Mifford
Silver Member
Thanks Jo - I know I'll be fine with anyone who takes over and I'll keep going strong but its not going to be so much fun. Her Facebook page has been inundated with messages from other members - one of them hits the nail on the head when she says she's her favourite leader because we all became friends rather than clients and that's pretty accurate. She's going to be VERY missed at our meetings and come Tuesday there will be a lot of sad faces there I think.
My biggest problem mentally is that I've spent some 20 years trying to get my thyroid diagnosed and throughout that time I've been told constantly to lose weight (even when I had a healthy bmi!) and I am so sick of that judgement you feel from people when you try and explain why the weight went on etc I had a leader years ago before I knew what was wrong who would make me feel like a failure if I didn't have good losses and even commented that maybe I wasn't being honest with myself about everything I was eating. It's part of why I was so terrified going back to losing weight this way again rather than just taking the extreme route which I knew would work quickly. As you've seen from my menu planner I rarely eat badly and genuinely the only thing I've changed is that I'm allowing myself to eat more and throwing in some less 'pure' food in there to learn to be more relaxed with it as I've spent a lot of years being SO controlling over what I eat. Funnily my current leader totally got it without me having to explain or justify anything and that was such a relief after years of being judged. Me and one of the other girls in particular have formed quite a strong bond with her and ignoring the weight loss side of it I think we are both going to miss her as a friend.
Having said that I sent her an email last night thanking her for her help and giving her an outline of why it's been so important for me and I've had a text today telling me that I'd better continue letting her know how I get on each week because if her checking on me is what keeps me from going back to the extreme dieting then id better get used to her carrying on checking lol. I know that she's not going to abandon us totally and anyone else will be able to fill her shoes without a problem and to be honest maybe it's not a totally bad thing as it will make me confront the psychological side a bit more again and make me rely on me to make the right decisions going forward rather than being dependent on having to go to meetings forever out of fear of coping on my own. Does that make sense? I need to get over the whole feeling of having to justify myself too - I know that not coming from on people but is from me doing it to myself and quite simply I need to get over it.
Right that's today's therapy session over - night everyone and on to another day
My biggest problem mentally is that I've spent some 20 years trying to get my thyroid diagnosed and throughout that time I've been told constantly to lose weight (even when I had a healthy bmi!) and I am so sick of that judgement you feel from people when you try and explain why the weight went on etc I had a leader years ago before I knew what was wrong who would make me feel like a failure if I didn't have good losses and even commented that maybe I wasn't being honest with myself about everything I was eating. It's part of why I was so terrified going back to losing weight this way again rather than just taking the extreme route which I knew would work quickly. As you've seen from my menu planner I rarely eat badly and genuinely the only thing I've changed is that I'm allowing myself to eat more and throwing in some less 'pure' food in there to learn to be more relaxed with it as I've spent a lot of years being SO controlling over what I eat. Funnily my current leader totally got it without me having to explain or justify anything and that was such a relief after years of being judged. Me and one of the other girls in particular have formed quite a strong bond with her and ignoring the weight loss side of it I think we are both going to miss her as a friend.
Having said that I sent her an email last night thanking her for her help and giving her an outline of why it's been so important for me and I've had a text today telling me that I'd better continue letting her know how I get on each week because if her checking on me is what keeps me from going back to the extreme dieting then id better get used to her carrying on checking lol. I know that she's not going to abandon us totally and anyone else will be able to fill her shoes without a problem and to be honest maybe it's not a totally bad thing as it will make me confront the psychological side a bit more again and make me rely on me to make the right decisions going forward rather than being dependent on having to go to meetings forever out of fear of coping on my own. Does that make sense? I need to get over the whole feeling of having to justify myself too - I know that not coming from on people but is from me doing it to myself and quite simply I need to get over it.
Right that's today's therapy session over - night everyone and on to another day
