Westiegirl: Restarted Day 1 Under my Belt!

Hi Sarah!

Sound like you might just have cracked it! Maybe making the promise to yourself worked things out in your head – you’re doing this for you and only you, so promise yourself that you’re going to get to where you want to be!

I didn’t realise that you are living so close to the house you lived in with your ex. Might not sound like much (house is only made of bricks and all that!) but I think that it would freak me out a bit. Give yourself time to get used to the situation and don’t rush into ssing until you know it’s 100% what you want to do. There’s been a lot of stress in your life recently so let yourself relax a bit, get used to your new surroundings (even though you aren’t going to be there that long!) and know that once you get settled everything will fall into place! Here’s hoping!

Have a good day,

Sarah x
 
Hi Sarah

Oh honey i do empathise with you! I am also finding it very hard after losing my weight - i'm bingeing every few days and fluctuating wildly within a 7lb weight range. I'm on 3 LL packs a day plus a healthy meal at night, i just need the element of control in my eating life. It doesn't stop me bingeing though and i'm sooooo peed off with myself!

I am going to organise some private one to one counselling and am waiting for GP to give me a recommendation of someone local so i'll let you know how i get on with that.

Today i'm 10st 7lbs and my target is to be under 10 stones. Very disappointed in myself as i too found abstinenece extremely easy.

Well nothing we can do about the past, just take each day at a time and hope that we have more good days than bad days!!

Take care,
 
sarah,
can really understand about the SSing, i too found it a doddle first time round but i think its so much harder to go back to.
i think that when you start you have a real big goal and that really motivates you, but when you go back on to "sort" out mistakes or lose a few lbs gained its not such a big goal and that weakens your resolve, there just isnt the same incentive!!

i am not all surprised you are turning to food at the moment with all that you have on your plate and i suspect that as you are living at home right now you have reverted to "child" ego states and that is what is stopping you making "Adult" choices!
The fact that you wont share with your parents that you are stuggling and you are secret eating shows that you are either in adaptive child (wanting to please them and not show you are breaking the rules!! or rebellious child!! also i think there may be a bit of nuturing parent (negative) going on too!!!
Just remember how new to management you are, i suspect you are a bit of a perfectionist(takes one to know one!!) and because you "cant" do this 100% by the book you are in beat up mode,which then leads to nuturing and so the cycle continues.
so stop being so hard on yourself and try to relax a little bit on the food front, i would explain to your parents that your struggling a little at the moment and would really like it if they could understand that although your aim is to SS you will be taking each day as it comes and seeing where that takes you, i am sure once you turn down the pressure, you wont feel so compelled to binge and hide it, these old habits can be comforting even when we know they wont help long term, as humans we go with what we know and new habits can take a while to kick in.

this will be the path for many of us over the next few years as we learn to settle into "normal" food patterns, please dont feel too ashamed to post when you have gone off "piste" , that is the time we need each other most, and when others can offer you support.

hope something of this helps, big hugs honey and give macca a big kiss from me ,my mum has 2 "mad" westies and they are lovely!!
 
Sarah, thank you again. I think I didn't even put 2 and 2 together about how close I'd be to the ex-home when I moved out here. Funny how these things are just in the back of your mind and you are not even consciously aware of them. Hope you have had a good day and I promise to catch up on your thread soon!

Cammie, Uphall is not too far, but I'm afraid I don't know it that well.

Karen, what are we like! This seems so hard at the moment. Where did it all go wrong. I'd love to hear how you get on with the counselling. Can you not talk to your LLC for advise? Mine is fab, she just shrugs her shoulders and says "it's my job" when I have a moan at her! Mind you I'm really enjoying reading about your dating life. I have had a few "ego-boosting" encounters recently and man, is it addictive! Boy, wait till I get out on the town in Wales. I might need reeling in! Pity we're on different ends of the country, we would start a riot!!!

Heidi, oh wise one! Have we met? You seem to know me totally. You were in my head with that post! Or is it just it takes one to know one! I know you are right about beating myself up and not being so hard on myself. I am a total perfectionist. I think I will just have to make sure I learn from these mistakes, not be too hard on myself and move on. Thank you!
 
Found a Reason to Stick to This!

Hi all,

Quite a good day today. Day 1 (again) of SS but have stuck to it (almost). Have had a couple of extra packs, but I'm not going to beat myself up about that!

Weighed myself this morning, 10 stone 8.8lbs. Darn glycogen stores are filled again! I suppose at least I know I can lose it quickly too if I can put on half a stone in 1 day!

I can't say that today has been that easy still the same temptations and the feeling of limbo, but I have found a good reason to stick to SS. I must drop that last half stone or so - tried on my bridesmaid dress today and my is it beautiful! It's from Next and the link is attached below:

NEXT Directory

It is made up of 2 parts - a long skirt and a bustier top. I am wearing the size 12 skirt. It is snug (but not that snug) and a 14 top. The top is quite tight but I refuse, ABSOLUTELY REFUSE to wear a size 16 top. I've always been quite large chested, but I'm certainly no longer a size 16 up top! If I ever needed a reason to stick to SS this is it! The bride has said that now I have committed to the top that I am wearing it no matter what. If she has to shoehorn me in then so be it, but being comfortable is an option only I can make! Fair enough! Besides I think I looked good in it. Had on the shoes and the tiara and all I could do was look at myself in the mirror. Even with raggy rushing around hair and a non-flattering bra I think I looked quite hot! Can't wait to see the look on ex's face!!!

I'm going to print out a copy of the dress and keep it with me as motivation!!!

Also managed 5 litres of water for the frst time in ages.

My mantra for the next 4 weeks is "shoehorn, shoehorn, shoehorn"!!!
 
sarah,
that dress is lovely, what an incentive!!
i think we must be of like mind, as when you post it sounds so like me, how i react and behave, hopefully we will learn from our mistakes and each others, i would "like " to try to become less of a perfectionist as i believe that will help me to move forward and not take so much baggage with me, mostly stuff I carry as a result of trying to be the perfect everything!!!

sounds like today you have "awareness", which is the most we can hope for, tomorrows another day, heres to a happy one.xx
 
Thanks DQ and Heidi, can't wait to wear the dress for real!

Today has been good so far, but I am feeling hungry. Day 2, so I suppose it is to be expected!

Quite a busy day, got up spent a bit of time pottering and sorting. Then I walked the dog to get him out of the way whilst my Dad decorated the hall. Yesterday he walked through the paint tray and left paw marks on the carpet. Oops, my Dad wasn't very happy!

Then went into town to see all my old workmates before catching up with the bestest ex-workmate - Pam (SportySpice on here) for a coffee. It was nice to see everyone and I've arranged to meet up with them after work tomorrow for a drink. I will be on water but that's no big deal. Been there, done that before!

Pam and I started in a coffee house but then moved onto a pub. I was very good and stuck to sparkling water. Shoehorn, shoehorn, shoehorn! It was lovely to chat as I haven't seen here for over 2 weeks and I miss her loads! Lots of gossip exchanged. But at least it's not goodbye - with modern technology the way it is we can keep in touch easily!

So, today, so far so good. I intend for it to continue that way as I have my LL meeting in an hour. Just about to head out the door - man how awkward is it living in the sticks!

We'll see whether there has been any weight gain this week. It wouldn't surprise me after my slip but also at my last weigh in I know I was severely dehydrated. It was in the middle of my bout of tonsillitus and I must have only drunk about half a litre of water all day. We'll see anyway, will report back!
 
Hey!! I have that exact same Manolo Blahnik shoehorn sitting on the windowledge in my bedroom! :eek: I just love it! It's so decadent looking :)

Sarah, that dress is SO beautiful ... and you are going to look absolutely gorgeous in it! I can't wait to see the pictures of the loveliest bridesmaid in Wales :D

Much love, honey
 
sarah,
well done for ataying with it, i know how tough it is!!
iate part of a sardine last night and then went into maijor wobble and wanted to eat carrots and all sorts , but i rang myLLC and she talked me "down" so to speak, so that was good. i have been having 5 packs a day though as i just felt too weak and feeble on 4, I am still losing ,i think about 5/6 lbs since sunday so quite happy with that!!

keep plugging away.
 
Hey Sarah!

Just looked at the bridesmaid dress - it's stunning! You're going to look gorgeous in it! Hope the ssing is going well and not causing you too much hell! Let us know how your WI went!

Take care, Sarah x
 
hey Saray

That dress is amazing, i'm sure you will look fab!!! You and i are v similar in that we were both perfect at abstaining, we both binge like crazy now and can put half a stone on in one day, and we've both lost 81lbs with 10lbs to go!!! Spooky eh?!

So when is the wedding?? How long do you have to shift that 10lbs?

Have you considered eating 3 packs with a healthy meal at night (600 cals). I lose weight v quickly doing this and it isn't such a strict regime as going back to abstaining! I've considered it of course, but just thought my metabolism would be wrecked even more and my hair is only just getting back to normal!!!!
 
Feeling Good - Ketosis High?

Hi folks,

Wow Isobel, that shoehorn is amazing! I will have to print that picture out and stick it up on the wall as a constant reminder! Sharon, I'm not at all surprised at you, although I really don't know what you mean about the heel. Afterall, you know how innocent I am ;) !

Thanks Sarah, I'm doing OK at the moment. Hope you are doing well also.

Karen, we are Welsh twins aren't we! I feel a real affinity to you and your struggles, plus your dating life sounds like fun and my "love life" (in loose terms) is starting to take off - I am turning into you! Will update my last couple of days shortly ;) .

Heidi, well done on your weight loss. I do that with my LLC too. She usually talks me down, although I have had to learn the hard way to call her BEFORE the binge, not after!
 
Day 3 (again) - Getting into the Groove

Gosh, I'm totally pooped but I'm happy - what a busy few days!

At my last entry I was just about to go to my LL meeting. The good news is that I stayed the same from the previous week. That was good enough for me as I was really expecting a gain. Still 10 stone 7.8lb, but it should definately be a loss next week.

Friday was a busy "organising" day. Did some packing and tidying up. Still no date on moving though. We've had all the quotes through and phoned 1 company back. The guy was out of the office and away from the diary so we have yet to hear back from them when they are free to move us. We are looking for week commencing 18th September. Not long, but we're ready for it!

Did really well with SSing all day, although I did have 6 packs. I'm easing myself in gently!! Managed all my water easily too.

Met up with ex-workmates for a drink after they'd finished work. Decided I was going to go for the wow factor and wore my short grey skirt from Warehouse (the VFBC girls know the one I mean ;) ). One of my friends is absolutely stunning - naturally skinny, long blonde hair and legs that go on for miles (if she wasn't so lovely, you could hate her!). She always wears short skirts and she was dead chuffed when I out-shorted her skirt. She kept on saying wow, how great I looked. Got lots of positive comments from friends. They've never seen me like that before!

Everyone was stunned at my willpower to drink water the whole night. They kept saying I didn't need to lose anymore weight, but when I explained about the wedding and the ex-boyf being there they all understood! Had an absolute ball, spent the whole night dancing. Went to a pub that had a DJ who played fantastic music. Barely had my bum on a chair all night! Me and skinny friend were causing a bit of a commotion - felt like the floor show. You know what? I was loving it! Never had that much attention before (except leprauchans in the toon!).

Had one awkward moment with an ex-workmate I had an "encounter" with on my leaving do a few weeks ago, when he seemed to be giving me the cold shoulder. He does have a girlfriend but when I asked him if he was OK with what happened and did he feel uncomfortable he said now he was fine and that I looked stunning in my skirt! Ego-boost!! I would never have had the courage to go up to him in my previous life, especially not sober! My new motto in life is no regrets! B*gger it, what have I got to lose!

I was having such a good time I missed the last bus home so I decided to stay longer and get a taxi. Even without alcohol I was the last woman standing. Totally hyper and not at all tired! Tried to persuade a few people to go dancing but no one was up for it except 1 other workmate. We headed to a late night pub, which has live music. It is sometimes great music, but sometimes it's hit and miss. Didn't realise that he didn't really want to go dancing! Went to the pub but ended up snogging him. He also has a girlfriend, which I reminded him of. He said something along the lines of he didn't have that sort of relationship with her. Aye right matey, I believe you, not! He kept on trying to persuade me to get a hotel room with him. Another attached workmate? Nah, I don't need that sort of complication, not when I want to come back and see my mates when I'm up in Edinburgh. Two awkward male ex-workmate relationships? Not on your nelly! Mind you he was very persistant. He kept saying how lovely I was and that he'd liked me for ages but what were going to do and why did I have to move. I told him he doesn't half pick his moments and maybe he should have told me this earlier. The beauty of it was he was quite tipsy and I was stone cold sober. He was very easy to wind up! Mind you I might have fallen for it if I wasn't such an old cynic.

This is a first for me. Karen, this is what I mean by following your example! I have never had male attention like this before! It's a novelty and I'm sure it will wear off soon (does it?). Not really for looking for the lid for my pot yet, when I get to Wales I will just go with the flow.

Eventually got home at 3am and had to sneak in the house like a teenager. Mum and dad had left the hall light on for me, LMTO!
 
Day 4 (again) - Ketosis Kicks In?

After my late night last night, I was rudely awoken by the alarm at 7.45am to get myself out of the door to meet bride to be for final accessory shopping in town. Good news is that the scales showed 10stone 1lb this morning. Yippee! I'm on my way!

Had a very long day shopping. Met at 10am and didn't finish until 6pm. Stopped once for lunch for half an hour and a coffee break in the afternoon of 15 minutes. I could feel the fat burning off as I walked, by the end of the day my size 12 principles jeans were starting to fall down!

But we did have a sucessful day. We managed to get all the brides jewellery, our jewellery, boleros for us to wear over our dresses, an evening handbag for myself and the bride, strapless bras ordered for me and the other bridesmaid and booked a makeover session with Clinique for next Saturday for me and the other bridesmaid. We did cover Princes Street twice in this time, looking for the "perfect" everything. But that's the way it is when wedding shopping. The other bridesmaid did flag a bit towards the end, but me and the bride are used to mammoth shopping trips and were still standing at the end! Her explanation is that the other bridesmaid, who is a natural size 12, has never had to do "fat girl" shopping. We got used to having to shop for hours to find that outfit that actually fitted and didn't look fantastic, but didn't make you look like a dogs dinner. True enough! That's how I used to shop. Not anymore!! We went into shops I haven't been into for years - Top Shop, River Island, Next and best of all, how fantastic are the clothes in the concessions at John Lewis? Man, my head was turned. I had to concentrate hard on the job in hand - so many stunning things that I will have to look at another time! All in all, a very good day!

The only problem with the day was that I didn't have the chance to drink as much water as I should have. It's catch up time now. Going to spend half the night peeing I think! Was also very hungry when I came home so I have had a couple of extra packs. That's pretty much all my "extra" packs used now, so it's onto 4 a day from tomorrow or I'll run out before my meeting. Tomorrow should be quite a restful day (I hope) so I shouldn't been running around like a headless chicken. Hopefully I should get some chill out time.
 
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