restaurant then out dancing. Had to get a new pair of jeans as my skinny jeans that I bought at Christmas had turned into baggies, so out for lunch with Eiriana's best friends family, then the girls went to play and I shopped.

Thought I'd take a look in Miss Sixty for some jeans....yea!!...they fitted me, but....woooowwwww, almost 300 pounds for a pair of jeans....oh no...so I headed to the market and got a pair of fab looking Dolce and Gabbana's (either fake or stolen....who cares!!!!) for a tenner!!!!!

Got a really funky sweater, some new leggings and some nice undies from La Senza too.

Had a lovely evening, even though I was quite late! Food was delicious and although I did have a little bread to eat with the humous, I stuck mainly with meat (a lot) and salad. Oh, and the absolutely delicious coconut and chocolate birthday cake!!!!!

Had a couple of glasses of wine and two bacardi's and coke later on at the club. When we walked into the club, I kind of sunk....really pretentious, yuppy style with house music, not my scene at all....but I shook myself up, told myself that if fun was to be had, then it was all in my own beholding, so jigged a little and headed home for around 2-ish. (Must go in search of a 70's/80's disco - much more my kinda thang!!!)

Sunday, darling husband was such a ....well darling, let me have a lie in, then we headed at lunchtime to his favourite noodle bar (I ate salad) the to the out-of-town designer outlet....was looking for a light jacket but no luck, just got a nice slouchy suit.....


So the losses for last week.....


.....down to 72.9 so....I need to post this to see my ticker a sec...

a 1.6 kg (3.5 lb) loss this week...am very pleased with that as you all know I have been eating AND it's TOTM

Great week to you all....seeing that loss has energised me....wooohhooohhooohhooo

 

[puggso_32]

Well done on the loss

2 to go!!!