Tinytootz rant-and-involve-some-food diary

[Tinytootz]

Yeah, think it was the chunks that put me off. I was kinda "what's the point" as it was just chunks of potato. But crumbled it might be quite good.

Yeah, spinach is a bugger for that. But whisked into the eggs might work. Oh well, I will attempt it some day this week

 

[Tinytootz]

Well, today is our 6th month anniversary. Yeah, seems kinda childish to 'celebrate' as such, but I guess we should mark the day, as, well, let's be honest, many didn't think this day would come about for us pair, and last year, I thought that was it for me, finitio, goodnight life. Ha!

Saw the ex last night for the first time since probably January. It was strange, I had forgotten what he looked like! My friend spoke to him and her and her husband are still friends with him, so I just walked alongside as they briefly spoke. He had an indian meal for one in his hand, which made my friend laugh quite a lot. He ain't single, he is still with the girl he cheated on me with, but it goes to show how he REALLY isn't ready to, well, grow up I guess! And that ain't the life for me.

But when I got in I got quite upset. Of course OH wanted to know why, but I couldn't really tell him, as I wasn't sure why, and whatever I said would have sounded wrong. I was upset about people who aren't about anymore. I don't want him back, but some days (like last night) I get reminded of the little life I used to have, and how much stuff has changed SO much. I know he will ask today what was up with me, and I have no idea how to tell him without it sounding like I was upset as I miss tw*tface. Because I don't really. I guess I sometimes just miss the fun we USED to have, as the last year together was awful. Ho hum!

Anyway, yeah, 6th month anniversary, go me! Gonna do a nice tea

Day 8: 11/5/11

Frosties - 5
Milk - HE

WM pitta - HE
Chicken
Trimmed bacon
Cherry tomatoes
Lettuce
Spring onions
Small dollop mayo - 2

Syn free cottage pie
Leeks
Carrots

Apple
Grapes

Smoked salmon flakes
Small salad

Chicken en croute (chicken breast, stuffed with sundried tomatoes, mozzarella and basil, in naughty pastry)
Italian potatoes (cubed potatoes, diced cherry toms, red onion, diced chorizo, basil)
Side salad (lettuce, cucumber, tomatoes, spring onions, gerkins)

Chocolate fondue with strawberries

Pastry is naughty, chorizo is naughty, chocolate is VERY naughty! Yeah, I could do a SW friendly one, but bugger it!

-* Ended up with a teeny portion of chippy chips, SF chicken skin removed, and didn't snack at all at the cinema.

 

[sarah83]

Don't feel silly for celebrating your 6 month anniversary - I remember when we had ours (a whole 8.5 years ago!!!) and he spoilt me rotten - had the best presents off him I ever had!! He jokes that he'd managed to reel me in then so didn't have to spoil me afterwards.

Sorry to hear you got upset after seeing him, and I totally get what you mean, it was a completely different chapter of your life that you're probably just reminiscing about rather than actually missing. Probably best to tell your OH you were just having 'one of those days' as he could well misread it as you missing your ex, and last thing you want is a massive row on your anniversary.

Special tea sounds yummy btw

 

[Tinytootz]

Yeah, I just told him I was missing people and being silly, and left it at that.

TBH he hasn't got me anything, and I didn't get him owt as I know he is skinty pants at the min, so don't want him to feel bad. Seems we might be going the cinema instead, so not entirely sure what to do with tea! I guess I will leave the stuff in the fridge, and if we do something else, I can just whack it in the freezer and have it another night.

Now, I'm just wondering if I am brave enough to wear something 'special' under my clothes to go to the cinema in. Bit old for the back of the cinema, but letting him know won't hurt! Ha!

 

[Tinytootz]

Hmm, so it's cinema rather than tea. Oh well, I will perhaps do it on Friday instead, minus the fondue. Now to think of things to take to the cinema, as the popcorn etc is SO expensive for what it is! I'm not much of a cinema snacker, so a bottle of diet coke will do me. And I'll pick him up some things that I don't eat

 

[Tinytootz]

Day 9: 12/5/11

Had quite a nice night last night. I opted to wear one of them pretty corsets under my top and some stockings, but the stockings kept falling down, and by the time we got home, I wasn't exactly feeling erm.....pro active! So I sheepishly took the corset off whilst he was in the bathroom. Felt a wee bit silly, but I think I was trying to be someone I'm not. More of a spontaneous person, and would have been more comfy with that kinda jazz if we hadn't of gone out, as then I could have had a cheeky drink. Not that I need a drink to do that kinda thing. Haha digging myself a hole here! I think I felt like I had to do something like that, like they do in the movies. And it just ain't my bag, or very practical when wandering round Pets at Home before going the cinema!

Saw Attack the Block at the cinema, and it was actually quite good, considering it was about aliens! But bless him, he feels so awkward out in public. I usually do too, but I think because he felt so awkward, I kinda took over I guess.

Anyway, this is a FOOD diary!

Weetabix - HE
Milk - HE

Frittatta made with:

eggs, leeks, cherry tomatoes, cooked chicken, spring onions, goats cheese (needs using up) - 5

Fruit salad - apple, grapes, strawberries & kiwi

Smoked salmon with a side salad (from yesterday, I hate waste!)
Gammon
SW jacket wedges
Peas
Carrots

Strawberries

 

[sarah83]

Sounds like you had a lovely night, even with the stocking disaster!!
Well at least you made an effort, even if he didn't get to notice, and the important thing is you had a good time.

So... what did you do with last nights food? Stick it in the freezer?

 

[Tinytootz]

Chicken is still in the freezer, will have the salmon tonight. Chorizo is in the fridge along with the sundried toms and mozzarella as they will keep for a bit yet. Pastry is in the fridge still, will check the date on it and then decide what to do with it!

Yeah it was a good night. I have a dreadful tendency to overthink EVERYTHING, so I sometimes end up disappointed. I also try too hard, and I don't need to

Sorry to hear you had such a crappy day yesterday. It is probably a combination of hormones, anxiety and stress. We all have them, try and get on with the day and forget about the pooey one!

 

[sarah83]

Wow I didn't realise you were going to make it all yourself - that is impressive! I had visions of a posh M&S ready meal!!
I'm sure you'll do something yummy with it all

 

[Tinytootz]

Ah no, I was gonna do it myself as it's pretty simple! Pocket in chicken, shove the stuff in, wrap in pastry. Cube up potato stuff, chuck in pan and cook.

 

[Tinytootz]

Friday 13th

Me and him indoors just kept on falling out all day. It culminated in him going to bed early, me joining him, and him turning round and saying that I should find myself someone else who can make me happier. I know most of it was said due to his low self esteem, but it still stings a little. He went all limp on me when I tried to hold his hand, and said it was for my own good, to save me future hurt. I got really upset over it, but calmed down, and decided to leave him for a while. It worked. I turned round, gave him a hug, and he responded. He seems to take it really hard when I get upset. I often get upset, but I eventually calm down and get over it. Perhaps I'm also guilty of milking it a bit. I even stormed off at some point to the shops, which I never do. But I thought it would show that I wasn't a walk over, and I think it did, which possibly worried him somewhat!

Oh I dunno. He said he doesn't like upsetting me, therefore I should find someone who won't. But how on earth do you explain to someone who is as equally stubborn as yourself (and in many ways a carbon copy of yourself) that upset is part of life, and part of a relationship! If it was all rainbows and skipping bunnies, it would be dull.

Thankfully he didn't say anything really upsetting, so my mind isn't exactly brooding today. If he had said he didn't love me, or that I was fat or ugly or a pain then I would possibly have kicked him out of the bed there and then. It's just frustrating that I don't see him from 6:30am till about 7pm, and especially after a barney, it means I don't know whats going through his mind. All I want is cuddles, and I've got to babysit tonight I hope he comes with me, but I doubt he will.

Ho hum! I'll upload the food diary in a bit. Always feels better after writing it down. Even if nobody reads it, at least its out my mind for a wee bit

 

[Tinytootz]

Day 10: 13/5/11

Weetabix - HE
Milk - HE

Chippy chips
Piri piri chicken meat
Salad

That's it, for the reasons as stated above

 

[Tinytootz]

Day 11: 14/5/11

Rice Krispies - 5
Milk - HE

SW chips
WM pitta - HE
Cooked chicken
Fruit salad (kiwi, strawberries, grapes, apple)

Trimmed lamb chops
Mashed potato
Peas
Carrots

Strawberries

 

[Tinytootz]

Day 12: 15/5/11

Weetabix - HE
Milk - HE

Pasta pack
Cooked chicken
Fruit salad

Syn free cottage pie
Sausage - 5
Parsnips
Baked beans
Carrots
Leeks

Had a small slice of sponge cake, and a big bowl of fruit salad.

 

[Tinytootz]

I still feel like sh*te. He said he wants to talk later, and deep down I know it's not gonna be a 'bad' talk, but my brain won't switch off or calm down. And time seems to be crawling. Stuck to plan so far, but all I want is cake, chocolate, crisps, toast, anything I'm not supposed to have. He is feeling awful for making me upset, but I don't know how to tell him it really doesn't matter when I get upset, I get over it in my own sweet time. He thinks he isn't good enough for me, and I'm stumped

 

[sarah83]

Sorry to hear about what happened. Hopefully you'll talk it over tonight and kiss, cuddle and make up.

I guess it's a good opportunity for you both to realise how much you mean to each other. Let me know how it goes x

Oh and don't worry too much about sticking to plan, you've got bigger things to worry about right now

 

[Tinytootz]

His 'talk' consisted of him apologising, and saying he didn't mean anything he said. That was it. I know I should be ok with that, but I'm not really I didn't get to say my piece really, and today I feel a bit rejected and down in the dumps. I tried to stick to plan yesterday, but I had a few pringles and some Friji milkshake But otherwise I did stick to it, and had my quota of fruit and veg for the day.

Got my parents coming round for tea tonight, so its a busy day cleaning up and cooking. I know why I feel rejected. Its because he still feels bad for what he did, so he isn't being as close as he usually is. But I'm hoping him feeling bad will pass in time. Its strange that I already know what he is thinking most of the time, and I already know the signs. It is strange that we are so similar in many ways, it might have something to do with starsigns. Not that I usually believe that stuff, but it can be kinda freaky sometimes!

Oh well, already done all the tidying for the day. Now to distract myself with a bit of Hollyoaks, then get some lunch, then start preparing tea - Smoked salmon to start, then cottage pie, then fruit salad - Mmmmmm

 

[Tinytootz]

Lordy, its gonna be on of them days! Woke up at 6:15am to discover a powercut, therefore I couldn't work. Then, the kitchen is full of doggy do as Hugo seems to be a bit poorly. Its raining, my stomach feels like there is a gremlin in there throwing a strop, and I'm tired! It's only 9:30am and I think I've cried 3 times already. Feel so weepy and down in the dumps. I'm freezing too, so the heating is on, doing some clothes washes to make use of the heat, and I think I'm setting up camp indoors. Hugo is a bit peeky so not going to walk him, he can run in the yard or I'll take him out later. I blame lack of sleep and the fact that even though I am on the pill, I still seem to get lady weeks.

Him indoors is still worried about me. He knows what he said to me has hit hard, combined with the tiredness means I end up a bit quiet and staring-at-the-wall-ness. A good nights sleep will make me feel better. Sadly I don't get a lie in this week at all. 11pm finishes followed by up at 6:15. Even on my day off I have to get up to go and feed my parents cats

Ho hum, I hope the rest of the week brightens up.

 

[Tinytootz]

Day 13: 16/5/11

Frosties - 5
Milk - HE

Leftover cottage pie - free
Leeks
Carrots
Parsnips
Muller light
Fruit salad (grapes, melon, strawberries and kiwi)

Chicken en croute (chicken breast, sundried tomatoes - 1, pesto - 2, 1/2 fat mozz - 2, pastry - about 10)
Potatoes, chorizo - 2.5, spinach, red onions
Large salad (lettuce, cucumber, spring onions, gerkins - no toms left )

Gone over on my syns the night before weigh in. Nope, not ideal. If I perk up, I might change it, go out and buy some fish and save the en croute till wednesday. Actually.......If I bought some parma ham and wrapped it in that rather than pastry, that would be far healthier.....Hmmm. Or actually, if I use trimmed bacon, then I don't have to buy more stuff, and it would be free. Cool, thats the plan. Freeze the pastry, use it another time. Wicked. That's cheered me up

 

[sarah83]

Yum, I love stuffed chicken wrapped in bacon, especially when it's stuffed with cheese!
Hope you perk up through the day, is your electric back on now? If not it's probably worth you trying to catch up on sleep and having a nap?