Yo-Yo's Diary

[yo-yo-dieter]

Whoops - forgot to update yesterday! Unofficial weight today and yesterday was 10st 8.2lbs.

Something really good happened yesterday! I tried on a pair of size 10 trousers in a charity shop (the 'Tailored by Next' ones - and they fit me! They weren't too tight! Needless to say, I bought them. I also managed to fit into a size 10 Principles skirt so I bought that too. Woohoo - size 10!

I had my hair done yesterday, in a short red bob with blonde highlights, I am very pleased with it. I think I look younger with short hair.

First day back at school yesterday and first day for the littlie (he was fine - phew!). One of the mums (who didn't know I had been dieting) said "Have you lost weight?" so that was nice she'd noticed. Then another one (who did know I had been dieting) said "Oh I like this bit here" and made hour glass actions with her hands, so that made me giggle.

I'm gonna be applying for another job this week as a medical secretary at the hospital near me, which is only a mile away (all uphill).

If I get it, I can get rid of my car (or certainly not have to use it as much). I'm bored in my job, and I put on 2st in two years through boredom eating, and being so near to all the nice food shops. In my previous job (Med sec for a GP) I used to walk 4 miles a day (1m to school and back, 1m to work and back) and then when I started work in town, I had to catch the bus and then I got a car, and before I knew it I was getting no exercise at all.

I certainly think a change will do me good! I went up to meet them, and discuss the job yesterday (before I applied) and it's made me definitely want to go for it. I just felt so confident going up there, knowing I looked good, and they couldn't say "the chubby girl" if they were trying to bring me to mind (I'm not saying they would, but that's what I'd thought they would say three stones ago to me)

 

[Sambucca]

wow yo yo... size 10. Congratulations!

Good luck with your job application. Im sure all the walking would be a real big help in maintaining your weight loss.

So when do we get to see a new pic of you in your size 10's with your new hair do??

 

[yo-yo-dieter]

I haven't been on for a couple of days as I have been too ashamed to come on and post.

I can't stop picking - well, I know "cant" isn't a word and I should type "I could stop picking if I wanted to, but I don't".

I can't remember the last time I was abstinent. By no means am I eating full meals, but I am just picking if there is food about. A few chips here, a piece of fishfinger there, a couple of slices of ham when I go in the fridge.

I think I was kicked out of ketosis because I have been feeling hungry. They aren't the growling, deap-seated hunger pangs that I couldn't cope with when I used to decide I was on a diet, but they are definitely there none the less.

I have "loved" myself for many weeks now, but I'm getting that feeling of self-worthlessness coming back "You're useless....can't stick to anything.....you don't deserve to be thin....cheat, cheat, cheat...I don't like you...you deserve to put weight on....I bet you've put 2lbs on when you get weighed today you fat blimp" etc....

I only have 15 days left on Foundation after today, I really am gonna try and remain abstinent for those 15 days then start management. Are there any chapters of the book that I should re-read or should I just re-read all of it?

PS - for the past three days I have been 10st 8.4lbs, 10st 8lbs, 10st 8.2lbs so it's quite possible that tonight it will look like I haven't lost anything

 

[Sambucca]

Oh Yo Yo.:hug99:

Just wanted to give you a hug. You are so close to reaching your weight loss goal and I think lots of people seem to struggle when they see the finish line but if you really get your head down you will have those last 10lb's off by the end of your foundation.

Im sure you must feel great now in your size 10's, but I do feel that getting that last 10lb off will give you a sense of achievement and a bit of a safety net when it comes to maintaining your weight.

Im still a mile from my goal so cant pretend to know how you are feeling, but just wanted to tell you to stay strong. You can do this if you want to.

 

[6stlost]

WD for having the courage to post. I know exactly how you're feeling, only too well. A lot of us with a problem with food are, to a large extent, as a result of being so self-critical. How can we possibly be loving to our bodies by way of good food or abstinence if we're not loving to ourselves?

I have spoken to myself like you have spoken to yourself, in your last post, a million times and it certainly doesn't make you want to go on with your day in a positive way.

Also, because we're so self-critical, we automatically assume that everyone else is as critical of us as we are of ourselves. Which of course is a complete untruth. So I can understand how much courage it took you to post when you were probably thinking that we'd all judge you.

But, rest assured, we're all going through the same thing and we all wish the best for you. I'm still going through the battles too, even beyond management and still have the same self-critical talk going on, although not as much as before. Gradually I'm taking it a day at a time trying to remember to put me first, make me important, and be kind to myself because only then will I put my health first, make my health important and be kind to myself with food. It is a daily, sometimes hourly, battle though - this instant gratification vs delayed gratification thing. Instant gratification almost always ends up as delayed depression and regret.

With regard to the green book. You could go and re-read it but it's better if you actually do it and live it. I find that doing the goal setting on pages 72 and 73 really help me but I don't know if that floats your boat or not. Also, the drama triangle exercise on pages 116 and 117 was important to me. As my LLC said to me, we can play the drama triangle all by ourselves and I'm well rehearsed in the victim/persecutor game! As you're in week 13 now you could do week 13's homework too. Actually do it, not just read it.

There's also the option of going into management too. And the Cambridge diet stabilisation plan seems a good way to get back to eating in a sensible way. In LL you only have one meal a day for the first week or two, but with CD I think you introduce more foods more quickly. Something for you to look into anyway if you're interested.

:grouphugg:

 

[yo-yo-dieter]

Thanks for your replies ladies. After the session last night I am a lot calmer today. Official weigh in last night was 2lbs down (well 0.8kgs, which is just over 1.5lbs off) but that's 43lbs off in 12 weeks which averages 3.5lbs per week.

I had a long chat with LLC and we pinpointed the times I am nibbling as being at tea-times (it's the kids food that I pick at) so she suggested that as I am happy with my weight and happy with the way I look, perhaps I should start management and if I have some 'real food' of my own to be eating along with the kids, maybe I wont pick on the stuff that isn't 'allowed'.

I was gonna suggest that myself, as I didn't want to remain abstinent anymore. I'd be happy to maintain the weight I am at now so I am gonna start - probably tomorrow when I can go shopping for stuff to buy in (son's birthday party today - he's 11 today so I am taking 12 kids swimming including my four year old, and I can't wait - note sarcasm!)

Perhaps now I "can allow myself to eat" I'll want to remain abstinent for the two weeks I have got left!

I asked if I could stay in the group for another two weeks til my group mates finish and the LLC said "Well, you haven't got much choice really as I don't have a management group.....well, I should have one but no one bothers to stay after they have been weighed so if they cant be bothered.....!"!!!!!!! (I was a bit shocked so said 'Well, I'll be staying!!") so she said "Well in that case, come on Thursdays at about 6:30pm and I'll have half an hour with you")

I think I might contact LL and see if I can get another local counsellor for management....I'll probably have to travel farther though. My LLC said she didn't run a refreshers group either because 'she couldn't be bothered with them...'

Anyway next week the Monday and Tuesday groups (what is left of them) is being merged to form a bigger group so we'll meet some new people - she said there is four on a Monday night, then five from Tuesdays. B is having to move to a Wednesday day group as she's lost her voluntary job, and she'd rather come to LL on a daytime.

J came back, she didn't come last week, and said she wasn't gonna come back again. She's had loads of personal problems and hasn't remained abstinent. She's not gained any weight, which is really impressive, because she said she's been snacking and eating meals. She didn't say what the problems at home were but she started crying in the middle of the session and apologising for letting us down!!! (poor love)

S lost 3lbs in 11 weeks (46lbs)
M lost 2lbs in 11 weeks (40lbs)
B lost 3lbs in 10 weeks (cant remember how many)
A lost 3lbs in 12 weeks (31lbs)
J stayed the same (35lbs - I actually thought she had lost more but was wrong)
Me at 43lbs in 12 weeks.

Regarding my eating - I have cracked it at work and I know I can get through a whole day at work and only stick to eating what I "should eat" so I'm confident with that, so lets see how I get on at home

Official weight last night 10st 8lbs. Unofficial weighed this morning 10st 7lbs

 

[Sambucca]

I think you've made the right decision yoyo. If you are happy with your weight (10st7 is absolutely fab) then you should move on to maintenance and start to reintroduce foods the way the programme advises. I hope your llc is right and it stops you picking at the kids tea (which is a big downfall for me also.)

You should be really proud of what you have achieved in 12 weeks.

 

[6stlost]

Excellent work yo-yo, glad you're feeling more positive today.

You've done so well and, provided you do the Management bit as specified, you will continue to lose weight if that's what you want to do.

But, as wanna said, 10st7 and a size 10 is perfect anyway!

Looking forward to hearing what you think about Management.

 

[Sambucca]

how you doing yoyo?

 

[yo-yo-dieter]

Hello there! Sorry I haven't been on in a few days. My mouse packed in a few days ago (well, the last day I posted) and I only got around to getting a new one yesterday so I haven't been able to post

I can't remember if I said or not, but I am having a new kitchen fitted this week. They came to rip it out on Friday so other than the microwave I have no cooking facilities. Saturday and Sunday we had a plasterer in, so I couldn't even access the microwave! There's been such a mess with boxes everywhere and up to yesterday I didn't even know where my blender was (have found it now) I was kicked out of ketosis ages ago so I have been so damn hungry, and when DH said he was going to McDonalds to get the kids something to eat on Saturday I am ashamed to say I was weak-willed enough to give in and had a McChicken Sandwich meal with a strawberry milkshake (you'd think I'd be sick to death of milkshakes wouldn't you!!) and that was after having had a sausage roll on Saturday at lunchtime, and in between that I was snacking on crap (I wish I had kept a list).

Anyway not only am I still not in ketosis but I have gained over 3lbs. I know that it's not fat, and it's the glycogen stores building back up but on the scales it still registers as 3lbs. I wasn't too bad yesterday, once the plasterer had gone and I had found my blender and bag with the shakes in, I had four shakes in the afternoon/evening but then at 8pm I was picking at the kids leftovers again (sigh) so yesterday was a complete waste of time as I am still not in ketosis.

Obviously this week isn't a good week to have decided to start management (not that I have been showing any signs of actually managing my eating!) but having no cooking facilities makes it a tad difficult. Also any change to my routine can send me off on one, and if the house is untidy and chaotic, so is my head. I think it will be Thursday before the kitchen is finished so hopefully if I can abstain - no I WILL abstain - by Thursday I should hopefully be in ketosis again and if I am, I can go into management then, not worry about the 3lbs of glycogen weight as that will come off. I'm back at work today, which will make life easier in terms of drinking the water. I've had 1 shake already and am taking a bar with me for lunch. I'm much more organised and likely to stick to it during the week.

I'm just dreading tomorrow when I go to class and get on the scales and get weighed and have gained. I was expecting a gain anyway as I was planning on wearing jeans which weigh heavier (yes they DO!) because we are having class photos. I might say to my LLC that I don't want to get weighed - or if she does weigh me I will close my eyes and she doesn't tell me what I weigh and at least I wont have that psychological kick in the teeth.

 

[yo-yo-dieter]

*sigh* I did so well yesterday up until getting home from work where I was mad with hunger. The kitchen fitter was hogging the kitchen, we had no sink, I felt too self-conscious to go and make myself up a shake so I reached for a packet of crisps and a packet of mini cheddars and had about 8 mini cocktail sausages.

I've decided I am going out today for my bosses leaving do - we are all getting a 'free' two hour lunch, by which time I mean we don't have to clock in and out - and I don't want to miss out on that. I'll try to be sensible though and not go mad.

Then of Wednesday me and my EXSMIL are going to do it properly for a week so we get back into ketosis and start maintainance proper next Tuesday (her class is being merged with mine so we're in the same class as of tonight and then it becomes a developers session the week after.

 

[Daisydee]

Hi YOYO

I have just been reading your thread and have got a lot of inspiration from it. I have only being doing LL for a week but had a blip and you managed all of those weeks to stay strong.

Don't beat yourself up about a few slips - just fromulate a plan to compensate for that. Have you been doing any scheduled activity over and above normal and does this help?

Daisydee

 

[yo-yo-dieter]

Right - I'm going into battle today!

I went to class last night and as expected had a gain but it was a whopping 4lbs! I know it was a combination of eating 'a little of the wrong things' last week, but also I went out for a chinese buffet at lunchtime with my colleagues for my ex-bosses leaving do, so that was sat heavy on my stomach. Plus because my silly LLC had told us she would be taking photos this week, I wore my jeans and they weigh heavier too (yes, they do!!!) - anyway all that combination led to a 4lbs glycogen gain. I was abit annoyed actually because I didn't want to get weighed, yet she insisted and made me feel really stupid by not wanting to get weighed, so when I got off the scales I told her how upset I was feeling. I knew this would happen! I knew in my own mind exactly how much weight I had put on (my own scales weigh the same) but getting weighed on her scales make it more official. Anyway, I didn't let her write it in my little book.

So this week, I am back to basics and starting again, and aim to lose that 4lbs for next week. Unofficial weight last week had been 10st 7lbs (to make me 10st 8lbs at weigh-in) and unofficial weight this morning was 10st 9.6lbs, so I'm a couple of pounds there already (hooray).

However on a plus point I know my weight gain was because I was eating 'a little of the wrong things' rather than just being a pie-eater. My portion control has been positively inspirational! Portion control is something I previously had no concept of!

At the Chinese Buffet yesterday (this is gonna make me sound a right pig) I had 2 x platefuls (but they are only small) and to put it into perspective I previously would have had two platefuls of starters, two platefuls of main and a plateful of dessert, so I ate half of what I normally would. I got 3 x spare ribs, which used to be my favourite, but when I got to them I couldn't bear to eat them, thinking of the sticky gooey sauce oozing all over my face and hands, just made me feel ill so I didn't touch them. I bet I was sat there for about half an hour with an empty plate while my colleagues stuffed their faces, then moaned in the afternoon about being too full. I felt good because I didn't have that uncomfortable fullness.

So, I may have lost the battle, but I haven't lost the war. It will come off next week.

I think my LLC might have lost the plot somewhat. As you can see from my ticker yesterday was the end of week 13 for me (and I am one of the farthest in the group), some are only week 12, and the lady who went to the afternoon class was week 11, yet she did our class yesterday as the first in development! We didn't sort of realise, even though she gave us the books, and I'm sure we still had a DVD to watch, and she sent us packing at 8:30pm because 'development is only 1.5 hours'!! She's away for two weeks so we have a locum who has apparently done the plan and lost loads of weight on it.

We were meant to be merging with the Monday night group but only 1 of the 5 turned up and that was my ex-step mum in Law. I'd been looking forward to meeting new people. She blooming lost 4lbs this week even though she's been snacking all the time and isn't in Ketosis - not fair!!! Anyway this week we have said we are gonna do it properly, get back into ketosis and then start management next week.

PS - kitchen is finished! When I have unpacked and found a digital camera I will post a picture cos it looks gorgeous. I keep stroking the worksurface and pushing the soft close drawers in and out.

 

[yo-yo-dieter]

Well I got through yesterday without a morsel of food passing my lips although it was really hard when I got my husband a cooked roast chicken for his tea, and it smelt divine. Also I was really hungry, but I just kept myself busy between my danger times of getting home at 3:30pm and my husband coming in from work at 6pm, but I just texted my EXSMIL all day and she me. Everytime one of us had a food pack or a glass of water we'd be texting. I was not tempted to cheat cos she said "you'd better not cheat! I'm going through hell today because I think you're not eating so neither am I" - so it was 'nice' that someone was going through what I was. I checked my urine today because I had a foul taste in my mouth when I woke up but it was negative so was just normal morning mouth (bleurk)

I did, however, get weighed and 2lbs seems to have disappeared into the ether cos I was 10st 7.6lbs this morning, which would probably make me 10st 9lbs at class (she weighs in KGs then roughly converts it to st and lb and doesn't bother about half pounds or points) so that has given me a spurr.

I'm meeting my friend for a drink in a pub (mineral water for me) at lunchtime, and I haven't seen her since Christmas. She's really slim and curvy too, and I have always aspired to her figure and apart from the face she's about 4" shorter than me, I think I have her shape now!

 

[yo-yo-dieter]

Still don't appear to be in ketosis, pee stick still completely plain coloured, not even a hint of ketosis. I could cry when I think I am gonna be hungry today *sobs*. I would win Gold in the hungry olympics....BUT....unofficial weigh in this morning was 10st 6.6lbs so I would say if I were to get weighed tonight I would be back to what I weighed two weeks ago and still have five full days to weigh in (yay)

I saw my friend at school who I used to go to the gym with for the first time in three months and she couldn't believe the transformation (I remember I saw her the first week that I was doing LL but I hadn't been weighed yet). We were at a meeting at school and had to sit on those little chairs, and she was wriggling about and said "I bet fitting on these silly chairs isn't a problem for you is it?" and she was right! My @rse is indeed childrens-chair sized! ROFL! Three months ago, I'd have had to have sat on two chairs to get comfy!

Then my other friend, the one I met for a drink in a pub (£1.60 for a bottle of mineral water - I hadn't realised the pub had changed it's name to the Robin Git)....anyway I'd told her she wouldn't recognise me cos I had lost 3st since I last saw her...and she never said anything while we were inside the pub so I was a bit put out and thought I wasn't gonna mention it...but then when we left and got outside she was very complimentary so I forgave her LOL.

 

[6stlost]

Glad you've turned it around yo-yo. So much harder to turn it around with food so do it with packs while you still can!

Computer's been down which is why I haven't posted recently.

Haven't been able to go to the gym at all this week and really missing it. Weight is so much easier to maintain when exercising. So have booked in for 3 days next week and will not miss them. Doesn't leave me any time to do anything else but I'm determined I'm putting me first and will fit the shopping etc. around my exercise, rather than the other way around, for a change.

 

[yo-yo-dieter]

STILL not in ketosis and am soooooo hungry! Unofficial weight this morning is 10st 5.6lbs, which is the lightest I have weighed in at so far even before the blip, so this starving myself mallarkey IS paying off. I normally put 1.5lbs - 2lbs on by 7pm (weigh in time) so I have definitely lost the weight I gained, plus a pound so I am happy again. I'm deffo starting management on Wednesday though ketosis or not! I'm looking forward to eating some chicken or prawns or salmon or something that isn't bloody milkshake flavoured!

Went to a Charity shop this morning and tried a size 8 Zara skirt on (which was actually on a size 10 hanger, or else I'd never have tried it on!!)....anyway.....It DIDN'T FIT ME (lol) BUT it was only a wee bit too tight around the tummy - I mean, I could zip it up and fasten the button (it was an a-line style) and had I been wishing to carry on with development for another couple of weeks, I bet it would have fit me soon!!! SIZE 8 - I was tempted to buy it just for the fact it was a size 8 and I could get my @rse into it!

I'm going out tonight to the social club with some family members and aren't looking forwards to drinking water! I'm thinking of - seeing how I am not in ketosis - going to the shop, getting some coke zero, and then slipping it into some neat vodka as I hear that combination is carb free, and a couple of them wont knock you out of ketosis (seeing how I am a ketosis free zone not that would matter!!!)

 

[yo-yo-dieter]

HIC! Well, I had 3 x Vodka and Diet Cokes.

I didn't have crisps, peanuts, sweeties or anything from the fish man!

My cousin's who were out with me were both highly impressed with my weight loss (they didn't know I had been on the plan and hadn't seen me since June. One of them said to me "I could see you were getting bigger and bigger but I didn't like to say anything but now you look fantastic" but she said it in such a genuine way! They were both interested as to how I had done it, and we had a long chat about how normal people eat - it was very nice (they are both slim, but struggle to stay slim)

Okay, I have a confession.

When I was big I used to hate talking to people who were slimmer than me. I would pretend I didn't like them when really it was because I didn't like them being slimmer than me. I wasn't too bad with colleagues, or if I went to peoples houses, but in any social setting I was so jealous and felt so unworthy of having friends who were slimmer than me and hated how I looked and hated how slim they were. If mum asked me to go out and I knew my cousins would be there I'd be muttering "oh here we go, it's all me, me, me with L&J" and pretend that I didn't want to talk to them, but I'd be happy to talk to M all night cos she was bigger than me, but I can see now, that I disliked them because they were thinner than I was. Aren't I horrible?

My friend P, I saw her today for the first time in three months and she has always been slimmer than me. And she was amazed by my new image too. I used to dread meeting up with her because she would always look slim and glam, and I'd look a right fat knacker next to her, and now I feel like we are equal.

I'm just an image obsessed freak.

I hope I can keep this bloody weight off. I really like me at the moment and don't want to end up hating me, and everyone (thin) around me again.

 

[yo-yo-dieter]

10st 6lbs today, surprise surprise, not in ketosis (snigger) but I had a good night last night so aren't complaining. I'm going to abstain today, tomorrow, Tuesday and hopefully that half pound should be long gone.

 

[yo-yo-dieter]

Damn! Damn! Damn!

Fell off the wagon yesterday and snacked again. I had quite a few mini chocolate bars, lost count - well, didnt count.

My husband realised there were loads missing last night when he went to get himself one, and he asked the kids if they'd had any and they said yes, so when he asked how many, the eldest said he'd had two, and he'd known I wouldn't have let the little one have so many, so he started being quite venomous towards me about having them and we had an argument, making me hate him and hate myself for being weak.

I need to start trying to maintain my weight instead of losing it.

A woman who runs another group in Ilkley (15 miles as opposed to the 5 miles I travel now) phoned me last night after I left a message enquiring about her management classes, and told me she runs them on a Monday 6:30-8:00 which is a whole lot more convenient for me.

My LLC doesn't run a management session at the moment, so was planning on sticking me in a developers group, or told me to come on a Thursday 'and we'll have half an hour together' - well, I don't really want that. I want a proper management session with other people! So, I spoke to my EXSMIL who said she'd be happy to come over to Ilkley with me.

Unofficial weight today 10st 7.6lbs so carbohydrate overload yesterday! I'm gonna really try and abstain, today and tomorrow and then start management on Wednesday with protein only.

PS - I need to say I know exactly why I was eating, and it was because I was bored and had cabin fever because I didn't leave the house yesterday - I'd been okay all week, and yesterday was the first time I had cracked.