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Upset by comment - Am I being over sensitive??

Dizzi-G

Full Member
S: 14st7lb G: 10st0lb
#1
Hiya

Just wondered if you think I'm being a bit over sensitive here or not (I'm feeling a tad fragile at the moment so could well be)!

Y'day, whilst we were all deciding who was sitting where on a car journey, my father in law announced 'us two fatties will sit in the back' (obviously meaning me and him).

Would that bother you? I didn't say anything at the time - I was too little gobsmacked!

Thanks x
 
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S: 14st4.5lb C: 13st11lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 35.3 Loss: 0st7.5lb(3.74%)
#2
It would upset me. It's a tactless remark, despite the fact that he was obviously sending himself up as well. So no, I don't think you're oversensitive but tbh I wouldn't say anything about it, just persevere with your weight loss. My FIL makes crass remarks like that, his all time gem was telling me I would soon not need to walk because I could roll everywhere. Chin up, honey x
 
S: 17st11.5lb C: 14st8lb G: 13st3.5lb BMI: 35 Loss: 3st3.5lb(18.24%)
#3
He was being rather insensitive. Those sort of comments should only be made between friends where you can give the friend a friendly slap or say something like 'speak for yourself lard arse' as banter in return.:D

Comments like that out of the blue are not nice but only you know if he said it as an (ill judged) joke or as a malicious comment. Sounds like the former, so I'd try not to worry.
 
S: 16st1.5lb C: 16st1.5lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 36.4 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#4
I'm pretty over sensitive and have been most of my life as my mum tends to point out everytime we argue. Myself and my sister tend to joke about our weight a lot and because it's my sister I know she's joking and we never do it infront of other people. (I'm particulary sensitive if people critisise me infront of others).

I have a friend who is also overweight.. she's very loud and outspoken and sometimes down right rude but we've known each other since we were tiny.. she often takes the mick out of me the newest one is playing lion king songs .. you know the warthog pumba? It really upsets me and she does it infront of other people who in turn laugh and do the same , I've tried to make it clear that it upsets me but she calls me a drama queen.

Sorry I've highjacked your thread! I don't think your being over sensitive about the comment at the end of the day if it hurt you then it hurt you.. I'm sure he didn't mean to offend you though.. I guess you'll just have to have a chat about how it made you feel?
 

xlaurax

Full Member
S: 20st4.5lb C: 12st5lb G: 10st0lb Loss: 7st13.5lb(39.19%)
#5
No your not being over sensitive...I would say he is comfortable as describing himself as a 'fattie' and assumes you don't mind it either! I have had similar situations in the past. I wouldn't take it to heart...and i think we can all agree its a touchy subject for woman more than men anyway!
Don't let him deter you!
 
#6
Its about taking this comment and turning it into a positive.

Use it it drive you on and succeed. Use it to teach him a lesson. Use it to give you determination. Use it as anything but a negative

Think about these comments and think about what you would like to say in the future (Is there enough room in the back for you big guy?) And then make they come true

The past is history and there is nothing we can do, but we can change the future if we have goals and reasons
 

Beegee

The Big One
S: 19st3lb C: 11st10lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 28.1 Loss: 7st7lb(39.03%)
#7
Yes it would definitely bother me - I'd be gutted! However, I am v sensitive about weight related stuff and it doesn't sound as though any malice was intended. I suppose you just need to draw a line under it and keep going. He'll probably be one of the first to congratulate you when you hit target!
 

*Anewme*

Bring On The New Me!
S: 14st4lb C: 14st4lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 36.6 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#8
I would of been upset too hun. Like others have said just ignore it and get on with the weight loss. Some one else said he will probably be the one to say congratulations first. Good Luck hun.. xxx
 
#9
Chin up love, id be upset but i think he meant it in a good humor way and probably thought you would find it funny. Don't let it bother you, just carry on doing what your doing with the weight loss. Big hugs xx
 

Dizzi-G

Full Member
S: 14st7lb G: 10st0lb
#10
Thanks everyone, I'm sure if he thought he'd really upset me he'd be upset himself.

I'll try and use it as motivation but for today, its totally sent me the wrong way, eating crap whilst chunnering 'I'll show him' ... yes, show him what exactly!?!? That he's right!?!?

A ridiculous retaliation because I'm only hurting myself more!!
 
#11
Not that he's right but that his comment was used by you to drive you on to succeed in your goal

We have all suffered by words at somepoint but its how we deal with them that matters.
 
#12
How meeeean!! I would defo make that remark make me even skinnier so you can purposely go on another car trip and say Ill sit in the back and and in the middle cause Im skinny enough now lard arse!! ;)
 

sarahm85

Silver Member
S: 12st7lb C: 10st2.5lb G: 10st0lb Loss: 2st4.5lb(18.57%)
#15
Some weeks ago my sister's future FIL commented on my weightloss, but then said before I was 'fat and tubby'. Yes, I was overweight, but unless it's someone where there's that 'understanding' between you and that person, people shouldn't make comments like that. His comment really upset me, even though I know deep down he probably didn't mean it as a negative thing.

Ignore what he said, keep with SW and show him that you've made a fantastic decision in doing something about your weight, which obviously he isn't bothered about.
 

moo moo

Full Member
S: 16st5lb C: 14st13lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 31.8 Loss: 1st6lb(8.73%)
#16
If it hurts you it hurts and it is out of order - but remember, only YOU have the power to let these words hurt or not, dont give them the power to hurt you xx
 

cazie6

Full Member
S: 12st8lb C: 12st5lb G: 10st6lb Loss: 0st3lb(1.7%)
#17
I don't think you are being over sensitive because I would be upset too, however I'm sure he didn't mean it to be malicious.

When I met my father in law for only the second time (he lives abroad) he first words to me when we picked him up at the airport were "my you've put some weight on". I just laughed along but inside I was crying. It's only now I've got to know him a bit better do I realise that he didn't mean it to be malicious, he just doesn't think before he speaks and says things how he sees them. Maybe your father in law is the same?

Caz :)
 
S: 19st9lb C: 18st3lb G: 12st6lb BMI: 36.6 Loss: 1st6lb(7.27%)
#18
Men don't think like women or so my husband says, he probably thought he was being amusing without malice. I would ponder on it , resolve to lose my weight and store it up for future reference( another thing my hubby says men don't do LOL)
 

suepat10

I am one of the 63336
S: 20st3lb C: 20st3lb G: 12st7lb BMI: 44.3 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#19
That's exactly the sort of comment my FIL to be would make but I know he wouldn't mean any malice by it so it wouldn't bother me.

Yes, I'm overweight. My problem, I have to deal with it BUT it doesn't stop me having a dig back (ie 'even if we both sit in the back, the car will still be leaning to your side' sort of thing).
 


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