The Princess Diaries ♥ (DIARY CLOSED - LINK TO NEW DIARY ON LAST PAGE)

Hey Stevie, as you know I pigged out to the max the other week and thought I was facing a 7lbs gain, I felt so bloated but I only gained 2.5! Not only that but I hadn't exercised this week but you're a gym bunny! I'm sure it won't be as bad as you think and remember the first half of your week was proper on the plan!
I totally know how you feel but remember what you said about how destructive guilt can be, try and do a food plan for next week and this week will be a forgotten one.

So many people say that SW doesn't get in the way of everyday life, and for the most part it doesn't but you definitely do have to sacrifice a lot of normal socialising for it. I know that personally I have to give up nights out with friends drinking, days in the pub for lunch and so forth if I want to guarantee a good week and its so hard to choose which way you go when we're young! xxx
 
Princess_Stevie said:
Well I am not looking forward to being weighed tonight. Cant stop eating crap again today!! ARGHHH.

My scales predicted a 5lb gain last night, so god knows what they will be tonight seeing as though I am still stuffing my face :(

Why can't I do this? I have one good week and then I'm off the rails again. Can easily see this being a half stone gain tonight. In ONE week. That is absolutely disgusting.

I am so ashamed of myself.
Click to expand...

I know where your coming from Hun I've been messing around for past couple of weeks eating everything in sight , I've also changed my wi from a wed morning to a Sunday evening so I was not looking forward to wi last Sunday , I had a 5 lb gain I was expecting more , but I've dusted myself down and started back on plan yesterday and it's going ok so far , I just couldn't focus before I seemed to be having a rebellious phase , you know you can do this were all rooting for you, hugs xxxxx

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins
 
Aw hun try not to punish yourself like this. I really think you could do with trying to maintain for a few weeks to get your head straight. Then you'll be able to launch back into it with renewed vigour. You've done so well and I hate to see it making you unhappy when you should be thrilled with what you've achieved already.

Take a long hard look at your array of photos in your sig and give yourself a pat on the back. :bighug:
 
:bighug: xx
 
2lb on. I know, I know. Not as bad as I thought and all that. But a gain is bad enough. Messing around like this is bad enough. Being stuck in this rut is bad enough.

I really do not know what to do with myself. Feeling a bit lost and like I do not belong...
 
Oh Stevie. I think I will be feeling exactly the same tomorrow. My weekend involved Burger King, Chinese (although thankfully not a buffet but a proper meal with OH's parents) and lots and lots of vodka. I'm kicking myself because I feel like I've been arsing around the past few weeks and I really wanted a good loss ahead of my cousin's wedding this weekend.

I feel like a saboteur and when other people are having fab losses, and I know I can if I bloomin' stick to plan, I feel like I'm making myself out of place at group. My group are lovely, and they're not the ones making me feel like that, it's just me, in my head. And that's even worse because I get more prone to the 'Sod it!' comfort eating. Give me a kick up the bum!
 
Nothing we say will make you feel any better tonight so all I'll say is you can do it xx

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins
 
Princess_Stevie said:
2lb on. I know, I know. Not as bad as I thought and all that. But a gain is bad enough. Messing around like this is bad enough. Being stuck in this rut is bad enough.

I really do not know what to do with myself. Feeling a bit lost and like I do not belong...
Click to expand...

Loads of hugs stevie , your a special person who helps so many of us on here , don't beat yourself up sweetie xx

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins
 
Morning everyone, thanks for your words of comfort and support. I am still feeling totally down this morning and not really sure what to do with myself.

I can't keep going on like this - one good week, one bad. It is really getting me down and I'm feeling completely frustrated with the way things are at the minute. I know I can do this, I have already proved that to myself. I wouldn't have gotten this far if I couldn't do it. I just need to get the focus back. That is what I'm really struggling with at the moment.

I really opened up to my C again last night. In all honesty I am just totally bored and sick with Slimming World. I've been doing this for about two years now, and although I'm not bored with the meals and things I'm eating, I'm just bored with dieting in general. To think that I am going to be doing this now for the rest of my life really frustrates me. Especially when I can't even manage to do it for two weeks on the trot at the minute. It's a catch 22 though, because I know that I need to keep doing it. I have tried other diets in the past, and lost 1 stone, got bored with it and stopped. All of the weight and more piled back on. I found them too restrictive - personally, Slimming World is the most flexible. There's no way I could do calorie counting. Again, I know I'd find it too restrictive and the weighing / measuring would do my head in. In all honesty, I had been considering 5:2 for a little while. But I just really can't see it working for me. I'd use the "feast" days as an excuse to just binge on all sorts of rubbish. And plus, I don't see it being a lifelong plan, more of a quick fix. So I guess I'm stuck here with Slimming World. I just need to find my passion for it again, that same passion I had at the start of this year.

Another thing that really upset me last night was my cousin had tagged me in a photo on Facebook. It was a collage of a picture of my mam and I when I was probably about 11 or 12, and then a photo of me at my cousins wedding about 3 or 4 years ago (aged 18/19). It was absolutely hideous. So much so that I came home from group (which was where I was when I first saw the picture on Facebook) and cried my eyes out. It is like something from a horror film, I look like a monster! I asked my cousin to take it down from Facebook. The caption was "Then and Now". It's not a "now" photo of me though. I felt embarrassed that people would see a photo of me looking like that and think that is what I actually look like now. It horrified me that I was ever like that and I felt really upset that I'd gone from the healthy, happy child in the first photo to this obese, ugly teenager in the second. This is going to take a lot for me to do, but I want to share this picture with you all so you can see where I am coming from here...

dfg.jpeg

...Now don't get me wrong, I normally love comparison pics. You only need to take a look at my signature to work that one out! But this is totally different. It really shocked and disgusted me. I am proud of what I have achieved, but I am also ashamed that I ever let myself get to the point where I needed to lose all of this weight. And I never ever want to go back to that either. That's why this faffing around and gaining needs to stop now.

That wasn't enough to stop me last night though. I'm a massive comfort eater, so you can all guess what happened when I got home last night. Chips, jumbo sausage, curry sauce, scrap butty, two bottles of full fat lucozade, two packets of Reese's peanut butter cups (3 in each pack), and a Cadbury Crispello is exactly what happened. Disgusting. Actually got to the point where I had to run to the bathroom and sit by the toilet for a little while as I felt I was going to be sick.

So, I don't really know what my plan of action is right now. I don't know how I'm going to overcome these tricky weekends that lead to me falling off the wagon for the majority of the week. I don't know how I'm going to get rid of these feelings I am feeling right now. All I know is that I need to do something. I guess I've just got to plod on, and try and take this one day at a time.

I'll start off this fresh week with a Red day . . .


(S) = Speed (SS) = SuperSpeed

Breakfast
- Pineapple (S)

Lunch:
- Ryvita (HExB) topped with Tesco Light Choices Cottage Cheese, Ham and Cherry Tomatoes (S)

Dinner:
- Chicken "Parmo" (S) (HExA + B) served with Carrot "Chips" (S) and Salad (Rocket (S), Cucumber (S), Peppers (S), Red Onion (S) and Cherry Tomatoes (S))

Other:
- Highlights Fudge Hot Chocolate (2 Syns) made up with Milk (HExA)
- Rocky Road HiFi Light (3 Syns)

Healthy A: 60g Low Low Spread & 250ml Semi Skimmed Milk
Healthy B: 4 x Ryvita Original & 60g Wholemeal Roll

Daily Syns: 5 / 15
Weekly Syns: 5 / 105
 
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Morning hun x

I honestly don't know what to say to you at the minute, other than I know exactly how you feel. Been there and done that.

I'm a little bit older than you, and first started losing weight when I was wanting to get married. I lost near 2 stone, got married and have honestly lost my focus ever since :(

In that time I've tried calorie counting, vlcd, weight watchers, slimming world again and now back to calorie counting.

I have farted around with the same 7 pounds for nearly 2 years now (ill have been married 2 years in June).

My problem is I have nothing to focus for. I see some clothes or somebody and think I'd love to have that figure, but then a nice meal or some chocolate comes my way and all is forgotten.

My head asks me why I'm bothering with all this pressure when I've got this far in life, at the size that I'm at, with no problems. I have two beautiful children (and don't want anymore), a wonderful husband, a house, a really good career. Realistically, I have it all!

Except I don't. I don't ever feel like I look good in clothes, I don't have a style, just whatever fits when I'm shopping and trying on, I'm scared of being the fat one in my group of friends and embarrassing my kids in the school playground. I'm worried that they day a size 10 person threw themselves at my husband then he'd be long gone (which I know he wouldn't), and this is what spurs me on.

I know this doesn't really help you at all, but you need to find what spurs you on and use it best you can.

I'm not where I want to be, but I'm also no bigger which is where I definitely would be had I just given it all up as a bad job.

Keep your chin up Hun as feeling awful doesn't help xxx
 
Oh Stevie though our situations are so different so much of what you say sounds familiar. I too got to the stage where the wonders of sw felt like restrictons as I was having to not have things that my family and friends were having and I went through a stage of pushing the boundaries and allowing myself days/times off which would end up in me eating everything and anything as it felt like the only time I could do it.
I then came to the realisation as the weight was starting to gradually pile back on that it was worth the sacrifices most of the time but not all the time and touch wood I can manage most of the time and even times when I do allow myself meals/days off I try to measure it by is it what a 'normal' 'average' person would do on this sort of occasion and if so then I feel its ok for me to do it too as I have to live my life and that helps me balance it out a bit and not feel so restricted all the time and also not feel disgusted with myself for shovelling everything in my mouth.
I have also found looking back on pics of the old me disgusts me especially when I was dressed up and thought I was looking good etc but you havenkt let yourself get as big as I did and haven't wasted years and years of being big like I did you are young and beautiful and need to enjoy yourself every now and then and that's fine to do.
Big hugs babes xxx
 
Aw Stevie you sound like you've got so much going on in your mind right now. It's hard to feel so lost and unsure. You come across as a bit of a 'planner' so to feel like you have no plan must be really frustrating. The bottom line is that you have lost weight and look fantastic! Faffing around is part of life it's unrealistic to think anybody could stay 100% on plan for the rest of their lives, and like you said Slimming World is a lifestyle choice.
I could offer some practical advice but I don't think it would solve the problem of 'getting your head back in the game'. Keep talking to us on here- your diary inspires so many people and I know I personally get excited when I see an update :)
You can do it, be proud of yourself xx
 
Thank you all for your sweet, kind words. They help more than you probably know. Just knowing I am not alone in this struggle and that people do understand what I am going through really helps. Love and appreciate you all xxx
 
You're definitely not alone in feeling this way, I'd say most people on here have lost their way at certain points throughout dieting...it happens, as much as we want to lose the weigh continuously it just doesn't happen- we get tempted and have little set backs as I know we both have done in the past but the most important part is that you always manage to overcome it. I bet after you'd finished all that rubbish yesterday, you didn't feel good about it. You didn't feel happy. You didn't really enjoy it. It wasn't worth it. Try hang on to that? Just need to figure what works best for you :) As for the picture, I know it hurts looking back at photos but you need to remember that you aren't that person anymore xx
 
What is quite frightening re. the photo is that I once really liked it. I thought it was a good photo of me, and that I looked nice. So God only knows what I looked like on my "bad" days. It's really stirred up a load of emotions in me. It's funny what a little thing like a picture can do xx
 
Princess_Stevie said:
What is quite frightening re. the photo is that I once really liked it. I thought it was a good photo of me, and that I looked nice. So God only knows what I looked like on my "bad" days. It's really stirred up a load of emotions in me. It's funny what a little thing like a picture can do xx
Click to expand...

Yep. God I could show you some bad ones of me too where I would think I looked really nice, or the outfit looked really good on me. Did it hell! :giggle: I guess you just have to try let go and move on, use that as an example to push forward xx
 
Completely know how you feel on the bingeing front. Due to suffering from anxiety/depression, I had to go to councilling and after spilling my heart out about how I binged and ate secretly, my therapist saw it as near enough an ED. Even though you know it will, not only make you feel guilty, but also make you feel sick (I never purged, just binged, hence the weight gain!) there is no off switch. As you know, I recently turned to it during some social problems but it sounds as though for you your weight and weight loss journey is the main reason you comfort eat and that is so sad.

You're enjoying the exercise and so at leats you know that even if something does go a bit out of line, you have that fall back on to a certain extent. You've lost more than me and like you, other diets never lasted. Just think how long you've lasted on SW and the fact is you could make it even longer :D

As for the photo, as horrendous as it may seem, sometimes that disgust is good. I keep a picture of me from my Starting weight on my phone and every now and then I'll look at it, just to scare myself out of the big bar of oreo choc, or the pizza leaflet staring at me
I know you can pull it around <3
 
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