The Truth About Magsy...


S: 14st4lb C: 13st1.5lb G: 9st0lb BMI: 35.8 Loss: 1st2.5lb(8.25%)
Hmm, ok so as I've said before this has been a bit of a voyage of discovery for me, and I've thought up a few more things and I am thinking it maybe good therapy for me to pour it out on here. I'm not sure I have chosen the right board, but I think its as well here as anywhere.

I'm not specifically looking for any response, although any comments or thoughts about me are welcome, as are any posts about yourselves.

One of the latest things I have suddenly realised I have found quite disturbing. I was always quick to say I had a great childhood, and I really did but what I didn't realise was that I had started 'protecting' my parents. In doing so I have basically been in denial about the part they have played in my eating problem. Now that I have suddenly admitted a few things and some memories have come flooding back , I feel quite guilty because they really are wonderful parents and I feel like I am betraying them somehow by admitting this is partly their fault.

My parents were great, they did everything they could for me, loved me, cared for me etc. I had everything I needed from them and I hope to pass most of that on to my own child now.

However they had their problems and they shielded us from them very well, but recently I have just started to realise they both had bad relationships with food. I remember seeing my Dad scoffing a few biccies in the kitchen before coming through (unaware of being seen) holding a respectable one or two to eat in the living room. He was plainly a compulsive/comfort eater. My mother on the other hand, suffered from depression and anxiety, and she felt unable to eat when stressed, her weight plummeted at one point in my memory to around 6 stone. She is only 5 foot tall, but still looking back, she looked very ill. Somehow I had 'forgotten' these facts in my effort to uphold the great job they did. Somehow I wanted to protect them.

Needless to say I don't blame them for my problem now, but obviously I did grow up a little confused about eating.

The other thing I have noticed isn't unusual at all, its just that I have really been stuck in a rut! I am 31 soon, and I really haven't changed other than gaining weight and ageing since I met my husband when I was 19. I think I have grown personally, Ii don't feel like I don't know who I am or anything like that, I am happy with my work, marriage, daughter and life, but I know I have really neglected myself, probably a lot of that has been down to being unhappy with how I look.

So once I get to my goal weight, a friend who's dress sense I love is taking me shopping. I trust her totally to help me build a new wardrobe for the new me! Also I am going to have my long boring hair cut into a shorter trendier style. I have been hiding behind it for too long!

I think I always thought the only thing I liked was my hair so I'd better keep it! However it has hardly varied in the last 10 years, other than a few layers here and there, so I think its time for a change. I don't want to go too short as I think I have the sort of face that looks better 'framed' by hair, but I am thinking perhaps a choppy/flicky bob and maybe some highlights too. But not until I am at the weight I want to be though.

I have discovered a salon nearby who has the computer programme where they can take your photo and show you how you would look with different cuts, it maybe expensive I'm not sure but I think it maybe worth doing that rather than risking regretting the cut after.

anyway thats pretty much all my ramblings for now.

well done if you made it to the end, and thanks for reading my rediculously long post!!!

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Cambridge Diet Counsellor
I think is a lovely post Mags and shows how self discovery is done layer by layer.....thank you for sharing with us and opening up {{{hugz}}}. Looking forward to seeing some piccies of the new and improved Mags! :D


Not dieting ATM!
What a good post for you mags. I reckon you must feel great for getting that all down. You know I think much of what you wrote I could have written about myself however, I don't have the guts to write all these thoughts and feelings down now. I'm sure I would feel better for doing so as I bet you do.

You have much to look forward too in 2007. I wish you the best year ever!

Dizzy x


Silver Member
S: 12st11lb C: 11st12lb G: 10st7lb BMI: 29.4 Loss: 0st13lb(7.26%)
Hi Like you I thought I had a great childhood and then had to come to terms with the fact that it wasn't. I felt bad for my parents as I knew the problems they had overcome from their childhoods. When I started training in couselling I learned about 'good enough parenting' rather than perfect parenting. It's as it says did your parents do enough to equip you to deal with life? If so, they did their job, no one is ever a perfect parent and you can acknowledge where they went wrong without denying the bits they did well.

BTW I never realised that if you phone your mum and ask how her day went that 'great I only ate a yoghurt' is NOT a normal response until my DH told me about a really weird phone call with my mum and I couldn't spot that which bit wasn't normal.

Thanks for sharing this, I felt like I did years of work on how I got to my weight and why I'd stayed there before I was ready to lose the weight. I didn't feel strong enough to do both. I wished I'd found CD earlier as it helps you do both.