eatlikeabird
Silver Member
Wow photo, very glam and gorgeous. You look amazing.
This is me! (Management diary)
- Thread starter Spanglymum
- Start date
Spanglymum
Gold Member
As a woman, if you want to be seen as 'good' (and especially so if you are a mother), you must always put others first. I am trying to do this this Christmas. I'm succeeding, but it's quite incredible how much people will let you do on your own if you don't insist that they help and do their fair share.
I'm shattered - but i know my family have had a fabulous Christmas. I'm usually full of resentment by now - but this year it's not so bad. I'm just tired tired tired.
I'm shattered - but i know my family have had a fabulous Christmas. I'm usually full of resentment by now - but this year it's not so bad. I'm just tired tired tired.
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Spanglymum
Gold Member
Pondering some more on this... Wasn't it Virginia Woolf who coined the phrase 'the angel in the house' or something similar? All those years have passed and still, at Christmas, the woman's role is to give give give. I'm emphatically not a 'good' woman in this respect. I can do it, but part of me, deep down, rebels at the injustice of it.
I chose this year to try to be a better, more gracious, giver. I'm learning but it's a difficult lesson!
P.S. I should check my sources! She wrote about 'killing' the angel in the house. The phrase originally came from a (terrible and patronising) poem by Coventry Patmore about his wife. Don't you love Google?!
I chose this year to try to be a better, more gracious, giver. I'm learning but it's a difficult lesson!
P.S. I should check my sources! She wrote about 'killing' the angel in the house. The phrase originally came from a (terrible and patronising) poem by Coventry Patmore about his wife. Don't you love Google?!
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Spanglymum
Gold Member
Oh that sounds so ungracious of me... But hoping at least one woman who reads it can identify.
Spanglymum
Gold Member
Well, today is a 'me' day, after all the recent self-pity! Spent time doing chores this morning -clearing up the mass of toys and wrapping and presents and just STUFF everywhere!! Now on my way into town to get a long-overdue haircut. Planning to swing by All Saints before coming home, as their sale has started.
Yesterday was great: we went to the pantomime. I'm not a huge fan of them, but it was brilliant! Very funny. Larry Lamb was the main character - and was hilarious. Great day.
Yesterday was great: we went to the pantomime. I'm not a huge fan of them, but it was brilliant! Very funny. Larry Lamb was the main character - and was hilarious. Great day.
Debbi8489
Silver Member
How do find All Saints Spangly? It looks a bit too trendy and scary for me. I might risk a visit tomorrow 
I know what you mean about the angel in the house. I was really cross with OH last week as I asked him to write 6 Christmas cards for his aunts and uncles and he didnt do it. How many did I write? Oh yes, 70 odd and I ended up writing his 6 as well because it was bothering me so much! *sigh* why did I let it bother me?
I know what you mean about the angel in the house. I was really cross with OH last week as I asked him to write 6 Christmas cards for his aunts and uncles and he didnt do it. How many did I write? Oh yes, 70 odd and I ended up writing his 6 as well because it was bothering me so much! *sigh* why did I let it bother me?
Spanglymum
Gold Member
We travelled to see my sister in law the day before yesterday and visited her yesterday. I'm so glad we did. She died in the early hours of this morning.
Spanglymum
Gold Member
I suppose it's no surprise that trying to do abstinence to get my Christmas tyre off isn't really working for me right now. I was in SUCH a mood last night, cooking yet another family dinner, that in the end I thought enough's enough. The time isn't right. Better to wait until I'm back at work. These last few days of holiday, and around the funeral next week, I need to be kind to myself and not ask too much of myself emotionally.
I think that's sensible, really!
I think that's sensible, really!
eatlikeabird
Silver Member
That does sound sensible. Just watch for emotional eating and stick to lowcarb healthy food. Breaks in routine are hard.
Spanglymum
Gold Member
It took an effort of will, but I went to group this morning and got weighed. It was as I had expected really. But the group was brilliant. Very inspiring. I agreed with my counsellor that this week isn't the best time for me to start trying to drop the weight gain - so I will start when I'm back home from the trip North, on Friday.
I'm also worried about falling into a pattern of unhelpful behaviour followed by packs, and we had a great discussion about it, and about using my next period of abstinence to look deeper into issues I have with using food/alcohol inappropriately and preparing different strategies for difficult times. It's all a learning curve, isn't it? This really is the part where you learn and develop the most. The weight loss is by far the easiest bit! This bit is about getting closer to who you really are... and for years I haven't really known the answer to that.
In some ways I feel closer to my eleven-year-old self than for years. I mean that in a good way. When I was eleven, I already had my tastes and preferences (not just food, but books, fashion, writing, music, maths, houseplants and gardening, singing, drawing, computers etc) and a very strong sense of "me". Then adolescence came along... and then my sister died. All a bit overwhelming. I feel I lost "me" along the way. LL is helping me recover her. I've had wobbles, but I'm definitely on the way back...
I'm also worried about falling into a pattern of unhelpful behaviour followed by packs, and we had a great discussion about it, and about using my next period of abstinence to look deeper into issues I have with using food/alcohol inappropriately and preparing different strategies for difficult times. It's all a learning curve, isn't it? This really is the part where you learn and develop the most. The weight loss is by far the easiest bit! This bit is about getting closer to who you really are... and for years I haven't really known the answer to that.
In some ways I feel closer to my eleven-year-old self than for years. I mean that in a good way. When I was eleven, I already had my tastes and preferences (not just food, but books, fashion, writing, music, maths, houseplants and gardening, singing, drawing, computers etc) and a very strong sense of "me". Then adolescence came along... and then my sister died. All a bit overwhelming. I feel I lost "me" along the way. LL is helping me recover her. I've had wobbles, but I'm definitely on the way back...
Debbi8489
Silver Member
Very interesting Spangly. You're absolutely right, the weight loss is the easy bit. I find it a bit difficult to accept compliments, as I dont really feel that what I've managed so far is difficult. I know that difficult part is ahead.
I'm intrigued about what you said about losing your way. I've been watching the Biggest Loser USA on Sky Living. Its seem that every one of them has had a bereavement that they havent dealt with, some of them going back years. I was gulping back the tears watching it. Did you stop having your own preferences and tastes?
When do you head off on your trip? We're off to Lanzarote on Saturday. It will definately be a challenge, but I cant wait!!!
I'm intrigued about what you said about losing your way. I've been watching the Biggest Loser USA on Sky Living. Its seem that every one of them has had a bereavement that they havent dealt with, some of them going back years. I was gulping back the tears watching it. Did you stop having your own preferences and tastes?
When do you head off on your trip? We're off to Lanzarote on Saturday. It will definately be a challenge, but I cant wait!!!
Spanglymum
Gold Member
I kind of lost my sense of 'me' and was sleepwalking through life a bit. Everything was on the surface. LL is helping me get back in touch with the real me. It's brilliant, but also unsettling. Been feeling v sorry for myself today. Just tired, and not looking forward to a very disrupted week. I'm back at work for one day tomorrow, then up north on Tuesday, funeral Wednesday, driving back on Thursday, appraisal on Friday (I'm not making this up!) madness. Anyway. Will get through it. The plan is to start back on packs again on Friday for a few weeks.
I've got so much to plan. I'm off to India for work in February, and need to finalise my visa application and get my vaccinations. Exciting but also a touch surreal!
I've got so much to plan. I'm off to India for work in February, and need to finalise my visa application and get my vaccinations. Exciting but also a touch surreal!
Spanglymum
Gold Member
No I've not been to India before and I'm quite excited!
On a different note, I need to take myself in hand. The past week was always going to be a washout I know. I decided not to do packs because I thought it would be too complicated to explain, while staying at someone else's house and with the funeral and everything. So, the plan was to go back on packs today and I have done. Had my first one this morning and have been on black tea/coffee and water. Doing ok so far. Just can't believe how MUCH weight I've gained in such a terribly short space of time. Incredible. No wonder I was so big before. If I go with my instincts, I have no clue around carbs and alcohol. I just go for it big time. Mad.
Anyway - it's my new year, fresh start. Now to look at other ways of coping with difficulties. Alcohol and carbs don't help longer term. I do know this - but why haven't I learned it properly, deep down, where it counts?! Why do I still go for the gin, the wine, the chocolate, the bread, the cheese?
I guess I'm human (!) and changing ingrained behaviours takes time. It's only been a year. My first year of maintaining.
I've been doing myself a new weight loss chart (I like to be geeky about these things!) and made myself face the real figures and accept where I'm at. It's unbelievable the negativity in my mind, "oh well. You always knew you'd fail. You've never maintained before so what made you think this would be any different? All those people who slag off Lighter Life are right." etc etc
Enough!
I'm going to use this period of abstinence as wisely as I can. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I make poor choices when I'm feeling emotionally vulnerable?
On a different note, I need to take myself in hand. The past week was always going to be a washout I know. I decided not to do packs because I thought it would be too complicated to explain, while staying at someone else's house and with the funeral and everything. So, the plan was to go back on packs today and I have done. Had my first one this morning and have been on black tea/coffee and water. Doing ok so far. Just can't believe how MUCH weight I've gained in such a terribly short space of time. Incredible. No wonder I was so big before. If I go with my instincts, I have no clue around carbs and alcohol. I just go for it big time. Mad.
Anyway - it's my new year, fresh start. Now to look at other ways of coping with difficulties. Alcohol and carbs don't help longer term. I do know this - but why haven't I learned it properly, deep down, where it counts?! Why do I still go for the gin, the wine, the chocolate, the bread, the cheese?
I guess I'm human (!) and changing ingrained behaviours takes time. It's only been a year. My first year of maintaining.
I've been doing myself a new weight loss chart (I like to be geeky about these things!) and made myself face the real figures and accept where I'm at. It's unbelievable the negativity in my mind, "oh well. You always knew you'd fail. You've never maintained before so what made you think this would be any different? All those people who slag off Lighter Life are right." etc etc
Enough!
I'm going to use this period of abstinence as wisely as I can. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I make poor choices when I'm feeling emotionally vulnerable?
Spanglymum
Gold Member
Well, day one done. Glad I did it at work. Easier to focus there. Hopefully if I'm 100% over the weekend I could be in ketosis by Monday. So glad I've got group today. Not really sure why things spiralled for me so much but am not going to let this beat me.
I know a lot of the root of it is my rebellious child responding to my critical parent. I'm an expert at beating myself up!
Been reading some good books... Will post the titles another time.
I know a lot of the root of it is my rebellious child responding to my critical parent. I'm an expert at beating myself up!
Been reading some good books... Will post the titles another time.
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Spanglymum
Gold Member
Amazing. One day of abstinence and already loads to think about! Saturday morning. I resent getting up at 6am to get breakfast at the weekend. So I announced I was going to get myself a cup of tea and come back to bed. Shocking! Then I tidied the kitchen. Oh I was SO ANGRY doing it. Why me? Why me? Why me?
Because I can. Because I'm the able-bodied one and because I like it clean and tidy.
I've promised everyone porridge at 7:30am but they're all a bit freaked out. Thing is, I've been reading on my Kindle and drinking black tea and it's been heavenly.
Because I can. Because I'm the able-bodied one and because I like it clean and tidy.
I've promised everyone porridge at 7:30am but they're all a bit freaked out. Thing is, I've been reading on my Kindle and drinking black tea and it's been heavenly.
Spanglymum
Gold Member
4lb off already!
I think I must be some kind of medical marvel or something... anyway I'm not complaining!
I think I must be some kind of medical marvel or something... anyway I'm not complaining!
