The Princess Diaries ♥ (DIARY CLOSED - LINK TO NEW DIARY ON LAST PAGE)

[Princess_Stevie]

Completely know how you feel on the bingeing front. Due to suffering from anxiety/depression, I had to go to councilling and after spilling my heart out about how I binged and ate secretly, my therapist saw it as near enough an ED. Even though you know it will, not only make you feel guilty, but also make you feel sick (I never purged, just binged, hence the weight gain!) there is no off switch. As you know, I recently turned to it during some social problems but it sounds as though for you your weight and weight loss journey is the main reason you comfort eat and that is so sad.

You're enjoying the exercise and so at leats you know that even if something does go a bit out of line, you have that fall back on to a certain extent. You've lost more than me and like you, other diets never lasted. Just think how long you've lasted on SW and the fact is you could make it even longer

As for the photo, as horrendous as it may seem, sometimes that disgust is good. I keep a picture of me from my Starting weight on my phone and every now and then I'll look at it, just to scare myself out of the big bar of oreo choc, or the pizza leaflet staring at me
I know you can pull it around <3

We are so alike it is uncanny!

I know I'm becoming far too obsessed with this dieting, it's frightening me a bit really. I am obsessed with the scales and like you say, all of my comfort eating seems to be based on this weight loss journey.

I've lots of issues I'm trying to tackle at the moment, and I think for me it's all about taking baby steps, one at a time. I need to take the pressure off myself - I'm the only one putting that pressure onto me, and there's no need to be. I know I can do this, and I will do it in good time. So no need to be panicing and stressing so much. Obviously easier said than done though, as you know.

I've not been to the gym since Saturday morning, but I'm biting the bullet and going back tonight. In all honesty, I've missed the gym and I'm looking forward to getting back. It gives me an outlet for all of this frustration I have, which is good. Asides from speaking with you lovely lot, I need somewhere to just release all of this negativity and frustration which has been building up. I'm going to Body Combat tonight, so that should do the trick.

As much as the photo upset me, I have to admit I've saved it to my phone. It really repulses me, and I'm going to try my damned hardest to turn that into a positive. Whenever things get tough this hard or I feel tempted to blow it all, I'm going to have a look at that picture and remember all of these feelings I'm feeling now. I can't go back to being that person. I won't go back to being that person.

It's not going to be an easy road, and Rome wasn't built in a day. But I will eventually pick myself up, dust myself off and move on..xx

 

[bethy.babes]

aww hun i know exactly how you feel. i was only big for about 9 months (boyfriend weight pile on) and i still thought i looked great! (I didn't) and last year i was going through all my old photos and I was so ashamed and disgusted and threw them all away or untagged or deleted the ones on the computer, now everything's gone! I'm quite gutted in a way as I have no comparison pictures and it was still a good time in my life! However on the other hand, there gone, that me is gone and there's no point in looking back, or beating your self up for "what was" as your going forward, and you should celebrate how well you really have done. i know this wont help because I have these days were I look at my self and think well i look disgusting anyway so might as well keep it up and just binge, so your not alone, and these threads are a great place to vent all these emotions. I hope you feel better soon and use your past as a reminder that you don't want to go back there. My quote in my signature says it all! chin up lovely

xx

 

[mariavon]

Stevie it's so weirded its like you speak my mind this is how I was for weeks , no motivation for sw or anything , but feeling really low and disgusted wiv my self for binging , even though I know exactly how you feel nothing any body says will Make any difference well it didn't for me , colleagues were telling me how far I'd come how devoted I was to sw , how different I looked but it made not a jot of difference I was on a path of self distruct, every week I'd say right I'm starting tomorrow no no I really mean it , yea till igot home and had bread then crisps choc , biscuits anything that way there,
Something clicked I went back on plan Monday and I'm doing ok , but I had to be ready to do it I'm annoyed I've gained but what did I expect , this dieting lark is a lonely journey although we're all on minis for you and you friends and family surround and support you , not one of us can walk your path x
Love you stevie xxxxxx

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins

 

[Princess_Stevie]

aww hun i know exactly how you feel. i was only big for about 9 months (boyfriend weight pile on) and i still thought i looked great! (I didn't) and last year i was going through all my old photos and I was so ashamed and disgusted and threw them all away or untagged or deleted the ones on the computer, now everything's gone! I'm quite gutted in a way as I have no comparison pictures and it was still a good time in my life! However on the other hand, there gone, that me is gone and there's no point in looking back, or beating your self up for "what was" as your going forward, and you should celebrate how well you really have done. i know this wont help because I have these days were I look at my self and think well i look disgusting anyway so might as well keep it up and just binge, so your not alone, and these threads are a great place to vent all these emotions. I hope you feel better soon and use your past as a reminder that you don't want to go back there. My quote in my signature says it all! chin up lovely

xx

Thank you hun. I am a great lover of quotes and sayings and yours is one I have never seen before - that has given me some motivation. Thanks for your support, I really do appreciate it more than I could ever say xx

Stevie it's so weirded its like you speak my mind this is how I was for weeks , no motivation for sw or anything , but feeling really low and disgusted wiv my self for binging , even though I know exactly how you feel nothing any body says will Make any difference well it didn't for me , colleagues were telling me how far I'd come how devoted I was to sw , how different I looked but it made not a jot of difference I was on a path of self distruct, every week I'd say right I'm starting tomorrow no no I really mean it , yea till igot home and had bread then crisps choc , biscuits anything that way there,
Something clicked I went back on plan Monday and I'm doing ok , but I had to be ready to do it I'm annoyed I've gained but what did I expect , this dieting lark is a lonely journey although we're all on minis for you and you friends and family surround and support you , not one of us can walk your path x
Love you stevie xxxxxx

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins

It's funny isn't it! But that's the thing I love about Mini's, there are people here who understand how you feel and what you are going through. They have been there themselves and gotten through the tough times, and that gives me some strength.

I am pleased you have managed to get back on the plan and that things are so far so good! Today is going well for me too, but I'm just taking each day as it comes.

Your words are always kind and comforting Yvonne. You tell it how it is and I like that, there is no beating around the bush or mincing words. Love and appreciate you xxx

 

[Purple Patsy]

:bighug:You are deffo not alone hun. I was just thinking though that your gain was probably not due to your food and drink while you were out at the weekend but more likely to your binge type eating after it cos of guilt. So in effect you could live on SW rules all week which you do easily it seems and allow yourself your nights out and the food and drink that goes with it.

This is perfect maintaining behaviour good for 5 days and a bit off plan for 2. The problems come from you beating yourself up about the night outs not the nights themselves if you see what I mean. That's why I thought that maybe planning to maintain for a wee while would help you sort your head out. And you might even find that because you are relaxed about it and you wouldn't go nuts every weekend you might even begin to lose a little "by accident" As you say it's all about your headspace.

Also had a thought about the photo. Your cousin might be more willing to change it if you sent has a real "now" photo one you are happy for her to show. Otherwise I would start to question her motivation for showing a photo which she knows upsets you.

I hope some of this has helped you even if only a little.

 

[donna88]

Sorry to see you're in such a bad place at the minute Stevie

*hugs*

The photo isn't that bad, but I can completely understand why you're upset with it saying ''then and now'' are you close to your cousin? It seems odd for her to use an older photo rather then one showing how you are now.


Good luck at the gym today.

 

[Princess_Stevie]

:bighug:You are deffo not alone hun. I was just thinking though that your gain was probably not due to your food and drink while you were out at the weekend but more likely to your binge type eating after it cos of guilt. So in effect you could live on SW rules all week which you do easily it seems and allow yourself your nights out and the food and drink that goes with it.

This is perfect maintaining behaviour good for 5 days and a bit off plan for 2. The problems come from you beating yourself up about the night outs not the nights themselves if you see what I mean. That's why I thought that maybe planning to maintain for a wee while would help you sort your head out. And you might even find that because you are relaxed about it and you wouldn't go nuts every weekend you might even begin to lose a little "by accident" As you say it's all about your headspace.

Also had a thought about the photo. Your cousin might be more willing to change it if you sent has a real "now" photo one you are happy for her to show. Otherwise I would start to question her motivation for showing a photo which she knows upsets you.

I hope some of this has helped you even if only a little.

Lovely Patsy you have helped more than you know.

You are so right what you say about the guilt. That's the thing my C picked up on too - it's not the night out that is ruining things for me, it's holding onto guilt of that night out which then leads me to the mindset of "oh well, I've ruined it now anyway so I may aswell have X, Y and Z". Which then leads to a viscious cycle of continually stuffing myself with crap and then feeling guilty about it. This really needs to stop. I have had nights out in the past, drawn a line under it and moved on. So I know it can be done. I just don't know what's changed recently.

I can't really be cross at my cousin re. the photo. I post lots of comparison pics myself, but that one is different. It just shocked me to see it, I think it's because I hadn't seen it in so long and that I actually used to like that photo of myself. Now I am repulsed by it. I'm not convinced it was done in a malicious way though. She is a big girl herself - a lot bigger than I have ever been, so I think she understands the feelings I felt. I can see why she used that photo- she probably didn't have another photo of me and my mam, and the collage was to highlight the difference between us years ago and the so called "now".

 

[Princess_Stevie]

Sorry to see you're in such a bad place at the minute Stevie

*hugs*

The photo isn't that bad, but I can completely understand why you're upset with it saying ''then and now'' are you close to your cousin? It seems odd for her to use an older photo rather then one showing how you are now.


Good luck at the gym today.

We're really close! I definitely don't think she did it to upset me, she's not like that at all. Plus she's big herself, and she tells me all the time how proud of me she is. She just thought she was doing something nice making a family collage. Which under any other circumstances would have been lovely! It's me that I'm upset with for ever looking like that, not her.

Really looking forward to getting back to the gym tonight. I actually bought some new kit yesterday so I'll be looking forward to wearing that too

 

[donna88]

That makes sense, you just have to stick at it and get another lovely photo of you and your mum

I know how you feel though, my nanna joined facebook last weekend and my mum tagged her in a load of photo's but for ages the only photo's she'd been tagged in were with me at my biggest! I felt awful, my mum was saying how it was good as people would see how far I'd come but like you I was like no they'll just assume that's how I am now, I was also horrified with myself for letting myself go that far

 

[Princess_Stevie]

Just back from Combat where I felt like I blew off quite a bit of negative energy. It's amazing how much better a class or two can make you feel. Just waiting for my parmo to cook and then I'm going to have a nice Radox bath and an early night.

Thanks everyone for your support. I can't thank you all enough xxx

 

[Rochelle1]

Oh Stevie, I don't really know what I can say to you apart from dont look at that photo with repulse, because look at yourself now you're beautiful. You've worked hard to get that 2 stone off and you are such an inspirational part of this forum always giving advice and stuff.

I know it's probably already crossed your mind but how about giving slimming world a couple of weeks break, even a couple of months? Just to get things out of your system. You might want to join up again with new found motivation and everything. But still keep the gym up though. You've lost too much to put it all back on again xx

 

[babybuffy84]

Why not try doing a week off fast forward ?? More as to show you how easy Sw is and the other plans fast forward is very strict and maybe might make you realise ??!!
Talk to your consultant or even sas logs !!
You've come too far to give up now Hun and even though I don't always post I'm always reading and even though I don't know you I'm
Sure I'm not alone in saying that's your a huge inspiration to many on here and when we all have bad days and want to give up you post something wonderful and probably wouldn't let us give up,so were not going to let you give up
You need to remember why you chose Sw an loosing weight in the first place and with everyone's help and support on here I'm sure you will
Achieve it just look at how many fabulous messages you've Received today Hun that must be a wonderful boost too
Have a good sleep tomorrow is a new day take it one day at a time xx

 

[Mandlegrot]

Aw love I wish I could type more but my thumb is broke LOL. But you have done amazingly and let me tell you that you are an inspiration to me, really. You know why? Because you are real. You are not perfect 100% on plan every day - life happens, but you always seem to bounce right back and find your focus again. I am sure you can do it this time, don't let a nasty picture put you down but use it to motivate you to never return to that space again!! x

 

[mariavon]

Good morning lovley

Hope your ok xxxx

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins

 

[Princess_Stevie]

Oh Stevie, I don't really know what I can say to you apart from dont look at that photo with repulse, because look at yourself now you're beautiful. You've worked hard to get that 2 stone off and you are such an inspirational part of this forum always giving advice and stuff.

I know it's probably already crossed your mind but how about giving slimming world a couple of weeks break, even a couple of months? Just to get things out of your system. You might want to join up again with new found motivation and everything. But still keep the gym up though. You've lost too much to put it all back on again xx

Thank you lovely! I am feeling more positive today. Don't get me wrong, I am still not 100% but it is a big improvement from Tuesday / yesterday.

Giving SW a break had crossed my mind, but I know exactly what will happen. I'll pile all of this weight back on and end up back at square one! I mean, last week I fell off the plan for 5 days and ate nothing but rubbish. Being off plan for a few weeks or even months would be ridiculous for me. There's no way I'd make even slightly healthy choices. I'd just see it as an excuse to pig out and gorge on rubbish until I decided to get back on plan - lord only knows when that would be! Once I'm off it I struggle to get back on. I am also a bit precious with my awards and I really wouldn't want to lose them all!

In my head I am starting over from scratch, just not officially. I'm hoping that going back to basics this week can give me the boost I desperately need.

Your advice is always really comforting, and you are a massive inspiration to me. Your losses every week are amazing, and I hope that I can get back to those continual losses which I know I can do! Thank you so much xx

Why not try doing a week off fast forward ?? More as to show you how easy Sw is and the other plans fast forward is very strict and maybe might make you realise ??!!
Talk to your consultant or even sas logs !!
You've come too far to give up now Hun and even though I don't always post I'm always reading and even though I don't know you I'm
Sure I'm not alone in saying that's your a huge inspiration to many on here and when we all have bad days and want to give up you post something wonderful and probably wouldn't let us give up,so were not going to let you give up
You need to remember why you chose Sw an loosing weight in the first place and with everyone's help and support on here I'm sure you will
Achieve it just look at how many fabulous messages you've Received today Hun that must be a wonderful boost too
Have a good sleep tomorrow is a new day take it one day at a time xx

I think your idea of doing a week of FF is fantastic! It never even crossed my mind. I've done it in the past when I've found myself struggling, so I don't know why I hadn't thought of it. I think I will plod on with this week (only because I've planned all of my meals and bought stuff in etc.) and then next week I'll do FF for a week. Thank you for that!

I definitely agree about the messages too. They've definitely given me a boost. It's great to see that there are still some lovely people in this world - people who actually care and understand. I honestly don't know what I'd do without you lovely people on Mini's xx

Aw love I wish I could type more but my thumb is broke LOL. But you have done amazingly and let me tell you that you are an inspiration to me, really. You know why? Because you are real. You are not perfect 100% on plan every day - life happens, but you always seem to bounce right back and find your focus again. I am sure you can do it this time, don't let a nasty picture put you down but use it to motivate you to never return to that space again!! x

Aww no, your poor thumb!! I hope it is fixed soon - how have you managed that?

Your post made me feel really emotional, but in a good way! I got a warm fuzzy feeling inside lol Thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to post. It really means a great deal to me and your words mean more than I could say.

I would like to give you all a huge hug. But instead, have a virtual one :bighug: xx

 

[Princess_Stevie]

Good morning lovley

Hope your ok xxxx

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins

Good morning lovely Yvonne :wavey:

I must admit I am definitely feeling better today. I still have a long way to go but my mood has improved a great deal since yesterday. Definitely a lot to do with all of you lovely peeps on here. I am so so grateful xxx

 

[law3a3m]

What is the fast forward plan? X

 

[Princess_Stevie]

Morning diary. I just want to say a huge thank you to everyone for the last couple of days. Sometimes it is so so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when things are looking really negative, but you have all made me feel very comforted and more positive, and just assured that I am not alone in this struggle. I appreciate you all more than I could ever put into words. There is no way I could have even gotten this far without you all. It never fails to amaze me how many people take time out of their busy days to help in situations like this. It is quite overwhelming actually. Really heartwarming.

I am feeling quite a bit more upbeat today. I think getting my first day back on plan done and dusted has really helped. As they say, the first day is the hardest so now that I have conquered that I can take the other days as they come.

I found that going back to the gym last night really improved my mood too. I let off loads of steam in BodyCombat and felt as though I had left a lot of negativity behind me when I had finished. It felt like a weight had been lifted and I can't wait to go back again tonight - although I'll be doing either Bums, Legs & Tums or CXWORX tonight, as Combat isn't on again until tomorrow.

I also have a couple of "proud of" moments already this week. Firstly, a box of cream cakes were passed around the office yesterday afternoon. It might sound silly, but I didn't even look at them. I actually covered my eyes as they were being passed along my desk :giggle: I knew that even seeing them would make me want something naughty. Want being the main word there - I know I didn't need anything. And then secondly, just this morning, I passed the bakery in Tesco. I will admit straight off that I was very tempted by the chocolate croissants and even came close to buying one! But instead, I took out my phone and had a look at that awful before photo. That was enough to change my mind, and I walked past them instead. Chocolate croissant 0 - 1 Stevie.

So far, so good. Although it is still early days and I know that. I'm just taking each day as it comes, but I know I can do this. I have already proved that to myself, and it's time to do that again. Come on Stevie, you can do it.

Today is going to be another Red day . . .


(S) = Speed (SS) = SuperSpeed

Breakfast
- Mixed Berries (S) with Total 0% Greek Yogurt

Lunch:
- Ryvita (HExB) topped with Tesco Light Choices Cottage Cheese, Ham and Cherry Tomatoes (S)
- Grapes

Dinner:
- Chicken "Kebab" (S) with Carrot "Chips" (S), Salad (Rocket (S), Cucumber (S), Peppers (S), Red Onion (S) and Cherry Tomatoes (S)) and a WW Wholemeal Pitta (HExB)

Other:
- Douwe Egberts Caramel Coffee made up with Milk (HExA)
- 2 x Rich Tea Fingers (2 Syns)
- Rocky Road HiFi Light (3 Syns)

Healthy A: 250ml Semi Skimmed Milk
Healthy B: 4 x Ryvita Original & Weight Watchers Wholemeal Pitta

Daily Syns: 5 / 15
Weekly Syns: 10 / 105

 

[Princess_Stevie]

What is the fast forward plan? X

The in's and out's of Fast Forward aren't allowed to be discussed on here I'm afraid hun! It's a personalised plan for each individual and should only be used when you're really really struggling. As it's quite a harsh, strict plan. To be honest, it's really tough! It gives great results, but it can only be followed for one week at a time. It's not something you can do every week. I think it's more to show you how much easier / flexible the other plans are, and to get you focused on them again. I don't really think I am allowed to say much more than that, but you could always ask your C to explain it to you if you want to know more x

 

[xJoanneJJx]

Well done on overcoming day one, keep it going xx