Who are you losing weight for?

[Colmarnock]

The obvious answer is "myself".

But when you feel down about your weight and your partner says "I love you just the way you are!" does it help? Do you then reach for a biscuit and think alls well with life again?

Or do you think that no matter what people say, if you know how unhappy you feel about yourself then they should respect and support that feeling and although they aren't knocking your confidence, they are unwittingly knocking your motivation.

As we lose weight, we feel great, we feel confident in clothes shops and the buzz of standing on the scales is matched only by people saying how great we look.

I actually love the feeling of being told I'm doing great more than how I'm actually looking which made me ponder on .......

"Am I doing this solely for me?
Or am I doing it to get rid of the person I think my friends/family/workmates see?" and that's the self loathing, fat, unfit, over-extrovert that I see myself as.

People have called me fat in my life, say "jeez, you've put on weight!". I don't like that feeling. I want to lose that so the comments stop. So am I changing for me? Am I changing for them?

In reality I think that overall we will lose weight for ourselves and feel confident, I also think we want to lose weight not just for medical reasons but also because we loathe our self perception of how we think others see us and want to look good in society and even walk into clothes shops without feeling like a leper with a huge bell!!

But I also think a part of us loves praise and we lose weight too so that we are complimented and feel better so in a way aren't we also losing weight for others?

I'm sure there is no one answer. For 1000 of us, I'm sure there will be 1000 emotive reasons as we lose weight but I just wanted to gauge how others feel.

 

[Roziee]

I'm losing weight for my husband as well as me. I want to be able to visit friends and relative and not them to think "bloody hell he has a fat wife"

 

[Flabuless Mama]

This is a hard question. I want to say for me, but I think alot is also for my husband...who thinks I look fine and tells me all the time I am beautiful. But, he also thinks actresses are beautiful, so even though he says he doesn't just find one body type beautiful, I can't comprehend how both can be beautiful. So basically I want to lose weight so I don't feel self-conscious every time we watch a movie. I want to be thin enough that I don't feel self-conscious or filled with shame anymore. So I guess that's for me, though the shame is only triggered when he sees someone else. Does that make sense?

 

[Patchninja]

It's for us both. Mainly because I feel better when I'm thinner, I want to be able to choose from ALL the clothes in the shop, not the fat range, and I want to look good in those clothes. And, I know my husband likes it too. He's very supportive, but I can tell........

 

[orange_blossom]

For me, it mostly boils down to respect. Self-respect; and being tired of being disrespected by others for being overweight. I don't care if I win the respect of strangers or not. But being disrespected by strangers hurts at times.

I live in an area where a larger than usual percentage of the population is plastic. I do mean that literally. There is so much silicone, botox, hair bleach, spray-tanning, so many women, men, and "its" (ambiguous genders) of all ages who are nipped, tucked, veneered, lipo'd, and lasered to within an inch of their lives, that mere mortal imperfect humans are often a target of ridicule and scorn. Fat is seen as both a character flaw and an opportunity to make lots of money by (you guessed it) nipping, tucking, lipo'ing, and lasering. So the sense of public judgment is acute. Being able to wear normal size clothing and not being perceived as a prospect for the plastic-maker-sharks is one motivation, although not the primary one.

My primary motivation is to feel better, to be able to do things like enjoy the multitude of parks locally without having a heart attack or stress fractures in my feet, or to be able to sit on the beach without needing to ask someone for help getting back to my feet again. Losing the weight will make those things possible. And in the process, since this is something that I, and nobody else, can/will do for me (naturally, that is), it will be an accomplishment worthy of my own self-respect.

 

[sammi.alice]

After getting called fat by two people mine is for me but also to show those people where to shove it! I cant wait for the day they look at me and think 'Wow - she's lost weight'. But its defo mostly for myself and my own self confidence and esteem.

But a good topic - something slimmers should think about. If its not for yourself then it wont last xx

 

[Colmarnock]

Excellent responses guys.

Loving the "not looking for respect, but disrespect is wrong" comment too.

Just thought it would be a good pondering question.

 

[Patchninja]

I actually wish that someone had told me I'd got fat before I realised for myself. In fact, I realised when I saw photos of me at my 50th birthday celebration. I started dieting at 77 kgs and had had no idea of how big I'd got! It sort of creeps up on us! I'd have had less to lose if someone had been honest with me.

 

[orange_blossom]

Patchninja, I totally agree about the photo thing. The bigger we get, the more we tend to avoid cameras, so we have fewer and fewer opportunities to see ourselves objectively. Which makes it easier to hide from the truth, and the problem just keeps getting worse. Until one day, that moment of actually seeing is a real shock. It sounds like that photo was one of your birthday gifts- a wake-up call.

 

[WannaBe14Stone]

Because I want to feel attractive, and also want to develop my physical fitness... I'm fitter now and more able to endure more than I have done in years when it comes to simple things like walking etc.

I've not felt attractive body-wise in a long long time... about three years ago I was rather slim, but I want to go beyond that and get to skinny, and then probably tone up quite a bit so I feel desirable... it might be a ridiculous reason to do it, but it's just how I feel.

 

[orange_blossom]

Wannabe14stone, that's not ridiculous at all. We all have our own reasons, and whatever your own motivation is, use it. It is what will work best for YOU. I'd bet that if most people were 100% honest with themselves, they'd have very similar reasons. Very few people don't want to feel attractive!

 

[Roziee]

I want to look nice in a maxi dress lol

 

[Ava3]

To feel better and have more energy. It's crazy how few less kilograms makes you feel!

 

[katbroon]

I've got two boys to run after & I want to be keeping up with them as they grow up. I think the point where I'd really like to get to is to be fit enough to start going on long cycle trips again. Would love to have the strength & stamina to take them out in one of those bike trailer things but I don't see it happening before they'll grow too big to use one.

 

[Mixxi]

I'd like to think it's for me but really it's so I feel comfortable around other people. I don't want people thinking 'She's put on weight'. I've put on nearly three stone in one year. Pretty shameful.

 

[puss.in.boots]

This is a great thread!

I want to lose weight because being overweight is making me depressed, avoid people, stay indoors and not live my life. It's affecting my self esteem massively.

 

[Laura H]

Myself! Noone has ever said to me (to my face) that I'm fat. I started as a size 14 so that's a pretty average weight for the UK. I just didn't like being out of breath when I climbed stairs and not being able to run. I'm now a size 12 and everyone says I look great. It really makes me feel so happy when people say that. My confidence has shot up. My boyfriend has never mentioned my weight and loves me for who I am. I know I'm very lucky. I just need to keep going and keep working on improving myself for me.

We're all gonna get there. x

 

[Flabuless Mama]

This is a great thread!

I want to lose weight because being overweight is making me depressed, avoid people, stay indoors and not live my life. It's affecting my self esteem massively.

I know that feeling. Been there many times.

 

[TTfan]

I actually wish that someone had told me I'd got fat before I realised for myself. In fact, I realised when I saw photos of me at my 50th birthday celebration. I started dieting at 77 kgs and had had no idea of how big I'd got! It sort of creeps up on us! I'd have had less to lose if someone had been honest with me.

I think this is an interesting point. I also wish someone had pointed it out to me before I got really big, but then I wonder who could have said it to me and how they could have phrased it that would have had a real impact, instead of just leaving me upset but still in denial. Do you have any ideas how someone could go about it? Would you ever tell a friend they were getting big?

And for the original question, I lost weight for me, but I guess that somewhere in there it was for my husband too - he's never been overweight but def started putting some on, so part of me wanted to sort out my eating habits so I didn't pull him down with me.

 

[Patchninja]

I would have taken it from people who I know that love me - it would have been for my own good. Sister, daughter, husband.......though I know that my husband goes blind if I put on weight, but appreciates it if I lose.......such a love!