The journey continues!

Hey, well done for getting back to it again today. What fabulous words of widsom from Marge too, I'm going to cut and paste all these threads to have a look at when the going gets tough.

I suppose we also have to realise that even when we get to where we want to be there will still be good days and bad days, all part of the rich tapestry of life:D.

Well done again!
x
 
Fiestywoman said:
I suppose we also have to realise that even when we get to where we want to be there will still be good days and bad days, all part of the rich tapestry of life:D.

Well done again!
x
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Thanks Fiesty :) You're right, there's always going to be good and bad days, I'm just glad I caught myself and haven't let it spiral. I've not given myself a star on my chart for yesterday, but determined to get one today!
 
It is weird how some days it's so much easier than others. Today my head has seriously wobbled; it's daft really, as I've been really clear on my goal about trying to get to a healthy weight - but now everyone's commenting on how well I'm looking, how it's really suiting me, how you'd never know I'd been big (which is all great stuff!) it's like I'm feeling really scared, like this shouldn't be happening to me, like I'm going to wake up one day and suddenly be big again... it's daft really, I know it is, and I know I've been working really hard for this. I think I need to keep focused on my goals, and try and block out all this other chatter. I'm getting really nervous about getting to the end of this too, and how I'm going to transition back to food, and whether I really have learned enough about food / portion control / what to eat. Argggg, feeling cross with myself for getting my head in a muddle. Going to go and sleep now and get up and do a morning shred again, see if that helps me get straight again!
 
cybill said:
It is weird how some days it's so much easier than others. Today my head has seriously wobbled; it's daft really, as I've been really clear on my goal about trying to get to a healthy weight - but now everyone's commenting on how well I'm looking, how it's really suiting me, how you'd never know I'd been big (which is all great stuff!) it's like I'm feeling really scared, like this shouldn't be happening to me, like I'm going to wake up one day and suddenly be big again... it's daft really, I know it is, and I know I've been working really hard for this. I think I need to keep focused on my goals, and try and block out all this other chatter. I'm getting really nervous about getting to the end of this too, and how I'm going to transition back to food, and whether I really have learned enough about food / portion control / what to eat. Argggg, feeling cross with myself for getting my head in a muddle. Going to go and sleep now and get up and do a morning shred again, see if that helps me get straight again!
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Don't worry too much Rach you always have your exante safety net until you work out exactly what you need to do to maintain :)
You are doing so well, and a wobble is all it is :) well done on staying in track and being so good :) so pleased for you x
 
Still struggling at the moment, I think this year has been a lot of change, and my head still trying to catch up. Had my 3 Exante packs today, and a few other bits (hmmmm, actually quite a few other bits.... including sausages... and then a chocolate pudding at dinner - that felt so tasty to actually sit and eat a meal with my family, it was a real treat). I did finally drag my butt to Body Balance tonight, which feels good. Now aiming to have a full TS day tomorrow and actually do the shred in the morning. I so want to get to a healthy bmi, I'm so close now, I really don't want to fall off the wagon totally now.
 
Just posted this on another thread, but thought I'd put it in here too, been doing lots of thinking today :)

It's a lot of change I've been going through (as well as the diet, I'm going through the start of career change too, so a lot of things in flux at the moment - I think today I'm just feeling a little bit scared, and thinking maybe I'll just stop all this and stay as I was! OK, not really going to do that, but just nerves!). I was thinking earlier, I've nearly been on this diet 9 months now, so it's a bit like a pregnancy - only the new life I'm giving birth to is my own new life. I guess it's a bit like the end of my pregnancy where I started thinking - am I ready for this, will I know what to do, help, not sure I can do this! - but when I had my daughter, a day at a time and we worked it out. I guess this will be the same too. I've come this far, I just need to keep going, and learning the lessons one by one as I need to.

So far I've been getting rid of my bigger clothes, I didn't want to keep the safety blanket - so my 28's, 26's, 24's, 22's and 20's have all gone to friends or the charity shop. I'm really nervous about doing anything with the 18's which are getting to be too big now. I think for now I will just put those in a suitcase or a bag somewhere, just while my head catches up. It doesn't seem quite real that a size 18 is too big! It still looks too small when I pick it up!

I am proud of what I've achieved so far, and I guess in the scheme of wobbles, the last few days are nothing compared to what I may have done before I started on this weight loss journey. Time to put my eyes back on my goal, and keep going on this journey, to being the best me that I can be :)
 
You have had a lot of changes in a short space of time and it is only natural that your head will take a while to catch up. The good thing is that rather than completely lose the plot you are realising that you will need time to adjust and (hopefully) aren't being too hard on yourself:). You have done astonishingly well on Exante and you need to cut yourself a wee bit of slack, we are but human and will snack and nibble now and again, it's just trying to get an even balance that is the difficult bit.

Sorry, I seem to be waffling on here, I know what I want to say, but it's not coming out quite right :rolleyes:.

I think what you have achieved is fantastic, you are a real inspiration, and it is only a natural reaction that you get the wobbles sometimes, hopefully we will give you enough support to see you through them:D
 
I know what you mean totally about not getting rid of the 18's yet.....
It is hard to take in.
I have had to buy quite a bit of new stuff for my holiday, and it really doesn't seem real that I am inbetween a 16/18 :eek:.
You get so used to going straight to the size 22/24 section of the rail.

I have always said that I would keep the size one up from what I am, but not two up. :)

What size are you at the moment Rachel ?
14/16 ish ?
 
Go you! Just keep on going- as long as you don't just stop posting and stop thinking about the big picture you'll get back into it when the time is right!

For me it's when I stop looking and keeping myself in check- when I start telling myself it'll be fine and I go into self denial that's my biggest worry but you're not doing that your head is still in the game. You'll get there just keep asking yourself those questions and working through your thoughts and issues. And to be fair it makes a good read :) :)
 
cybill said:
Yes, I'm mostly in 16's at the moment, but starting to fit into 14's. I'm having to put safety pins in a few of the 16's to prevent embarassing incidents!
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Maybe just put the 18's in the case for now then, until you are properly in the 14's, then consider getting rid of them :)

I haven't gotten rid of all my 20's for the same reason :), but they will be going when I am in 16's properly :D
 
Sorry to hear you've been having a tough couple of days! It's a huge psychological thing, seeing that image in the mirror change. When you think if you got something small done, like a new haircut - you wouldn't be able to stop staring at yourself, could you? At least not for the first week, until you got used to it. And people would notice, and people would comment.

Now think that you're not just changing one part of your body, but your WHOLE body. And you've been used to having a bigger shape for YEARS! It's perfectly natural to be a little freaked out. Try and give yourself a bit of a pat on the back. It's okay to let yourself feel EXCITED about reaching your goal - and you will!
 
Thanks Cherrypie, Marge & Annie, feeling more together again today. I've had a WS day, and have followed your advice and tried to be a bit more gentle on myself. I think I'm going to do WS for a week or so; even if all I do is STS and give myself a bit of a chance to get used to how far I've come before I start losing again, that's OK. I know I do want to get all the way to a healthy bmi, it does feel exciting too, as well as scary! I think I need to keep readjusting how I think of myself, and it's realising that I really am not big any more, and that that is OK - well, more than OK, that is really good!

Thought I'd revisit my Beck Advantages list:

  • I will be healthy, or the healthiest that I can be - I definitely think I'm achieving this one. My asthma inhalers have dropped off repeat prescription as I'm using them so little, and I'm feeling healthier than I've been my entire life!
  • I will set a good example to give my daughter the best chance to be healthy too - I think I'm starting to achieve this. I love that she joins in with my when I do the shred in the mornings. It feels like exercise and healthy foods will just be something that she grows up with, which I'm delighted. Last night's tea was great, I offered her a choice of rice cake, blueberries and some chocolate - she chose the rice cake and the blueberries!!!
  • I will be able to shop for clothes in any shop - Now that I'm starting to fit into 14's, I've definitely reached this one. It's a great experience knowing that I can look in any shop and that I can go and look at clothes - and not just head straight for the jewellery in shops when I'm out with friends!
  • I will be too small to shop in Evans - I think they go down to 14's, so I guess I'm not strictly too small yet, but there's no way I'm going in there! Hurrah :D
  • I will look good and believe that I look good - Hmm, I think I'm starting to get closer to this one. I feel more confident, for example putting photos of myself up on facebook. It was wonderful getting a spontaneous praise comment about how I looked the other day from my husband (that's a rarity indeed!)
  • I will have the energy to play in the park - I'm getting there with this one - now my energy isn't going to rival a nearly two year old's! But I've got enough energy that even later in the afternoon I'm up for going out with her, rather than just wanting to collapse on the sofa!
  • I will feel comfortable at the beach and the pool - Hmmmm, this one may take a while, but I'm still taking my daughter swimming. I guess the discomfort bit at the moment is my skin, but I'm happy to be patient, and hopefully in a year or two that will have settled itself
  • I will not be the fat Mum or the fat friend - well, I guess I'm starting to not be 'fat'. I think someone meeting me for the first time wouldn't now use big /fat etc in their description of me, which is definitely a novelty!
  • I will be the best version of me that I can be, and not hide behind anything, particularly my size - I think I'm still hiding a little, but I guess not behind my size any more. I'm working on this, on having the confidence just to live and be the person that I am, and get on and do it!
  • I will have the energy to go cycling and play badminton and not look like a beetroot - Hmmm, not tried badminton recently, but I can now get off the bike after a few miles without looking like a beetroot, so this one's definitely achieved :)
  • I will be able to do the Palace to Palace cycle ride that I've committed too, and finish it - well, the truth on this one will be in September! I've still definitely got some more training to do, and need to get my distance up a bit more, but I'm feeling fairly confident that I will do this - partly because I'm very stubborn when I set my mind to something, and there's no way I'm only going to cycle half of it in front of my colleagues!
  • I'll be able to stand up straight, tall and proud - Hehehee, well, lots of people are commenting that they hadn't realised how tall I was! I think I'm standing taller. I've still got some work to do on my posture, but I'm hoping the toning stuff I'm doing will be helping that too.
  • I will be even happier when I look in the mirror - Yeah, I guess I'm getting there on this. My eyes are still drawn to the bits of me that I'm not so happy with, but I do feel excited when I catch sight of myself unexpectedly in a mirror and realise it's me!
  • I will not have fat as part of my identity - I think this will take a while before my head really believes it, but slowly, I will get there.
  • I will be able to wear heels and not wobble over - well, this one I've achieved! I'm now very happy wearing heels every day at work, and even taking the stairs in them / walking round town at lunch time. I love it (OK, perhaps this is why people think I'm taller too!) I'm really enjoying shoes, something which I've never done before! I love it :)
  • I will weigh less than my husband, so he can tip down on the seesaw! - Tick! I now weigh almost a stone less than my husband, I'm chuffed to bits. My bmi is less than his, and less than my Mum's, and I've now got my bmi down to the same as my mother-in-laws (27.9)! I'm really happy :)
  • I will be able to tell that I have cheekbones, a collarbone and tendons in my feet and my hands - Yes, yes, yes! I have cheekbones! I couldn't have even told you where my collarbone should be before! But it's definitely there now :) It's great! Necklaces look really different, and I'm having to rethread some of my pendants on shorter chains! Some days at work I keep looking at my hands, flexing my fingers just to see the tendons :):)
  • I will be memorable but not as the big, fat, cheerful one - getting there!!!
  • I will be memorable as the confident, colourful, determined, attractive one - OK, still got to work on some of the confidence, but definitely getting there! (actually, others probably do see me as confident already! I just need to start seeing it too!)
  • I will be able to paint my toenails without feeling like a contortionist, or an extra long brush - heheee, yes, getting there with this one, it's brilliant. I can easily reach my toes now, and have enjoyed painting my toenails :)
  • I will be happy of photos of me with my family, especially my daughter - getting happier by the day :) And I've started putting up more photos of us round the house, which is great :)
  • I will feel confident learning to dance (one of my goals once I have lost weight) - hmmm, not there yet on this one! But I may start going to a zumba class or something like that... perhaps that would be a good way into it!
  • I will be living, breathing and being the best version of me that I can possibly be - getting there... I need to keep working on this - but I guess this is really a lifelong goal.
Phew! Wow, I feel really good having done that! I really am starting to achieve what seemed like huge goals when I started this! I think I've built it up in my head as a huge goal about reaching my healthy bmi - which I still want to do. But having just done this, I do feel good that actually I'm already living out a lot of the things that I wanted to get out of losing weight! I'm seeing, feeling, experiencing a lot of the benefits to me. Now I just need to keep at it, and get the icing on the cake too!

Ooopsy, wrote another essay! But I do feel better for it :D
 
Hey Hun woahhh need to take my iPad to bed to read ur essay lol.. I really do enjoy reading your diary sooo gonna leave it till last when I'm tucked up in bed..

Hope ur well lovely lady x
 
Absolutely LOVE your advantage list! What a brilliant list of things that are important to you. I've yet to write mine and you have given me some great ideas and inspiration. Thanks for sharing them:D
 
Bleep, I think my deviation to food has set off my asthma :( had a lousy night. I guess I really will have to do an elimination diet when I start reintroducing foods and plan it / do it properly to work out which foods are really not good for me :(

Definitely a good incentive to be strong on the diet again though! It will be nice to get my good breathing back
 
Oh no :(
It funny though... sometimes things like asthma and diabetis are associated with being heavily overweight.
At least you can now say, that it must be something else eh ? ;)
An elimination process sounds like a very good plan :)
 
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