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Am i being selfish or just focused?

Elle-Emm

Gold Member
#1
and if so, is it a bad thing?

My friend and i went on holiday last year, early Oct for a week in the sun. It was lovely and we said we must do it again. So we'd loosely planned for a similar time this year.

She knows I'm doing LT, is supportive (yet also negative and slightly jealous) but when i said (not for the first time) that i don't want to go on holiday until i'm at goal or close enough to do the refeed thing on holiday she got really annoyed and said she'd be p***ed off if SHE didn't get HER holiday. Worth saying that she has already had a 2 week holiday with her boyfriend so it's not like i'm spoiling all her fun for the year.

I think losing all this weight (will be 9 stone by time i'm finished) is SUCH a big deal and SO important to me that i'm justified in being selfish and don't see it as a bad thing. I've explained that to her but she's a moody cow sometimes.

Anyway, I'm stubborn as a mule and we won't fall out over it big time i just think she's being a bit unsupportive as she's yo-yo dieting big time (-3lb one week, +3lb the next etc).

Of course I'd love a holiday but losing weight is so much more important in the grand scheme of the rest of my healthy future life.

Sorry for the rant, her negativity just annoys me!! :p
 
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ChellyWellyBoot

I will be skinny again!!!
#2
No you are not being selfish.. She is...

A good friend would support you towards a healthier and happier life style rather than fulfilling her own needs of getting away!!

She clearly doesnt have and consideration for your feelings and she is the one who is selfish...

Just tell her that you can go on a nice winter holiday or at the end of the year when you are finished... OR save up for an even better holiday next summer!!
 

IrishMum

A little of everything!
#3
I agree with Chelly. Let her rant & rave- her jealousy & negativity is her problem, not yours. You'll enjoy a holiday so much more when you won't feel self-conscious around a pool, and can eat what you like without thinking people are staring at you!
 
#4
and if so, is it a bad thing?

My friend and i went on holiday last year, early Oct for a week in the sun. It was lovely and we said we must do it again. So we'd loosely planned for a similar time this year.

She knows I'm doing LT, is supportive (yet also negative and slightly jealous) but when i said (not for the first time) that i don't want to go on holiday until i'm at goal or close enough to do the refeed thing on holiday she got really annoyed and said she'd be p***ed off if SHE didn't get HER holiday. Worth saying that she has already had a 2 week holiday with her boyfriend so it's not like i'm spoiling all her fun for the year.

I think losing all this weight (will be 9 stone by time i'm finished) is SUCH a big deal and SO important to me that i'm justified in being selfish and don't see it as a bad thing. I've explained that to her but she's a moody cow sometimes.

Anyway, I'm stubborn as a mule and we won't fall out over it big time i just think she's being a bit unsupportive as she's yo-yo dieting big time (-3lb one week, +3lb the next etc).

Of course I'd love a holiday but losing weight is so much more important in the grand scheme of the rest of my healthy future life.

Sorry for the rant, her negativity just annoys me!! :p
Hi Elle-Emme
Firstly mega congrats for your 50lbs loss
WOW!! and secondly I think your friend is being a bit selfish really and sounds like she is jealous - anyway she'll get over it and stick to your guns - if she is a true friend she'll support you all the way.:):)

I think we find that a lot of people will get a bit jealous as they will maybe think LT is a fad diet - but we are losing pure fat haha so let them think what they want:D:D

Stand tall and proud of yourself and keep going x
 

Elle-Emm

Gold Member
#5
thanks guys :)

she's a bit of a toxic friend, i love her of course and we've been through a lot over the years but she just doesn't get how this is one of the most important things i've ever done in my life and that it sets the scene for the rest of my life.

every conversation (give or take) with her revolves around her dieting failure/success that i almost feel bad/guilty about texting her my weigh in results every week, but i want to shout about it to the people i really care about!

she is so scathing about this diet, she doesn't believe in depriving herself of food so can't get her head round why anyone would do TFR. My response it always, if i can lose 50lb in 10 weeks then i don't get why anyone would NOT try a TFR ;)

I've explained to her that the way i'm going we'll prob still be able to go away in October :) so hopefully i'll be really close to goal.
 

Yasmine

One last chance
#6
Not at all babe.

Sounds like she's the one being selfish here. It's really great that you are so dedicated to your diet, this is probably also what's triggering her anger too as you said she's a jealous, yoyo dieter.

And like I said you're not being selfish, but there isn't wrong with being a little selfish sometimes, especially if you're one to always put others ahead of yourself all the time and the favour is never returned.

Keep going babe. But be sure that you are doing what you want to do. If she's going to be all stroppy about your success, then let her. Don't let others get in the way of yur goals and dream.
 

Elle-Emm

Gold Member
#7
thanks Yasmine. I'm not going to stop til i reach goal.

She started SW about 8 years ago and i'm sure said she weighs more now than then! I want to suggest she gives LT a go, even if just for a couple of months to get a couple of stone off and then go back to SW if she'd rather do it.

I've had a crap 9 months - job stresses, losing my dad in October and then 4 months off work with depression - so that's why I'm so damn happy with my success on LT and i want to really celebrate when i'm at goal, a fab holiday would top it all off (and heck, i deserve it!!).

I'll just keep gently explaining it to her every time the subject comes up and hope like hell i'm at goal in time for a sunny holiday :)
 

copog

Silver Member
#8
Your not being selfish at all. She doesnt understand the committment we need for TFR. Im sure a holiday will be great when you get to goal you have to follow your heart and you seem to know were your priorities are, she will get over it. Your determination is amazing. Keep it up. xxx:):)
 
#9
Elle-Emm, you stick to your guns, girl. A REAL friend would be totally made-up that you are successfully losing the weight, healthily, I have to say. I was yo-yo dieting for over 38 years, getting increasingly heavier, year after year...trying my best just to stick to healthy meals, but alas...nothging has worked so well or so fast as LT. Now I really feel that it has re-trained my eating habits and I really now, only want to put healthy food into this fab size 14 bod of mine. After I had given up with a diet in the past, I'd go on a feeding frenzy until the NEXT diet!!!!! So :Na_Na_Na_Na: to your "friend".
 

MiniB

Here we go again!
#10
Totally agree with everyone above. You are not being selfish, you are putting yourself first for a change, which a lot of us haven't done before LT. Your friend should understand about your commitment to this and determination and back you all the way.

She sounds very jealous to me and lacks your willpower to this diet herself and is therefore trying to get you to fail, in a way. Stick to your guns and carry on with this for as long as YOU want to. You are doing so well and will get to goal and then enjoy that lovely holiday.
 
#11
This is one of the most unselfish diet in the world, think about it we all ended up how we are/were due to a level of selfishness marked as 'treating' ourselves or 'needing' something. I have come to beleive those that are like your friend struggling up and down all the time with food, won't admit that there is a problem there, and there is always a 'reason' for the gain, other than I ate crap this week, I know because I used to be one of them. I woke up one day when a very good friend of mine asked me how I was losing weight and I laughed and said isn't it obvious I have stopped eating crap!!!! Even though it just came out everything clicked in my brain, it is that simple the psycological side of food addiction is what is tough.
You are taking care of you, this is great, and even if you end up on holiday on your own you are going to have the best time of your life, full of positivity.

Can I ask have you always been a bit bigger than your mate?
 

Doirin

Positivity is the key
#12
Touch of the green-eyed monster I believe. I was also wondering like bigmuthabluffa, if you are now thinner than her and perhaps there is an issue with this. Either way it is great to see your commitment to the diet and new way of life. I hope it all goes well and perhaps when she stops being fearful of it she may give it a go herself.
Doirin
 
#13
You have lost the same as me in total, I know how it feels 50lb lighter its great but theres still a way to go, keep focused tell her you are sorry if she feels let down, that you are doing this for your health and would love her support.
 

JanD

maintaining since June'09
#14
Definitely jealous IMHO. And probably a bit scared - will you still be the same person? etc. etc. If you've both yo-yo-ed for years she's losing her 'excuse' and her 'buddy'.

Regarding the hol - if I were you I think I'd be tempted to take the pressure off a bit by pointing out that the conversations you're both having about it at the mo aren't really getting you anywhere and that you can't really know where you're going to be in October (weight-wise) until nearer the time so why not pick another time - say February, and plan and maybe actually book something .... Just a thought. xx
 
#15
that's a good idea Jan, i guess as mid Oct will be so close to goal i'm hoping i am there... but yeah it would take the pressure off.

AS for her weight i'd say when i started LT we were prob about the same size, maybe her a few pounds heavier. I don't tell people my weight, correction, i didn't until LT ;) so when i told her recently what my start weight was i swear there was a certain amoutn of pleasure in her response!! So, yes Doirin, maybe she does feel like she's losing the one person the same size she's known for years and even if anyone else losing weight there was always reliable me piling the pounds on by 'treating' or saying "oh sod it, another few pounds won't hurt on this lardy frame" (how wrong!)

bigmuthabluffa - you are SO right. she always has reasons for her yo-yoing, mainly a 3 course meal out (never 2 courses!) and the weekly takeaway treat after SW whether she's lost weight or not. and a takeaway isn't just a takeaway for her, not just a chow mein - it's chow mein plus rice, plus ribs, plus prawn crackers, plus another starter... i do hope i am some kind of inspiration for her by losing all my weight but i don't want to rub her face in it either :)
 

RachieRoo

Silver Member
#16
she is so scathing about this diet, she doesn't believe in depriving herself of food so can't get her head round why anyone would do TFR. My response it always, if i can lose 50lb in 10 weeks then i don't get why anyone would NOT try a TFR ;)
I wonder whether a few months down the line when you're at goal...the switch might go off in her head, she'll realise how well you've done and that she could do it too and she may try LT off her own back.Everyone will agree on here -you're head has to be in the right place to lose weight - LT or not. Good luck with your friendship x
 


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