Westiegirl: Restarted Day 1 Under my Belt!

Saturday 17th March

Well, how much sleep can one girl get. Not enough it seems, but I feel a lot better this morning after spending most of yesterday snoozing.

Just re-read my thread from yesterday and my god what a b*tch I sound! Anyone who knows me knows I am not really, but I think tiredness fuelled my rubbish post! I keep forgetting that I am too old to not go without sleep 2 weeks in a row. I honestly do forget that I am 35 and what I could do when I was 20 is long gone. Darn, it - I wanna be young forever (ok so who doesn't) I want this level of knowledge with a 20 year old energy level. Don't want my body of 20 coz it was overweight then too!

So yesterday I was mostly in a fugue-ish mood and couldn't actually be in the same room as other people (luckily for them) but I did have to face the world for a bit. Had my eyebrows waxed at 11am, haven't been able to get them done for weeks and they were starting to look wild! Next was shopping - mother's day presents. I wanted to get something useful but still a treat. I got my mum loads of clothes at christmas (M&S discount card *lol*) and she never listens to CDs and rarely watches DVDs. She's not fussed on chocolates either so I was beginning to panic. But I ended up buying her a lovely set of nice make-up brushes and some new makeup. Nice shimmery colours because her and my dad go on holiday at the end of April. Also got her a voucher for Debenhams as they have some lovely holiday clothes in there and we can go shopping.

When I came home, as I mentioned yesterday the sofa called and I stayed there all day, half watching rugby and sleeping the rest of the time. Evening was pretty much the same, except the TV involved Dancing on Ice and Eurovision Song show. Lovely mindless TV for a saturday night. In bed by 10pm and fast asleep soon after!
 
hiya mate.........he doens't sound right for you darlin.... you know if someone rings your bells or not and your wasting yours and his time by sticking with it.... come on be ruthless, life's to short to put up with mediocre - get out there and have some fun!!!! You've only just started your new dating life so don't feel pressured to hook up with someone straight away.... you gotta test drive lots of models before finding a suitable one believe me, altho my test driving is getting a little tedious now hahaha!
 
wow you're 35???? I thought you were younger than me!! Not that I'm that much younger than you but still thought you were in your 20's at least. hmmmmmmmmm whats your secret? lol


Anyway, sounds to me like hes nto for you too otherise you wouldnt spend so long trying to explain how you're enjoying being single.

men say oh I don't want a girlfriend but would love to have some fun, I seriously believe they just haven't met someone they want to be their girlfriend but they would like the attention from you in the meantime. So what you've said kind of makes me think of that. yes it's lovely to have the attention and to have someone want you, but you knw yourself you don't want to settle for him.
 
Karen1972 said:
hiya mate.........he doens't sound right for you darlin.... you know if someone rings your bells or not and your wasting yours and his time by sticking with it.... come on be ruthless, life's to short to put up with mediocre - get out there and have some fun!!!! You've only just started your new dating life so don't feel pressured to hook up with someone straight away.... you gotta test drive lots of models before finding a suitable one believe me, altho my test driving is getting a little tedious now hahaha!
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kati said:
wow you're 35???? I thought you were younger than me!! Not that I'm that much younger than you but still thought you were in your 20's at least. hmmmmmmmmm whats your secret? lol

Thanks Nikki, that made me laugh - no secret! I look in the mirror and see all the lines etc but I am told quite frequently that I look younger than I am so I accept your compliment graciously!

Anyway, sounds to me like hes nto for you too otherise you wouldnt spend so long trying to explain how you're enjoying being single.

men say oh I don't want a girlfriend but would love to have some fun, I seriously believe they just haven't met someone they want to be their girlfriend but they would like the attention from you in the meantime. So what you've said kind of makes me think of that. yes it's lovely to have the attention and to have someone want you, but you knw yourself you don't want to settle for him.
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Thanks Karen and Nikki, I guess I know I'm not that into him and there are plenty of fish in the sea. I have decided that I will go to the cinema on Tuesday (unless he's dumped me by then coz he got his wicked way *lol*). It will be our first date without alcohol so I think that it is important to just see how that goes. After that I won't see him for at least a week so I can take time out and see how I feel (very important weekend coming up!).
 
Better keep your options open Sarah - never know what's available in BHam....LOL - the natives were very friendly last time.....;)

This time next week I imagine a few of us will be nursing hangovers, cringing at photos and have a story or three to tell..... can't wait....;)

Love
 
Sunday 18th March 2007

Woke up this morning about 7.30am and it was nice to know I didn't have to get up immediately - no travelling - trains or buses to catch and nothing pressing to do. First time in 4 weeks, and it was bliss.

Snoozed for a bit until 9ish then went to see my mum and take her her mother's day presents. She seemed really pleased so I hope she likes them.

Went back to my flat and pottered for a bit trying to summon up the energy to get myself sorted. Had a shower and washed my hair (first wash since Friday). Now I know that sounds minging but after my straight perm I was told not to wash it for 48 hours. To someone who washes their hair everyday that was a real hardship. I was going to aim to wash it Monday morning but I just couldn't leave it.

So the verdict on the straight perm - fantastic!!!! I have woken up the last 2 mornings and it has still been straight. Now I am not exaggerating when I say that when I usually get up my hair is upright, in fact it looks like an afro. Seriously bad, but this looks like it might be my saviour! It feels in good condition too because I have to put a conditioning treatment on it every time I wash it for the first couple of weeks because it has some colour in the ends. I dried it and it stayed flat. Didn't really need to use my straighteners but I just ran them over it to smooth it and give it a bit of shape. To say that I am pleased is an understatement. If I do turn up in Brum next week with a hat it is only because something has gone terribly wrong between now and then!

Mum and dad went to my nana's to wish her happy mother's day and I stayed home to tidy my flat. Once I had actually got myself moving I made great strides. The flat was an absolute tip. My dad came up yesterday and even he mentioned it! Started with a tidy of the bedroom, even as far as clearing out the rubbish in the bedside cabinets that just gets chucked in there. I know I'll have to do it again in a few weeks but I do like to declutter every now and then!

Then cleaned the bathroom - which is always an easy job, because it's so small. I only have a shower cubicle instead of a bath so that's dead easy. The worst room was the lounge though. Clothes that I ironed the other day hanging everywhere, summer clothes to be stored in a pile on the floor, paperwork strewn over the dining and coffee tables and DVDs chucked on the floor. Oh what a picture of a slum I paint. But the point is that I am a totally organised person and I hate clutter! To have let my room get in such a state is a testiment to how little time I have had recently. I always find that if I live in clutter then my mind is cluttered too. Maybe it is because if I am too tired to tidy then I am too tired to concentrate and give 100% to any diet I am following. Hopefully a big tidy up like today will give me the impetus I need!

Had lunch with the family (sausage and chips from the local chippy *sorry*) and then footie on the tele. Who would have thought it was mothering sunday. Actually my mum was quite happy, she spent the afternoon doing the crossword and reading her book. So it was a win-win situation all round!

I came back upstairs and did a bit more pottering before falling asleep infront of the tele again. I haven't snoozed as much as this for a long time. Remind me not to burn the candle at both ends so often will ya!

Got all my practical things done today and I guess I designed it that way in order to procrastinate thinking about my counselling session next week. I haven't worked on the modules and my excuse of being too busy is just a front because I am ostriching again! But I have a clutter free flat and a clutter free mind so there are no excuses. Tomorrow night I will spend a little time sitting down and working through them.

I have also spent quite a lot of time today contemplating whether to go back to LL on Thursday. The only barrier that I have is the distance. It is about 50 miles away. Shouldn't be too big a deal because it is dual carriageway most of the way there, but I am worried about the commitment to the programme. If I go I must follow it properly because it is too much money (the programme and the petrol) to waste. I keep getting flashes of the things that I won't be able to do, like go out drinking and have an odd meal with the family because if I do it it will have to be 100%. Today I have been analysing myself and realised how much of an all or nothing person I am. I don't do moderation. I need to LEARN to do moderation. I can have things I want and they are not going to go away if I don't have them now. Once again instant gratification! For example yesterday for my lunch I had, a wrap, a pasty and a roll, with crisps and chocolate! I passed shops selling all of these things and couldn't make up my mind which I wanted most so I had them ALL!!!!

I am still unsure what to do but I am starting to feel really fat again. I caught a look of myself in the mirror earlier and I seem quite bloated. I have lost some of that definition I had with a nipped in waist. Seem to be all up and down at the moment and that is not good. The weight is stable on the scales (ish) but I am wanting to nip it in the bud. Still got a few days to think about what I want to do - the class isn't till Thursday. Just might go along anyway! If I REALLY concentrated on what I was doing then I think I could have it sussed in 10 weeks. That's really not a big deal is it! I would be done and dusted before Dublin, which would be a great incentive. Gotta get my motivation hat on!
 
"...contemplating whether to go back to LL on Thursday. The only barrier that I have is the distance. It is about 50 miles away. Shouldn't be too big a deal because it is dual carriageway most of the way there, but I am worried about the commitment to the programme..."

You are right to be worried Sarah. It IS a huge committment. But it's one you have made successfully in the past.

Have you tried writing out a PRO and CON list to finally clarify exactly what you really want. That is, divide a piece of paper into four parts, writing at the top of each part the PROS of doing LL and the CONS of doing LL, and the PROS of not doing LL and the CONS of not doing LL. You've already identified that cost and distance to travel could be a problem, but what exactly are the PROS for you?

If you are truly ready, costs and traveling distance won't stop you succeeding again, and by the summer, you'll be where you want to be.
 
Mich said:
Better keep your options open Sarah - never know what's available in BHam....LOL - the natives were very friendly last time.....;)

This time next week I imagine a few of us will be nursing hangovers, cringing at photos and have a story or three to tell..... can't wait....;)

Love
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Mich, I always keep my options open. I'm not tied and I'm a free agent to do anything I please *lol*. Wonder if there will be any sexy young barmen we can oggle at?

Going to try and remember my camera this time although I might buy a disposable just in case I get to "tired" to look after it properly!
 
AmandaJayne said:
"...contemplating whether to go back to LL on Thursday. The only barrier that I have is the distance. It is about 50 miles away. Shouldn't be too big a deal because it is dual carriageway most of the way there, but I am worried about the commitment to the programme..."

You are right to be worried Sarah. It IS a huge committment. But it's one you have made successfully in the past.

Have you tried writing out a PRO and CON list to finally clarify exactly what you really want. That is, divide a piece of paper into four parts, writing at the top of each part the PROS of doing LL and the CONS of doing LL, and the PROS of not doing LL and the CONS of not doing LL. You've already identified that cost and distance to travel could be a problem, but what exactly are the PROS for you?

If you are truly ready, costs and traveling distance won't stop you succeeding again, and by the summer, you'll be where you want to be.
Click to expand...

Hi AmandaJayne, funny I was just thinking about you earlier - was gonna send ya a PM to see when you are heading this way for Easter and if you still fancied a coffee.

Pros and cons lists for me are always a good thing. People have told me that I am sad because I have lists of lists! I think that the commitment is what I need. I have not stuck to CD at all. As I've mentioned before my counsellor is lovely but she is a bit dotty and I'm not sure she can give me the level of support I need. I thought I could do this alone but I can't so my mind is pretty much made up.

Not looking forward to the drive much (I am really not that fond of driving - perhaps because of lack of experience) but it is only once a week for a limited period of time.
 
westiegirl said:
Mich, I always keep my options open. I'm not tied and I'm a free agent to do anything I please *lol*. Wonder if there will be any sexy young barmen we can oggle at?

Going to try and remember my camera this time although I might buy a disposable just in case I get to "tired" to look after it properly!
Click to expand...


Can't recall wot any of the barmen looked like last time....:rolleyes:

Not half as nice as the Buffalo Joe's boys though I'm sure....:cry:

I will have a disposable camera for exactly that reason.....:eek:

Looking forward to it..... see you Saturday hun.....:D
 
If you decide you want to continue with LL then it is right for you. The distance doesn't matter and the lighter nights are coming so you'll manage the driving fine. Good luck Sarah and looking forward to seeing you on Saturday

Irene xx
 
IreneH said:
If you decide you want to continue with LL then it is right for you. The distance doesn't matter and the lighter nights are coming so you'll manage the driving fine. Good luck Sarah and looking forward to seeing you on Saturday

Irene xx
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Thanks Irene, you are right about the lighter nights so that shouldn't be a problem. Looking forward to catching up on Saturday. See you then!
 
Monday 19th March 2007

Mixed sort of day today.

Woke up feeling more energetic than I have in a while, probably due to the sheer volume of sleep I have had over the weekend! Also woke up feeling very fat. Usually I wake up and have a pat down to see how I'm "feeling" (ok so it does sound a little freakish) but today I felt so bloated and was well annoyed!

Had loads of time to potter whilst getting ready - oh my what a difference just blasting my hair with the dryer and not having to spend an hour styling it makes! A quick flick with the straighteners for smoothing - fantastic!

Had a shake for breakfast and headed to work. Work very busy and lots to organise (didn't even get a proper lunch break). Was just as well because the thought of a soup made me feel ill. Had a peanut bar because my stomach was rumbling but it wasn't that important to me.

Came home and I crumbled! Had 3 bagels and cream cheese (because they were in the fridge and because it is habit to eat then) but that has been it tonight.

So there we go, feel disappointed in myself but I'm not beating myself up!

Sat down and worked through the first module my counsellor wants me to work through before we meet on Friday. I was quite distracted whilst doing it, avoidance again, but I forced myself. Didn't feel that I was giving it my full attention and realised that it was because I think I was analysing a symptom not a cause. I was using the example of binging when I come home but I think I do that to cover other stuff up. Will have to go back to the drawing board I think!

In classic avoidance style I wandered into the kitchen to look for something to eat, but luckily I have cleared everything out of the cupboards and fridge! Wandered to my mum's and looked at what she was having for tea and decided what I really needed was a thought record.

Didn't quite complete the thought record on paper but did sort of do it in my head and managed to talk myself down!

I did have a Tassimo cappuccino but I call that progress *lol*.

Made the decision to go to LL on Thursday. Phoned the counsellor and left a message for her to say I would be going. I don't know if she'll call back but when I spoke to her last week she said that there was no problem. Asked her to call if there is a problem.

So Thursday will be quite a big day for me, going back to LL and also driving there. Now it might not seem like a big deal but it will be the longest journey I will have driven, ever. It will be a big deal to me because I have only had my licence a year and I didn't take lessons before that because when I started with my depression I was so anxious that I needed diazepam (sp?) to just be a passenger on a long journey. I would cry just getting in the car and being driven on the Edinburgh bypass. Passing my test last year was a MEGA deal to me - it was something I never thought I would ever achieve. I drive to work every day (about 20 minutes so not that far) but I must admit to feeling a bit of anxiety every single day! I think if I do the trip on Thursday I will have faced some demons!

I also think something on my mind tonight is my hospital apppointment tomorrow. I have to read the stuff about it but I don't want to! So far the only thing I've read is that I have to drink 2 pints of water 2 hours before I go and not go to the loo once I've drunk it. No lie in for me then - appointment isn't till 9.20am and I'll have to wake up at 7.20am to drink water. Oh joy!

Oh well, I don't think it's going to be too bad (at least I hope not!).
 
Just give yourself plenty of time to get to the meeting so that you don't get worked up and once you have driven it the second time will be easy. But I know how you feel
Irene xx
 
Hiya hun... glad you have made a decision and as other have said already LL really worked for you before so fingers crossed it will do the job this time for ya...

love
 
Just sat staring at the screen for 5 minutes because I don't know where to start.

Feeling very tired and emotional right now, something which I will explain later in the post.

Tossed and turned last night, lots of things going on in my head - mainly my hospital appointment and my lack of ability to diet and going back to LL. Also the wind was howling outside. It was quite scary, thought the tiles were going to come off and my room is right in the eaves!

Managed to have a bit of a lie-in, as I only needed to drink 2 pints of water 1 hour before my appointment, not 2. No problem for an SSer like me! Got to my appointment on time and luckily didn't have to wait long to be seen. Was a little nervous but it was ok. Just an ultrasound and an internal. No big deal. Really don't think I've got PCOS, don't have that many symptoms of it, more likely to be a hormone imbalance thing, but I also worry that they'll say that there is nothing wrong with me. Not sure where I'll go from there. It's not just the lack of ability to stay on the diet but also the physical symptoms I mentioned in my earlier post. They are very uncomfortable and I feel like they are having an impact on my life. I guess all I can do is wait for the results. Will need to book an appointment to see my lovely doctor next week. That's if I can see her. Next week is her last week and she is fully booked. I will have to phone every day at 8am to see if there is an apppointment and keep my fingers crossed.

Went straight to work from the hospital and had a very productive day, but I'm afraid I succumbed to the chip shop at lunch time because everyone else was. Lame excuse I know, but it worked for me at the time! Felt slightly bad but I'm almost doing the same as when I did LL last time - having a last supper week!

Came home and felt quite tired after my rubbish nights sleep and called off my date with Matt. Could probably face the cinema but the thought of wrestling with him later and having to be nice was just not appealing. He's suggested we meet on Thursday (for a curry) but I've got LL then (quite ironic). Told him it will have to be next week, so I've got breathing space.

Also submitted to Mrs CB. Had pasta and pesto, 2 bread rolls and a bar of chocolate. Darn, I was meant to be being sensible! Damage control (or as Caz said baby steps!) Darn, more last supper syndrome!

Was just chilling in my lounge when I made the mistake of going to my mum and dad's flat to discover that they were arguing. Basically my Dad is rubbish at organising taking my mum out. She gets upset, they both get pigheaded and argue. I try and be the voice of reason. It always fails. I end up shouting at them about how childish they are and they should grow up. I have enough and go to my flat, they argue a bit more and then my mum stomps off to bed. Happens every so often and I always end up getting really upset and crying and wishing I'd kept out of the way. I hate to see them argue and always try yo make them stop but it never works. When will I ever learn!

Doesn't help me being so tired and emotional, hopefully it will be better tomorrow!

So I wanted to catch up on some threads but need to sleep. Besides I'm feeling depressed because I'm watching half ton hospital and they just said that when the patients finally admit that they have an eating addiction the doctor said, congratulations welcome to a problem you'll have for the rest of your life (or something along those lines). Gee thanks for that! Just what I needed to cheer me up!
 
This is just a short one because it's been one of those regular sort of days where the same old routine has happened. Got up, weighed myself (same as yesterday), almost made myself late for work reading threads on here at breakfast time, work, work, more work, overtime, petrol station, home, tea, tv and here. Not exciting but a welcome down evening after my last few weeks!

Feeling very tired this week, after having a resurgence of energy earlier this week. Not sure why but wondering if it's a lack of activity (energy breeds energy etc etc) or the fact that I have overdosed on carbs this week. I must admit my SSing intentions went out the window yesterday, partly due to the fact that I won't be SSing this weekend. Just looking forward to having a laugh with some good mates and cutting some shapes on the dance floor.

Tomorrow is LL night and I am looking forward to it but I am also apprehensive. I will telephone the counsellor tomorrow to make sure the class is going ahead - I wouldn't want to drive all that way for nothing!

I am eager the get started, but every time I start a new diet I am excited. The novelty soon wears off though *lol*.

I have decided to make my strategy one week at a time. If I go tomorrow I will start my packs on Monday. The next meeting is on Thursday so I will be on day 4 by then and into ketosis. After that I will just focus on a week by week basis to see how I go. I have a pretty much clear run after next weekend until the summer except for my 4x4ing weekend. Hopefully I will have well cracked it by the then (Dublin is the target).
 
Hey Sarah... you do seem a lot more relaxed in your last post... which is great

Hope tonight with your LLC goes well... dying to hear how you get on hun

love
 
Hi Hun!


Hope you get on OK at LL tonight.... will be thinking of you.....

Looking forward to bustin some moves with you Saturday......;) oh and chatting too.....:D

love
 
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