Time to change but need help!

Thanks Claire
Pah.
It was such a nice text as well - not too "in your face" asking out, sweet, flattering. I can't believe he'd just leave it hanging there. Maybe he's thinking it through for a few days - after all I have had like 4 weeks to muse on what to do!! I only had the courage to do it because it felt like I wasn't the one making the first move - that he'd done that on the night out (and I hadn't been THAT encouraging merely because it took me so much by surprise that he liked me too and actually said it!) So from his perspective he'd already made a move and it kind of hadn't worked so it could be quite embarrassing if he tried again - so it was my turn.

It was a weird day at work all round actually - one of my friends (who is the level above me in my team) told me he'd resigned that day. He's been at a pretty senior grade for over 10 years now and wants to go off and work part time for himself. So there's a huge opportunity for me to take on his unfinished work and show that I should be promoted over the next 12-18 months as the gap is there (not easy, big challenge but makes my plans for the next 2 years easier). Ironically although he has worked as a consultant for guy on guy's clients for the last 10 years, he's never found him easy to work with (and had warned me he'd be a tough nut to crack) but in the last 6 weeks, guy has exclusively consulted me on anything to do with our specialism...and not used my senior at all hahaha. My friend has raised an eyebrow at this as it is very unlike guy.

Ok, so here's the plan. Don't be embarrassed - I am a modern woman and it is the age of equality. I will hold my head high. If I want to ask someone out, I should and if the offer isn't taken up then ce la'vie. Be professional - show that nothing outside the office affects how I am in the office. Look good (men can resist everything but temptation).

On that note, down to 233lbs on the apartment scales this morning (the lowest I've ever been on them) so I think that's around 230-231lbs on the scales at home. I FEEL THE 220s are beckoning! I won't know until getting up on Saturday morning! I'm trying to remember at what lbs I was what size...at 180lbs I was a 14, I think 195lbs I was a 16, 210-215lb I was an 18 so I must have been moving into size 20 from around 225 upwards. Which makes sense because at 240lbs I was definitely struggling with size 20 but now at 232lbs it fits. Although I am in some of my Next size 18 jeans (the lift and sculpt ones) but no size 18 tops yet - blooming boobs. I am definitely starting to feel better about myself in the mirror and a lady friend at work noticed the other day that I'd lost weight. The tummy rolls are sticking out less and less - I can't wait to wear more fitted tops as I am a firm believer that baggy might hide things but it makes you look so much bigger overall. At size 16-18 I had a rounded but not roll-full midriff so I could wear more tailored stuff and I felt quite neat in it.

Oh and hillariously....I got carded at Tesco last night buying a bottle of wine (not for me to drink!). It's been more than a DECADE since I was under 25 and yet the lady at the till was insistent that I prove it hahahaha. Made my day.

I've been rubbish at diaries this week which is terrible as I really really appreciate the support I get in here so should be giving that to all of you as well. Will have a good look at what you are all up to on the train tonight!

Big hugs!
blue
 
Well done for being brave, if he doesn't take you up on it then it's his loss. ...

I'm comfortably in 14's at 175 lbs and have been in the for a good few weeks now so your size estimations sound spot on. ... I'm contemplating buying 12's soon. . They won't quite fit yet but it'll give me something to aim for.

I love that you got id'd.... Must have made you feel brilliant :-D
 
Hey everyone.

So I'm feeling ok! Went out last night and had a few too many calories - probably around 2000 in all. But still happy as that's nothing like what I would have normally eaten before starting on this journey!

I noticed that I am down to the last notch on my belt - and looking at where it used to be, I can't believe my waist has shrunk that much in such a short patch of time - like 4 notches.

231lbs on the scales this morning despite last night's excesses, plus its coming up to water-retention time of the month so I am fully expecting to stay the same for 7 days then go down again. Just got to not let the scales not moving affect me. Just realised it's been exactly a month since I started and I'm like 11lbs down so couldn't be more chuffed with where I've got to. Roll on the end of February....then I might be under 220lbs!!

I'm now glad that I sent the text, not feeling so embarrassed any more and able to act professionally and do my job. It's stopped me feeling tempted to find reasons to go and talk to him - which is a really positive outcome!! Only thing that bugs me is what if he didn't get it /hasn't seen it - iPhone Imessage is notoriously unreliable. And one of my friends read it and said that she wasn't sure whether the theme of the message was "reply to me"...as opposed to "fancy a drink sometime, if inappropriate, forget I asked... " in a kind of let me know sometime when you want to have a drink sort of way. She reakons he wouldn't reply to the text but would just say one day oh are you free for that drink?

Men eh?!! Who knows!!! All fun and games though and good motivation for keeping on teh straight and narrow.
 
Hey blue, just catching up! Well done texting him, even if he doesn't reply i think it's good that you are feeling more in control of the situation in work (if u know what I mean). Had a pretty dodgy week - put on 1/2 lb and totally fell out with myself for 3 days! Back on it now and catching up with everyone's diaries for lots of motivation and inspiration!!

Those 220 ' s are just round the corner lady!! Go for it.!!

Re sizes - I'm 195 just now and a 16 (albeit sometimes at the tight end). Looking back I think I'm a 14 somewhere between 170 - 180 and a 12 around 147 - 168. My goal is 140 which will hopefully be a 10/12. I'm 5'3" and (supposed to be) quite petite x
 
Blue! I'm glad that you're not feeling embarrassed or insecure about guy not returning the text, just be confident! Maybe he's just playing hard to get hahaha. And congrats once again about your weight loss! Keep it going :D
 
Hi, have just subscribed. My neighbour was sending me messages for days and I never got any. It was an iMessage issue. Have you checked your own settings? Next time you r chatting to him just casually drop in something about him not replying to texts. See his reaction. It should let u know if he got it or not.

Fab job on the weight loss too
 
Hey Toots - thanks for stopping in. I have heard of iMessage having issues but haven't the guts to send it again via proper text nearly a week later - that would be like stalking if he had got it originally!! I hope I might be able to tell when I next speak to him as to whether he is feeling a bit akward or not...problem is that he's so good in the office at having a poker face and I specifically said at the end "if wildly inappropriate then please forget I asked"!!

Thanks guys. Definitely making me feel better. He might have not got it or might be intending to say something in person (we haven't spoken or been alone since I sent it) or might have decided that although it sounded very nice, was inappropriate given our respective positions at work. If nothing happens I will treat him like eye-candy round the office ;) and wait until he is a bit drunk again to find out... There's a big internal office drinks on Thursday if he turns up to that - I plan to hang around talking to people other than him for the first hour or so then after he's had a few beers, talk to him. I might have a bit of Dutch courage to then ask how come he didn't reply to my text...

Bursting - sorry to hear about the (extremely small) weight gain and the (much larger) impact it had on your motivation. Surely half a lb is like not having been to toilet or drinking a glass of water?!!! You have to relax and only worry if it doesn't change for like a week! Glad to hear you are back on track though.

I'm a good 3-4 inches taller than you so probably have half a stone extra but would be the same size. I'd love to get down to 150 or so but don't want to lose all my curves! I like looking Mediterranean (I'm Greek in origin) - it's very interesting, when I was younger, in a 'normal' nightclub id get some attention but if I went to a salsa club or somewhere similar, Id have to fight them off hahaha - some guys just like curvy women. But...size 16-20 is a little too curvy for me!! I'd like to be a 12 but would settle for a 14! 180 was a easy 14 for me, so I guess 160 would be a good 12 - so many beautiful clothes in size 12... I'd spend a fortune!

Thanks for popping in Pati - I do have moments of feeling very embarrassed and insecure (and this will probably be at its worst when I actually have to speak to him next) but I just have to get on with it by being confident and professional! Otherwise I'd just crawl under my desk for the rest of the year!

Have a great day tomorrow everyone!
 
Blue, I love reading your diary! It feels like i'm talking to a friend. Good luck Thursday! maybe a little liquid courage will help getting the conversation going :D
 
Awww thanks Pati. Glad you are enjoying the disaster that is my life!!! I am trying to talk less about guy and more about weight loss!!!! But failing! You guys are like a bunch of virtual 'girl-friends' - I need a reality check like a whack round the head and to be told not to over analyse things!
 
I have loved reading your diary.... it's about weight loss and romance (two things that us ladies do take very seriously) so I am subscribing. :)

Well done on your weight loss so far, it is very much a victory fitting comfortably into clothes that once were too snug to wear. I know that feeling well.... my size 16 jeans, I can cram myself into them - but my thighs look like over filled uncooked Cornish pasties.

Regarding the office love-interest (it's getting better than Sex and the City ;) ) I would play it cool now. Let him make any running. AS you lose weight and become more confident and attractive... he'll probably be encouraged to make a move before you get snapped up elsewhere.
I do think, there is a possibility he hasn't read the text ( are you sure it is his current number?) As he never responded to the first text you sent. However, if he has avoided your desk during the last few days, I would say he has seen it and isn't sure what to do. Either way... You're the catch. You're the fox. You have put it out there that you like him. It's his move to make.

I look forward to reading more!!

Elle x
 
HEllooo and welcome AvaQuaver! I love your pic!!

So today was a complete write off foodwise I'm afraid - we had a 5 hour department meeting which had sandwiches and crisps and fruit - I had one sandwich (i.e. 4 quarters) and some fruit but then snuck out mid way for a skinny latte to keep me going. But the real issue was when we hit the wine bar afterwards - I'm ashamed to report 4 bottles of beer, a glass of port and probably quite a few chips, pitta and humous and pieces of sausages. Thoroughly drunk...oh dear. I did however proudly manage to refrain from mostly mentioning guy (who isn't in my department) given that we were sat about 2m from where he flirted with me copiously and told me he loved my smile. I did discuss him briefly with a colleague who finds him very difficult to interact with and has not experienced the same social/lovely side that I have.

So a complete fail on the calories front today (although it is also that time of the month so difficult to keep on track). Oh well tomorrow is another (hungover) day and I will back on the straight and narrow. One day of bad decisions does not a fat person make...it's making the same decisions over and over again day after day. Going to walk 4km tomorrow to burn off some of it and will try to have a fast day i.e. 500 cals or under.

On the guy front, he walked past my desk and gave me a lovely smile today so I stopped him to talk about one of his clients. He was a little awkward but when I told him I'd thought of something cunning, he gave me a cheeky smile and said go on then.... I dunno - he is just a bit awkward in the office. Many people find him difficult to work with. So difficult to tell if he is just being him...or if he got the text and its changed things.

AvaQuaver - he is a little like Mr Big LOL...dark hair, heavy eyebrows, wicked smile but he has a very sexy accent and grey/blue eyes that turn grey or flashing slate or bright blue depending on the expression he makes. You are absolutely right though - I'm not making any more moves forward - my dignity can't bear it. Even if he hasn't got the text he must have figured out I fancy him like mad. He hasn't avoided my desk - he always walks right past me and I know he's looking at me, but I can't see him until he's walked past me because he cuts through behind my chair. I don't think he's going to do or say anything until he's in a situation when he's had a few drinks. He's too removed and professional in the office. No office flirting for him (he heads up a team of nearly a hundred people so would not want anyone to see him flirting with me even though I'm in a different team). It is his current mobile number (it's on his email footer and the company system so clients would contact him on that number) but given the unreliability of iMessage it might not have gone through - I'm not going to ask him though! We'll wait and see if he comes to the drinks on Thursday. He's out of the office for the next couple of days so no point looking out for him. New Mantra : I am the catch. Be the fox.
 
When you have had an off day... the following day is the most important day in your weight loss plans. For that is the day when you decide whether to get straight back on the wagon or carry on eating and drinking the wrong things in the wrong amounts. There is a saying that 'the mother of success is consistency.' If you eat well and exercise for 13 out of 14 days... you cannot fail to lose weight. 13 days were consistent (even if not consecutive) and will lead to success.
You seem very determined so I am sure your boozy food day will not affect the overall picture. So dig deep sister... I'm with you. ;)

Mr Big sounds very lush, in fact he sounds more like Mr Darcy may I say. Moody, aloof, handsome... with the odd glimmer of inviting warmth and affection. This is probably going to be a slow burner... I am hooked already. Lol. I need to get a life!

Yes you are the catch... never forget it. Us ladies hold the power. ;)

Have a great day... I am working from 4pm until 8am with little chance of romance... however I have a light dinner and fruit snacks packed and shall keep focused on losing weight by grabbing a fashion mag on the way in.

Be safe and happy everyone. xx
 
Happy Tuesday everyone!

Thanks AvaQuaver - you are right, its the decisions every day that matter! I am SO determined. Determined to be HOT. Guy is like blooming Darcy. Def a slow burner. Yikes working through the night sounds like a killer! I'd be so tempted to snack my way through that.

So after last night (and feeling decidedly ropey this morning), I had a bit of a fast day.
2 wafer thin slices of chicken - 40 cals
3 cups of tea - 30 cals
ham sandwich - 280 cals
Loads and loads of water
Total - 350 cals

Then I walked 5km tonight (not at the fastest pace in the world but fast enough to do it!) and when I got back at 10pm I ate:
200g venison steak - 230 cals
pineapple - 116 cals
Total - 346 cals

Just under 700 cals in 24 hours.

Hopefully that will balance things out a bit after last night. Clothes still feeling baggier despite it being bloating time of the month. That pair of 18 trousers I bought a couple of weeks ago aren't tight anymore...and my size 20 suits are feeling a bit roomier. I also picked up a couple of jumpers I'd ordered in the sale from Next today - the 18 was too baggy and the 16 didn't look that well fitting either (I'm definitely not a next 18 or 16, I know it was the cut of the jumper but I was still chuffed to be finding stuff too big rather than too small).

So I came back to my desk today and guy had decided to stand right in front of it leaning against the cabinets talking to my boss for like 10-15 mins - literally right in my line of sight behind my computer screen. It's like he is taunting me on purpose! So I pretended to write lots and just listened to his lovely accent. He's off to another location for the next two days (ironically the office I moved from recently - weird to think of him there) so I can relax but he doesn't have the Thursday drinks in his diary. Nevermind.

I'll have to distract myself by telling you all the story of the night out I had with him a month ago...that started all of this off...if anyone's interested.
 
Blue! I can't wait to read the story! BTW thanks for the comment you left on my diary, it's so lonley that i'm just talking to myself over there hahah i took you advice and today i finally ate breakfast! Not too much bc i never wake up hungry but it was enough! XO
 
I am a catch - be the fox..... Omg I think that is the best phrase I've ever heard!!

I can relate to after work drinks spiralling out of control - this was last Wednesday!!

image-1608692045.jpg

It's dangerous hitting the bar on an empty stomach when there's a bar tab and food!!

Loving the flirting stories, had a few of those in my time on the floor ;-)
 
I have after work drinks on thurs too - determined not to drink or will break my clean 9 unless a sacrifice food for alcohol but hardly in the spirit of things!
 
Morning guys.

Pati - of course we'll read your diary - it just takes a while for people to cotton on and subscribe. I felt the same when I start this one...but you then start to make friends and its great - you feel really supported!

Blondcat - I thnk you know exactly what I mean - the company picks up the tab...drinks are flowing and everyone is having a good time. Someone might order some food but its like mixed platters of chips and breads and dips and sausages...not great!! I am trying to avoid wine - some of the bottled beers are quite low in calories or spirits I guess. Hope the Clean 9 still goes ok!

Good and bad yesterday.... nearly at the end of ToM so feeling a lot better and less bloated. Got lots of work done with no distractions. Same on the scales as before (as expected) but high hopes for the next week to get into the 220s! Yesterday went out for drinks/dinner with a friend so tried to keep it relatively good...pah...
Breakfast - cheese and chicken slice - 150 cals
lunch - 1/2 grilled chicken breast and salad - 200 cals
3 cups of tea - 30 cals
3 bottles of corona - 450 cals (only 148 each! that was a nice surprise!)
chicken breast, carrots and veg - 500 cals (not sure but it wasn't that large a portion but with a bit of red wine sauce)
Total - around 1350 so not too bad.

It was so lovely to see my friend and we had a massive big long talk. I haven't seen her for 2 months and she said the weight loss was visible and that I looked really good. She reakons that the iMessage was not received or I would have had a reply and to leave it all alone for him to chase. She said to trust the universe! Lol!

I AM THE CATCH. BE THE FOX!
 
Good day today foodwise.

Toasted bagel for breakfast - 230 cals
slice of chicken - 20 cals
3 cups of tea - 30 cals
carrot soup for lunch with a small brown roll - 250 cals (it was a very small bowl!)
venison steak for dinner - 220 cals
small tin of sweetcorn - 120 cals
pack of prawns - 130 cals
1/3 bottle of beer - 70 cals

Total - 1000
I might have a bag of low cal popcorn as a treat...just to bump me up to 1100 or something.

PLus there were drinks after work but my boss and I grabbed a beer whilst we were having a last meeting of the day and I only drank a bit of it. Although the drinks were meant to be department wide only about 30 people turned up and there wasn't anyone I knew so I skipped it and caught up on work instead.

What was nice though - a lady I'm just starting to get to know as friends stopped me in the bathroom and commented that I really was looking good and was I still losing weight because I looked a lot slimmer. WOOHOO! YEs!

I did however get my own back on guy today. I went round to see a bloke I know in his team who I am working with who sits about 5m outside guy's office and talked through a work thing with him but lots of smiles and we joked around a bit. Guy had someone in his office for a meeting but was looking at me over this persons shoulder as I talked to the other bloke. Hahaha two can play at that game matey.
 
And because I'm bored here's the beginning of the story with guy. I wasn't going to launch into everything at the start of this diary (imagine if someone read this...and recognised us...eek!) Once the regulars have read it..I will edit the post so there's not a permanent record!
 
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OMG...are you going to write it in installments - I won't be able to cope with the suspense haha xx
 
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