UmmZakaria's Open & Honest Diary

[slendablenda]

Good for you UmmZakaria
And well done for deciding to plan.
My LLC says "If you fail to plan-you plan to fail"
Good luck for the next step of your journey. xx

 

[LadyT]

Good luck Hun you sound so much more positive and upbeat!

Looking forward to hearing how it is going xx

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[HannahNewton]

How are you getting on honey?? xx

 

[MagdaX]

Stay strong honey. Hope you can stick to the plan.x

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[UmmZakaria]

I can't believe how long it's been since I wrote on here. I've been gagging to get onto this site but have had the busiest few days that I haven't even had the time to sit on my phone and update :s

I'm going to sit down hopefully now and this evening and catch up with everyone's diaries - there are so many that it seems like quite an overwhelming task lol so please don't anyone be offended if I don't post a reply. I wrote a huge diary entry on Monday after work and it crashed as I uploaded so will have to start from today!

So....

RTM Week 1, Day 4

I'm loving this world of "allowed" food, even if it doesn't involve very much actual food! Monday was my first day of RTM and I seemed to wake up with the motivation and determination that I had at the beginning of abstinence.

***FOOD TALK***

My first evening meal was king prawns. Cooked in... Tabasco and black pepper (whoah, what a change!) They were absolutely divine but I did feel pretty underwhelmed when I'd finished them - is that it? I've read so many other RTM diaries etc. and so many people say things about how they can't finish their chicken etc. etc. I can safely say that wasn't a problem I had. Oh dear. On my second day I had a piece of chicken, once again cooked with... Tabasco and black pepper. Knowing that I have a "proper" meal to look forward to has kind of stopped me wanting to pick, although this may also have sometime to do with the fact that I haven't had a chance to sit down. I have had a friend from London staying with her 2 year old son so the combination of 2 toddlers and then my little guy that I child mind for on Thursdays has put me into a virtual coma. I am sat here with Zaki on the sofa typing like a zombie. Now that the kids and my friend have left I want to eat the fridge. I actually don't care about taking the contents out, I just want to eat the whole thing and everything that is contained within.

Last night I was allowed salad which is what I have been really looking forward to. I'm a bit of a salad addict (although when I used to say this when I was bigger you could see people thinking "really? a salad?? who are you trying to kid love?" but I do genuinly love it). I had mixed spinach, rocket and watercress with prawns dressed in... yup you guessed it, Tabasco and black pepper AND... wait for it... LEMON juice! It was delicious and so satisfying. I'm going to have the same tonight but with mussels instead of prawns.

I had my first group on Tuesday evening - there were only 5 of us there, one girl was just starting RTM like me and the other 3 ladies are on LL Lite. At first I was a bit put out that it was a combo of Lighters and RTM but quickly realised that this is a good thing as I'm going to have another 12 weeks of proper, intensive CBT sessions which was one of the things I was worried about missing out on. So all is good and I'm a very happy bunny - it's a different LLC but she's wonderful so I'm not mourning the other lady so much now.

I just want to warn that when I'm tired I talk. A lot. So I have a feeling that this diary entry is going to go on forever so you might want to go and get a cup of coffee (black of course) before you read on. Or you might want to log off now and save your sanity before I bore you to death!

I woke up last night and couldn't sleep for a little bit so started thinking. My main thoughts at the moment are about Lighterlife but I then started thinking about work. My thoughts then combined and I started thinking about the people that i work with and their weights. I work on a team where there are 11 other girls and I figured out last night that I am the 2nd slimmest girl on our team. I know that sounds like a proper psycho thing to think and get excited about but I really was. I actually woke my husband up to tell him (he muttered something about divorce papers...) It made me feel amazing. Amazing that I don't stand out for being big, not just that but I am actually the healthiest looking weight of all the girls as the slimmest one is actually very skinny to the point of looking a bit ill, poor girl. Anyway, I've put my trumpet away now and I'll stop blowing it but I am trying to keep my positive head on and revelations like this keep me going!

My friend that came to stay was asking me all about the diet and her first reaction was the usual... ooh sounds like Atkins, someone I knew did Atkins and lost blah blah blah and put it all back on blah blah blah. This is one of my biggest fears but when I started explaining it all to her and about how RTM and the CBT works I actually convinced her and managed to reassure myself at the same time. Putting weight back on is a huge fear that I have but I have realised that even if I lapse, even if I have a blow out at some stage that I am equipping myself with the tools to keep my weight under control. Boy does that make me feel good and a little bit more relaxed

Anyway, I'm going to stop now and post this before I lose it all again (phew, I hear you sigh). I will try and post my before and after pictures after this and I'm then going to catch up on everyone's diaries.

I hope you're all having a great day, lots of love xxxx

ps. I've already lost 2lbs on my scales at home - whoop whoop!

 

[Clarabow]

Great post, it's lovely to catch up. Glad the RTM is going well so far. Waiting with baited breath to hear the folowing installments.

Good for you to be confident enough to justify the program you are on. Not that you should have to mind you.

Look forward to hearing from you soon xx

 

[LadyT]

Aw good to hear from you hun, you sound like you are in a brilliant place at the moment, keep it up. xx

 

[SunshineCass]

What a lovely update, I bet you're so excited to be on RTM. Plus it's not a silly thing to be blowing your own trumpet about being one of the healthiest looking person on your team, that's an achievement in itself, that you should be proud of so go you!!

Hope your days going well xx

 

[weebles]

How is the RTM going?

The first couple of days sounded great! Your head is in the right place for sure!

XX

 

[alighterlife]

Hi ummZakaria, being nosey on your page, loving your honest diarys! How are you finding eating again? I tried sending you a priv message but my account is new (I left my previous account to start afresh for LL) I was wondering by your name if your a revert?? I understand it may be your bubbas name. My little girl is 1 and loves putting food in my mouth lol not making it up honest! we will sit and eat snacks together so even tho Ive not started yet I'm imagining all types of hurdles, damn those demons! But your WL is amazing, you only have 13lb to go, so I hope your WI goes really well and you stick on minimins as a maintainer to kick newbies like myself up the bum!

 

[MagdaX]

How are you finding RTM hun? It must be so exciting and scary at the same time.
I can't wait to start mine..

 

[UmmZakaria]

Hi ummZakaria, being nosey on your page, loving your honest diarys! How are you finding eating again? I tried sending you a priv message but my account is new (I left my previous account to start afresh for LL) I was wondering by your name if your a revert?? I understand it may be your bubbas name. My little girl is 1 and loves putting food in my mouth lol not making it up honest! we will sit and eat snacks together so even tho Ive not started yet I'm imagining all types of hurdles, damn those demons! But your WL is amazing, you only have 13lb to go, so I hope your WI goes really well and you stick on minimins as a maintainer to kick newbies like myself up the bum!

Hi Thanks for your lovely message Yes I'm a revert of about 7 years now! Are you? Zakaria is my little boy, he's nearly 2 and a half and a little monkey! Your little girl sounds like a darling. If your head is in the right place (which it must be if you're checking out all the diaries and forums before you start) then you'll be fine. My journey so far has been a real rollercoaster ride, I panicked most my way through abstinence and am now slowly chilling out on RTM. I am determined to see this thing through and become a management client. I will probably have more weight to lose once I've done RTM but I can address that once I get there as I finish RTM the week before Ramadan starts!!!
Lovely to hear from you - get posting and then we can PM x

 

[UmmZakaria]

How are you finding RTM hun? It must be so exciting and scary at the same time.
I can't wait to start mine..

You've got it spot on there Magda, it is so exciting yet so scary. To be honest I found the prospect of it scarier than the reality. It's been a bit of a testing week and I haven't been as good as I should have but this week I am going to be an angel! I need to have a proper catch up on your diary as I haven't hardly been online this last week as so busy but now my working week is finished I hope I can get more up to date. x

 

[UmmZakaria]

RTM Week 2, Day 1

What a strange week it's been. My positive attitude has stayed but my thinking has been all over the shop. I haven't stuck 100% to plan this week and as a result I didn't have a loss last night at my WI which really hit home. I stayed the same and am gutted with myself for that. I haven't yet reached my goal weight and am not ready to start maintaining yet. I want to lose some more pounds whilst on RTM so am attacking this week with all the gusto that I have. I'm on hols from Monday so want to be equipped with the right attitude before getting on that plane. I've already bought all my packs for the next two weeks but think I will go to get weighed on the SUnday evening before we fly... hopefully to get a bit of a boost.

So where did it all go wrong this week? I think I got a bit over excited - I was showing 2lbs down on the scales at the beginning of the week which made me lazy. My scales are going to have to be put away, they wreak havoc with my thinking.

I've just gone and done a shop on my way home from work and bought in the things that I am allowed this week. I've been getting very excited about being able to have low fat yoghurt and use it as dips with vegetable crudites. I've just sat and had some whilst catching up on my Greys Anatomy episode from last week and it was a lovely treat (although I shouldn't be thinking of food in terms of treats).

I went shopping last week which was loads of fun - I went with my husband who is my own personal Gok Wan. He's such a darling with clothes and is obsessed with fashion and just seems to know what's going to look good. I bought a pair of Levis, they now do this "curve id" thing where they do different shaped jeans dependant on your shape so I got a lovely pair of demi-curve skinny jeans which I am in love with. I have never, ever worn a pair of jeans that have fitted me so well. I also bought a beautiful dress from Monsoon (size 12 whoop whoop) and a denim jacket from Top Shop (size 12 whoop whoop). I now need to go to Primark to stock up on bits for my holiday as quantity is what matters now as opposed to quality. I have barely any clothes that fit now so I've decided to treat myself to a couple of nice bits each month and then top up with Primark and New Look etc. I've never enjoyed a shopping trip so much in my life - we came home and dh took pics of me in all my new outfits lol.

Anyway, I will try and post more later about the actual RTM that I'm doing but just wanted to say hey. Hope you are all well and I'm goign to try and catch up on some diaries now xxx

 

[alighterlife]

Ah brill, I am trying to post lots but trying to fit in mid conversation is a bit tough. Got the go-ahead from my GP today, he didnt charge me a penny, said he liked my determination My little girl is 14 months name is Zeena Mariam, I'm a revert of about 2 years, been married 6 years on monday lol so I took my time to change
I want to loose the weight so we can try for another little un next year (IA) your 'story' sound just like me, I too am a secret eater, I wait for people to go, I smuggle chocolate in my bag, hide the wrappers. I lie about not eating. but thats all about to change. I'm just waiting for my LL counsciller to pull her finger out and get back to me so I know what I'm doing. My hubby is really supportive of this but he is away to America for 4 days so I will be going alone initially.
Fingers crossed
x

 

[UmmZakaria]

Ah brill, I am trying to post lots but trying to fit in mid conversation is a bit tough. Got the go-ahead from my GP today, he didnt charge me a penny, said he liked my determination My little girl is 14 months name is Zeena Mariam, I'm a revert of about 2 years, been married 6 years on monday lol so I took my time to change
I want to loose the weight so we can try for another little un next year (IA) your 'story' sound just like me, I too am a secret eater, I wait for people to go, I smuggle chocolate in my bag, hide the wrappers. I lie about not eating. but thats all about to change. I'm just waiting for my LL counsciller to pull her finger out and get back to me so I know what I'm doing. My hubby is really supportive of this but he is away to America for 4 days so I will be going alone initially.
Fingers crossed
x

My email is my username 09@ gmail.com xxx Will reply properly later xx

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[Clarabow]

You are doing really well there. Keep on trucking xx

 

[UmmZakaria]

You are doing really well there. Keep on trucking xx

Thanks Clarabow!! Had a stressful day but am determined to see this through. As soon as dh is home I'm getting my trainers on and doing some exercise - looking forward to doing some punching with Jillian Michaels lol!!!!

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[alighterlife]

Good morning umm You been a bit quiet here , so just popping by to see if your ok and wondering how rtm is going for you?
xx

 

[UmmZakaria]

Afternoon All! Been wobbling a bit but off on hols tomorrow - packs & hand blender are all packed so will update my diary properly when we're back in a week

Thanks for thinking of me ALighterlife All fine, just being a busy bee xxx

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