An erratic diary!

[Quixotic]

Right.
So.

I've never really done a diet wholeheartedly. I usually start them and then stop, or start and commit and buy the stuff and then give up or borrow booklets off a friend and then when they give up - so do I.
I'm useless at diets.
Just saying that, right off the bat.

But I've never done a meal replacement diet before, and honestly - I think it's about time I did. I've actually been kickstarted by a boyfriend of mine who commented at some point that he likes me partly because he has a thing for "big girls", and that kind of made me think...oh, so...I'm classed as a big girl? Good. Great.
Oddly enough, that didn't really make me too enamoured with him at the time, and has been one of those things weighing (pardon the pun) on my mind ever since.

I don't really want people to describe me as "the big one", (though I'm sure it's not said as kindly as that). I've never really been on target weight, especially as I'm only 5'4", but I've never really felt fat until this past year or so.

Going into a TMI explanation (but I think it'll help me to), I was 12-13 stone until I was 18-19 years old, which I was okay with. It wasn't great and I wasn't tiny like my friends around me, but I didn't really mind because I was fine with that weight. I got engaged at 17, and the breakup of that engagement led me into a load of comfort eating and not wanting to go out. I cut out the daily swimming I used to do, and stopped going out to see friends or anything. Shortly after that, I found out that my dad has cancer - and over the next couple of years I gained 4 and a half stone, which I've never been able to shift since.

I definitely turn to food as a comfort device, and even just as something to take up time when I find myself bored and on my own. And I know that primarily - that's the behaviour that has to stop, because it's not healthy.

But first of all, I need to shift this extra weight that I've always hated, and get back down to my target weight. If I can get back to 12st, that would be the most amazing thing, but honestly - even if I lose 1 or 2, I'll be over the moon.

So, this is me - embarking on a diet I really honestly plan to stick to.

 

[Quixotic]

Day 1 - Informing everyone

Day one started just fine, the delivery had arrived, and it was all okay. I had one of the banana shakes for breakfast when I got to work, at about 7am.
Ended up being the day that everybody brought cake in, to celebrate the end of a week of deadlines.
And sat it on the desk next to mine.

...
...

I'm actually quite proud of myself for completely resisting, but wow - it was hard. And I had to explain to every single person who asked why I wasn't having anything, or who waved bags of crisps and sausage rolls and cake at me that I was on a diet, and that I couldn't have anything, but thanks for their offer.

I just had a bar for lunch, and ended up having to smell all this lovely food round me, but it was okay. Because the fact I managed to resist and stick to my bar and water felt pretty good.

Got to admit, I'm not mad about the soups - which I had for dinner, and by about 8pm, I was so painfully hungry that I ended up agreeing to go out and see a film with a friend just to distract myself - but as soon as I left the house, my energy levels were brilliant, I actually felt really good, surprisingly.

In the end, day one - went without a hitch. Sure, it was a difficult one in terms of temptation, but I managed. And I'm proud I did.

 

[Quixotic]

Day 2 -

Today has been pretty hard as well, though I don't feel as hungry for the most part. Breakfast and lunch were both alright, but now it's getting to dinner - my stomach feels really empty.

I think so far the hardest thing I've found is having to explain myself to friends. My OH is not really happy about me being on a diet at all - he thinks it sounds dangerous, and is worried regardless of what I've told him - and he doesn't really want me to lose too much weight. He's told me that it's my body, and obviously it's up to me -but I shouldn't feel I have to lose any at all.
I think I'd prefer if he was more supportive of me trying to, but...there's not much I can do about that.

And it's been pretty hard today having to turn down a friend of mine who invited me to dinner - he said I can go out anyway, but I want to have at least a week of 100% before I'm ready for that. I don't really relish the idea of going out and just drinking water while people around me have dinner!

I'm feeling pretty cold, and a bit shivery. Have read that those are pretty normal things on the way into ketosis. I'm going to have to pick up some testing sticks at a pharmacy.

Any advice on when is the best sort of intervals to weigh in? I'm a bit of a serial weigher, and I really want to hold off for a bit so I'm not disappointed.

 

[Becka]

Hello Quixotic

You are doing great! You are doing the hardest part right now and very soon it will become so much easier. I wouldn't bother with the ketostix - if you are following the plan 100% you will definitely be in ketosis by day 5/6 but probably much sooner. Feeling cold is a sure sign of ketosis!

It's hard when you don't have the support of friends/family - I hope as he see's the weight drop he will become more supportive. Minimins is a great place to come for support though...There is always someone to answer your questions or just listen.

As for the weigh in - it's very hard and everyone does it differently - I have tried daily, weekly and longer and for me daily works best on a VLCD because you can watch the numbers going down a little bit everyday. Maybe start with weekly and see how it feels for you....weekly losses are great on Exante so I don't think you would be disappointed. Good luck and I look forward to following your journey xx

 

[Quixotic]

Thank you!
It's definitely hard to not have his support in it, and I don't think he's going to be supportive at all, because he's made it really clear that he likes me exactly the weight I am. It's just that I don't, and I never have.
Hopefully he'll be able to understand that and be okay with it, but I'm just going to have to wait and see.

I think what really keeps me super-motivated is the idea of my family visiting and that the next time they visit, in about a month or so - I want them to see how much weight I've lost and be really surprised, because I haven't told them I'm on a diet.
Same with some of my friends - I think the idea of that moment where they go, "Wow, you've lost weight!" is something really motivating.

 

[BijouHope]

Hi Quixotic. It sounds as though you've got off to a great start. It's your body, so if you want to get to a healthy weight, then you go for it! Perhaps your OH might be more understanding if you present it as a health issue rather than one of appearance?

I lost a lot of weight two years ago (five stone, sadly regained later), and I didn't tell anyone outside my immediate household that I was dieting. I had been dieting for months and lost almost three stone before anyone said anything at all! I was a bit disappointed by that at the time, but told myself that at least it showed that people hadn't noticed how fat I had become over the years.

What I learnt from that experience was that it is important to find some motivation from within yourself as well as working towards external validation. I'm sure the compliments will pour in for you, but it's as well to have a second line of internal goals just in case love is blind and your family don't immediately respond as you hope they will.

Good luck with the diet, and keep up the good work

 

[Quixotic]

Thank you. I noticed today that the jacket I put on was just that little less tight than normal. Not massively, but it was just more comfortable.
I think the main focus of this diet is that it's for me, not anybody else. Yes it'll be awesome if people notice (and my mum will, she comments if I lose so much as a couple of pound!) - but that's just a nice thing that might happen, not the goal.

It's kind of nice that the goal weight is really something just for me, and even though it'd be awesome to have encouragement from people, it's sort of nice to do something that's just reliant on me, and just for me. ^_^

 

[lynneonextante]

Hi Quixotic. You're having a really good start. You're partner will soon shange his mind when he sees the weight dropping off you, which it will. The first 3 days are the hardest and after that you find exante much easier to follow. I lost a lot in the first week and even in that small amount of time lots of people at work noticed. I've now lost a total of 15lb in only 4 wekks. Like you, I've tried virtually every diet going and I have never lost this much, let alone in only 4 weeks. Iam a serial weigher and weigh myself every day (at least). This is OK as long as you accept that your weight can fluctuate day to day. I also have a weekly weigh in day and rcord my weight on my weigh in thread entry each week. I find it motivational doing this and also keeping a diary. It is also very encouraging reading through everyone elses diaries learning new tips, getting support and realising you are not alone. :welcome2:

 

[Quixotic]

Day 3 finished. Not actually as hard as I thought it'd be - I felt shattered in the morning but once I'd got up and had my morning shake (with a dash of coffee!) I felt so much better and just very energetic and alive.
Managed to get my flat tidied up and vacuumed, applied for a couple of awesome jobs and managed to get a bit of dressmaking done.
It's been pretty hot today though, so I've found myself tons more thirsty than I have been the past few days. I've probably managed at least 3-4 litres today!

Hopefully, ketosis will kick in over the next couple of days!

 

[Becka]

You're doing fab! I am re-starting today after a month off. Day 3 seems so far away for me right now!! How are you finding the soups now?

 

[Quixotic]

Soups are so much better since I found out you can add chilli powder. I'm a bit of a spicy food addict, so being able to have chilli flakes is a godsend for me.
Also, I had a bit of a sneaky peak on the scales just now - nearly at the end of day 4, and I've lost 9lb. So I'm pretty thrilled! Granted, I'll be able to tell properly once I start weighing uniformly in the mornings, but it's still really exciting!

Also, I went out to the cinema with a friend of mine today and as soon as he saw me he said, "Wow, you've lost weight, it really shows."
Which made me grin like an idiot for the next twenty minutes.

 

[Gobblelicious]

Posted a long reply but it seems to have disappeared - am new to this so goodness knows where it's gone...
essentially I too have comfort eaten myself into obesity. And tried so many diets one of my colleagues at work nick-named me Bridget Jones.

My favourite ex boyfriend quotes include: 'it doesn't matter about your body because you have a pretty face' and 'I would never usually go out with anyone as large as you, but you have a great personality'. The irony was, my weight wasn't even too bad at either of those times!!! You have to laugh. At least my husband has never been critical about my weight gain.

Good luck, but it sounds as if this time you're in the right mind set, so you won't need luck!

 

[Quixotic]

Posted a long reply but it seems to have disappeared - am new to this so goodness knows where it's gone...
essentially I too have comfort eaten myself into obesity. And tried so many diets one of my colleagues at work nick-named me Bridget Jones.

My favourite ex boyfriend quotes include: 'it doesn't matter about your body because you have a pretty face' and 'I would never usually go out with anyone as large as you, but you have a great personality'. The irony was, my weight wasn't even too bad at either of those times!!! You have to laugh. At least my husband has never been critical about my weight gain.

Good luck, but it sounds as if this time you're in the right mind set, so you won't need luck!

Aren't people just lovely? D:
Especially boyfriends. I have a long and irritating history of boyfriends who just do not know when to stop talking, or who have no idea that what they have said is horrifically offensive.
I remember one who told me that the only thing he would change about me is my weight, and that it's the only thing that he found unattractive about me.
Which was...really lovely...
Needless to say, it didn't last that long after that comment!

 

[Shrimp]

Good for you getting rid of someone so shallow

 

[Gobblelicious]

It's certainly hilarious how some men believe a double edged compliment will somehow disguise the insult! It is interesting that replying with 'to be honest I find men with slight frames don't appeal to me either' really doesn't go down too well.

I'm thirsty all the time too, drink water like a fish, but then need to go to the bathroom almost constantly! Are you finding the soups incredibly difficult to dissolve by the way? Any suggestions? I found the Thai chicken soup quite edible but the lumps in the mushroom soup literally made me nauseous. I suppose a strainer may be my only option... So far haven't been brave enough to try the vegetable or tomato & basil.

How did day four go for you?

 

[Quixotic]

Day 4 didn't go quite as I'd hoped, to be honest. Realised that my scales weren't really moving, so I went to get some new ones - and it turns out that I haven't lost quite as much as I thought.
I'm back down to 17st2lb now, but it was pretty disheartening to feel like I'd gained 4lb.

But back on track, and feeling better than ever.
I felt the confidence to wear a dress to the cinema that I haven't worn in ages yesterday.

Day 5 was a bit easier, still feeling the hunger pangs - but I managed to sit and eat my soup just fine while surrounded by people with Indian takeaway.
I found that the day itself was pretty stressful as well - hard day at work and I find I really become aware of not eating when at work - because I'm so used to having chewing gum or coke or something.



I know exactly what you mean with the soup. I've actually just started whisking them up, like I would with cake batter or something. And I've found that adding the powder gradually and whisking a bit of a time helps avoid massive lumps - but I still get the odd one.
I've found that the vegetable isn't actually that bad, it tastes a bit like creamier bouillon, but tried the tomato and basil yesterday, and I knew from the offset it'd be bad from the colour. Just found I struggled to keep it down straight after finishing it, and I could taste it for ages. D: Not very pleasant!

How's it going for you?

 

[Shrimp]

That happens when you get new scales (the just dont weigh the same)...but at least comparing each time you weigh will be the same now.

good luck today

 

[harry m]

Good Luck for today hon.
You are doing do well, carry on. ..

 

[lynneonextante]

You're doing really well. I bet you can't wait until weigh in day!

 

[Quixotic]

Thank you everyone.
It's awesome to have such a lovely supportive community, and it really helps knowing that I can come and talk to people doing exactly the same thing as me.