SIGH........
Well i dont know why but i have woken up this morning in a really foul mood, and am feeling really emotional and its not even my TOTM. I went to my mum and dads house yesterday for my nephews party which was lovely. My brother was there who knows i am on this diet and all he could do was critisize me.
'Oh this is only the 17th time you have tried doing something like this', 'well you only go and put the weight back on again' 'The diet itself is really easy' (He lost 2 stone 2 years ago on it and doesnt have the same issues with food as i do, i.e emotional eating)
It really annoyed me as i am determined to do this and i pointed out to him that yes i may have done LL in the past and gained weight again but that can happen on any diet if you lose weight and then go back to your original bad eating ways and unfortunately i have had to learn the hard way. The trouble is that my brother always likes to be right and is VERY opionated. It was the way he just poo poo'd this diet and even when i said
'well i have lost 1st 4lbs already', he just said
'well its easy on this diet' :cry:
My mum and dad are supportive but as i have said before i think deep down everyone is expecting me to fail, fall off the wagon or gain weight after i finish sns. I cant really blame them as i dont have a great track record with VLCD's or any diet at all really. I am not sure if its my brothers comments that have triggered my bad mood today or not
I woke up and just couldnt be bothered to get out of bed, I am feeling VERY tired today and keep crying over stupid things that i cannot even really sum up. My bf is being great and really makes me laugh but i am snapping at him and deep down i know i am being unfair to him but he is being brilliant and not getting p1ssed off with me.
Going back to yesterday- So my mum and dad had laid out a massive spread of party foods, like all my favourites were there- sausage rolls, crisps, sandwhiches, mini quiches, mini bitesize pizzas, chinese and indian platters, and so on. Now originally we were going to be having a BBQ but because the weather wasnt great they arranged this instead. I took round my marinated chicken breast and some salad and had that whilst everyone grazed from around the table. One thing i noticed is that everytime i walked past the table, i automatically went to grab a sausage roll or a crisp and i suddenly had to stop myself. This was really hard as it was something i always used to do by eating nibbles here and there :gimi:
I sat in the conservatory with my Aunt & Uncle (who dont know i am on this diet), Nan, brother, nephew, mum and dad and ate my chicken salad whilst they all had the party food. My aunt and uncle didnt comment on why i wasnt joining in and had a plate of greenery rather then a plate of carbs but was prepared to tell them i was 'watching what i ate'. Maybe they quietly assumed that i was trying to lose weight but certainly didnt notice my weight loss so far but then again its not really noticeable for at least another 2 stone yet.
So maybe my bad mood today is due to the fact that i felt deprived last night, or the fact that some days this diet can feel very cold, lonely and depressing. I know its best to picture the end result and focus on the end goal and i am taking a day as it comes. I am not giving in (no matter how p1ssed off and fed up i feel today) and will beat this. I am learning not to turn to food as a 'comforter'. I am hoping that my mood will pick up tomorrow, but its horrible feeling like this. :argh:
I have suffered depression in the past which was very hard to deal with and alot of that was due to how i see myself and a complete lack of confidence. The way i feel today is similar to back then..no motivation, no positive thoughts, just wanting to crawl into bed and lie there but i cant do that, not to give in to these feelings.
The main battle i have is with myself and my thoughts and this is going to be tough some days and easier on others. I think when i start dropping dress sizes and really seeing a difference is when i think my head will clear a little.
Anyway so far today i have had a hot vanilla shake with coffee (try and wake me up a bit) which was ok but a bit sickly. I have had a muesli bar and a small tub of sugar free jelly. I am going to have some scrambled egg for dinner and another shake (maybe hot choc) later tonight. Need to get glugging too as only had 1l of water so far.
Hope everyone is having a good weekend xxx :wave_cry:
