Was walking, got shouted at 'fat b' from a car window today

Discussion in 'General Weight Loss Discussion' started by miss-r, 25 October 2010 Social URL.

  1. miss-r

    miss-r I can do it!!

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    I have posted this to my Cambridge diet diary too but thought i'd post here too. I am upset about it and don't know what to do.
    Has this ever happened to anyone else??

    A bit about me first, I am nearly 28 and I am doing the cambridge diet and am down to 15 stone 10 so far.

    Today I went out on my bike to the park, and I pressed the traffic lights button to cross the road (walking along pushing my bike) and a car with some males in that had stopped at the red lights shouted out fat bi*** and they said it at least twice and maybe something else that I could not make out.
    I was the only person around walking, so I am certain they were shouting at me. There were other cars at the crossing though.
    I carried on as if nothing had happened and felt quite sad and started crying in the park.
    With hindsight I should have looked and seen who it was but I didn't. Not that I would have known them as I hardly know anyone here.
    I was only minding my own business so I don't know why this happened.

    It is not the first time this has happened. I have had men/males shout out at me from vehicles at least 3 times in 8 years since I started gaining weight, calling me fat.
    I was not dressed to get attention, just jeans and a jacket.
    I find it very sad.
    I hope that the people who shouted think about their behaviour and are sorry but I doubt they will. I don't think they would like it if it happened to their sister or mother? Shouting from a car at a lone female (or lone anyone) is shameful and cowardly.
    I am ranting now because I am cross.

    Anyway I got back and told my mother in law, I wasn't going to tell her as I felt almost ashamed, but then I thought I have done nothing wrong, what have I got to feel bad about.
    I might be overweight but it doesn't give people the right to verbally abuse me in the street.
    If that happens again I will take their numberplate and go to the police.

    Anyway I got back and I had my tea but I ate extra, had my little meal but then I ate a tin of tuna (in spring water) as was still upset about before.
     
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  3. Inge Jones

    Inge Jones Full Member

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    That is one good thing about getting old - I no longer have people commenting on my weight or appearance. I think once you get to a certain age, people just take it for granted you're probably gonna be fat and grey lol. I am sorry it happened to you, anyway.
     
  4. chocaslim

    chocaslim adores posting

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    Hi there miss-r i haven't posted for a while now but reading your post has kicked me up the backside to do so i'm so sorry to hear what happened today thats disgraceful i would be ashamed if they had been my friends or family and i bet they wouldnt of said anything if they had been on their own rather than a group some people just dont think and if they have never struggled with their weight they have no idea of the damage a comment like that can do to some-one your weight loss so far is fantastic so focus on that stand proud and continue x
     
  5. Awaken Me

    Awaken Me On my Way...

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    Huge ((hugs)) sweetheart, I'm so sorry that you had to hear that - what absolute b****rds they are. I honestly have no idea why people think they have the right to comment on how someone looks.

    It hasn't happened to me but I've felt the stares and seen the nudges. You have every right to be angry but you are taking control of your life and you are losing weight. I know it is easier said than done but please try and forget about it and keep doing what you are doing.

    xx
     
  6. Lynn_

    Lynn_ On A Mission!

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    Any kind of personal insult like that is hard to endure, especially when it is totally uncalled for. Its very hurtful to you, and you are still feeling stung by when no doubt they have forgotten all about you and are now no doubt insulting some other poor innocent person.

    You have to let it go and forget about it othewise you are letting them win their stupid nasty little game. You mean nothing to them and they mean nothing to you. Its hard to put a cruel thing like that behind you, but you have to because you are not going to let them control you.

    See this as your chance to be the better person, you just have to feel pity for them because they must live very sad lives if this is how they get their kicks.
     
  7. SammyE

    SammyE Silver Member

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    What total a-holes! Ive had that done to me once... but it was in the bar I worked in and it was half empty, some blokes came in and one of them shouted "you fat b****" about 5 times while pointing at me, everyone in the bar looked at me with a worried look on their faces, I was so humiliated and I wasnt even that big... well I was but not compared to how big I got before I started to diet, I was probably about 12 stone to 12 and a half stone, it was such a horrible feeling.

    I went out with a bloke weekend just gone (baring in mind im 13 and a half stone) and we with his mates in a pub and a lady walked in who was probably around 20 stone with two kids and as she walked passed the bloke I was with shouting "who would f*** that!!" all his mates rolled around laughing, I was sat there with my mouth open in total shock, I made an excuse to leave shortly after that and have been ignoring his calls or texts asking to go out again.

    Reading your post has just spurred me to reply to one of his texts and this is what ive said "To be honest Im not sure anymore, i'll be straight up because thats the type of person I am but some of the stuff you say to people, i dont like, its down right horrible, yeah Im up for a joke but to make people feel s*** about themselves is not on and not something i really want to be around, so I do not want to see you again, sorry" I hope that makes him think about what he did! Im just sorry I didnt say that to him in the pub when he said that to that lady!
     
  8. Inge Jones

    Inge Jones Full Member

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    Oh yes that reminds me of something that happened when I was 20, and with my then boyfriend who was Polish. He'd just introduced me to these friends of his who hadn't met me before, and went to the bar to get drinks. One turned to the other, and said, in Polish something to the effect of "Omg, she's fat". They hadn't reckoned with how easily I pick up foreign languages, and so I replied "So, I'm fat am I" and they nearly fell off their chairs with embarrassment and tried to pretend they were talking about someone else. Maybe I am perverse but it just made me want to laugh.
     
  9. redhead66

    redhead66 This will be my year

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    Aw hun, I'm seething at this - what gives small minded tossers like them the right to abuse anybody? They're nothing but older versions of the spiteful bullies at school, who picked on anybody who didn't conform to their stupid idea of normality. I bet they weren't exactly Brad Pitt either!

    You're hurting - how could it not hurt, but please don't let these idiots have even one moment of control over your life or your eating habits. You know how far you've come on your journey, you've taken control of your life in the best possible way, and absolutely nobody has the right to make you feel bad about yourself.

    Stay strong babe, don't let the thoughtless act of a bunch of morons sabotage your right to be happy and healthy xx

     
  10. Nigel g

    Nigel g Daft Bloke

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    Hi I feel very sad that this has happened to you and that others have had simular experiences. I am ashamed to be a bloke at times because lets be frank men are horrible in that they will shout things like that or tell rude jokes about people. It's not you or anyone else who should be ashamed of who you are after comments like that. Rather you should maybe if you can muster it, feel sad and sympathetic for them who say these things. They are usually ill informed, badly educated, and will end up at the bottom of the food chain passing on their genes to kids who could like them add up to nothing. They are the beer swilling women abusers and disgusting overweight heart attack candidates of the future and will leave behind them nothing to be proud of. So if you see these men again feel some sympathy because they are on the downhill slope to hell. Ahhh that's better i fell much better now for getting that off my chest. Time for a cuppa.:D
     
  11. miss-r

    miss-r I can do it!!

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    Got to post this very quick as i've got to go out, Thanks for all the replies and kind words, I felt like I had to share and I feel alot better for doing so and its nice to hear from you all. There are alot of lovely people on here. I nearly went on a binge earlier but i'm glad I didn't, i'm not going to let them get to me!! I feel alot better now. Thanks everyone xxx
     
  12. Winky

    Winky Full Member

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    Sadly, The same thing has happened to me many times of the years. In fact just this year I had one particularly distressing incident. I was on holiday and was walking down the beach to find a vacant sunbed when some morons with a toy loudspeaker began to make loud thumping footseteps through it every time I took a step. Fuelled on by drink and, I suppose, their mates they then proceeded to hurl abuse at me through the loud speaker things like" Get back in the water you f....ing whale" and " See if your fat arse will float" amongst others. Needless to say this was highly embarrasing as the beach was full. I managed to walk off the beach with as much dignity as I could muster but it was a very painful experience which still makes me cringe just thinking about it. A more recent episode was just the other day. I was out walking my dog at about 7 in the morning when a car passed me and a bloke wound his window tdown and shouted "Hey fattie, get those legs moving. " As with all these cases, I had never seen any of the people before, they did not know me or what kind of person I was. They just made the assumption that becaus I was fat I was fair game. Unfortunately there's little you can do to change people's attitudes about what being overweight is like. I'd like to be able to say that these people would think twice about abusing others who have a different physical appearance but sadly I think they probably wouldn't.
     
  13. Konvictz

    Konvictz Full Member

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    well i get called fat everyday by my friends, but id say im slightly overweight, not huge obese...and my weight gain has been fairly recent so my friends tease me about it every single day...but i dont really mind at all but everyone is different...

    i understand the events you described would have caused you some pain and discomfort, but unfortunately this is how the world functions now. if you are not nice and skinny, you are not valued - aparently...shame on the guys who said that, im sure id like to check out their beer bellies, and im sure some of their wives and girlfriends are not the slimmest of all the women in the world lol...

    but you should use this as motivation to loose weight. and dont worry about them stupid guys, people always learn after...
     
  14. Aline

    Aline Gold Member

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    Oh hun, noone should ever hear that; that person was a total asshole (sorry about me using thos word, but I can't think about anything better to call the creatures who say things like that)!

    You know... I think that people who feels the need to overlook and make others miserable are the ones who are really miserable. Only bad insecure people has the need to "gain security" throuh that type of behaviour. And people like that don't deserve your time.

    That being said, I'm really glad that you feel better now; just keep up your journey, going for your walks and, mainly, keep up smiling to life:)
     
  15. bellefrogette

    bellefrogette Silver Member

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    many people think its fine to insult others because of weight, some even take pride in it, like fat people are fair game and must accept the insults. A guy who I have been friends with a little while came into class and began talking about how he had told another guy who was about to sit next to him on a rynanair flight not too, because the guy was too fat.

    Honestly I lost it, because others in the class were begining to join in and laugh over this incident.

    what shut them all up was when I spoke of how undignified and lacking in class that type of behaviour was-but also because I have weight to lose, so what should I do, sit there, listen and suck it up? Hell no.

    So you did good not to react in the moment. You showed the class that those buffoons were so sadly lacking. You have every reason to be proud of yourself.
     
  16. x Nee x

    x Nee x Gold Member

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    Im not suprised it upset you MissR, people can be so cruel, and the worst thing is they more than likely are no where near perfect themselves!!!

    I think we all who have been overweight have had some form of abuse, for me I mainly get the 'phantom stares, then a double take look and if Im really lucky a third turn of the head' and its not nice at all.

    I was once in a pub and someone commented on my 'fat arms' letting me know how big my arms were, I went mental at him, and also stated a few facts on him and when I saw him later in a different pub he offered me a drink, of course I declined.
     
  17. syren

    syren from FAT to FIT

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    miss-r, I'm so sorry to hear about this incident, it's a humiliating experience. What possesses people to scream insults at other human beings ? it's baffling.

    Your story struck a chord because the exact same thing happened to me.. I road my bike every day to and from work last summer which was about 15 km. I hopped off my bike to walk across the intersection when a group of teenage boys stopped in a car to let me cross, for some reason they were compelled to start mooing at me, I found the courage to just look at them and give them a big smile. Kill them with kindness I've always been told. I was more insulted by the fact that , yes okay i'm a big girl, but would you rather me be at home sitting on my couch stuffing my face or actually out getting some exercise ? I guarantee i could have rode circles around those skinny lil punks.

    Hang in there.. cuz pretty soon the calls out of the windows will be compliments ;)
     
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  19. Blue Butterfly

    Blue Butterfly Gold Member

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    Aawww hun I am so sorry to hear that happened to you.
    Like someone else said, men in groups act like pathetic schoolboy bullies. I think it's disgusting how anyone thinks it's ok to insult another person.
    Just remember that you are better than them, they are just stupid little ****ers trying to impress their friends by making other people feel bad.

    This has happened to me too. I was out walking in town and was just walking past a couple of guys and one just said something like 'fat cow' Unfortunately I am too gobby for my own good sometimes and turned round and yelled back at them! They just stood staring at me with open mouths!!
    They think fat people are easy targets I reckon so they assume we will be too shy/scared/embarrased to say anything back, well I wasn't so those idiots got quite the shock!

    *hugs*
     
  20. 16to10

    16to10 Now Maintaining :)

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    Sorry this happened to you. I find it very sad that people can be such mean idiots. :( Try not to let it get to you so much and just focus on your goal.
     
  21. kazzymc

    kazzymc Gold Member

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    there evil twisted and probably single due to serious lack of personality,, people like this need to try make there insignificant lives better by abusing people. At least us so called fatties can do something about it, these people cant get personality transplants.
    Hope you feel better soon about this and put it behind you it aint worth the upset
     
  22. Just Peachy

    Just Peachy Slowly But Surely

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    Gosh, people are ffing horrible I tell ya. I can't believe the nerve. These people find this funny because they clearly lack intelligence and have some self-confidence issues themselves. If they feel the need to put others down, it's only to make themselves feel better on the only thing they've got.. it's so pathetic I can't even believe it.

    I feel so sorry for everybody's stories, I find it hard to believe that this happens so much. I think I've been pretty lucky, I got abuse when I was a kid but as a teenager not too much. Last time I got it (and it had been a while) was this summer. I was riding on my bike on a Friday or Saturday night, coming home from going out. I was at my slimmest of ever in my life and feeling really confident and constantly getting compliments off people. And then I was about to turn onto a street, so I switched from the side of the road which has a bike path to the other side just to ride safely, and these two drunken assholes shouted at me: "Ride on the bike path, fatty!" and all I did, without even looking at them, I lifted my hand up from my handlebars and gave them the finger for as long as they could see me, and I just stayed really stoic. And they just started laughing, but I was pleased with myself. You think you can abuse me? Then I will too. C*nts.

    So yeah, just be upfront about it, if you can. Sometimes it's hard to muster up the courage but hey, I'll tell you, it's worth it having something clever to say cos most of the time, they'll have no clue what to say back. I hate that, the abuse often comes from men and is directed to women. The other way around hardly happens and if a guy is overweight it's often more acceptable.. gosh. The feminist inside me is fuming!
     
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