Title Change! My Journey!

[MayfairE]

Hey all,

I've had a crappy week with a stomach bug and have felt like utter pants the whole time, am just now starting to feel back to something close to normal physically but emotionally I just feel drained and fed up.

I know it's silly but I can feel myself slipping back to old habits. Habits that got me to 24st in the first place! I've messed up some already, quite possibly what brought on the stomach bug in the first place tbh, I'm sure going from good food to the worst kind without warning did my insides no good at all. :break_diet:But I just need to get out of this funk.

That's the worst part I think, I KNOW I've worked really hard so far, I KNOW I've done really well up till now and I KNOW I can do this...but something inside is still sat back going, 'Blah why bother, at least if you just be fat you get to eat four chocolate bars'.

I dunno if I want someone to just tell me to get the hell over myself and quit acting like a baby, or just advice on how other people handle the 'down days'. I think between being ill, knowing I've got two weeks without AquaFit and only having that 1/2lb loss last WI, my 'isn't this awesome i'm going to be skinny weeee' bubble just got a big ole' pin through it. :sigh:

I just want to approach my next meal and feel good with what I'm eating and know that its the RIGHT thing for me, not just lazily root in the freezer and see if I can eat 6 chicken pieces. :cry:

I don't mean to be in a self-sabotaging mode, I know you all work so hard and I can imagine the last thing any of you really wants is someone at the back needing mollicoddled because they want to eat sausages or something, I just don't know how to stop I guess. I am THAT idiotic.

 

[onthelang]

Cheer up everyone has **** days..How come the low GI diet? What else have you tried? Did you every use or consider diet pills?ou tried low carbing? Have y Just wondering.

 

[MayfairE]

In the past I've tried a few things, I've had a go at Atkins on advice of my Dr and it really did not work for me, they told me to keep dropping my calories down until I got into ketosis and the pee-stick turned purple and I had to go down to 550cals before it would happen so the Doc told me to stop lol, I was a tad greatful! I've tried WW many years ago and stuck to it religiously and put on 4lb lol. Never tried a slimming pill but would consider it, rather do it without though if I'm honest and I've tried "food replacement" type diets and have learnt that, for me, they're just not gonna work. I don't have the right mindset I think to make a TFR work so I have the utmost respect for any that do.

As for why Low GI, someone gave me a book and said give it a go...so I did and it just clicked, right off the bat. For the first time I was losing weight and never feeling hungry, had way more energy than normal, felt more alert and awake and really 'lets go!' about each day.

I guess at the end of it all, we all go through this diet or that diet and for those like me, we fail time and time again until we just find the right one and when you do it's like a lightbulb moment.

Feeling a little better I guess, still not great and had a slip up with some ice cream that we won't talk about lol, but I needed to pop into the supermarket and I managed to come out with only the healthy stuff.

Did pick up a pack of four probiotic drinks, (own brand nothing fancy lol), which I'd normally avoid but a good friend of mines a nurse and said after a stomach bug they do help so I guess I could count those as my sin lol...

One turkey salad sandwich with the gorgeous Burgen bread and I'm back to feeling a little less cruel on myself. I think it's all just a combination of being poorly, feeling like pants and the realisation that the past few months might have flown by but I've got a lot ahead of me.

On a plus note my sister said she can go to AquaFit on Wednesday this week, which has cheered me up and next month she has to go for a minor knee op so she'll be out of commission for a couple of weeks but my BIL has said he'll still get me there and drop me home so I can carry on going, (I don't drive and the gym is local to my sister, not to me lol). It really made me realise how lucky I am.

Still not 100% but I think I'm getting there.

 

[Lucky Cat]

Don't beat yourself up about it hun. You're just having a bad spell.

Just take a look at those stats of yours - you've done fantastically well, don't go blowing it now!

I think the problem when you've so much to lose is it seems such a long, hard slog. We all want quick results - we want it NOW, not in eighteen months time. It is so very easy to fall off the wagon. I've done it before and then piled it all back on again.

Are you allowing yourself any treats at all (within your diet I mean, not major slip ups involving ice cream!)? I really believe that when you deprive yourself, it only makes you want it all the more. We all want what we can't have don't we? Let yourself have some goodies, but only a small amount and only now and again. I've just had 2 chocolate digestives and by god I enjoyed them but I won't be beating myself up about it.

Are you doing any exercise as well as the diet? It's a great distraction, gives you more energy and acts as an added incentive when you begin to feel fitter and more toned.

 

[MayfairE]

Yeah I think the above just about sums it all up really lol.

As far as treats go, yes and no. I'm trying to make sure I stay away from anything chocolatey just because...well...stopping isn't my forte rofl! But at the same time I'm not TOTALLY depriving myself, just more aiming at having the "healthy alternatives" that I actually enjoy.

As far as exercise, yup I go to AquaFit twice a week, (normally) and walk the dog and walk my mother lmao, (she has an electric wheelchair so she zips around and I puff along beside her trying to keep up lol). I used to go to the gym as well, but because I go with my sister who has health issues, she can't go any longer and I can't get there any other way so I likely won't be able to get there any longer.

I think at the crux of it all was when you feel ill you just want to curl up under a blanket and make yourself feel better and for me I've always turned to food to make myself feel better and then I couldn't :|

Sounds so silly when I say it out loud...or at least type it lol... but couple that with the prospect of a couple of weeks or so without the usual main exercise of AquaFit and I panicked. It just seemed the chances were I'd not lose and if that was the case oh well whats the point and then it spiralled.

I'm feeling a bit better about it all now, I guess I just had a moment. Own down...god knows how many to go!

 

[devotchka]

I agree with Lucky Cat, you've done amazingly up to now! You should be really proud of what you've lost, I'm jealous, lol.
Again, sounds like you've just had a bad spell. You'll get through it, just remember tomorrow is a new, shiny, fresh day to do it right.

I wonder if you've tried slimming world?
I and I know lots of others are doing really well on it. It isn't very restrictive and you just end up eating really good, filling, healthy meals.

Stay motivated, hun, everyone is here to support you. We're all going through the same thing *hug*

 

[judith55]

Hi Mayfair. Sorry you're feeling down but you're right that illness does effect things. I use it as an excuse to sleep through the day and that way I have less time to eat!

I've had some ups and downs over the last 7 weeks and I've found coming on here a God-send. I realize that sometimes I just want to "talk" about myself and its all me, me, me but I've also found it really helpful offering support to others. I think that whilst I am offering a bit of advice, I'm telling myself the same message. I've worked for over 30 years in addictions and have struggled to use some of the techniques I promote on myself but on here I'm finding this wonderful forum is a way of keeping myself on track. And many of the posters are truly inspirational. You've had a lot of success in losing weight so far so why not tell us about the good stuff you've done so we can be inspired by you. This can help us and you'll have the chance to write done how great you are instead of focusing on the negative? Have a great day. x

 

[SuzyK]

Hi Mayfaire,

we are all allowed to have a whinge and a moan and that is what is great about this site, as you will get that kick up the rear if you need it and we will also support you.

I love what Judith has just wriiten about telling us your positives as it will make you feel better as well.

I also have a way to go until I reach target but with the diet I am on, Go Lower, low GI, low GL and low carb I am losing on average a stone a month.

All the food is supplied as well as snacks, including some chocolate treats and it is really easy to follow. I am eating lots of chicken but I am allowed to.

I hope you are feeling better today, both physically, as a tummy bug can really drain you and also mentally. You know you are the only one who can stick to this diet but we will help and support you.

 

[MayfairE]

Well.... just got home from AquaFit and weighed in at the gym and....

7lbs LOST!

I know some of it might go back on seeing as it was after a stomach bug but tbh, I was aiming to just stay the same and...well I never expected that!

And that was a weigh-in with jeans on, (normally in very light trackie bottoms), wet hair and having just drunk half a bottle of drink (and half the pool lmao) so I'm still chuffed and it's cheered me right up! I've got just 1lb more and then I've lost a straigh 4st and in 2lbs I'll be into the teens and under 20st

Ty, to everyone for so much support, I've needed it so badly this last week I was really ready to reach back to that icecream and eat the lot where I felt so down, but now I know, I don't need it. I may want it lol, but I don't NEED it...I know that may sound crazy but everyone needs food, it's not something you can just stop doing like smoking, which makes it so much harder sometimes. Does that make any sense at all?

But now, I'm going to adjust my stats and my ticker and take a moment to smile like a crazy person because...I did it! I'm doing it, I never thought I could and I can!

 

[judith55]

Brilliant news Mayfair - I knew you could do it. This shows that if you can stick at it when you're feeling at your most down you'll get your rewards. As I said before, why don't you tell us the secret of your losses so far? What's worked for you, what can we learn? You've been doing it longer and more successfully than a lot of us so go on, blow your own trumpet. I would love to hear all about it.

 

[MayfairE]

Well, I'm not sure I feel like I've got any secrets to my success, but I think that's just because it's hard to imagine that I'm successful at it just yet lol. It still seems a bit surreal that I've lost nearly 4st since January and even though I know I AM smaller in size (32 down to a 26 so far), I just don't see it myself. Obviously I see it when I look at the size on the labels lol and I do see that my old clothes are big and baggy on me and it makes me smile, but when I stand there in front of the mirror...not so much :\

But anywho, enough of all that...what have I done so far.

Well, I started off for about 2 weeks on SlimFast, a week was all I lasted before I realised that meal replacement shakes just won't work for me - both physically and mentally. They played my stomach up terribly throughout the fortnight and mentally, I don't have that kinda will power lol! So then I started just eating very small portions and counting calories and carbs, (I have PCOS so I've always been at least knowledgable of the fact I should watch my carbs), which was okay, I can't say it didn't work but I did get a bit crazy over it lol and that was when someone said to me that Low GI was really good, they never felt hungry, had loads of energy etc etc and would I like to borrow their book. I figured in for a penny and all that lol.

I flicked through it looking a bit sceptical at things like lentils and cous cous but figured it had a weight-loss diet already set out and thought, well, what's the worst that can happen and gave it a shot. It was a lightbulb moment, a sort of 'Oh, why haven't I been doing this all along!?' kinda deal because I just felt so great, I was never feeling hungry, I was sleeping better and waking up refreshed, I noticed I had a lot more energy and felt happier and most importantly...I was enjoying each and every meal!

Anywho, whilst all this was going on my sister, who had been an AquaFit nut for a while on her own weight-loss journey, had persuaded me to join her at the gym. I was literally papping myself at the thought of going but being with her made it so much easier. She'd already had a plan worked out for her and suggested I follow the same plan but on the "lower levels" to start with and we began going 2-3 times a week. I was actually shocked at the fact I enjoyed it, well, as much as you can enjoy working out lol. I immediately noticed changes in my overall fitness - I was struggling to walk across the carpark at the supermarket without my back seizing up and becoming unbearably painful yet I could walk 15mins on a treadmill without even a twinge. I noticed I could start walking the dog further before getting out of breath or really feeling it and even when that did happen I could still carry on without feeling like I was going to be sick or pass out.

Eventually the pool re-opened after their refit, which was why we were going to the gym instead, and my sister told me to come with her to AquaFit. I always said no before because a. fat girls in swimming costumes never look good (in my eyes), and b. I have psoriasis and am very concious of my skin. But a little shopping around online and I found a nice swimming costume that has a skirt to it which gave me a little more confidence somewhat as it "hid" my stomach and bought a cheap pair of wetlook fashion leggings to wear underneath to hide my legs.

I was still pretty self-concious but I went and I loved it, I'd been to AquaFit when I was about 16 and loved it then too so I knew I would and it was a joy to go twice a week and then the gym at the end of the week rounded it off nicely. My sister unfortunately has osteo-athritis of the spine though and it's been worsening over the last 6-12months so eventually the gym workouts became just too much for her and we cut back to just AquaFit twice a week which she finds much easier, still painful, but easier.

I never really paid much attention to my weight-loss at first, I would weigh at the gym each week and I'd notice a kilo here or a kilo there had gone and I'd be happy but it never really felt like anything until eventually one night I sat down and worked out how much it all added up to and that was when I'd realised I'd lost 3st 6lbs to date, I was really shocked and couldn't stop smiling for a week lol. My sister and everyone was so happy and everyone kept telling me how awesome it was that it really hit me that I could do this.

MiniMins had been a site I'd lurked on before when I once had a brief daliance with the idea of weight-loss surgery and so I decided to see if it still existed, it did and ...well...here I am.

I wouldn't say I'm following the Low GI plan to the letter but I have definately changed the way I eat to fit more with low GI products. I eat a lot of protein, LOVE cous cous and lentils, (ironic eh!), have cut out sweet things like chocolate but do occasionally have a low-fat hot chocolate drink or maybe a WW carrot cake slice. I keep a vague eye on how many carbs I eat, but still have pasta and I couldn't live without my Burgen bread! I no longer eat to excess, weigh out most of what I eat, especially the pasta, but have slipped a little on weighing other things lately but plan to get back on track.

I've stopped counting calories but I have a rough idea and try to stick to around 1300 a day, sometimes I do think I eat way under that but I could be misjudging lol!

And that's pretty much it lol, I want that last lb gone by May 10th so I reach my mini target and then...well then I'll be under 20st and that to me is just crazy sounding. I've been this big for so long now that I don't even remember the last time I was under 20st. But then I don't even really remember how I put on the last 4st of weight I had on from when I was 20st the first time.

I don't think I'll ever really feel "successful" at weight loss until it's all gone, I've set myself a long goal date but I do secretly hope that if I keep losing at the same sort of rate that I'll hit goal before that date. January 13th was the date I started this, 5 days before I turned 28 and I want to celebrate on my 30th birthday as a new woman. I don't want my dress size to be bigger than my age any more, (well it's not now but you know what I mean lol). So, for me, life begins at 30 lol!

 

[MayfairE]

Oh and another little thing that made me smile today...I put on a necklace that my sister bought me a year or two ago and I didn't even realise at first that I'd done it up without using the "extension chain" and that it was comfortably loose, when it twigged I smiled for half an hour!

 

[judith55]

Wow - great story Mayfair. I can't believe you didn't even realise how much weight you were losing. I'm an obsessive scale-hopper, often several times a day. And you doing exercise is brilliant - just goes to show that everyone can find something they like. You describe learning new eating habits which you can keep up for life so this is more than just a diet. I can see that you'll reach your goal if you carry on like you are doing now. Well done, you should be very proud.

 

[Lucky Cat]

Wow Mayfair, you really have done so well you know. I'm glad your little downer was only a 'blip' and it's been more than made up for by your super duper loss this week!

I agree with Judith55 though - I can't get over you not realising just how much weight you'd lost!! I would have thought that clothes falling off you would have been a dead giveaway! When I had to walk the dogs one day holding my jeans up with one hand the entire way I knew a lot had come off me. There's no way I wouldn't have known. Again, like Judith55, I'm on the scales every day. I know about every single pound that comes off! I know most people say you shouldn't but it just happens to work for me and keeps me very much on the straight and narrow.

 

[MayfairE]

Well I knew I'd lost SOME weight, but I was determined this time to not get back into the habit of being on and off the scales. Last time I tried to seriously lose weight I was practically obsessional over it, to the point that even a 1/4lb on one day from the next would hit me hard and I guess that's why I failed last time...that and I just hadn't found the right diet for me.

So yeah I noticed the clothes fitting more loosely, the need to tighten the belt up another notch etc, so I knew I was losing, I just didn't realise how much, I was guessing maybe 1.5-2st tops. I think I have a pretty messed up body image anyway most of the time, but for me, with losing this weight so far...I don't think I'm ever going to feel SLIMMER until I'm not fat. Right now, I'm just a smaller-than-I-was fat girl. Does that make any sense?

I worry sometimes I'll never feel anything but fat, which then makes me worry I'll never be able to stop and won't want to maintain, but I've decided those are bridges I'll cross when I get to them because if I start trying to deal with it all too soon I know myself well enough to know I'll give in to fear.

Deep down I'm a normal chick honest

 

[Mummoth]

Wow Mayfair, you've done brilliantly. Well done you xx

 

[SuzyK]

Mayfaire

I can understand that you haven't seen a big loss when you look in the mirror.

I am the same and I have finally deceided it must be because my actual body shape has not changed.

I have lost lots of weight on the Go Lower diet and like you, my clothes are baggy on me now and my belt is on its last notch.

I have not being done any exercise as the weight has been falling of but I now think untilk I get close to target I am not going to see much change in my body shape apart from it getting smaller.

I hope this makes sense because it does to me.

You have done really well with your loss and I am glad to hear you do not need that kick up the backside at the moment, but don't forget we are here for you if you need it!

Judith, I used to always be on the scales but I have trained myself not to do it anymore and although I take my weight loss monthly I do step on the scales a few times during the month but never more than once a week and often I may even go 10 days to two weeks.

I keep my scales away now so I am not tempted and I have to get them out of the cupboard so that way I make it an effort to weigh myself.

 

[MayfairE]

Nope SuzyK, that makes perfect sense. Sadly for me my body shape appears to be "blob", but still... lol!

Well done on the losses so far! Keep up the good work and ty again to everyone who's been kind enough to say nice things to me, you're all doing so wonderfully!

 

[gonnagetslim]

Hi Mayfair, just read through this and I can relate to alot of things you have said. All i can say is you have done fantastically and you have come to far to give up! keep going girl

 

[SuzyK]

Hi Mayfaire

I am glad I made sense to you about my body as I still feel very round.......

However, I know the weight is coming of so long as I stick to my Go Lower diet so stick to it I will!